Ate Jokes
136 ate jokes and hilarious ate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Ate Short Jokes
Short ate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ate humour may include short snack jokes also.
- My Kids Got p**... at Me for Cooking pancake this Morning Seems he was their favorite rabbit
- My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away. Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.
- My 9 year old daughter made up this joke. "Why did the bull get fat?" Because he ate too many cowleries.
- My niece told me this joke: What's the difference between Chanukah and a dragon? Chanukah is always eight nights.
A dragon sometimes ate knights. - I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night... Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious
- Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.
- People in the U.S. eat more bananas than monkeys. In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 banana,
and only ate 6 monkeys. - Adding a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence For example:
Jeffrey ate John's sandwich.
Jeffrey ate John's colon. - So i just ate at this new restaurant called Karma They don't have menus, they just give you what you deserve.
- I ate an entire pack of rohypnol last night and it didn't even affect me... Anyway, gotta go. I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping.
Share These Ate Jokes With Friends
Ate One Liners
Which ate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ate? I can suggest the ones about chewy and eater.
- What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife? Nothing, he's gladiator.
- How do you milk a sheep? Sell headphone for $549.
- TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- My dog ate a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. I took him to the vet. No word yet.
- I ate a kids meal in McDonald's this morning. His mother was furious.
- I ate an entire feather pillow last week Since then I've been feeling down in the dumps.
- My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger. It was mine.
- My dog Minton ate all my shuttlecocks... Bad Minton
- I ate five cans of alphabet soup..... I had the biggest vowel movement of my life.
- Who figured out that 7 ate 9? 4 and 6
- I just ate four cans of alphabet soup... ...and just had the largest vowel movement ever.
- I just ate my USB It only took 1 byte.
- I once ate a watch It was time consuming, I didn't go back for seconds.
- If you ate a ShamWow what would come out? Shampoo
- I ate my KFC in the cemetery last night, just the way I like it. Extra gravey.
Ate Lunch Jokes
Here is a list of funny ate lunch jokes and even better ate lunch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch? I ate too many chickpeas, now I falafel.
- I couldn't stop sneezing after lunch today. ...I ate a sneezer salad.
(Also this is a true story, and I said this to my office :P) - The sandwich I ate for lunch reminded me of my dad.. gone.
- I ate too much bread at the Indian restaurant during lunch today. It was a naan issue.
- I ate a bad vegetarian kebab for lunch. Now I falafel.
- Did you hear about the guy who ate Mercury for lunch? and Uranus for breakfast?
- What is behind Kim Jong Un's exterior? The puppies he ate for lunch
- I made a table out of an old pallet and ate my lunch on it. It was un-pallet-table.
- The other day i went to school... ... and ate lunch alone.
Cheerful Fun Ate Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about ate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean venomous jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ate pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference
For example:
Johnny ate his own lunch after school.
Johnny ate his own colon after school.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.
Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch
becomes
Jimmy went to school and ate his colon
A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.
The teacher says, "What's this?"
The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."
The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"
The kid says, "The cow ate it all."
"Ok, then where's the cow?"
"It left because there was no more grass."
When the young husband reached home from the office he found his wife in tears.
"Oh, John," she sobbed on his shoulder. "I had baked a lovely cake and put it out on the back porch for the frosting to dry and the dog ate it!"
"Well, don't cry about it, sweetheart," he consoled, patting the pretty flushed cheek. "I know a man who will give us another dog."
Source: 1913 newspaper
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad peels banana...
When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana...
Dad:
peels the first s**... of the banana peel...
"One skin"
Peels the second s**......
"Two skin"
"Three skin"
"Five skin"
Me: "What happened to the Four skin"
Dad: "Jewish banana"
I was twelve and I finally figured it out....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:
- Jane ate her friend's sandwich.
-
- - Jane ate her friend's colon.
A little boy goes up to his pregnant mum, points at her fat belly and says, what's that?
She says… (a bit startled…) erm… that's a baby your daddy gave me that…
So the little boy walks off to find his dad with a confused look on his face…
daddy did you give mummy a baby ?
yeh I did son, that's right why do you ask…?
well don't give her another, she ate the last one!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
In a confession booth...
ME: I committed all seven deadly sins in 30 minutes.
PRIEST: Wow I gotta hear this.
ME: I was angry and envious at my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and I didn't share.
PRIEST: You forgot pride.
ME: No, Im pretty proud of this.
I was so hungry this morning I almost ate a clock....
I didn't because it's time consuming. Also, I'd have to go back for seconds.
I'm here all day..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the six year old that got eaten by a lion?
He was ate before he was seven.
Thought I'd share a favorite on my cake day
Gandhi used to walk barefoot on most days, neglecting modern footwear, and eventually grew a strong set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather weak and with his odd diet, suffered from very, very bad breath. To others he smelled atrocious, this super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Lucky Numbers
There was this man by the name of Mr Five.
His lucky number was, not surprisingly, 5.
He was 55 years old, ate 5 times a day, always brought with him $55 in his wallet and always wore a shirt with 5 pockets.
One day, he saw a horse by the name of Lucky Five was racing.
He bet $5555.55 on the horse.
After 5 hours the results are out.
Sure enough the horse comes in fifth.
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time
"How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, but what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too, and died."
"Oh, how terrible!
I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cannibal ate an optimist once
He couldn't quite keep him down.
I ate a small pizza, but it wasn't enough, so I ate a bigger one, and then a bigger one...
They call it the dominoes effect.
Strange trend at my office...
People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named "Kevin".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last night I ate 3 large spicy curry rolls while watching Westworld.
These violent delights have violent ends.
Yesterday I ate a clock
It was very time consuming...
Especially when I went back for seconds
So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.
So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.
Teacher: Why on earth do you let your dog eat your homework?
Billy: Well, my dog really love to eat cake.
Teacher: And how does this even related?
Billy: Yesterday you said that the homework is a piece of cake....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I only ate 239 beans.
Just one more and I'd be too f**....
My friend was mad at me because I ate all the chips at her party
I'm no longer welcome to play poker with them
I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...
Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day
I just ate some pasta...
...and it was worth every Penne.
^(My god, that must be the worst joke I've ever written.)
I wanted to make friends but I had no facebook
So I went out on the street and started shouting what I cooked, ate or drank.
Right now I've got 3 followers - two cops and a psychiatrist
did you hear about the Ethiopian who fell into the crocodile pit?
he ate 6 crocs before they could pull him out.
My kids won't eat their tacos for dinner, so I had to throw them out.
Then I ate their tacos.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, What's the word on the street?
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.
A cannibal was in prison.
One day, he ate his cellmate. The warden did not believe he had eaten the man. The cannibal threw up his hands in frustration.
A boy and his father are playing catch
A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.
"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."
Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."
The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey or butter.)
Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.
The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I"?
Mahatma Gandhi...
...walked barefoot a lot, which probably produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. I've heard he also ate very little, which could have made him rather frail. The odd diet he kept leads me to believe he suffered from bad breath. I suppose you could have called him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Why don't mathematicians eat pizza?
Because even half a slice is pie over ate
I used to get heartburn when I ate cake...
Till a doctor told me to take the candles off first!
I ate too much alphabet soup and became consonated.
I was better after I evacuated my vowels.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Czech and a Mexican
A Czechoslovakian and a Mexican go camping, while they were in the woods the Czech gets eaten by a bear. So the Mexican runs to find the park ranger and says "park ranger a bear ate my friend"
The park ranger and the Mexican find two bears, a male and a female. The park ranger asked the Mexican which ate his friend he points to the male and the ranger kills him and guts him there are no remains of the Czech man in the bear. Moral of the story never trust a Mexican when he says the Check is in the male
Swimming Coach: "Hey! Why are you doing only the backstroke?"
Swimmer: "Because I just ate, sir. I don't want to swim on a full stomach."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Russell Crowe do when a cannibal ate his wife?
Nothing... He was Gladiator.
Guy selling apple seeds at street...
Police officer came and asked him what is he doing..
man: I am selling apple seeds which make you smarter if you eat them.
PO: Really? do they really work?
man: well buy some and try...
PO: okay, give me 5 seeds
man: That is 10$ sir
PO gave man the money and ate the seeds and 2 min after that he said:
PO: wait a minute, I could have bought like 10 apples for that money and get like 20-30 seeds.....
man: see they already work :)
PO: Wow, give me 5 more!
Sry for bad english
A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo.
Two tourists from the Czech republic are visiting New York. At the zoo, one leans forward, trying to get real close to the pythons. He falls down into the enclosure and is quickly swallowed whole.
Panicking, the other guy runs up to a caretaker and cries out for help. The caretaker asks him: "Which of these pythons ate your friend, the male or the female one?"
"That one! That one!", exclaims the Czech, pointing at the male snake, bloated with its stomach full. The caretaker runs up behind the satiated snake, cuts it open and pulls out ... a feeder pig.
"Oh no, it must have been the other one", yells the tourist. So the keeper cuts open the female snake, and sure enough, out comes the tourist.
In the end, the tourist could be revived, and miraculously, both snakes managed to live through the events, but there's still a lesson to be learned here: Never trust someone who tells you the Czech is in the male.
A kid has a pear-shaped head
The poor kid is feeling down because everyone at school teases him about his pear-shaped head. One day he can no longer take the teasing and says to the kids teasing him, "I can't help having a pear-shaped head, my mom ate a pear when she was pregnant with me."
"That's not how it works," one of the other kids said. "My mom ate a scratched disc when she was pregnant with me and nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...happened."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For weeks, Tommy was telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister who was going to be coming to his house soon.
One day at home, Tommy's mother let him feel the baby k**.... Tommy didn't say anything, and he stopped talking about the baby at school. Finally the teacher sat Tommy down and said, "Whatever happened to your new baby sister?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think my mummy ate her!"
Restaurant signboard
A signboard outside a restaurant read "eat as much as you can, your grand children will pay the bill"... A man entered the restaurant and ate as much as he could, got a toothpick and was relaxing when the waiter gave him the bill. He laughed and pointed to the signboard, don't you see, "my grandchildren will pay" The waiter replied, "This is not your bill, it's your grandfather's bill".
What did the Transgender Brontosaurus that formerly ate meat say, when visiting his old place?
"I've been herbivore."
I ate a salad today and it contained both eggs and chicken
I didn't know where to start.
One day, I asked my English Teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H ...in Hour, Honour. ...etc. ...??????
My English Teacher said, " We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent "....... (I was even more confused .....?????)
During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her the empty container. ....!!!!!!!
My English Teacher : What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container.
I replied, "sir, I thought 'H' was silent.
What did the French skeleton say before he ate?
Bone apetit
I ate too much cookie dough and got sick
It was an overdoughse.
A man prayed to God his entire life to win the lottery.
A man prayed to God every day for 65 years. He prayed in the morning, at lunchtime, in the evening and just before he went to sleep.
The man passed away and went to heaven. The man was rather upset with the Lord and sought him out.
When the man found the Lord, he said "I've been praying 65 years. Every day when I woke up, ate my lunch, had my dinner in the evening and just before I went to sleep. How come I never won??"
And the Lord said, "IT WOULD HAVE HELPED IF YOU BOUGHT A TICKET!"
Ever wondered why China doesn't have a baseball team?
Because they ate all their bats.
I ate some shepherd's pie today
...he seemed pretty angry about it.
"I hear you just got married again."
Jim: "Joe, I hear you just got married again."
Joe: "Yes, for the fourth time."
Jim: "What happened to your first three wives?"
Joe: "They all died, Jim."
Jim: "How did that happen?"
Joe: "My first wife ate poison mushrooms."
Jim: "How terrible! And your second?"
Joe: "She ate poison mushrooms."
Jim: "And your third ate poison mushrooms too?"
Joe: "Oh, no. She died of blunt head trauma."
Jim: "I see, an accident."
Joe: "Not exactly. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms."
What did Spartacus say when a Lion ate his wife?
Nothing. He was gladiator.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the Ethiopian man that fell into an alligator pit?
They say he ate 7 alligators before they could drag him out of there.
I had a dream about a breath freshener left on my pillow.
I ate it and it tasted like a fig. Then I woke up. Guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination.
My dog tried to tell me i ate the wrong kind of mushroom
But by that point, i knew it was far too late
When I was around 5, I asked mum why people were different colors...
She said because god wanted different flavors.
And that was the wrong thing to say, Because For the next 3 years, I thought god ate people after they died...
