The Best 10 Asthmatic Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Asthmatic jokes. There are some asthmatic asthma jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these asthmatic bronchitis puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Asthmatic Jokes and Puns

My ex girlfirend

My ex-girlfriend used to give me nicknames whilst giving me head.

"The Impaler" was my favourite.

Well, at least, that's what I thought she said....

Turns out she's asthmatic and it's my fault she died.

When my Mom found out I had asthma she sent me to a camp for Asthmatic children.

It was so much fun.. singing songs around the Humidifire. ( yes I know how I spelt it )

English Football joke.

A policeman stops a suspected drunk driver and asks him to take a

breath test, the driver pulls out a medical card which says 'this man

is asthmatic please do not take his breath.'

So the policeman asks him to take a blood test, the man then

pulls out another card which read 'this man is anemic, please

do not take his blood'. Finally the police, getting pissed off asks

him to take a urine test, finally the man pulled out his

Manchester United season ticket which read 'this man is a

Manchester United fan, please do not take the piss.

(Edit works with other teams as well.)

Asthmatic joke, English Football joke.

So I had a terrible asthmatic attack today.

You'd think I would have heard them hiding.

What do you call an asthmatic vampire?

Vlad the Inhaler

DAD:Always date an asthmatic...

SON: Why dad?
DAD: You'll always take her breath away.

What do an asthmatic stoner and a one legged mountain climber have in common?

They both have difficulty getting high.

Asthmatic joke, What do an asthmatic stoner and a one legged mountain climber have in common?

A policeman pulls over a driver...

for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
I can't do that, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.

Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.

Alright, we could get a blood sample.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.

Fine then, just walk this white line.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm drunk.

Asthmatic people are so aggressive

This girl was punching and kicking me and kept on gasping and making noises.

All I really did was take her inhaler.

What's an asthmatic person's favorite band?


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the asthmatic hemophiliac jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working asthmatic nhs piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes