athletes Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious athletes stories

What are the best Athletes puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Athletes? Well here is a complete list of Athletes dad jokes:

Gatorades competition.

Upon the inception of Gatorade at the University of Florida, and the strides the teams were making on the field, Florida State University *also* tried to make their own energy drink for student athletes.

Unfortunately no one wanted to drink the "*Seminole Fluid*"...

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Why doesn't Cuba have a soccer team?

All their athletes are training for distance swimming.

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If athletes get Athlete's Foot, what do astronauts get?

Missle Toe.

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100 Brazilian athletes.

There are 100 Brazilian athletes competing at Rio 2016. I'm not sure how many there are in a brazilian but that athletes parade is going to take fucking ages.

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The Malaysian athletes at the Commonwealth Games are looking very nervous

Must be thinking about the flight home already.

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I don't get why pro athletes feel the need to hit women...

...just reply to the next one in your DMs if she isn't acting right.

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Outside of the athletes village at the Olympics I saw a guy walking with a pole vault..

I asked him " are you a pole vaulter ?"
To which he replied "nein, I am German. How did you know my name vas Vaulter?"

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Why do athletes run counterclockwise around a track?

Because they use running as a way to *unwind*.

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Why do blacks make good athletes?

They spent the first nine months of their lives dodging hangers.

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Oscar

β€’ Roses are red,

Violets are glorious,

Don't try to surprise

Oscar Pistorius


β€’ She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.

β€’ Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.

β€’ When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?

β€’ Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for murder.

β€’ Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.

β€’ I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.

β€’ What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party.

β€’ Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name. Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.

β€’ A young woman is dead, the life of up and coming athlete, Oscar Pistorious, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic.

β€’ I think it's safe to say that Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight.

β€’ Police have found a list of 20 other women that Pistorius planned to kill, they are calling it shinless list.

β€’ And the Oscar goes to....... Prison.

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Joke about athletes. (Racism alert)

Why are all the fastest runners black? Because the slow ones, are all in jail.

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After my dad died in WWII...

My family moved to America. I was still young so I don't remember a lot about it. I ended up going to the University of Maryland-College Park. My first couple of days there were nice and I was getting to know a lot of people. However, I was slowly beginning to realize that the athletes weren't the most popular people on campus. It was actually the brothers of a Jewish fraternity. I began to realize that they gathered every Tuesday to tell stories about their family in WWII. People would show up and listen and every night the brothers of this fraternity had a different woman in bed with them. They were using sympathy to get sex! I thought it was an amazing idea. I started telling people that I was Jewish. I would bring it up whenever I could hoping one of them would here me. One day, they did. A brother overheard a conversation I was having and invited me to join them on the next Tuesday. I was amazed! I showed up and it got started. Everyone was telling stories and it finally came to me. I started, "My dad actually died in a concentration camp". A couple of the guys look at me and ask, "Which camp?" Shit, I think. I don't know any camps. "Auschwitz" I say. "Wow, that place was bad. My Uncle was there." One of the brothers says. A guy looks at me, "How did he die?" It gets really quiet and everyone looks at me. I put my head down and say, "He fell out of the guard tower..."

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Tiger, Lance, and now Oscar

Maybe Nike should tell their athletes "Just Don't Do It!"

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it seems Oscar Pistorious jokes still have legs..

Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't ever sneak up on Oscar Pistorius.

She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.

Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.

When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?

Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for murder.

Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.

Surely Oscar Pistorius cant be the first man to wake up legless on Valentines day and shoot all over the missus while imagining she's someone else!

I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.

What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party... or... An Oscar Pistorius St Valentine's Day Massacre

Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name - Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.

A young woman is dead, the life of up‑and‑coming athlete, Oscar Pistorius, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic.

I think it's safe to say that Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight.



Oscar Pistorious' lawyer is trying to claim mistaken identity
Personally I don`t think he has a leg to stand on


And the Oscar goes to ... Prison.

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Why do athletes like Sports Illustrated Magazine so much?

There's nothing athletes want more to see in a magazine than sports and illustrations.

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I was really moved when I saw someone hosting a 5k for special Olympics athletes.

Well, until I realized it was just another zombie pub crawl

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What do Zinedine Zidane and Chad (Ochocinco) Johnson have in common?

They're both athletes.

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Why are there no Mexican athletes?

Because any Mexican who can run, swim or jump is already in the US

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Olympics / opening ceremony jokes

Credit where credit's due - I got these from Sickipedia. I'm brand new here but I gather these would be appreciated...

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I certainly enjoyed the opening ceremony which displayed the history of the early 20th century Britain.

I can't wait until the games are held in Germany.

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So in the Olympic Opening Ceremony, British athletes can walk behind a bloke carrying the Union Jack and everyone cheers...

...But when the BNP do it it's frowned upon.

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My mate asked me: "What is the shortest race in the Olympics?"

After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer:

"Chinese," I replied.

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I'm entering the Masturbation Tournament in the Olympics this year.

Very stiff competition though.

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As I watched the woman's football today, my wife proudly quipped, "This just shows you how far the Olympics have come, women excelling at men's sports. What do you think this means?"

I don't think "22 blokes are forced to get a take-away tonight" was the answer she was looking for.

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Well done Danny Boyle. Nothing says "London" better than youths setting fire to stuff.

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7 years the London Olympics have been in the making.

Never has it taken so long for a large number of foreigners to enter the country.

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best athletes jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 19 puns about athletes. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty athletes gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

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