The Best 63 Astronauts Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Astronauts jokes. There are some astronauts astronaut jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these astronauts rocket puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Astronauts Jokes and Puns

RIP Neil Armstrong

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

So there's two astronauts on a rocket...

One says to the other, "Get Ready, it's almost time for launch." To which the other says "Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"

Back during the Apollo moon-missions, NASA astronauts left an American flag on the surface of the moon.

Over the years, unfortunately, the sun's harsh cosmic rays have bleached the flag completely white. So, any future visitors to the moon will no longer be able to find any proof that the *US* went to the moon, since the only flag left is the French flag.

Astronauts joke, Back during the Apollo moon-missions, NASA astronauts left an American flag on the surface of the mo

The Polish Astronauts.

Ya' ever hear the one about the Polish Astronauts?

Yeah, so they decided to go on a mission to the sun. The Americans called them up saying, "Poland! You can't go to the sun! You'll burn alive!"

The Poles responded, "AHA! We go at night!"

What kind of gum do astronauts chew?

Hubble Bubble


Why are there no astronauts on Twitch.tv?

Because in space, no one can hear you stream.

Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft?

At parking meteors.

Astronauts joke, Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft?

Why are Astronauts seen as condescending?

Because all they do is look down at people.

Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship?

They need space.

What does NASA stand for

Need Another Seven Astronauts

What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon?

1/6 G

My 8 year old son came up with this one.

You can explore astronauts challenger reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean astronauts iss dad jokes. There are also astronauts puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why don't astronauts take anything seriously?

They don't grasp the gravity of the situation...

You know, they're making the prospective Mars astronauts shave their whole bodies prior to departure. That way, when it's time for blastoff...

they'll baldly go where no man has gone before.

How many astronauts have probed Uranus?

Zero... there's too much gas.

THANK YOU ALL AND GOODNIGHT!

So two astronauts walk into a club on the moon...

One says to the other, "Let's bounce, this place has no atmosphere"

Why can't astronauts eat popsicles?

In space, no one can hear the ice cream truck.

Astronauts joke, Why can't astronauts eat popsicles?

"Mr. Brezhnev, the Americans just landed on the moon!"

Brezhnev: "If the Americans were the first on the moon, then Russians will be first on the sun!"

Scientist: "But sun is so hot that astronauts will burn alive there!"

Brezhnev: "Are you stupid? We will fly to there in the night!"

Dear masturbating astronauts...

In space. No one can hear you cream

What type of music do astronauts love?

Neptunes!


What do astronauts use to enhance their performance?

Asteroids

Where do astronauts go to drink?

The bar.

Why don't ethnic and gender studies majors become astronauts?

Because there's no such thing as safe space.

How do astronauts throw a party?

They planet.

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?

Missile toe.

Two astronauts are floating aimlessly through space when one of them starts giggling uncontrollably.

The other looks at him and says, "Do you understand the gravity of this situation?"

What did the astronauts conclude after they found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...

Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."

Astronauts must be having a blast

Because now they can say:
"Houston YOU have a problem"

Why do Astronauts go into space?

Because some men just wanna watch the world turn.

Why do so many children aspire to be astronauts?

Some men just want to watch the world turn.

Why are Astronauts always so calm?

There's no pressure in space.

Why do astronauts think they are better than others?

Cause they're always looking down on us.

TIL: The Polish Space Program planned to be the first country to send a man to the sun.

When asked how they would prevent their astronauts from burning up, space program officials stated "We'll go at night."

What's the difference between an astronaut and a normal person?

A normal person does spacial geometry while astronauts do geometry in space

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

Two astronauts are falling into a black hole while telling jokes.

One turns to the other and says "I'm afraid we're not aware of the gravity of the situation."

Why are there no fat astronauts?

lack of space

Why don't astronauts eat much at breakfast?

So they can be ready for lunch

What do astronauts and lesbians have in common?

Both of their breath smells like tang.

I've never liked astronauts,

they think they're above me.

two astronauts are in the ISS cafeteria

astronaut 1: i can't find the milk for my coffee

astronaut 2: in space, no one can. here, use cream

I don't believe that the Moon Landing ever happened.

I mean, come on. The Moon is huge; if it had landed, it would've squished all of the astronauts.

What do women astronauts and my 14 year old daughter have in common?

"I have nothing to wear!"

What's the difference between an astronaut and a cosmonaut?

Astronauts take it slow, cosmonauts are always rushin'

What award does NASA give the astronauts that board their spacecraft particularly quickly?

The starship -enter-prize.

How do astronauts get to sleep?

They just drift off.

How many astronauts does it take to screw a light bulb?

One but it will take several others to prevent the spacecraft from spinning in the same direction.

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From my book *400 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone*.

Why do astronauts like computer keyboards?

Because they have a space bar

Three astronauts see a $10 bill on the floor

First astronaut says, I dropped $10 on the way here, this is mine.

Second astronaut says, Wait, my wallet's empty, it must be mine.

Third astronaut says, Whose ten, we have a problem.

Three astronauts walk into a bar

On the way in, one of them spots ten dollars on the floor. As he bends down to pick it up, one of the others claims that he saw it first, so it belongs to him. The third then claims that he dropped it earlier, so it must be his.

Whose ten? We have a problem...

Some astronauts wanted to have a New Year's party on the moon

But they didn't planet in time

Why would gen z make bad astronauts?

In space no one can hear you meme

So um... where do astronauts get drunk?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0

Q W E R T Y U I O P

A S D F G H J K L

Z X C V B N M

[ HERE! ]

Sorry...

Astronauts use Linux because...

They cannot open Windows in space.

What kind of currency do astronauts use?

Starbucks

Why do astronauts use Linux?

Because you can't open Windows in space.

FACT: 24 astronauts AND the Wright Brothers were born in Ohio.

Something about that crappy state makes people want to flee the Earth.

Why did Ohio produce 20 astronauts?

Because it's so boring, the inhabitants want to leave the planet

NASA received the bill from SpaceX for sending astronauts into space and they were shocked to see that it was nearly 3 billion dollars

They phoned Elon Musk and explained that they thought SpaceX wouldn't be charging to send astronauts into space.

Elon Musk responded by saying, 'there's no such thing as a free launch'

There are 2 astronauts in space.

The first says "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

The second says "in space, no-one can. Here, use cream"

(Saying it aloud helps)

#Tip your waitresses!

Three reditt astronauts, American, Russian and Chinese go the moon on separate missions arriving at same time, what is one common thing they all say upon landing

"My tits are jacked"

Astronauts preparing for STS-134 lobbied NASA to include fresh apples on board the final flight of the shuttle, but were ultimately unsuccessful.

Needless to say, it was a fruitless Endeavour

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about where they would go if they were astronauts.

The brunette says "the Moon. The Redhead says "Mars". The Blond says "The Sun." When the other two girls say she can't go to the sun as she'd get incinerated, she replies with "I'd go at night, duh!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the astronauts hubble jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working astronauts spaceman piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes