Astrologer Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A boy meets an astrologer

The Astrologers predicts that the boy will die soon.

Disheartened he walks into his professor and turns off all the lights; but why?

Because he knew, with no light; the professor's pupils will dilate.

When I was young, my astrologer said I was born for bigger things in life

Pretty accurate prediction!! I moved from S to M to L to XL to XXL

A woman visits an astrologer

Astrologer: Would you like me to tell you your husband's future?

Woman: No you tell me his past, I'll decide his future.

One day a court astrologer predicted that the Queen would die next day.

One day a court astrologer predicted that the Queen would die next day.

When she really died the next day, the King wanted to get the astrologer killed as he thought that he had purposefully conspired to kill the Queen to fulfill his prophecy.

The guards brought the astrologer to the court and the King asked him: "You seem to predict very well. Tell me, when are you going to die?"

The astrologer, with dead seriousness on his tone, said-"I shall die three days before you, Oh great king of kings!".

His life was spared.

An astrologer asks a lady if she wanted to know her husband's future...

To which she replied, "I decide his future, tell me about his past"

How did the astrologer cross the road?

In his Taurus!

Astrologer and the man

Astrologer - You and your wife will have a long life together.

Man - Is there any solution to this problem?

Went to an astrologer and found out why my wife and I aren't compatible.

I'm a Capricorn and she's a fucking BITCH!

What are the funniest astrologer jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Astrologer? Well, here are the best Astrologer puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Astrologer pick up lines to share with friends.

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