Astronauts Jokes

Following is our collection of challenger humor and astronaut one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Astronauts puns for adults, dirty iss jokes or clean rocket gags for kids.

There is an abundance of hubble jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 63 funniest jokes on astronauts. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any spaceman witze you can hear about astronauts.

The Best jokes about Astronauts

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

Why are Astronauts always so calm?

There's no pressure in space.

Why don't ethnic and gender studies majors become astronauts?

Because there's no such thing as safe space.

So two astronauts walk into a club on the moon...

One says to the other, "Let's bounce, this place has no atmosphere"

What do women astronauts and my 14 year old daughter have in common?

"I have nothing to wear!"


Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship?

They need space.

What did the astronauts conclude after they found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?

Missile toe.

RIP Neil Armstrong

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon?

1/6 G

My 8 year old son came up with this one.

Back during the Apollo moon-missions, NASA astronauts left an American flag on the surface of the moon.

Over the years, unfortunately, the sun's harsh cosmic rays have bleached the flag completely white. So, any future visitors to the moon will no longer be able to find any proof that the *US* went to the moon, since the only flag left is the French flag.


What award does NASA give the astronauts that board their spacecraft particularly quickly?

The starship -enter-prize.

two astronauts are in the ISS cafeteria

astronaut 1: i can't find the milk for my coffee

astronaut 2: in space, no one can. here, use cream

Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...

Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."

Astronauts must be having a blast

Because now they can say:
"Houston YOU have a problem"

Why don't astronauts take anything seriously?

They don't grasp the gravity of the situation...

Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft?

At parking meteors.

Why do Astronauts go into space?

Because some men just wanna watch the world turn.

How do astronauts get to sleep?

They just drift off.


So there's two astronauts on a rocket...

One says to the other, "Get Ready, it's almost time for launch." To which the other says "Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"

Three astronauts walk into a bar

On the way in, one of them spots ten dollars on the floor. As he bends down to pick it up, one of the others claims that he saw it first, so it belongs to him. The third then claims that he dropped it earlier, so it must be his.

Whose ten? We have a problem...

Where do astronauts go to drink?

The bar.

Why do so many children aspire to be astronauts?

Some men just want to watch the world turn.

Why do astronauts think they are better than others?

Cause they're always looking down on us.

The Blonde Astronaut

One day three female astronauts, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, had a few drinks in a bar to celebrate their accomplishments. The brunette said, "We should be proud that we were the first female astronauts to land on the moon." The redhead said, "And we should be proud that we were the first astronauts to walk on Mars." The blonde added, "And we should be proud that someday we'll be the first astronauts to fly to the sun." "Don't be ridiculous," said the brunette. "If we got within a 100-mile radius of the sun, we would burn up and die!" The blonde replied, "I know, that's why we'll go at night, I'm not that stupid!"

In honor of the 30 year anniversary of the Challenger explosion. What does NASA stand for?

Need Another Seven Astronauts

"Mr. Brezhnev, the Americans just landed on the moon!"

Brezhnev: "If the Americans were the first on the moon, then Russians will be first on the sun!"

Scientist: "But sun is so hot that astronauts will burn alive there!"

Brezhnev: "Are you stupid? We will fly to there in the night!"

What kind of gum do astronauts chew?

Hubble Bubble

What's the difference between an astronaut and a cosmonaut?

Astronauts take it slow, cosmonauts are always rushin'

Why do astronauts like computer keyboards?

Because they have a space bar

Why can't astronauts eat popsicles?

In space, no one can hear the ice cream truck.

What do astronauts use to enhance their performance?

Asteroids

I don't believe that the Moon Landing ever happened.

I mean, come on. The Moon is huge; if it had landed, it would've squished all of the astronauts.

Two astronauts are falling into a black hole while telling jokes.

One turns to the other and says "I'm afraid we're not aware of the gravity of the situation."

I've never liked astronauts,

they think they're above me.

TIL: The Polish Space Program planned to be the first country to send a man to the sun.

When asked how they would prevent their astronauts from burning up, space program officials stated "We'll go at night."

The Polish Astronauts.

Ya' ever hear the one about the Polish Astronauts?

Yeah, so they decided to go on a mission to the sun. The Americans called them up saying, "Poland! You can't go to the sun! You'll burn alive!"

The Poles responded, "AHA! We go at night!"

Offensive Challenger Jokes

What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts

What did Christa McAuliffe say before it blew up? "What does this button do?"

Where did Christa McAuliffe spend her vacation? All over Florida.

Why don't astronauts eat much at breakfast?

So they can be ready for lunch

Why are there no astronauts on Twitch.tv?

Because in space, no one can hear you stream.

Dear masturbating astronauts...

In space. No one can hear you cream

You know, they're making the prospective Mars astronauts shave their whole bodies prior to departure. That way, when it's time for blastoff...

they'll baldly go where no man has gone before.

Why are there no fat astronauts?

lack of space

How many astronauts does it take to screw a light bulb?

One but it will take several others to prevent the spacecraft from spinning in the same direction.

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From my book *400 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone*.

How many astronauts have probed Uranus?

Zero... there's too much gas.

THANK YOU ALL AND GOODNIGHT!

What do astronauts and lesbians have in common?

Both of their breath smells like tang.

What's the difference between an astronaut and a normal person?

A normal person does spacial geometry while astronauts do geometry in space

How do astronauts make a party?

They plan-et.

What type of music do astronauts love?

Neptunes!

Three astronauts see a $10 bill on the floor

First astronaut says, I dropped $10 on the way here, this is mine.

Second astronaut says, Wait, my wallet's empty, it must be mine.

Third astronaut says, Whose ten, we have a problem.

Why are Astronauts seen as condescending?

Because all they do is look down at people.

What do astronauts put on their toast?

Space Jam.

Two astronauts are floating aimlessly through space when one of them starts giggling uncontrollably.

The other looks at him and says, "Do you understand the gravity of this situation?"

How do astronauts throw a party?

They planet.

A five year old just made up this joke.

Q: Why do astronauts eat so fast?

A: Because they're on a rocket ship. Duh.

Where do astronauts hang out?

In the spacebar.

Why do astronauts always sit one chair apart from eachother when drinking alcohol?

Because they're at a space bar.

Why do astronauts always have the best opinions?

Because they always have the greatest perspective

I'm surprised that more people don't become astronauts

The amount of space cadets I come across is startling

Isolation can be a serious problem for astronauts, I'm sure modern medicine has an effective treatment for these problems.

Just give the astronauts a capsule.ο»Ώ

How do astronauts say they're sorry?

They apollo-gize.

Suicide bombers and Astronauts

When you think about it Suicide bombers and Astronauts are very similar,
They both strap themselves to explosives and hope to end up in a better place.

Where do cat astronauts go?

Meowterspace

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes