Astonishment Jokes

Following is our collection of calmly humor and suprise one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Astonishment puns for adults, dirty youthful jokes or clean questioningly gags for kids.

There is an abundance of confidently jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 9 funniest jokes on astonishment. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any dismay witze you can hear about astonishment.

The Best jokes about Astonishment

Little Jewish boy that can't understand math

Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School.

The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To the parents astonishment when his reportcard arrives he has an A in math!!

They asked Elisha what the difference was and he replied," When I saw what they did to the poor guy on the plus sign I knew they were serious!!"

Woman bathing naked

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys was lingering over by a bush. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long, so he walked over to the bush, and to his astonishment saw a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden the second boy took off running.

The first boy couldn't understand why his friend ran away so abruptly, so he took off after him. When he finally caught up to him, he asked why he ran away.

The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

A woman goes to the doctor

A woman goes to the doctor one day and tells him she's been having some stomach pains. In reply the doctor takes some samples and tells the woman to come back a week later when the results are in. So a week later the woman goes to the doctor and asks "So what's wrong with me?", "well..." says the doctor "in 6 months from now you be changing diapers.", in astonishment the woman exclaims "wow, I'm pregnant?", "No..." says the doctor "you have bowel cancer."

Why we don't serve blondes?

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

President Trump and Pope Francis on a cruise

President Trump and Pope Francis happen to run into each other while on an international cruise. It was quite a windy day out of the sea when the Popes hat flew off the ship and into the sea. President Trump immediately climbs overboard to fetch the Popes hat. In astonishment, the Pope looks overboard to see what just happened. He cannot believe what he sees. President Trump is not swimming, but walking on the water over to his hat. President Trump comes back to the Pope with the hat while he remained dry.


The media the next day came out with the following headline...

BREAKING NEWS: PRESIDENT TRUMP CAN NOT SWIM


A little boy opened the big, old family Bible

with fascination and looked at the old pages as he turned them.

Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"

Jacob's 5th birthday. He wants to be a doctor as his parents.

5th birthday of Jacob who wants to be a doctor as his parents.
His mom is a 'Ear Nose And Throat' doctor. His father is gynecologist. Guests approach Jacob with gifts asking if he want to be a 'Ear Nose And Throat' doctor as his mom or a gynecologist as his dad. Jacob thought about it a little then said: I want to be gynecologist. Why would you, they asked in astonishment. Cause I have no idea about ears and noses. Jacob replied.

A man walks into a bar looking proud as can be

A man looks at his friend and says "Man, he sure looks happy." His friend agrees and goes up to the man. "Pardon me mister, but why are you so happy?" The man chuckles and sits down with the men. "I am happy because I just had sex with a woman who was tied to the train tracks." The two men look at each other in astonishment. "Tell us more." Says the first man. So the man tells them about all the positions and things. "So did you get head?" Said the Second man. The man shakes his head and says "Sadly no. I couldn't find it."

I'm standing in a bank with a mask, glasses, gloves

The banker asks me "What can I do for you?". From the astonishment I didn't even pull out my gun.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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