Athletic Jokes

Following is our collection of soccer humor and sporty one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Athletic puns for adults, dirty runners jokes or clean ioc gags for kids.

There is an abundance of sportsman jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 22 funniest jokes on athletic. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any football witze you can hear about athletic.

The Best jokes about Athletic

Hitler wasn't a very athletic man.

He never even finished a single race.

Three guys are talking about their families (likely a re-post)

Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is Mormon.

Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."

Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an all-Anerican baseball team."

David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

What does NASCAR stand for?


My gf told me I should not say anything about her friend's right lazy eye

When I met her friend I complimented her on how athletic her left eye was


I was in the park the other day and saw a guy practising his athletic trials, with a long metal stick for the Olympics. I asked if he was a pole vaulter, and he replied "Nein, I'm German. How did you know my name was Walter?"

My favorite racist joke is more funny than it is offensive -

On the elementary school playground, there was a group of boys that liked to play basketball. Tyrone, a fourth grader, was the only black boy in the school, and far outperformed his peers in most athletic contests. He could run faster and jump higher than any other student at the school. He could easily outrun and out jump even the fastest and tallest fifth and sixth grade boys. When they played basketball, Tyrone's team could only play three players at a time to be fair, and he was still always picked first.

"You're the best at basketball because you're black, Tyrone," the other boys would say. Tyrone would wonder about this. His mama always told him not to think he was any different than any of those white boys. Being black didn't mean he was any better or any worse than anyone else. But he was obviously better at basketball than any of the white kids at his elementary school, so what else could it be?

Tyrone got home from school one day and asked his mama, "Mama, I can jump higher and run faster than any of the other kids at the school. Even the fifth and sixth graders. Is it a 'cause I'm black?"

"Naw," Mama said, "you's the fastest runner and highest jumper 'coz you's the only one who's twenty two."

A wife went to the police station with her next door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."

The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

Secret of Grandpa

Secret of Grandpa
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"I will tell you the secret of my success," Grandpa said, "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go outside and take a walk for 5 kms. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

One friend further asked, 'But your wife is also slim and energetic?'

Grandpa said, 'that is another secret, my wife use to follow me behind checking whether I go for 5 kms or sit in a park!!!.'

What is Cardi B's athletic sister's name?

Cardi O

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were trapped on an island...

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were trapped on an island and the only way to escape to civilization was to swim off the island.

The brunette decides she will go first, she swims 1/4 of the way there, gets exhausted and drowns.

The redhead decides to go next a bit more athletic is able to swim 1/2 the way there but gets exhausted and drowns.

Finally the blonde takes her turn, swims 3/4 of the way there. She begins to feel tired so swims back!

What do athletic ninjas wear?


You would think that France would be the most athletic country on Earth...

I swear half the guys there are Jacques

"But Dad, I came in second!" I cried, as he continued to belittle my athletic skills.

That's the last time I let him watch me box.

I always wear an athletic cup.

It's over-protection in a nut shell.

Did you hear about the athletic almond?

Total fitness nut.

Cardi B's more athletic, fitter cousin.

Cardi O.

Confucius say, Athletic finger...

Make broad jump.

Please Give Generously to your High School Gym Program!

Be an athletic supporter!

What's the difference between an athletic male cow and a bloated woman?

One's a bit full, the other is a fit bull.

Favourite football/soccer teams

What's an arthroplasty surgeon's favourite football team? Ipswich Town

What's a jockey's favourite football team? Derby

What's a detective's favourite football team? Leads United

What's a fossil's favourite football team? S'underland

What's a stale meat's favourite football team? Oldham

What's a fit, balding person's favourite football team? Wigan Athletic

What's a pirate's favourite football team? Loot-on (Luton) Town

What did the athletic trainer say to the body builder who was allergic to protein powder?

"No whey."

I am 6ft 2in of American Dad chubby!

As long as I don't take off my clothes, I look more athletic than 95% of the world.

I'm fat thick but you won't know that until it's too late ladies.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes