The Best 86 Astronaut Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Astronaut jokes. There are some astronaut rocket jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these astronaut iss puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Astronaut Jokes and Puns

Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"

An astronaut was ejected from the ISS naked.

It's OK, though. He felt no pressure.

RIP Neil Armstrong

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

Astronaut joke, RIP Neil Armstrong

What do they tell people who flunk out of astronaut academy?

"The sky's the limit for you".

So there's two astronauts on a rocket...

One says to the other, "Get Ready, it's almost time for launch." To which the other says "Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"


When does an astronaut eat his favourite meal?

At launch time.

What's a specimen?

An Italian astronaut :-D

Astronaut joke, What's a specimen?

When I was a child, my father would always tell me, "The sky's the limit!"

He was never supportive of my dreams to become an astronaut.

What do a lonely astronaut and your thumbs have in common?

They both hang out at the Space Bar.

A woman astronaut..

A woman astronaut calls her base:
-Houston we have a problem.
-What is it?
-Nothing...

What part of the computer the astronaut likes the most?

A space bar.

You can explore astronaut naut reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean astronaut laika dad jokes. There are also astronaut puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend?

I need space.

Did you hear about the deaf astronaut?

Neither did he.

Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft?

At parking meteors.

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

He needed space.

How does an astronaut cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

Astronaut joke, How does an astronaut cut his hair?

A father goes to a toy store...

And ask for a barbie for his daughter birthday

"are you looking for anything in special?"

"what do you have?"

"we have nurse Barbie for $40, Barbie Astronaut for $60, divorce Barbie for $300 "

"wait, why is divorce barbie so expensive?"

"Because it comes with kens house, kens car..."

I started dating an astronaut. It happened out of nowhere.

I did not planet.

First female Astronaut on the Moon.

Female: "Houston, we have a problem.
H:" What?"
Female:"Never mind"
H: What's the problem?
Female: "Nothing"
H:Please tell us?
Female:"You know what the problem is."


Mt. Everest has lost its record status ...

... now that a British astronaut is Earth's highest Peake.

Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship?

They need space.

Why don't astronauts take anything seriously?

They don't grasp the gravity of the situation...

If you're an astronaut..

and you don't end every relationship with "I need space" then you're just wasting your time

How do you calm down an astronaut?

Give him some space

What's a specimen?

A Spanish astronaut

So two astronauts walk into a club on the moon...

One says to the other, "Let's bounce, this place has no atmosphere"

what do you call a mexican on the moon ?

an Astronaut you Racist

An astronaut and an alien walk into a space bar...

The astronaut doesn't say anything to the alien.

The alien doesn't say anything to the astronaut.

Where do astronauts go to drink?

The bar.

Why is being an astronaut such an easy job?

No pressure.

I left my girlfriend to become an astronaut.

I told her I just needed space.

A cosmonaut's sob story

I always knew that I wanted to be as astronaut , even when I was a little boy. However, I knew my father would not be supportive of me because he would always tell me "The sky's the limit!"

Why didn't they let the sex molester become an Astronaut?

They didn't want him getting near Uranus

How can you tell if an astronaut is gay?

You can't. There's no orientation in space.

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

Wouldn't it be more fitting if it was asteroids, I mean think about it instead of being a proctologist you would be a astronaut.

What did the astronauts conclude after they found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...

Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."

Astronauts must be having a blast

Because now they can say:
"Houston YOU have a problem"

I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid,

but my mom told me the sky is the limit.

Why do Astronauts go into space?

Because some men just wanna watch the world turn.

Why are Astronauts always so calm?

There's no pressure in space.

Why do astronauts think they are better than others?

Cause they're always looking down on us.

DPRK sends astronaut to the sun

Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors:

North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

How are you going to send people to the sun? It's too hot!

Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:

What an idiot! We can send them at night!

His advisors break out in applause. On hearing this Donald Trump says to his advisors:

What an idiot!…

There is no sun at night!

When I was younger my mom used to tell me...

"The sky is the limit."
But that really upset me because I wanted to be an astronaut.

What happened to the astronaut that murder his friend in space?

Nothing.

He was above the law.

I think my babe is an astronaut

She said she needs space.

An astronaut refused to return to Earth to see his girlfriend

he said he needed more space.

A married astronaut couple just got divorced...

It's not that they were bad partners, it's just that they both needed some space.

