Astrologer Jokes

Following is our collection of marry humor and nobles one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Astrologer puns for adults, dirty astrology jokes or clean sagittarius gags for kids.

There is an abundance of astro jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 9 funniest jokes on astrologer. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any horoscope witze you can hear about astrologer.

The Best jokes about Astrologer

A boy meets an astrologer

The Astrologers predicts that the boy will die soon.

Disheartened he walks into his professor and turns off all the lights; but why?

Because he knew, with no light; the professor's pupils will dilate.

When I was young, my astrologer said I was born for bigger things in life

Pretty accurate prediction!! I moved from S to M to L to XL to XXL

A woman visits an astrologer

Astrologer: Would you like me to tell you your husband's future?

Woman: No you tell me his past, I'll decide his future.

One day a court astrologer predicted that the Queen would die next day.

One day a court astrologer predicted that the Queen would die next day.

When she really died the next day, the King wanted to get the astrologer killed as he thought that he had purposefully conspired to kill the Queen to fulfill his prophecy.

The guards brought the astrologer to the court and the King asked him: "You seem to predict very well. Tell me, when are you going to die?"

The astrologer, with dead seriousness on his tone, said-"I shall die three days before you, Oh great king of kings!".

His life was spared.

One day, Hitler went to meet an astrologer.

"When will I die?" he asked.

"On a Jewish holiday." The astrologer replied with a smirk.

Hitler twisted up his face. "How the hell can you be so sure?"

"Oh, my Fuhrer, any day you die will be a Jewish holiday."



(Not an original for anyone who didn't already know.)


An astrologer asks a lady if she wanted to know her husband's future...

To which she replied, "I decide his future, tell me about his past"

How did the astrologer cross the road?

In his Taurus!

Astrologer and the man

Astrologer - You and your wife will have a long life together.

Man - Is there any solution to this problem?

Why can't astrologers find humor in the movements of stars and planets?

The real joke is in the comets

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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