Asthma Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit jokes. They include Asthma puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Asthma

When my Mom found out I had asthma she sent me to a camp for Asthmatic children.

It was so much fun.. singing songs around the Humidifire. ( yes I know how I spelt it )

Two ladies meet up for coffee...

The first lady asks if she came on the bus. The other replies, "Yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack."

(I work in a hospital, a patient told me this.)

What's the similarity between Hitler and an asthma patient?

Neither of them can finish a race.

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test. I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack. Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test. Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death. Ok, the cop answers then I will need a urine sample. Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low. Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me. Can't do that either responds Jim. Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop. Well, because I'm drunk!

Why do people with asthma prefer to be cremated when they die?

Because they hate coffin.


Blind Date

Joe sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's really unattractive?" says Mike. "I'll be stuck with her all night."

"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."

So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how attractive and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts:

"Aaaaaauuuggghhh!

What do you call an African American with asthma?

The Black Panter

I feel bad for people who have asthma

Because out of all the things you could be bad at, you suck at breathing.

A Spanish Joke - Translated

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over.

Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a Breathalyzer test.

I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.

Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test.

Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.

Ok, the cop answers then I will need a urine sample.

Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.

Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.

Can't do that either responds Jim.

Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop.

Well, because I'm drunk!

Edit 1: Formatting

Tell me if I translated this properly!


Sorry, I Can't do That!

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.

He goes up to the guy's window and says,

"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."

"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

"Well, then we need a urine sample."

"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."

"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."

"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."

I used to think I was good in bed.....

Until my girlfriend told me she had asthma.


A policeman pulls over a driver...

for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
I can't do that, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.

Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.

Alright, we could get a blood sample.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.

Fine then, just walk this white line.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm drunk.

A police man stops a car and sees a nerdy little man sitting at the wheel...

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says







"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."







The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."






"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."





"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."






"Well, then we need a urine sample."






"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."







"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."





"I can't do that, officer."



"Why not?"





"Because I'm too drunk to do that."

What do you call a Russian with asthma?

Vlad the inhaler

You can run but you can't hide

Is a funny thing to say to children with asthma

I always thought I was good at sex

Then I found out all my exes had asthma

What is it called when a gamer fights someone?

An Asthma attack.

A police officer pulls over a man...

Officer: Sir, you were swerving quite heavily back there. I would like you to take this breathalyzer test.

Man: I'm sorry officer, but I can't do that.

Officer: Well why not?

Man: I have asthma. If I do that I'll have an asthma attack and die.

Officer: Ok. How 'bout we go down to the station and do a blood test?

Man: I'm sorry officer, but I can't do that either.

Officer: Well why not?

Man: I am a hemophiliac. If I do that I'll bleed to death.

Officer: Ok. Well how 'bout I draw a line with chalk and you try to walk.

Man: I'm sorry officer, but I can't do that either.

Officer: Well why not?

Man: I'm too drunk.

What do you call a pair of shoes with asthma?

Wheezys.


What do you call a vampire with asthma?

Vlad the Inhaler

Hitlers Disease

A little known fact about Adolf Hitler he had severe asthma and lung issues his whole life. He even wrote in his journal about it briefly titled Mein Cough.

Filipino Word of the Day: Chicken Nut Bread

Juan: My girlpren hab asthma so sometimes chicken nut bread..

What band do people with asthma listen to?

Wheezer.

What did David Lee Roth use to suppress his asthma attacks?

an Eddie Vanhaler

What do an asthmatic stoner and a one legged mountain climber have in common?

They both have difficulty getting high.

Why did the Monster Hunter bring their inhaler to fight Vaal Hazak?

"My asthma."

Which state has the worst asthma?

Louiwheezeiana

Asthmatic people are so aggressive

This girl was punching and kicking me and kept on gasping and making noises.

All I really did was take her inhaler.

A driver was swerving all over the road...

... then was pulled over by a police officer. The police officer knocked on the door and said,

"Sir, please blow into this machine"

"Sorry officer, I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because I have asthma, and it might trigger an asthma attack"

"Okay, could we get a blood sample then?"

"Sorry officer, I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because I have diabetes, and it might upset my blood sugar level"

"Okay, then just step outside your car and walk in a straight line"

"Sorry officer, I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk"

What would King T'challas be if he had asthma?

The Black Pant-tha.

I used to hide my ex-girlfriend's asthma inhaler...

Because my neighbors thought i was a total stallion. They used to hear her all night... *HUFF PUFF WHEEZE* "GIVE IT TO ME!" *HUFF PUFF WHEEZE* "GIVE IT TO ME!"

Boom.

I had an asthma attack while walking to work today...

Even I didn't believe it when 3 asthmatics jumped out of a bush and started hitting me.

A man visits the doctor to get treatment for his asthma.

The doctor recommends that having better ventilation within the man's house could potentially cure his condition, and tells him to sleep with his windows open.

A few days later, he visits the doctor again.

"Ah, I see you're back. How's your asthma? Is it gone?"

The man shakes his head and replies:

"No, but my TV, cellphone, and my laptop are."

You are like my asthma

You take my breath away.

Why do people have asthma?

Just breathe.

What's an asthmatic person's favorite band?

Weezer

What do you call a dinosaur with asthma?

A bronchiosaurus.

Yo momma's allergy to nuts is so bad

I teabagged her and she had an asthma attack

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes