Atlantic Jokes

Following is our collection of gulf humor and lifeboat one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Atlantic puns for adults, dirty sails jokes or clean ferry gags for kids.

There is an abundance of cruise jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 40 funniest jokes on atlantic. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any ship witze you can hear about atlantic.

The Best jokes about Atlantic

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with The Titanic?

About half way..

So these two pieces of Interstate highway are drinking at the bar...

So these two pieces of Interstate highway are drinking at the bar. The first says "I'm I-10, baby! Atlantic to Pacific! Long and Strong. All day, traffic, truckers and they're flying along at ninty miles per hour. Cuz I'm the Best!" The other piece of highway snorts. "You got nothin! I'm I-95. Always busy! Always full and Always bringing the business! Semis! Tandems! All of it! Bartender! More whiskey!"
As the bartender is refilling their glasses, a small piece of gravel and dirt trail walks in and sits at the end of the bar. "Excuse me, Bartender? Could I get a cranberry juice?"
The first piece of interstate starts to pick on the little fellow. "Hah! Cranberry juice!?" But the other piece of highway stops him. "Hey, don't mess with that one man." "Why not?" Asks the other.
"Cuz he's a cyclepath."

An atheist is deep sea fishing.

An atheist is out on the Atlantic ocean deep sea fishing when his boat is attacked by the Kraken. Huge tentacles wrap around the boat and begin to rip it in two. He looks over the boat straight into the jaws of the beast and screams "Oh God! Help!"

Time freezes. A ray of light shines down on him and he hears a deep voice say "I thought you didn't believe I was real."

"Come on, God, cut me a break!" the man responds. "A few seconds ago, I didn't believe the Kraken was real either!"

A Plane is Crashing over the Atlantic

A plane is halfway between New York and London when the pilot announces to the passengers that two engines have failed, and that they will be making an emergency landing in about 30 minutes. Most of the passengers are relatively calm, except for a woman in the back of the plane, who is in absolute hysterics. She is screaming and crying, until she stands up and shouts, "Please! Before I die, I want someone in here to make me feel like a real WOMAN!" A tall, handsome man with a sophisticated English accent stands up and slowly walks to the back of the plane. He sensually removes his shirt, approaches the woman and says, "Here. Iron this."

A ship is sinking in the middle of Atlantic...

A ship is going down in the middle of Atlantic. There's no hope, the captain is desperate, and suddenly someone tells him that among the passengers, there's a rabbi who can perform miracles.

The rabbi is immediately brought to the captain, and he implores him:

-- Rabbi, what can be done?!

-- Do you still have the internet connection?

-- Yes!

-- Sell the ship!


A woman in Atlantic city was losing at the roulette wheel...

When she was down to her last ten dollars, she asked the fellow next to her for a good number. "Why don't you play your age?" he suggested. The woman agreed, and then put her money on the table. The next thing the fellow with the advice knew, the woman had fainted and fallen to the floor. He rushed right over. "Did she win?" he asked. "No," replied the attendant. "She put ten dollars on 29 and 41 came in."

A boat in the Atlantic ocean was starting to sink...

... The captain gathered everyone and said "OK everyone, it looks like we are going down, does anyone know how to pray?" One of the ships crew members sitting in the back raises his hand and Hays "yes captain I know how to pray." The captain responds "OK well you start praying and everyone else put a life jacket on, we're short one jacket."

Another joke from my 95 year old grandpa.

A pirate ship is sailing across the Atlantic..

When suddenly the lookout shouts, "Enemy ship heading our way!" The captain, as soon as he hears this, tells his first mate to go grab his red coat.

After they defeated the enemy, his first mate asks what the red coat was for. The captain responds, "Whenever I go into battle with my crew, I don't want them to lose morale by seeing my blood stain me, so I wear this coat to hide my wounds from them."

The next day the lookout warns them, "There's a fleet of five enemy ships heading our way!"

Upon hearing this, the captain tells his first mate to grab his brown pants.

"That's no excuse not to write to your mother."

Paddy and Maggy Dunn send their son, Neely, from Ireland to the United States to find a job and build a dream career. Off Neely sails on a freighter, earning his way across the Atlantic as a deckhand.

Upon arriving in the U.S., Neely sends his mam and pap a letter, explaining the glorious sights and sounds he beheld. As Neely searches for a job, his letters dwindle in frequency and, before long, cease altogether.

Paddy 'n Maggie are concerned, naturally, and send their second son, Liam, to the States to find Neely and see if he was okay. Off Liam sails.

Liam is so overwhelmed by the vastness of the U.S. that he has no idea how to find his brother. So he walks up to the nearest structure, knocks on the door, and asks, "Are ye Neely Dunn?"

"Yes," comes the reply from the porta-potty, "but I've run out of paper."

