The Best 23 Astrology Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Astrology jokes. There are some astrology gemini jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these astrology neon puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Astrology Jokes and Puns

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

A guy is having a check up at the doctor's...

"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it" sais the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"

"I don't believe in that astrology crap, doc"

"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"

There's only one group of people dumb enough to believe in astrology...


Astrology joke, There's only one group of people dumb enough to believe in astrology...

My girlfriend and I broke up over astrology.

She's a Taurus, but I don't believe in bullshit.

Let's be thankful WebMD never got into Astrology...

Otherwise everybody would just be a Cancer

What don't they name train stations after astrology signs?

No passenger would ever make it past the terminal Cancer!

A man goes to the doctor

After a few tests he says
Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health

The doctor says
Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all

The man replies
What? I don't believe a doctor believes in that astrology stuff

Oh, not that answers the doctor. My thermometer broke

Astrology joke, A man goes to the doctor

My doctor called three times...

...just to tell me my astrology sign! And he wasn't even right! And they call themselves professionals .

Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?

During his routine medical check, the long suffering patient asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it", said doctor, "Mercury is in Uranus right now."

The patient said, " I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

Neither do I", replied the doctor, "My thermometer just broke in your ass."

Will I be ok doc?

I doubt it Mercury is in Uranus right now

I replied I don't do that Astrology stuff

Me neither the Doctor replied my thermometer just broke

I've decided to stop going to my doctor now I've found out he's into astrology

I went to get the results of a scan and all he had to say was "I've consulted your chart and I can see Cancer is rising in Uranus".

You can explore astrology scorpio reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean astrology electromagnetic dad jokes. There are also astrology puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I said to my doctor "I think I'm obsessed with Astrology"

He said "What are the signs?"

I told my superstitious friend I was having knee pains

She said "I have been reading into astrology and its said that Capricorn, the sea-goat, has more knee pains. Are you a Capricorn?"

I said "No ma'am. I'm a Taurus, and that's bull."

What made the astrology woman such a freak?

She let Gemini both have a go with her.

Astrology joke

I've got a cousin who was born with a rare condition that renders him speechless, deaf, blind, immobile, and unable to talk. He mostly lies in bed in a hospital, and we feed him through tubes. But underneath all that, you can totally tell he's got that typical wacky Capricorn sense of humor.

When she asked me about my sign I told her I don't believe in astrology...

Because I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical.

Astrology joke, When she asked me about my sign I told her I don't believe in astrology...

Why was astrology invented?

So economics would seem like an accurate science.

You should never use an astrology sign generator.

It might give you cancer.

I can't stand when people talk about astrology like it's real.

I'm such an Aries.

What do you get when you cross astronomy and cosmology with a dyslexic girl at starbucks?

Astrology, cosmetology, and a pumpkin space latte

How does the government remember the difference between Astronomy and Astrology?


Just like with "Eco-", you don't consider it a science if it ends with "-logy"

I beat not one, but TWO Cancers.

Sadly the Astrology convention staff are pressing charges for assault.

Astrology Fact of the Day (Aquarius)

Aquarius, with an extra M becomes aquariums.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the astrology taurus jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working astrology astrologer piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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