Astrology Jokes

Following is our collection of scorpio humor and gemini one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Astrology puns for adults, dirty electromagnetic jokes or clean neon gags for kids.

There is an abundance of taurus jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 19 funniest jokes on astrology. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any astrologer witze you can hear about astrology.

The Best jokes about Astrology

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

There's only one group of people dumb enough to believe in astrology...


My girlfriend and I broke up over astrology.

She's a Taurus, but I don't believe in bullshit.

Let's be thankful WebMD never got into Astrology...

Otherwise everybody would just be a Cancer

What don't they name train stations after astrology signs?

No passenger would ever make it past the terminal Cancer!

A man goes to the doctor

After a few tests he says
Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health

The doctor says
Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all

The man replies
What? I don't believe a doctor believes in that astrology stuff

Oh, not that answers the doctor. My thermometer broke

Will I be ok doc?

I doubt it Mercury is in Uranus right now

I replied I don't do that Astrology stuff

Me neither the Doctor replied my thermometer just broke

I said to my doctor "I think I'm obsessed with Astrology"

He said "What are the signs?"

I told my superstitious friend I was having knee pains

She said "I have been reading into astrology and its said that Capricorn, the sea-goat, has more knee pains. Are you a Capricorn?"

I said "No ma'am. I'm a Taurus, and that's bull."

What made the astrology woman such a freak?

She let Gemini both have a go with her.

Astrology joke

I've got a cousin who was born with a rare condition that renders him speechless, deaf, blind, immobile, and unable to talk. He mostly lies in bed in a hospital, and we feed him through tubes. But underneath all that, you can totally tell he's got that typical wacky Capricorn sense of humor.

When she asked me about my sign I told her I don't believe in astrology...

Because I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical.

Why was astrology invented?

So economics would seem like an accurate science.

You should never use an astrology sign generator.

It might give you cancer.

I can't stand when people talk about astrology like it's real.

I'm such an Aries.

What do you get when you cross astronomy and cosmology with a dyslexic girl at starbucks?

Astrology, cosmetology, and a pumpkin space latte

Astrology Fact of the Day (Aquarius)

Aquarius, with an extra M becomes aquariums.

How does the government remember the difference between Astronomy and Astrology?


Just like with "Eco-", you don't consider it a science if it ends with "-logy"

I beat not one, but TWO Cancers.

Sadly the Astrology convention staff are pressing charges for assault.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes