Ate Jokes
137 ate jokes and hilarious ate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Ate Short Jokes
Short ate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ate humour may include short snack jokes also.
- A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference For example:
Johnny ate his own lunch after school.
Johnny ate his own colon after school. - The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence. Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch
becomes
Jimmy went to school and ate his colon - My Kids Got p**... at Me for Cooking pancake this Morning Seems he was their favorite rabbit
- My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away. Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.
- My 9 year old daughter made up this joke. "Why did the bull get fat?" Because he ate too many cowleries.
- My niece told me this joke: What's the difference between Chanukah and a dragon? Chanukah is always eight nights.
A dragon sometimes ate knights. - I read online today that humans, on average, eat more banana than monkeys. It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- We all know that six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, but why did seven eat nine? Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals per day.
- I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night... Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious
- My mom used to feed me by saying: Here comes the train! I always ate everything. Otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.
Share These Ate Jokes With Friends
Ate One Liners
Which ate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ate? I can suggest the ones about eaten and chewy.
- What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife? Nothing, he's gladiator.
- How do you milk a sheep? Sell headphone for $549.
- TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- Yo momma is so vegan and fat... ..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.
- My dog ate a whole bag of scrabble tiles. I took him to the vet. No word yet.
- I ate a kids meal in McDonald's this morning. His mother was furious.
- I ate an entire feather pillow last week Since then I've been feeling down in the dumps.
- I ate a kids meal at McDonald's today... His mom got really angry with me...
- Why was Yoda afraid of 7? Because Six, Seven ate.
- My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger. It was mine.
- My dog Minton ate all my shuttlecocks... Bad Minton
- I ate five cans of alphabet soup..... I had the biggest vowel movement of my life.
- Who figured out that 7 ate 9? 4 and 6
- I ate 4 bowls of delicious alphabet soup. After that I had a massive vowel movement.
- I ate four cans of alphabet soup I later took the biggest vowel movement ever
Ate Lunch Jokes
Here is a list of funny ate lunch jokes and even better ate lunch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A colon in a sentence can make it memorable Jane ate her friend's lunch.
Jane ate her friend's colon.
See what I mean? - I ate some alphabet soup and some laxatives for lunch I'm about to have a vowel movement
- What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch? I ate too many chickpeas, now I falafel.
- I couldn't stop sneezing after lunch today. ...I ate a sneezer salad.
(Also this is a true story, and I said this to my office :P) - The sandwich I ate for lunch reminded me of my dad.. gone.
- I ate too much bread at the Indian restaurant during lunch today. It was a naan issue.
- I ate a bad vegetarian kebab for lunch. Now I falafel.
- Did you hear about the guy who ate Mercury for lunch? and Uranus for breakfast?
- What is behind Kim Jong Un's exterior? The puppies he ate for lunch
- I made a table out of an old pallet and ate my lunch on it. It was un-pallet-table.
Cheerful Fun Ate Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about ate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eater jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ate pranks.
A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.
The teacher says, "What's this?"
The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."
The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"
The kid says, "The cow ate it all."
"Ok, then where's the cow?"
"It left because there was no more grass."
When the young husband reached home from the office he found his wife in tears.
"Oh, John," she sobbed on his shoulder. "I had baked a lovely cake and put it out on the back porch for the frosting to dry and the dog ate it!"
"Well, don't cry about it, sweetheart," he consoled, patting the pretty flushed cheek. "I know a man who will give us another dog."
Source: 1913 newspaper
My dad's favorite. (Get the groan ready)
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and...with his odd diet...he suffered from bad breath.
This made him...
...a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Dad peels banana...
When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana...
Dad:
peels the first s**... of the banana peel...
"One skin"
Peels the second s**......
"Two skin"
"Three skin"
"Five skin"
Me: "What happened to the Four skin"
Dad: "Jewish banana"
I was twelve and I finally figured it out....
Why was Six afraid of Seven?
Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.
I ate a kid's meal at McDonald's today
His parents were p**....
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:
- Jane ate her friend's sandwich.
-
- - Jane ate her friend's colon.
People in the U.S. eat more bananas than monkeys.
In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 bananas,
and only ate 6 monkeys.
Adding a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence
For example:
Jeffrey ate John's sandwich.
Jeffrey ate John's colon.
A little boy goes up to his pregnant mum, points at her fat belly and says, what's that?
She says… (a bit startled…) erm… that's a baby your daddy gave me that…
So the little boy walks off to find his dad with a confused look on his face…
daddy did you give mummy a baby ?
yeh I did son, that's right why do you ask…?
well don't give her another, she ate the last one!
Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9?
Because it's important to eat three squared meals a day
So i just ate at this new restaurant called Karma
They don't have menus, they just give you what you deserve.
What do you call a Roman who just went down on his girlfriend?
Glad he ate her...
Are you not entertained?
In a confession booth...
ME: I committed all seven deadly sins in 30 minutes.
PRIEST: Wow I gotta hear this.
ME: I was angry and envious at my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and I didn't share.
PRIEST: You forgot pride.
ME: No, Im pretty proud of this.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9.
Why did 7 eat 9?
Because you need 3 squared meals a day.
The police arrested 3 as well as 7, why?
Because 3 was the root of the problem.
I ate an entire pack of rohypnol last night and it didn't even affect me...
Anyway, gotta go. I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping.
Yo mama so fat
She has a watch for every time zone she's in,
When she walks past the tv, you miss 8 seasons,
She beat galactus in a planet-eating contest,
Thanos couldn't snap her out of existence,
Flash died before he could do a lap around her
And she ate a black hole because she was hungry
I was so hungry this morning I almost ate a clock....
I didn't because it's time consuming. Also, I'd have to go back for seconds.
I'm here all day..
Did you hear about the six year old that got eaten by a lion?
He was ate before he was seven.
Thought I'd share a favorite on my cake day
Gandhi used to walk barefoot on most days, neglecting modern footwear, and eventually grew a strong set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather weak and with his odd diet, suffered from very, very bad breath. To others he smelled atrocious, this super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Lucky Numbers
There was this man by the name of Mr Five.
His lucky number was, not surprisingly, 5.
He was 55 years old, ate 5 times a day, always brought with him $55 in his wallet and always wore a shirt with 5 pockets.
One day, he saw a horse by the name of Lucky Five was racing.
He bet $5555.55 on the horse.
After 5 hours the results are out.
Sure enough the horse comes in fifth.
An old man was sitting next to a kid
And he saw the kid eating a lot of chocolate, pack after pack...
So the man asked the kid: do you think it's healthy for you eating all that chocolate?
So the kid answered: My grandpa died at 100 years old
-And you think it's because he ate chocolate?
-No, it's because he minded his own business.
A man asks his doctor
"Doctor, Doctor! I ate one of those 'Do not eat' packages! Am I going to die now???"
The doctor, a bit confused, responds: "...well, everyone is going to die eventually."
Man: "EVERYONE? Oh my god, what have I done..."
The very spiritual Gandhi walked everywhere, leaving him with impressive calluses. And he ate very little, which made him rather frail. His odd diet also plagued him with bad breath. I guess you could say.....
That he was a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time
"How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, but what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too, and died."
"Oh, how terrible!
I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
Gandhi...
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Went to McDonald's today and ate a kid's meal.
He cried and his mom was p**....
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
So I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup today..
I'm expecting a massive vowel movement.
A cannibal ate an optimist once
He couldn't quite keep him down.
I ate a small pizza, but it wasn't enough, so I ate a bigger one, and then a bigger one...
They call it the dominoes effect.
A man was eating a hotdog...
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Immediately the little dog began to bark at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all." the woman replied.
The man picked up the dog and tossed him over a wall.
Strange trend at my office...
People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named "Kevin".
I ate five cans of alphabet soup yesterday.
Then, I easily had the biggest vowel movement ever.
Last night I ate 3 large spicy curry rolls while watching Westworld.
These violent delights have violent ends.
I just ate four cans of alphabet soup...
...and just had the largest vowel movement ever.
Yesterday I ate a clock
It was very time consuming...
Especially when I went back for seconds
So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.
So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.
Teacher: Why on earth do you let your dog eat your homework?
Billy: Well, my dog really love to eat cake.
Teacher: And how does this even related?
Billy: Yesterday you said that the homework is a piece of cake....
I just ate my USB
It only took 1 byte.
I only ate 239 beans.
Just one more and I'd be too f**....
My friend was mad at me because I ate all the chips at her party
I'm no longer welcome to play poker with them
Two kids were arrested last night. One ate a battery, the other ate fireworks.
They charged the first, and let the other one off.
Secret to long life
A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life is to sprinkle a little gunpowder into your oatmeal.
The grandson took his words seriously and ate gunpowder sprinkled oatmeal everyday. He lived to the ripe old age of 96.
When he died, he left behind 4 children, 9 grandchildren, 13 great grandchildren and one 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
I once ate a watch
It was time consuming, I didn't go back for seconds.
I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...
Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day
I ate a bunch of scrabble pieces earlier
So going to the bathroom could spell disaster
If you ate a ShamWow what would come out?
Shampoo
I ate my KFC in the cemetery last night, just the way I like it.
Extra gravey.
I just ate some pasta...
...and it was worth every Penne.
^(My god, that must be the worst joke I've ever written.)
I wanted to make friends but I had no facebook
So I went out on the street and started shouting what I cooked, ate or drank.
Right now I've got 3 followers - two cops and a psychiatrist
did you hear about the Ethiopian who fell into the crocodile pit?
he ate 6 crocs before they could pull him out.
Why did the Irish man only eat two hundred and thirty nine beans?
If he ate one more, it would be too f**...!
A new study showed that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I dont remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
My kids won't eat their tacos for dinner, so I had to throw them out.
Then I ate their tacos.
I ate four bowls of Alphabet Soup...
Then I had a massive vowel movement
