Atm Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?'

The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'

I was at the ATM when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance...

So I pushed her over.

At the gym

I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies? He smiles says Try the ATM in the lobby .

Iยดm at the ATM when a robber holding his gun at my back...

He asks: do you want to see your family again?
I said "no".
We both had a good laugh.

ATM

I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

I was at an atm and some little kid asked me to help him check his balance

... So I pushed him over

Saw a man standing on one leg at an ATM

I asked him what he was doing and he said he was checking his balance.

So I'm in line at the ATM.

And the old woman in front of me asked me to help her check her balance..

So I pushed her over

Today is my first day at the gym.

I walk in and see a bunch of hot women working out. I walk up to the guy who is running the gym and ask him, " Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies over there?" He smiles at me and says, " Try the ATM Machine in the lobby."

I asked my trainer "Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine"

A woman standing next to an ATM asked me if I can help her check her balance.

So I pushed her.

An old man goes to the gym...

An old man goes to the gym and asks a trainer, "I want to impress young beautiful girls. What's the best machine I can use?"
The trainer responds, "The ATM"

A blonde is taking money out of an ATM,

when the blonde behind her in line says, "Ha! Ha! I know your password. It's four asterisks."

The first blonde replies, "Ha! Ha! No it's not. It's 3862."

When I was at the gym, I asked the trainer, which is the best machine to hit to attract a woman?

He pointed outside and said The ATM

How can you spot a Canadian

They're the ones that say "Thank You" to the ATM

I asked a fitness trainer at my local gym what would be the best machine to use in order to impress girls

Apparently it's the ATM machine at my local bank.

I was waiting in line at the ATM

when I noticed the old woman in front of me having a bit of trouble using the machine. I walked up to her and asked if she needed any help. She turned to me and asked if I could check her balance. So I pushed her over.

I saw a guy at an ATM with no arms, and a peg leg

He asked if I would help him check his balance... so I pushed him over

Best Way To Impress a Girl..

Boy To Gym Coach: "I Wanna Impress Cute Girl, I'm Gonna Meet In 3 Days Which Machine Should I Use?" Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"

A man asks a trainer in the gym

I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer answers, use the ATM

What's the best machine to impress women at the gym?

The ATM

Guy walks into a gym

He asks the manager which machine he could use that would attract the most women.

The manager points to the ATM.

Weirdest thing. I just saw a guy standing on one leg at an ATM.

I asked him what he was doing, and he said, "just checking my balance."

Saw a guy standing on one leg at an ATM.

Saw a guy standing on one leg at an ATM. Confused, I asked him what he was doing. He was just checking his balance.

I'm so broke, I went to check my account balance at the ATM...

And it printed me out a coupon for Ramen Noodles

8621. If this makes it to the front page, odds are it's someone's ATM PIN.

...it was mine.

Okay, I am getting really irritated

This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that's had "insufficient funds"

If time means money...

...then an ATM is **A** **T**ime **M**achine.

So the other day I was standing in a line for an ATM...

There was an old lady there who looked like she had absolutely no clue what she was doing, after a bit of fumbling with the keys, she turned to me and said, "You look like a helpful young lad, Could you help me check my balance."
So I pushed her over.

The ATM has the shakes...

And other withdrawal symptoms too.

Gym Joke

A guy who newly joined a gym asked the instructor which was the best machine in the gym which will make him attractive to girls.

The instructor replied,"the atm"

How to pick up chicks at the gym

Pasted from Facebook:
A man asks a trainer in the gym: I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer replies: Use the ATM

I have hundreds of jokes about cash machines

I just can't think of one atm

I finally found a machine at the gym that lets older guys date younger women who come to work out!

They just installed an ATM in the lobby.

I was at the ATM, and an elderly lady asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

I`m not getting any younger so.....

I decided to get in shape by going to the local gym. I said to the trainer "Which machine should I use for best results in attracting women." He said "There`s one outside never fails, it`s called an ATM."

Last night I was drunk and walking back home with gf. I tripped into an ATM and told her I was just checking my balance

I don't understand ATM machines.

They just don't make cents.

Heard of the man who banged an ATM?