"*That's no excuse not to write to yer mother!*"

An airplane is flying over the Atlantic when suddenly...

One out of four engines explodes. The pilot says over the intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we lost one out of four engines. This is no cause for panic, as we still have three engines that work fine. However, instead of the two hour flight we planned, it will take us three hours. Thank you for your patience."

All seems fine until an hour later, when another loud explosion sounds. The pilot once again comes over the intercom and says, "Hey there, folks. No need to be alarmed; we lost another engine, but rest assured this airplane is still perfectly safe. Unfortunately this makes our delay an hour longer. Thank you four your cooperation."

Another hour goes by without incident, when there is another explosion. "This is your Pilot once again...we lost our third of four engines, but don't worry at all, we are still in good shape. I am sorry to inform you that we will once again be delayed and it will take us five hours to get to our destination. We apologize and thank you for flying with us."

One passenger turns to the next and says, "At this rate we'll be up here forever!"

So this plane is flying over the atlantic.

So this plane is flying over the Atlantic Ocean. The captain comes over the loudspeaker and says, "One of our engines is malfunctioning but we should still make it to our destination just a little late.".

30 minutes and everyone hears a loud BOOM. The passengers get nervous and start looking at each other. The captain comes over the loudspeaker again, "We uh... have a problem. Another engines has gone out and we won't have enough fuel to make it. We've dumped our luggage and now we have to make the unfortunate request to have some of our passengers jump out."

The flight attendant pops the hatch. A well dressed gentleman goes to the hatch and proclaims in a British accent, "Remember the queen of England!" before jumping out.

Next a large frenchman goes to the front and proclaims in a thick accent, "Remember le president!" before jumping out.

Next a Texan moseys on up to the air lock and yells "REMEMBER THE ALAMO!" then he throws two Mexicans out the door.


Air Force One

Air Force One was carrying the President over the Atlantic Ocean for an international peace conference. One of the Secret Service agents approached the President, "Sir, there's a problem with the septic system. It's too full and it's starting to ice over."

The President replied, "Can't you just flush the system into the atmosphere?"

Secret service agent says, "No sir, I can't do that"

President asks, "Why not?"

Secret service agent, "Sir, I can't initiate an icy BM launch unless you give me the proper authorization codes."

Three supermodels are on a plane that's going down over the Atlantic Ocean

While they're putting on their life preservers, they start talking about what they're going to wear.

The white woman says I'm going to wear my hot pink bikini, because when they rescue us they'll easily be able to see it and hot pink really accentuates my features.

The Hispanic woman says I'm going to wear my bright yellow bikini because it really brings out my eyes and it's much more visible than hot pink is so I'll be rescued first.

The black woman says I'm going to go naked

Perplexed, the other two ask why.

She answers because in a plane crash the first thing they look for is the little black box!

45000 feet above the Atlantic, the aircraft engine fails

And the captain declares an emergency. Everyone aboard the plane was scared shitless. A passenger sitting next to the pastor loses it and screams, 'Don't just sit there, do something religious!'.

The pastor promptly took up a collection.....

A UN delegation was flying across the Atlantic...

A Brit, a Frenchman, an American, and a Mexican are told by the pilot that they are too heavy and may crash.

They pop the hatch and toss out all the luggage, but they're still too heavy.

They rip out the seats and toss them, but they're still too heavy.

The Brit stands up and yells God save the Queen! and jumps out, but they're still too heavy.

The Frenchman stands and yells Vive la France! and jumps out, but they're still too heavy.

The American stands and yells Remember the Alamo! and throws out the Mexican.

A plane is flying over the Atlantic

When suddenly the speaker comes on, it's the pilot, "A minor delay has occurred, we will be one hour late due to an engine faling, please do not panic this is a minor problem". The passengers are a litte worried but people carry on as normal. An hour later the speaker comes on again, "The flight will be delayed by two hours as our second engine has failed, do not worry this is a minor problem.". People are starting to get nervous now and talk among theirselves. Another hour later the speaker comes on yet again, " Ladies and gentlemen i'm afraid to announce we have lost our third engine and have only one remaining, this will delay us by five hours". The plane is dead silent with worry, when suddenly an Irish man at the back of the plane speaks up, "Well let's hope we don't lose another or we'll be up here all night!"

Linkin Park fought among themselves in choosing which ocean to take a cruise on.

The Pacific ocean was favored by Chester. The Atlantic was desired by Mike. The Arctic was appealing to Rob and Brad because it is an ocean they've never been to before. The Antarctic was chosen by Dave and Joe because they've heard tales of great sea creatures to see in that area. With great argument, they decided against them all.
Indian, it didn't even matter.

How many South Americans does it take to cross the Atlantic

A Brazilian

Wee Joe fae Glasgow...

