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Astronaut Jokes

155 astronaut jokes and hilarious astronaut puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about astronaut that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Do you love a good joke? Then read on and enjoy a roundup of the best astronaut jokes, including knock-knock, kid-friendly, and love jokes, as well as rocket launch and Mir naut jokes. Laugh out loud and prepare to earn your space humor badge!

Best Short Astronaut Jokes

Short astronaut jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The astronaut humour may include short astronomer jokes also.

  1. Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee" Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"
  2. On my first day at astronaut training, I vomited and asked the instructor, Is this normal? He said, Not during a written exam, no.
  3. Astronaut found out he won the lottery while he was in space Apparently when he found out he was over the moon
  4. A woman astronaut.. A woman astronaut calls her base:
    -Houston we have a problem.
    -What is it?
    -Nothing...
  5. Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet The view was breathtaking
  6. If you're an astronaut.. and you don't end every relationship with "I need space" then you're just wasting your time
  7. When I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut. But my dad crushed those dreams years ago... He'd always say "For you, son, the sky's the limit!"
  8. Why don't ethnic and gender studies majors become astronauts? Because there's no such thing as safe space.
  9. So two astronauts walk into a club on the moon... One says to the other, "Let's bounce, this place has no atmosphere"
  10. What do women astronauts and my 14 year old daughter have in common? "I have nothing to wear!"

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Astronaut joke, What do women astronauts and my 14 year old daughter have in common?


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about astronaut can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of astronaut puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Astronaut One Liners

Which astronaut one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with astronaut? I can suggest the ones about martian and rocket scientist.

  1. How can you tell if an astronaut is gay? You can't. There's no orientation in space.
  2. Why are Astronauts always so calm? There's no pressure in space.
  3. A Mexican magician works on Microsoft Windows Uno, and *p**...*, DOS is gone without a tres.
  4. How do astronauts make sure their mission goes smoothly? They planet.
  5. I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid, but my mom told me the sky is the limit.
  6. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space
  7. How do you calm down an astronaut? Give him some space
  8. What's a specimen? An Italian astronaut :-D
  9. My girl left me to become an astronaut. She said she needed some space.
  10. Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? He needed space.
  11. Why do astronauts use Linux? Because you can't open Windows in space.
  12. Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship? They need space.
  13. If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get? Missile toe.
  14. What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend? I need space.
  15. Why did the dumpling become an astronaut? It wanted to visit “dumplinets” in space!

Astronaut Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny astronaut day jokes and even better astronaut day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So, an astronaut dreams of spending a Little over a day on Mars... It is his Sol endeavor.
  • so the astronaut Chirstina Kush returned to earth... After being enclousured 328 days in space now she will be free to... be enclousured in his house. thanks covid 19.
  • "You left a floater in there you idiot", he screamed at me as he emerged from the toilet. My first day as an astronaut was not going as planned.
  • How does an astronaut organise his day? He'll planet

Astronaut Kid Jokes

Here is a list of funny astronaut kid jokes and even better astronaut kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When Trump was a kid wanted to be an astronaut when he grew up... ...but all he was able to accomplish was the first syllable.
  • A handicapped kid wants to be an astronaut. Because he has spacial needs.
  • I've wanted to become an astronaut ever since I was a kid, but decided not to after I heard about the 60% fatality rate. Shame too, only 40% off.

Astronaut Love Jokes

Here is a list of funny astronaut love jokes and even better astronaut love puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why should you never make love to a female astronaut twice? You might burn up on re-entry.
  • What do you call an astronaut who loves himself? A NASAccist!
  • What type of music do astronauts love? Neptunes!
  • Where do astronauts love keyboard Because it has a SpaceBar
  • An astronaut's wife says to him, worried: "You can't go to Mars! It is too dangerous!"
    To which he answers:
    "I'm sorry love, I do what I musk."
  • why are fish good astronauts? They love trouter space!
Astronaut joke, why are fish good astronauts?

Hilarious Fun Astronaut Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about astronaut you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean spaceship jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make astronaut prank.

Q: What did the astronaut say when he wanted to be alone? A: "Give me some space!"

An astronaut was ejected from the ISS n**....

It's OK, though. He felt no pressure.

RIP Neil Armstrong

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "o**... s**...? o**... s**... you want? You'll get o**... s**... when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

What do they tell people who flunk out of astronaut academy?

"The sky's the limit for you".

So there's two astronauts on a rocket...

One says to the other, "Get Ready, it's almost time for launch." To which the other says "Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"

Back during the Apollo moon-missions, NASA astronauts left an American flag on the surface of the moon.

Over the years, unfortunately, the sun's harsh cosmic rays have bleached the flag completely white. So, any future visitors to the moon will no longer be able to find any proof that the *US* went to the moon, since the only flag left is the French flag.

When I was a child, my father would always tell me, "The sky's the limit!"

He was never supportive of my dreams to become an astronaut.

What do a lonely astronaut and your thumbs have in common?

They both hang out at the Space Bar.

What part of the computer the astronaut likes the most?

A space bar.

What kind of gum do astronauts chew?

Hubble Bubble

Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft?

At parking meteors.

How does an astronaut cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

A father goes to a toy store...

And ask for a barbie for his daughter birthday
"are you looking for anything in special?"
"what do you have?"
"we have nurse Barbie for $40, Barbie Astronaut for $60, divorce Barbie for $300 "
"wait, why is divorce barbie so expensive?"
"Because it comes with kens house, kens car..."

I started dating an astronaut. It happened out of nowhere.

I did not planet.

First female Astronaut on the Moon.

Female: "Houston, we have a problem.
H:" What?"
Female:"Never mind"
H: What's the problem?
Female: "Nothing"
H:Please tell us?
Female:"You know what the problem is."

Mt. Everest has lost its record status ...

... now that a British astronaut is Earth's highest Peake.

What does NASA stand for

Need Another Seven Astronauts

What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon?

1/6 G
My 8 year old son came up with this one.

Why don't astronauts take anything seriously?

They don't grasp the gravity of the situation...

What's a specimen?

A Spanish astronaut

what do you call a mexican on the moon ?

an Astronaut you Racist

An astronaut and an alien walk into a space bar...

The astronaut doesn't say anything to the alien.
The alien doesn't say anything to the astronaut.

"Mr. Brezhnev, the Americans just landed on the moon!"

Brezhnev: "If the Americans were the first on the moon, then Russians will be first on the sun!"
Scientist: "But sun is so hot that astronauts will burn alive there!"
Brezhnev: "Are you s**...? We will fly to there in the night!"

Where do astronauts go to drink?

The bar.

Why is being an astronaut such an easy job?

No pressure.

What did one astronaut say to the other?

Stop mooning me, I can see Uranus.

I left my girlfriend to become an astronaut.

I told her I just needed space.

A cosmonaut's s**... story

I always knew that I wanted to be as astronaut , even when I was a little boy. However, I knew my father would not be supportive of me because he would always tell me "The sky's the limit!"

Why didn't they let the s**... m**... become an Astronaut?

They didn't want him getting near Uranus

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

Wouldn't it be more fitting if it was asteroids, I mean think about it instead of being a proctologist you would be a astronaut.

What did the astronauts conclude after they found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...

Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."

Astronauts must be having a blast

Because now they can say:
"Houston YOU have a problem"

Why do Astronauts go into space?

Because some men just wanna watch the world turn.

Why do so many children aspire to be astronauts?

Some men just want to watch the world turn.

Why do astronauts think they are better than others?

Cause they're always looking down on us.

DPRK sends astronaut to the sun

Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors:
North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!
His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:
How are you going to send people to the sun? It's too hot!
Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:
What an idiot! We can send them at night!
His advisors break out in applause. On hearing this Donald Trump says to his advisors:
What an idiot!…
There is no sun at night!

When I was younger my mom used to tell me...

"The sky is the limit."
But that really upset me because I wanted to be an astronaut.

What happened to the astronaut that m**... his friend in space?

Nothing.
He was above the law.

I think my babe is an astronaut

She said she needs space.

An astronaut refused to return to Earth to see his girlfriend

he said he needed more space.

A married astronaut couple just got divorced...

It's not that they were bad partners, it's just that they both needed some space.

How do you tie your spaceship to the dock?

With an astronaut.

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

Why did the astronaut leave his wife?

He needed some space.

I asked my Dad what I could be when I'm older and he told me "The sky is the limit".

It really upset me because I've always wanted to be an astronaut.

The biology teacher asks Johnny if he can describe what a specimen is?

Sure teach, a specimen is an Italian astronaut!

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?

You rocket

two astronauts are in the ISS cafeteria

astronaut 1: i can't find the milk for my coffee
astronaut 2: in space, no one can. here, use cream

What's the difference between an astronaut and a cosmonaut?

Astronauts take it slow, cosmonauts are always rushin'

When I was growing up, my parents would tell me, "The sky is the limit"

They weren't supportive of my dreams of becoming an astronaut.

What do you call a black person in space

An astronaut, obviously

What do you call an astronaut from the hood?

Zero G

What award does NASA give the astronauts that board their spacecraft particularly quickly?

The starship -enter-prize.

One Astronaut says to another

I can't find any milk for my coffee
To which the other replies In space no one can, here use cream

How do astronauts get to sleep?

They just drift off.

Why do astronauts like computer keyboards?

Because they have a space bar

This joke is out of this world.

Astronaut 1 : Hi mate, I can't find any milk for my coffee
Astronaut 2 : In space , no one can. Here, use cream.

Three astronauts walk into a bar

On the way in, one of them spots ten dollars on the floor. As he bends down to pick it up, one of the others claims that he saw it first, so it belongs to him. The third then claims that he dropped it earlier, so it must be his.
Whose ten? We have a problem...

An ISS astronaut says to his colleague, "I can't find any milk for my coffee."

His friend replies, "In space no one can. Here, use cream."

What laptop does an astronaut use?

Macbook. 'Cos you can't open windows in space. Ciao Bella ciao

What do you call a Mexican man in space?

An astronaut, you racist.

Three guys are talking, the first guy says "I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn."

And the second guy says, "Well, I am a p**..., so I drive a cheap e**...." And the third guy says, "I got you both beat. I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe."

Trump visits an elementary school

Trump visits an elementary school to greet the students and teachers. He asks the students, what do you all want to be when you grow up?
A farmer, shouts one.
An astronaut, shouts another.
The President of the United States, confidently says a little girl.
Who said that, shouts Trump. The little girl raises her hand and he darts eyes at her. He begins to fume, are you joking? Are you brainless? Are you a complete m**...? Are you s**...? Are you an idiot?
The little girl, taken aback, says, on second thought, nevermind! That sounds like too many requirements!

Astronaut joke, Trump visits an elementary school

jokes about astronaut

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these astronaut jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.