He came into a lot of money

Old guy with his personal trainer

Old Guy in the gym with a personal trainer: What machine do I use to get the hot girls?

Trainer: The ATM in the lobby!

What machine should I use at the gym to impress girls?

The ATM

Every ATM I went to today gave me a receipt that said Not enough funds.

The bank really needs to get their life together.

Meanwhile at the ATM

Saw a man standing on one leg at an ATM.


Confused, I asked him what he was doing?


He was just checking his balance.

I'm so irritated

This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that has 'insufficient funds'.

The other day I had to go to the bank...

There was an old woman in line ahead of me, and she was having trouble with the ATM.

She turned to me and asked to help check her balance.

So I shoved her over.

I was going to tell a hilarious joke about those automated teller machines

But I really can't think of one atm...

Old lady at ATM

Last night I was walking home late at night when I saw an old lady having some trouble at an ATM machine . I approached her and asked could I help her in any way .

She turned around and thanked me before explaining that she simply wanted to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

Man goes to a gym

And asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress this reeally beautiful girl, which machine can I use?"


The trainer replied Use the ATM outside the gym!!!"

Why does Bank of America not have a backspace on the ATM keypad?

Because America is never wrong.

I went to the local gym.

And asked the manager which one of these machines should I work out on to attract me a woman the fastest.

He pointed over at the ATM!

A man in Tennessee was arrested for attempting to have sex with an ATM.

Even worse, he received a penalty for early withdrawal.

No matter how quick you pull out..

..the ATM machine always beeps.

Three women go out to a nightclub to see male dancers

One of the women wants to impress the others, so she pulls out a $10 bill and waves the dancer over. She licks the $10 bill and sticks it to his left buttock Not to be outdone, the second woman pulls out a $20 bill, licks it, and slaps it on the other cheek. The dancer looks down at the third woman and raises his eyebrows. Thinking for a minute, she reaches into her purse. She pulls out her ATM card, swipes it down the crack, grabs the $30 and goes home

It's so cold outside...

even the ATM shows minus.

I was at the ATM when...

This old lady approached me and asked if I could check her balance for her so i pushed her and she fell down.

Her balance was not that good.

Have you heard about the ATM that got addicted to money?

I heard it suffered from withdrawls.

i asked my trainer which machine at the gym i should use to impress the girls... he pointed outside and said " the ATM machine"๏ปฟ

i had 15$'s left though..

An old lady at the ATM

The old lady in front of me at the ATM was taking a while. When done, she turned around and asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!

Two blondes are drawing money from an ATM. One of them says to the other...

I love the sound of money being printed.

This morning I was at the atm when an elderly woman asked if I could check her balance

So I pushed her over

Divorce custody

A couples divorce proceedings are in progress, and the case of who gets custody of their 4 year old child gets raised.

The mother pleads her case: "I'm the mother, I carried her for 9 months so of course she should stay with me."

The father responds: "if I go to an ATM machine, and I insert my card, and money comes out, does the money belong to me or to the machine?"

How much money is stored in an ATM?

80M

I was the atm today and an old women asked for my help checking her balance

So i pushed her over.

What do a Feminist and a Broken ATM have in Common?

They both can't make any change

Did you hear about the dress maker who went to the ATM?

She was electrocuted when she put in her pin.

I used to have a career installing cash machines

I'm sure there's a joke in here somewhere but I can't think of one ATM

Just sayin

I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don't need that negativity in my life

An older gentleman was at the atm and asked for help checking his balance

...so I pushed him over

Did you hear about the girl who accidentally put her donor card in the ATM machine?

It cost her an arm and a leg!

Why did the Baker keep going to the ATM?

He kneaded the dough

A man walks into a gym and asks the personal trainer which machine will make him most attractive to women..

The instructor points to the back of the gym " The ATM machine"

I know a few bank jokes

I know a few bank jokes

Idk any good ones atm

The ATM told me, "Not enough funds in account," when I tried to withdraw.

This ATM needs a bigger account.

What are the funniest atm jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Atm? Well, here are the best Atm puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Atm pick up lines to share with friends.

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