After a disasterous earthquake in New York, a wee man from Glasgow headed off across the Atlantic to aid his American friends in the clean up operation.

After many days of making little progress, Joe heard that President Obama had arrived to thank everyone who was digging in.

That afternoon Joe felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to find himself face to face with the President.

"I'd just like to say that your help here is greatly appreciated," Obama said.

"Aye, nae bother!" said the Scotsman.

"That's an interesting accent you have there. Where are you from?"

"Glasgow," Joe replied.

The President look perplexed. "Glasgow? Sorry, what state is that in?"

"Oh, pretty much the same as New York is now."


If the rumors about Apple manufacturing a driverless car...

Then I can't wait to drive into the middle of the Atlantic ocean!

What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean?

You need to be more Pacific.

*cymbal clash*

The Titanic: the unsinkable ship

Many said it would go down in history but I say it went down in the Atlantic

These 3 Newfies are out fishing in the Atlantic....

...singing *row row row your boat* when a flying saucer appears and the aliens decide to try an experiment. They fire a beam into the boat that instantly removes a quarter of the Newfie's brains. The Newfies continue fishing and singing *row row row your boat.*

The aliens decide to intensify the beam so it removes half of the Newfies' brains. They zap them with the beam and they continue fishing and singing *row row row your boat.*

The aliens are amazed that their test subjects are still fishing and singing with half their brains removed. They decide to turn it up a notch and remove the whole brains.

They fire the beam and the Newfies still continue to fish but now they start singing *frere jacques frere jacques.*

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?

You get a little over halfway.

The german submarine in the Atlantic brings in a new communications guy.

It's his first day on the job and he's given instructions on which istrument does what and chart for morse code. Very excited about the job, he tunes in and is left to his own by his CO after a bit.

In a few hours, he receives his first message. "This is the Royal navy. Mayday Mayday, we are sinking. I repeat, we are sinking!".

The german communications operator remains super composed. He slides the mic a little closer to him and presses the button to speak. He very calmly orates, " Zis.. is.. ze German command. What.. are you... zinking about?".

So hurricane Jose is growing in the Atlantic..

It's going to set records as the first hurricane to put a new roof on your house...

BEST CHRISTMAS JOKE I EVER MADE: A lucky old man found Aladdin magic lamp in his attic!!

A lucky 95 year old grandpa found Alaadin magic lamp in his attic. After he touched it, a genie came out and said, "since it Christmas time, you may ask ONLY ONE wish." Grandpa thought for a bit and said: oh ya, can you build me a bridge from the NY city to London, across the atlantic. Genie replied, "come on grandpa, that's a hassle for me, and it is cold in the Atlantic now, pick an easier wish."

Grandpa paused for a second and said.. Oh ya! Can you make my wife young and hot like those TV supermodels. Genie replied: "Of course! that's a super easy task. How old is your wife?" Grandpa replied, "90, and here is a picture of her now!" Genie replied, "Awesome!!! Would you like the bridge one lane or two lanes?"

"It's not about the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean"...

But it's hard to get cross the Atlantic with a rowboat

My mate is pilot..

My mate is a pilot for Virgin Atlantic but, because of the lockdown, he's off work so l asked him if he fancied doing a bit of decorating for me while he's at a loose end and he jumped at the chance.
l must say, he made a lovely job of the landing.

What did the Atlantic say to the Pacific?

Nothing. It just waved.

What do you get if you cross the Atlantic Ocean in the Titanic?

About half way.

Your mother is like the Atlantic Seaboard.

Huge, rough around the edges, and everyone has 24/7 access to her.

What do you get when you travel to the Atlantic Ocean on a ship?

About half-way.

What do the Florida Panthers and the RMS Titanic have in common?

They're both stuck at the bottom of the Atlantic.

Paddy is standing at the edge of Ireland praying

Paddy is standing at the edge of Ireland praying,
"Dear lord, I wish to see my mother and father in America, but I cannot fly because I'm scared of heights, and I cannot sail because I'm afraid of drowning"

And God answers him, "Paddy, if you cannot sail and you cannot fly, what would you like me to do?". Paddy replies, "You could build a bridge reaching all the way across the Atlantic ocean to New York", and God says "Paddy this is something I cannot do, the Atlantic ocean is far too large and deep for any bridge to be built".

Paddy thinks for a second and says "Well, could you give me the ability to understand a woman's brain?", and God replies "Do you want lights on that bridge?"

I live near an oceanβ€”not the Atlantic.

Can you be more Pacific?

heard on The View this morning (courtesy of Fozzie Bear)

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?......Half-way.

Where's the Lantic Ocean?

Atlantic

What do you call the Atlantic Ocean when it's sad?

The Emotion.

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton go sailing on Atlantic Ocean. The ship sinks. Who dies? Who survives?

Both die. USA citizens survive.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes