astronaut Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious astronaut puns

Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"


How can you tell if an astronaut is gay?

You can't. There's no orientation in space.


Why are Astronauts always so calm?

There's no pressure in space.


A woman astronaut..

A woman astronaut calls her base:
-Houston we have a problem.
-What is it?


I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid,

but my mom told me the sky is the limit.


What do you call a black man in a space suit?

An astronaut, you fucking racist


Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space


How do you calm down an astronaut?

Give him some space


Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet

The view was breathtaking


What's a specimen?

An Italian astronaut :-D


If you're an astronaut..

and you don't end every relationship with "I need space" then you're just wasting your time


So two astronauts walk into a club on the moon...

One says to the other, "Let's bounce, this place has no atmosphere"


Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

He needed space.


What do they tell people who flunk out of astronaut academy?

"The sky's the limit for you".


Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship?

They need space.


What did the astronauts conclude after they found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.


What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend?

I need space.


A father goes to a toy store...

And ask for a barbie for his daughter birthday

"are you looking for anything in special?"

"what do you have?"

"we have nurse Barbie for $40, Barbie Astronaut for $60, divorce Barbie for $300 "

"wait, why is divorce barbie so expensive?"

"Because it comes with kens house, kens car..."


RIP Neil Armstrong

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"


DPRK sends astronaut to the sun

Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors:

North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

How are you going to send people to the sun? It's too hot!

Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:

What an idiot! We can send them at night!

His advisors break out in applause. On hearing this Donald Trump says to his advisors:

What an idiot!…

There is no sun at night!


Why is being an astronaut such an easy job?

No pressure.


How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?

You rocket


Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...

Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."


When I was a child, my father would always tell me, "The sky's the limit!"

He was never supportive of my dreams to become an astronaut.


How do you tie your spaceship to the dock?

With an astronaut.


An astronaut and an alien walk into a space bar...

The astronaut doesn't say anything to the alien.

The alien doesn't say anything to the astronaut.


What part of the computer the astronaut likes the most?

A space bar.


Astronauts must be having a blast

Because now they can say:
"Houston YOU have a problem"


The biology teacher asks Johnny if he can describe what a specimen is?

Sure teach, a specimen is an Italian astronaut!


I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid...

...but my parents told me the sky was the limit.


First female Astronaut on the Moon.

Female: "Houston, we have a problem.
H:" What?"
Female:"Never mind"
H: What's the problem?
Female: "Nothing"
H:Please tell us?
Female:"You know what the problem is."


An astronaut was ejected from the ISS naked.

It's OK, though. He felt no pressure.


An astronaut refused to return to Earth to see his girlfriend

he said he needed more space.


How does an astronaut cut his hair?

Eclipse it.


Why do Astronauts go into space?

Because some men just wanna watch the world turn.


What are the most funny Astronaut jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Astronaut? Well, here are the best Astronaut dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Astronaut pick up lines to share with friends.

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