Astronomer Jokes
57 astronomer jokes and hilarious astronomer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about astronomer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Astronomer Short Jokes
Short astronomer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The astronomer humour may include short astronaut jokes also.
- Picked up a hitchhiker last night He said thanks! how do you know i'm not a serial killer though?
I replied the chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical - Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day. I'm sorry.
- I picked up a hitchhiker the other day. He said "you're brave, how do you know I'm not a serial killer?" I said "the chances of two serial killers being in the same car is astronomical"
- Recently a wine aged in space was put up for sale I wanted to buy it, but the price was astronomical.
- After Astronomers discovered the Earth rotates about an axis... They got bored and decided to call it a day!
- I feel like the world really missed an opportunity by calling people that study the sky astronomers They should've called them skyentists.
- Why does everyone care about the eclipse? Probably because it's significance is astronomical.
- I saw a job posting for an Astronomer and it sounded pretty stress free. I'd just do a bunch of light reading all day.
- So 2 astronomers decided to throw a party They sit down for lunch and one of them says: ok, let's planet
- What does a proctologist and an astronomer have in common? When they look at Uranus, it is always on it's side.
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Astronomer One Liners
Which astronomer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with astronomer? I can suggest the ones about physicist and meteorologist.
- Why did elon musk go broke? Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.
- Why do astronomers love Game of Thrones? Because of its dwarf star.
- Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo? for meatier showers.
- Do you know why astronomers named the planet "Saturn?" It just had a nice ring to it.
- Why didn't nasa send a duck into space? The bill would be astronomical.
- Lock an astronomer in a basement... and they'll go star craving mad.
- Why do astronomers hate vegetarian restaurants? They need something meteor.
- Why did the dyslexic, Russian astronomer hate the revolution? He was following the Tsar.
- Why can't you send a duck to space? Because the bill would be astronomical.
- Pick up line for astronomers Baby, the universe starts with "U" "N" "I"
- I wanted to buy a telescope.... But the cost is astronomical.
- Why was the astronomer so good at finding new planets? He was out standing in his field
- Why did the astronomer take a steak to the bathroom? Because he wanted a meatier shower.
- What is a Mexican astronomer's favorite food? A Quasar-dilla.
- How much do astraunauts make? astronomical sums I guess
Cheerful Fun Astronomer Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about astronomer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean telescope jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make astronomer pranks.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.
Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.
Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"
Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.
After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Watson awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Holmes, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Holmes replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Sherlock says
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Watson?"
Watson was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Holmes, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!
Sherlock and Watson take a vacation
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Q: How do astronomers organize a party?
**They planet.**
Camping.
An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father- "Look up to the sky and tell me what you see."
Son- "I see millions of stars."
Father- "And what does that tell you?"
Son- "Astronomically, it tells that there are millions of galaxies and planets."
Father slaps the son hard and says- "Idiot, someone has stolen our tent"
So I picked up a hitchhiker the other day...
After he got in he turned to me and jokingly said "Thanks, by the way how do you know I'm not a serial killer or something". I replied, "C'mon, the chances of /two/ serial killers being in the same car are astronomical".
I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...
There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.
The width of a milk jug is 5.5"
Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches
93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,6**...,6**...,6**... Feet
Divided by 5280
1,475,694,444 Miles
Divided by 93,000,000 miles to get Astronomical Units
You get 15.8 AU's.
You're so fat, that even though Florence is dropping 17 trillion gallons of rain, It's still not enough to get to Uranus.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."
I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".
I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.
Why did the Astronomer bring a slab of ribs into the bathroom?
He wanted to witness a meatier shower.
I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised I picked up a stranger and asked. Thanks but why'd you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?
I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical.
Whenever I see an astronomy discovery it reminds me of this joke
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician were on the train from London to Edinburgh, as they passed the Scottish border they saw a black sheep.
'Ah ha' said the astronomer 'from that I can deduce that in Scotland all sheep are black'
'No' said the physicist 'we can deduce that in Scotland some sheep are black'
'Actually' said the mathematician 'all we know is that in Scotland there is a field in which there is a sheep, one side of which is black'
What type of supplements do bodybuilding astronomers use?
a**...-steroids.
A old woman was arrested on terrorism charges today
A elderly woman was arrested on terrorism charges at Heathrow airport today.
She had tried to bring a bomb onto a plane with her.
When questioned as to why she did such a thing she said she was deathly afraid of her plane being blown up by a t**... and thought the chances of two bombs being on one plane where astronomical.
I picked up a hitchhiker last night.
He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger and asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"
I told him the chances of two serial killers being in one car would be astronomically low
I picked up a hitch hiker
The man got in my car and said "Thank you for picking me up, but I mean how do you know I am not a serial killer or something?"
I said "I don't know for sure, but the chances of 2 serial killers being in one car would be astronomical"
Saw this on Quora months ago.
An astronomer is drinking Bud Light with another astronomer and asks How many of these do you think it'll take for me to get drunk?
The other astronomer replies: Approximately 6.5 light beers
scared of flying
A friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that
there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I responded that I really didn't know, but that it was certainly less than one in a million. So he asked: "Well, what is the probability that there are two bombs on an airplane?" I responded that (as long as these were independent events) it would be the square of the probability of having one bomb, which is 1 in a trillion
- a truly astronomical number. So, from that day forward he always carried a bomb with
him when he flew
