The Best 10 Astrologer Jokes

Following is our collection of Astrologer jokes which are very funny. There are some astrologer nobles jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these astrologer sagittarius puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Astrologer Jokes and Puns

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.

Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: "Prophet, tell me when you will die!"The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, "I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later."

A boy meets an astrologer

The Astrologers predicts that the boy will die soon.

Disheartened he walks into his professor and turns off all the lights; but why?

Because he knew, with no light; the professor's pupils will dilate.

When I was young, my astrologer said I was born for bigger things in life

Pretty accurate prediction!! I moved from S to M to L to XL to XXL

A woman visits an astrologer

Astrologer: Would you like me to tell you your husband's future?

Woman: No you tell me his past, I'll decide his future.

One day, Hitler went to meet an astrologer.

"When will I die?" he asked.

"On a Jewish holiday." The astrologer replied with a smirk.

Hitler twisted up his face. "How the hell can you be so sure?"

"Oh, my Fuhrer, any day you die will be a Jewish holiday."



(Not an original for anyone who didn't already know.)


An astrologer asks a lady if she wanted to know her husband's future...

To which she replied, "I decide his future, tell me about his past"

How did the astrologer cross the road?

In his Taurus!

Astrologer and the man

Astrologer - You and your wife will have a long life together.

Man - Is there any solution to this problem?

Why can't astrologers find humor in the movements of stars and planets?

The real joke is in the comets

Astrologers should be jailed

for giving away spoilers.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the astrologer astro jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working astrologer horoscope piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes