The Best 60 Athlete Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Athlete jokes. There are some athlete medal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these athlete vaulter puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Athlete Jokes and Puns

Hear about the first Polish athlete to win an Olympic gold medal?

He was so proud, he had it bronzed.

Olympics, the new tower of Babel

The German Olympian

I met an athlete near the Olympic Park
I asked him "Are you a Pole Vaulter"?
He said "No, I'm German...
and how do you know my name?"

Besides being an famous chief (despite burning everything he cooked), Adolf Hitler was also a star athlete....

He was the fascist kid on the playground.

Athlete joke, Besides being an famous chief (despite burning everything he cooked), Adolf Hitler was also a star a

What do you call an X-Games athlete who placed dead last?

A louger.

Outside of the athletes village at the Olympics I saw a guy walking with a pole vault..

I asked him " are you a pole vaulter ?"
To which he replied "nein, I am German. How did you know my name vas Vaulter?"

What award did Chewbacca win his first season as a professional athlete?

Wookie of the year.

I made the love of live choose between me and her dream of being a professional athlete...

She left me and became a famous tennis player, I should have known love meant nothing to her.

Athlete joke, I made the love of live choose between me and her dream of being a professional athlete...

What do you call an athlete that smells good?

D. O. Durant

Kanye said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books.

Which I get because I am an athlete that rarely moves.

Reporter approaches an athlete at the olympics and asks " are you a pole vaulter?"

Athlete (in German accent) "no I'm not polish, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

What do you call a white guy on steroids?

An athlete

You can explore athlete sport reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean athlete olympic dad jokes. There are also athlete puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Which athletes will not get Zika at Rio 2016?

Those on Team Great Britain, because they'll leave.

What do you call a winter Olympic athlete that is being picked on?

A Luge-er

Why did Hillary put an Australian athlete on her ticket?

She needed a good running mate.

What did the Russian athlete say when he was stung by a mosquito during the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro?

zika blyat

A Mexican athlete finally got a medal at the Olympics.

The police are still searching for him.

Athlete joke, A Mexican athlete finally got a medal at the Olympics.

How many armed men does it take to extort an Olympic athlete?

A Brazilian.

There once was a French athlete in fine form...

He was called Physique.

What did the judges say about the Russian athlete that lost a race?

"Well, at least he Putin a good effort."

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?

Missile toe.

Who was Adolf Hitler's least favorite athlete?

O.J. Simpson. Everyone knows Hitler hated The Juice.

If an athlete can get athlete's foot, what can an astronaut get?

I have no idea.. my 6th grade teacher asked us this and never told us the answer and it's been haunting me for 30 years. Any guesses?

What did the athlete say after a perfect hammer toss?

"Nailed it."

Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies

"I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!"

"Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian."

"How can you be so sure?"

"You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke."

If a normal person runs a race, he's an athlete. What is a white man who runs a race called?

A racist.

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do candy makers get?

Tic tac toe

Why doesn't Kevin Spacey win first place in marathons?

He isn't an athlete and doesn't train for marathons

An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor.

The doctor says, 'We have three possible donors.

One is a young, healthy athlete.

The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.'

'I'll take the lawyer's heart,' says the patient.

'Why?' asks the doctor.

The patient replies, 'It's never been used.'

Who's the World's greatest athlete?

The Guy who finishes first and third in a Masturbation contest.

I met an olympic athlete yesterday...

'Are you a pole vaulter?' I asked.

'No' He replied. 'I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?'

What is a tri-athlete?

Someone who tried to be an athlete.

"I'd like to welcome all the athletes to the Olympic Games"

"I'd also like to welcome the curling teams"

At Munich Airport

A young man approaches an Olympic athlete carrying a long pole and asks are you a pole vaulter?

The man clearly annoyed responds no, I'm German, and how did you know my name is Walter?!

How is a track and field athlete like an American soldier?

They're both good at using javelins.

Tiger Woods is the ultimate Athlete.

18 holes a day and he still has time for golf.

If Estonia's best athlete was called Ted...

Would they call him Talinn-Ted?

Which athlete was the first to take a knee?

Tonya Harding.

Confusion reigns at the Olympics

A young journalist walked up to a track and field athlete who was warming up for his event to get an interview.

Not entirely sure of the athlete's discipline he asks, "Are you a polevaulter?"

The athlete replied, "Nein, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"

If I had to box a professional athlete.

I would choose a soccer player.

I'm trying to decide if I should become an athlete or a criminal

So I made a list of pros and cons.

My favourite athlete is now Neymar

He united my to favourite things: football and laying down

I went to the doctor's today and they told me I had the body of an athlete today

Or at least the feet of one. But hey, you got to start somewhere

I used to be a professional ski athlete

It just went downhill from there

Saw an athlete pulling on a rope made from pig

Thy said he had a pulled ham string

An atheist, vegan, and cross fit athlete walk into a bar.

We know this because they all loudly announced it within the first 30 seconds.

What football athlete is the funniest?

The pun-ter.

I got the body of a pro athlete

... in ESports

Only athletes will understand this

It's a running joke.

Australian Olympic hurdler sees another athlete at the track carrying a long stick and asks him, 'are you a pole vaulter?'

He replies (in an accent) 'No,
actually I'm from Germany
and how did you know my name was Walter?'

I'll have you know that I have the body of an athlete!

And by athlete, I mean a sumo wrestler...

Did you hear about the athlete shot by a starter pistol at an event?

Detectives believe it was race related.

Dope, or no dope, Lance Armstrong was still a great athlete.

Winning the tour is no easy feat. Even with the drugs, he worked his ball off to go to where he is today!

A Patient Needs a Heart Transplant

The surgeon tells the patient, "You are in luck; we have two matching donors! A twenty-year-old athlete and an eighty-year-old lawyer. Which heart do you want?"

The patient answers, "Give me the lawyer's heart. That one hasn't been used yet."

I am undecided on whether should I be an athlete or a criminal

so I made a list of pros and cons.

I've met a track and field athlete that commonly chokes whenever he runs too fast,

It became a running gag for him.

What do you call an athlete doing drugs ?

A Speed runner

Some people are upset that Profesional athletes get payed so much

But really it makes sense.

After a few years of training an athlete is playing professionally.

After more than a decade of work and education most doctors are still practicing.

I have the body of an athlete

and a dentist, a mcdonalds cashier, a businessman

yeah my basement is a bit crowded

I told my husband I didn't want to get his athlete's foot.

He said, "So you're calling me an athlete?"

Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.

These are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.

What every athlete says after winning: "First of all, I'd like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."

Chuck can eat Chinese food with one chopstick.

Chuck threw a few rocks into the Pacific Ocean. These are now known as Hawaii.

Chuck can light ants on fire with a magnifying night.

When Chuck is in Rome, they do what HE does.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one questions why.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the athlete olympian jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working athlete competitions piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes