Atlanta Jokes

Following is our collection of mechanics humor and nashville one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Atlanta puns for adults, dirty seattle jokes or clean hawks gags for kids.

There is an abundance of oakland jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 32 funniest jokes on atlanta. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any broncos witze you can hear about atlanta.

The Best jokes about Atlanta

I went to the Atlanta Falcons locker room to get some change for a dollar...

But they only gave me 3 quarters.

In the US people drive on the right side of the road,

but here in Atlanta we drive on what's left.

The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly

Sherman marched to the sea

Golden State Warriors "No one can choke harder than we did."

Atlanta Falcons "Hold my beer."

What's the difference between a dollar bill and the Atlanta Falcons?

A dollar bill is good for 4 quarters.


Agent: "Welcome to Delta, can I help you?"

Passenger: "Hi, I'm going to Boston. I'd like this bag sent to Miami, and this one to Atlanta."

Agent: "I'm sorry, but we can't do that sir."

Passenger: "Really? Because you did it last week..."



Credit to /u/SilverbackBob

Two airplane mechanics

Bob and Tim work at Atlanta airport. Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Bob and Tim have nothing to do. After work Bob and Tim usually have a drink on their way home, so Bob says to Tim, I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet fuel. Since they have nothing better to do, they try it. Finally, their shift is over and they get to go home. Next morning Bob calls Tim and says, How are you feeling? Tim says he's fine, never felt better. Bob asks, Do you have a hangover? Tim says no. Then Tim says, Wow this is great! We can drink all we want and not get a hangover. Then Bob says, Well, there is one side effect, Tim. Have you farted yet? Tim says, No, why?
Bob says, I'm calling you from Detroit!

Pope John Paul II...

...was on a tour of the United States some years ago. During a stop in Atlanta, an admirer presented him with a beautiful handmade ring. But somehow, in the hectic confusion of the tour, the ring was misplaced.

"Don't worry, Your Holiness," said the pope's aide. "I'm sure it will turn up before we leave the States."

The tour was so busy that the lost ring slipped everyone's mind. The pope and his entourage were on the jet, preparing for the trip back to Vatican City. Just then a Beatles song came on the loudspeaker.

The aide stood up. "Hey, that reminds me," he said. "Where did John Paul's Georgian ring go?"

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS

My buddy from Atlanta Georgia swears this works.

Go to Home Depot or Walmart and buy a can of black spray paint.

Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick.

The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the mounds.

Spray each mound and the surrounding area, making sure you get plenty of paint on the ants as well.

Once the ants realize they live in a black neighborhood, they quit working and start killing each other.

A pilot steps out of the cockpit and speaks to the cabin through the PA

"Ladies and gentlemen I need a huge favor from you. My wife just called me that her mother is on her way through security and needs a last minute seat to come with me to Atlanta for a last minute event. She flies for free with my buddy passes. I see some of you are still trying to find a seat. This flight is completely full, so if you could please store your bags, find those remaining empty middle seats and settle in and clear the aisle as quickly as possible, hopefully we can close the aircraft door and push back before my mother-in-law gets here".

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies...

who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud says, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings... It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."

"What's that?"

"Have you farted yet?" "No....."

"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX!!!"


You know, I don't find the recent super bowl win all that historic...

After all, this isn't the first time Atlanta was burned by the north.

my friend bought tickets for the super bowl Llll on February 3rd 2019 in Atlanta not realizing that it is also the day of his marriage. so if someone is interested

The church is in Rochester, the womens name is Clarissa

Did you hear Atlanta is getting a new mascot?

Hillary Clinton

I have a friend in Atlanta who was arrested for sodomy.

His lawyer was so good he got it knocked down to following too closely .

Heard about the I-85 highway collapse in Atlanta

It's the biggest collapse they've had since the Super Bowl :(

Job Opportunity for Flat Earthers

Because of the recent Arctic cold snap. Delta Airlines has been hiring de-icers in their Atlanta hub for the expected crowds at SuperBowl. Most of the jobs have been going to Flat Earthers, because by definition, they don't believe in *Global* Warming but are fine with Plane Warming.

A front desk attendant at Delta is beginning to board passengers for a flight from Atlanta to Birmingham, Alabama...

As he is taking the tickets from the passengers and allowing them board, he notices one man still standing at the window, looking at the plane. Once everyone else has walked down the passageway towards the jet, the attendant walks over to the man and asks if he is supposed to be on the plane.

"This plane takes off at 7:05 and gets into Birmingham at 7:07?" The man asks.

"Uh, yes sir, it does." The attendant responds, due to the hour gained during flight. "Are you ready to board now?"

"Nope", he quickly replies, "I just wanna see the sumbitch take off."

Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity?

Because all of their broads are in Atlanta


So I hear there is a rule about not ending sentences with a preposition.

A snobbish English teacher was sitting in an Atlanta airport coffee shop waiting for her flight back to Connecticut, when a friendly Southern belle sat down next to her.

'Where y'all goin' to?' asked the Southern belle.

Turning her nose in the air, the snob replied 'I don't answer people who end their sentences with prepositions'.

The Southern belle thought a moment, and tried again. 'Where y'all goin' to, bitch?'

The score at the end of the 3rd quarter last night was 56-0.

Atlanta felt so bad about what they were doing to the Bucs that they walked off the field at the start of the 4th.

4 plays later Tampa Bay finally scored.

Why Did the Super Bowl Suck?

Of course the Super Bowl is going to be dull; what do you expect when you bring Pepsi to a big party in Atlanta?

Falcons return to Atlanta tomorrow

Guess the walking dead will be back sooner than we thought

Hey United, my ex is flying flight 2145 from Atlanta to San Antonio, seat 12-D...

Do your thing!!!

What is the worst day to be a fan of the Atlanta Falcons?

March 28th

Adele requested and got a reset/restart on her song at the Grammy because she messed up

The Atlanta Falcons would also like to replay the 4th Quarter of the Superbowl

The Atlanta quarterback should become a baseball pitcher...

He's great at throwing.

It snowed 2" in Atlanta today...

Go to Google Maps. Go to Atlanta. Click on the Traffic overlay.

What's the difference between The Atlanta Falcons and a dollar?

You can get four quarters from a dollar.

For you Atlanta Ga folks

Welcome to Decatur, where the men are men and so are the women.
Welcome to Midtown, where the women are women and so are the men.

What do the Atlanta hawks and a bad powerlifter have in common?

They both have a weak bench.

The Cleveland Indians and the Atlanta Braves were both eliminated from the playoffs on Columbus Day.

And the Redskins might lose too.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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