How do you tie your spaceship to the dock?

With an astronaut.

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space

Why did the astronaut leave his wife?

He needed some space.

I asked my Dad what I could be when I'm older and he told me "The sky is the limit".

It really upset me because I've always wanted to be an astronaut.

Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet

The view was breathtaking

The biology teacher asks Johnny if he can describe what a specimen is?

Sure teach, a specimen is an Italian astronaut!

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?

You rocket

two astronauts are in the ISS cafeteria

astronaut 1: i can't find the milk for my coffee

astronaut 2: in space, no one can. here, use cream

What's the difference between an astronaut and a cosmonaut?

Astronauts take it slow, cosmonauts are always rushin'

When I was growing up, my parents would tell me, "The sky is the limit"

They weren't supportive of my dreams of becoming an astronaut.

What do you call a black person in space

An astronaut, obviously

What do you call an astronaut from the hood?

Zero G

One Astronaut says to another

I can't find any milk for my coffee

To which the other replies In space no one can, here use cream

How do astronauts get to sleep?

They just drift off.

Why do astronauts like computer keyboards?

Because they have a space bar

This joke is out of this world.

Astronaut 1 : Hi mate, I can't find any milk for my coffee
Astronaut 2 : In space , no one can. Here, use cream.

Three astronauts walk into a bar

On the way in, one of them spots ten dollars on the floor. As he bends down to pick it up, one of the others claims that he saw it first, so it belongs to him. The third then claims that he dropped it earlier, so it must be his.

Whose ten? We have a problem...

An ISS astronaut says to his colleague, "I can't find any milk for my coffee."

His friend replies, "In space no one can. Here, use cream."

What laptop does an astronaut use?

Macbook. 'Cos you can't open windows in space. Ciao Bella ciao

What do you call a Mexican man in space?

An astronaut, you racist.

Three guys are talking, the first guy says "I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn."

And the second guy says, "Well, I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort." And the third guy says, "I got you both beat. I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe."

My girl left me to become an astronaut.

She said she needed some space.

Trump visits an elementary school

Trump visits an elementary school to greet the students and teachers. He asks the students, what do you all want to be when you grow up?

A farmer, shouts one.

An astronaut, shouts another.

The President of the United States, confidently says a little girl.

Who said that, shouts Trump. The little girl raises her hand and he darts eyes at her. He begins to fume, are you joking? Are you brainless? Are you a complete moron? Are you stupid? Are you an idiot?

The little girl, taken aback, says, on second thought, nevermind! That sounds like too many requirements!

What do you call a crazy female astronaut?

A lunachick.

So um... where do astronauts get drunk?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0

Q W E R T Y U I O P

A S D F G H J K L

Z X C V B N M

[ HERE! ]

Sorry...

This is literally what my non-religious brother said to my Astronaut colleague.

Colleague :Hey Abraham, you are a Jew right?

Abraham : Well, not exactly. I'm Jew-ish.

I was taking a shit, when it hit me...

Kinda sucks, being an astronaut.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut. But my dad crushed those dreams years ago...

He'd always say "For you, son, the sky's the limit!"

An astronaut is making coffee onboard the ISS...

He turns to his crewmate and says:
"Damn, I can't find any milk for my coffee."

The crewmate replies:
"In space no one can, here use cream."

Why do astronauts use Linux?

Because you can't open Windows in space.

Last two years I spent time impersonating a Federal Agent. Nobody gave me trouble when they saw me, including the police.

Then I turned 8 and decided I wanted to be an astronaut instead.

An Asian doctor, SEAL, and astronaut walks into a bar

His name is Jonny Kim. Please don't let my mother know about him.

What do you call a black man in space?

An astronaut you goddamn racist. What else would you call him?

There are 2 astronauts in space.

The first says "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

The second says "in space, no-one can. Here, use cream"

(Saying it aloud helps)

#Tip your waitresses!

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

because he wanted space

I got kicked out of astronaut training for joking around too much in the underwater simulation course.

They said I didn't appreciate the gravity of the situation.

Astronauts preparing for STS-134 lobbied NASA to include fresh apples on board the final flight of the shuttle, but were ultimately unsuccessful.

Needless to say, it was a fruitless Endeavour

What did the other bugs call the bug who wanted to be an astronaut?

A LUNAtick

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the astronaut cosmonaut jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working astronaut spaceship piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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