Astro Jokes
108 astro jokes and hilarious astro puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about astro that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy a laugh about the vast reaches of our universe with these funny astro jokes. From Elon Musk to astronomical, astrology and astro turf, these jokes will have you smiling even amongst the stars.
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Funniest Astro Short Jokes
Short astro jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The astro humour may include short astronomical jokes also.
- Yesterday I was charged $10,000 dollars for sending my cat into space. It was a cat astro fee.
- What does Neil Degrasse Tyson say to pickup a lady? "Hey, would you like to get astro physical with my dark matter?"
- I'm glad the Astros won the World Series The people of Houston have waded so long for this.
- Black lives matter held a rally in Houston, but no one knew what they were trying to say. The Astros stole all their signs.
- NASA is currently developing a way to grow cashews on the Moon's soil... They're calling them Astro-nuts.
- What's the difference between the trash can in the Houston Astros dugout and me? That trash can is getting banged
- What's another name for NASA technicians who will never actually go into outer space themselves? Astro-nots
- The first transgender World Series The Brewers, an NL team that used to be an AL team, against the Astros, an AL team that used to be an NL team.
- I'm glad the Houston Astros and the Washington Nationals made it into the World Series... It's the Astro-Nats and you can call it the Out of This World Series.
- What job did the baseball player get after he was cut by the Astros? He became an Astronaut.
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Astro One Liners
Which astro one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with astro? I can suggest the ones about astrology and astronomy.
- What do you call a tangled rope in space? Astro-knot.
- What do you call J.K Rowling when she goes to space? Astro TERF
- What kind of knots only exist in space? Astro-knots.
- How many Astros fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Both of them.
- Why did the astro physicist go digging in the dirt? He was looking for wormholes.
- What do they do with rope in space? Tie Astro-knots.
- How do they tie things down on the space station? They use astro knots.
- How do you tie space shoes? With astro-knots.
- What do you put in your interstellar trail mix? Astro-nuts
- Houston got smacked... The Astros and The Rockets
- Why don't they send felines into space anymore? Too many cat-astro-fees.
- I guess that now John Glenn is dead... ... that would make him an Astro-not...
- What do you call a dictator who is sent into space? Fidel Astro
- How does a martian tie his shoes? Astro knots
- In America, we have Astro-Turf. In Russia to they have Cosmo-Turf?
Howlingly Hilarious Astro Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about astro you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean astronomer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make astro pranks.
Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee"
Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"
An astronaut was ejected from the ISS n**....
It's OK, though. He felt no pressure.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
for meatier showers.
So there's two astronauts on a rocket...
One says to the other, "Get Ready, it's almost time for launch." To which the other says "Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"
When does an astronaut eat his favourite meal?
At launch time.
Why was the astronaut so sore?
He had a buildup of ga-lactic acid.
What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend?
I need space.
Do you know why astronomers named the planet "Saturn?"
It just had a nice ring to it.
What did the astronaut say to the other when he pressed the wrong button?
I apollo-gize.
My astronomy professor told me
I was his star pupil.
Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft?
At parking meteors.
So 2 astronomers decided to throw a party
They sit down for lunch and one of them says: ok, let's planet
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
He needed space.
How does an astronaut cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day.
I'm sorry.
Not all astrophysicists are bad.
I'm sure at least one of them's a really Feynman.
Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship?
They need space.
Why don't astronauts take anything seriously?
They don't grasp the gravity of the situation...
If you're an astronaut..
and you don't end every relationship with "I need space" then you're just wasting your time
Why do astronomers love Game of Thrones?
Because of its dwarf star.
So two astronauts walk into a club on the moon...
One says to the other, "Let's bounce, this place has no atmosphere"
Why can't astronauts eat popsicles?
In space, no one can hear the ice cream truck.
An astronaut and an alien walk into a space bar...
The astronaut doesn't say anything to the alien.
The alien doesn't say anything to the astronaut.
I became an astronaut for my girlfriend but she still left me
I guess I misinterpreted her when she said she needed space
Q: How do astronomers organize a party?
**They planet.**
What does an astronaut say when he's sorry?
All my Apollo-gies.
Why couldn't the astronaut book a room on the moon?
Because it was full.
What do astronauts use to enhance their performance?
Asteroids
Where do astronauts go to drink?
The bar.
Why is being an astronaut such an easy job?
No pressure.
What did one astronaut say to the other?
Stop mooning me, I can see Uranus.
What do astrounauts put in their toasts?
Space jam.
How can you tell if an astronaut is gay?
You can't. There's no orientation in space.
What did the astronauts conclude after they found bones on the moon?
The cow didn't make it.
Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...
Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."
Astronauts must be having a blast
Because now they can say:
"Houston YOU have a problem"
Why do Astronauts go into space?
Because some men just wanna watch the world turn.
Why are Astronauts always so calm?
There's no pressure in space.
Why do astronauts think they are better than others?
Cause they're always looking down on us.
I tried to take an astronomy class
But remembering all those constellations really took its Ptolemy.
An astronaut refused to return to Earth to see his girlfriend
he said he needed more space.
After Astronomers discovered the Earth rotates about an axis...
They got bored and decided to call it a day!
Why did the astronaut leave his wife?
He needed some space.
Two astronauts are falling into a black hole while telling jokes.
One turns to the other and says "I'm afraid we're not aware of the gravity of the situation."
I've never liked astronauts,
they think they're above me.
two astronauts are in the ISS cafeteria
astronaut 1: i can't find the milk for my coffee
astronaut 2: in space, no one can. here, use cream
Why did the Astronomer bring a slab of ribs into the bathroom?
He wanted to witness a meatier shower.
One Astronaut says to another
I can't find any milk for my coffee
To which the other replies In space no one can, here use cream
How do astronauts get to sleep?
They just drift off.
Why do astronauts like computer keyboards?
Because they have a space bar
Three astronauts walk into a bar
On the way in, one of them spots ten dollars on the floor. As he bends down to pick it up, one of the others claims that he saw it first, so it belongs to him. The third then claims that he dropped it earlier, so it must be his.
Whose ten? We have a problem...
Why did the astronomer take a steak to the bathroom?
Because he wanted a meatier shower.
Astrologists are said to be poor interpreters...
but they always find something, if it's any constellation.
Whenever I see an Astronomy discovery it reminds me of this joke
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician were on the train from London to Edinburgh, as they passed the Scottish border they saw a black sheep.
'Ah ha' said the astronomer 'from that I can deduce that in Scotland all sheep are black'
'No' said the physicist 'we can deduce that in Scotland some sheep are black'
'Actually' said the mathematician 'all we know is that in Scotland there is a field in which there is a sheep, one side of which is black'
Some astronauts wanted to have a New Year's party on the moon
But they didn't planet in time
So um... where do astronauts get drunk?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0
Q W E R T Y U I O P
A S D F G H J K L
Z X C V B N M
[ HERE! ]
Sorry...
Why was the astronomer so good at finding new planets?
He was out standing in his field
An astrologer went to the doctor for her lab results.
*Before the doctor could say anything, the astrologer asks* What's your zodiac sign?
Doctor: Gemini
Astrologer: I knew it, Gemini are the most studious of all the zodiac sign.
Doctor: What's your zodiac sign?
Astrologer: Cancer.
Doctor: **What a coincidence.**
So, an astronaut dreams of spending a Little over a day on Mars...
It is his Sol endeavor.
An astronaut is making coffee onboard the ISS...
He turns to his crewmate and says:
"d**..., I can't find any milk for my coffee."
The crewmate replies:
"In space no one can, here use cream."
Why do astronauts use Linux?
Because you can't open Windows in space.
There are 2 astronauts in space.
The first says "I can't find any milk for my coffee"
The second says "in space, no-one can. Here, use cream"
(Saying it aloud helps)
#Tip your waitresses!
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
because he wanted space
Astronauts preparing for STS-134 lobbied NASA to include fresh apples on board the final flight of the shuttle, but were ultimately unsuccessful.
Needless to say, it was a fruitless Endeavour
Why did the astronaut kick her bf out of the capsule?
he needed some space
Why did the astronaut throw away his vegetarian burger?
He wanted something *meteor*.
An astrologist goes to a doctor
After a few tests he says "Doctor, I'm not feeling too good about my future health"
The doctor says "Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all."
The astrologist exclaims, "What?! You're actually right. I'm shocked that a doctor believes in astrology"
"Oh, not that." replies the doctor. "My thermometer broke"
How to use Astrology to know about your relationship future:
If she starts to speak about your sign: run!
If she starts to speak about your sign and ascendent: run like h**..., and never come back!
Where do astronaut keyboards go for a drink?
The space bar.
Why do astronauts prefer the Linux operating system.
Because you can't open Window's in space.
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time.
My astronaut girlfriend left me
She said she needed space.
Why did the astronauts get sent back to Earth?
Because they were being astronaughty
How do astronauts make sure their mission goes smoothly?
They planet.
A Mexican magician works on Microsoft Windows
Uno, and *p**...*, DOS is gone without a tres.
What???
Three astronauts are sitting at a table,one from the us,one from russia,and one from Poland. The us astronaut says were going to Mars. The russian says we made it to the moon. The pole says were going to the sun. The other two astronauts say you cant land on the sun,you'll burn. Theres nothing to land on. The polish guy says,"dont tell anyone,but were going at night!
An astronaught came into the shop today
He didn't have cash but he did have Starbucks
Why do astronauts use Linux?
Because they can't open windows
