Asthmatic Jokes

Following is our collection of station humor and asthma one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Asthmatic puns for adults, dirty lungs jokes or clean bronchitis gags for kids.

There is an abundance of hemophiliac jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 12 funniest jokes on asthmatic. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any nhs witze you can hear about asthmatic.

The Best jokes about Asthmatic

My ex girlfirend

My ex-girlfriend used to give me nicknames whilst giving me head.


"The Impaler" was my favourite.


Well, at least, that's what I thought she said....


Turns out she's asthmatic and it's my fault she died.

When my Mom found out I had asthma she sent me to a camp for Asthmatic children.

It was so much fun.. singing songs around the Humidifire. ( yes I know how I spelt it )


Sorry, I Can't do That!

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.

He goes up to the guy's window and says,

"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."

"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

"Well, then we need a urine sample."

"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."

"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."

"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."

A policeman pulls over a driver...

for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
I can't do that, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.

Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.

Alright, we could get a blood sample.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.

Fine then, just walk this white line.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm drunk.

A police man stops a car and sees a nerdy little man sitting at the wheel...

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says







"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."







The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."






"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."





"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."






"Well, then we need a urine sample."






"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."







"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."





"I can't do that, officer."



"Why not?"





"Because I'm too drunk to do that."


So I had a terrible asthmatic attack today.

You'd think I would have heard them hiding.

What do you call an asthmatic vampire?

Vlad the Inhaler

A police officer pulls a man over for driving all over the road...

...and discovers the man has clearly been drinking.

Officer: "You'll have to come with me for a breathalyzer test, sir."

Man: "I'm afraid I can't do that officer, I'm ams-- *hic* alths-- I'm asthmatic. I could have an episode."

O: "I see. In that case, I'll need to take you down to the station for a blood test."

M: "I can't do that either, see, because I'm a helmpho-- a hemophiliac. I could bleed out."

O: "*sigh*... okay, just stand right there and hold your arms out to your sides, tilt your head straight back, and touch your nose with your right index finger."

M: "I'm afraid I can't do that either, because I.................."

O: "What, you have vertigo?"

M: "Yes! Sorry, I can't think very fast after 14 beers!"

DAD:Always date an asthmatic...

SON: Why dad?
DAD: You'll always take her breath away.

What do an asthmatic stoner and a one legged mountain climber have in common?

They both have difficulty getting high.

Asthmatic people are so aggressive

This girl was punching and kicking me and kept on gasping and making noises.

All I really did was take her inhaler.


What's an asthmatic person's favorite band?

Weezer

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes