The Best 50 Atheists Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Atheists jokes. There are some atheists catholics jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these atheists exist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Atheists Jokes and Puns

How many Atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to actually do it, the other to film it so fundamentalists won't claim that God did it.

Checkmate, atheists.

An atheist was
rowing along in Loch Ness and WHOOSH! The Loch Ness monster rears up in front of him, hissing and ready to eat. The terrified man said, "Oh God, help me!"

An angry voice booms from the heavens, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

The atheist says, "Oh, come on! Ten seconds ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

About 2/3 of the Atheists I know were raised catholic, and I can't help but wonder...

Was the sex really that bad?

Atheists joke, About 2/3 of the Atheists I know were raised catholic, and I can't help but wonder...

I heard that Atheists think God is cool...

They say he's unreal.

why dont atheists solve exponential equations ?

they dont believe in higher powers.

Why are atheists poor?

because its a non-prophet organisation.

Do you know why God created atheists?

Haha. Good one.

Atheists joke, Do you know why God created atheists?

Why does God love atheists?

Because they don't bother Him with incessant prayer.

What can both Christians and Atheists agree on about Jesus?

Kanye's not him.

Where do atheists donate their money?

Non Prophet Organizations

Why can't atheists solve quadratic equations?

They don't believe in higher powers.

You can explore atheists creationists reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean atheists skeptics dad jokes. There are also atheists puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

What is so ironic about Atheists?

A: they're always talking about God.

Why are atheists so light?

The have no mass.

What's the difference between Western and Middle -Eastern atheists?

Western atheists have heads.

Why do atheists scream out 'oh my God' during sex?

Because it's unbelievable.

Atheists joke, Why do atheists scream out 'oh my God' during sex?

God, the Atheists are coming!

God: "Tell them I'm not around!"

Why are atheists afraid of exponents?

They don't believe in a higher power.

Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

Both Christians and Atheists can be dicks, you know

but Jews and Muslims can only be half-dicks.

Why aren't any atheists buying a PS4 Pro?

They don't believe in higher power.

A Recent Study Found That...

...Christian women tend to become atheists after marriage. I don't find that surprising. After marriage, a woman does lose faith in a man's ability to come a second time.

How many atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

*Two. One screws in the light bulb and the other records the events to prove God didn't do it.*

What do you call it when a group of atheists come together to help people?

A Non-prophet Charity

How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. The atheist actually changes the light bulb, rather than praying that it will be done.

'Mexican' isn't a religion...

So why do atheists keep telling me Jesus doesn't exist? I know several of them.

A temple for atheists...

Is a "nonprophet" organisation.

Atheists definition

People who be leavin' God.

So many Christians run non-profit organizations. On the other hand, atheists...

...only run non-prophet organizations.

Two atheists were lost in a desert.

Two atheists were lost in a desert. They had run out of supplies and were wandering aimlessly.

One morning, they encountered a Muslim. The Muslim asked, "What are your names?"

The first, figuring the Muslim would be more likely to help a fellow Muslim, lied and said, "My name is Mohammed."

The second stayed honest and said, "My name is Dave."

The Muslim gave Dave a hearty breakfast. He turned to "Mohammed" and said, "Fasting is so hard, isn't it?"

What did god say when asked about atheists?

They are good people, they're just playing hard to get ...

What do you call atheists who celebrate Christmas?


What would call an organization formed by atheists

A non-prophet organization

What do atheists and all my ex girlfriends have in common?

No expectation of a coming of any kind

What do atheists say to God?

You're unbelievable!

A pick up line for atheists

Did you fall from heaven?

Because your unbelievable.

Checkmate atheists

If god doesn't exist, explain how my girlfriend is pregnant when we've never had sex. Checkmate atheists.

Why are all atheists bad at math?

The don't believe in higher powers

Hey, Jesus!

Angel: Hey, Jesus! Some atheists are waiting for you at the gates of heaven!

Jesus: Tell them I'm not here

Why should atheists be exempted from tax?

Because atheism is a non-prophet organisation!

What can religious people and atheists agree on?

Gingers don't have souls.

If Christians read the bible to strengthen their beliefs, what should atheists read to strengthen theirs?

The same.

Why shouldn't atheists pay taxes?

They are not for prophets

Why do atheists give away all their unnecessary money?

They're a non-prophet organization

Why don't atheists pay taxes?

Because they belong to a non-prophet organization.

I just heard that atheists are trying to get tax exempt status.

They are a non-prophet organisation.

Don't you think it's weird...

Don't you think it's weird when Atheists call their kids Christian?

I think a better name would be Godfrey.

I'll see myself out.

When I was 8, I had a friend who was raised by atheists.

He once told me, I don't know where Adam and Eve is...

Are, I corrected. And they're in heaven.

I don't know where Adam and Eve are, he corrected. But my mom and dad sure do shop there often.

Why are atheists bad at exponents?

Because they don't believe in a higher power.

Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the atheists humans jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working atheists piety piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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