The Best 39 Asthma Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Asthma jokes. There are some asthma wheeze jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these asthma severe puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Asthma Jokes and Puns

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test. I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack. Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test. Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death. Ok, the cop answers then I will need a urine sample. Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low. Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me. Can't do that either responds Jim. Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop. Well, because I'm drunk!

A policeman pulls over a driver...

for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
I can't do that, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.

Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.

Alright, we could get a blood sample.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.

Fine then, just walk this white line.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm drunk.

Two ladies meet up for coffee...

The first lady asks if she came on the bus. The other replies, "Yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack."

(I work in a hospital, a patient told me this.)

Asthma joke, Two ladies meet up for coffee...

When my Mom found out I had asthma she sent me to a camp for Asthmatic children.

It was so much fun.. singing songs around the Humidifire. ( yes I know how I spelt it )

I used to hide my ex-girlfriend's asthma inhaler...

Because my neighbors thought i was a total stallion. They used to hear her all night... *HUFF PUFF WHEEZE* "GIVE IT TO ME!" *HUFF PUFF WHEEZE* "GIVE IT TO ME!"


A man visits the doctor to get treatment for his asthma.

The doctor recommends that having better ventilation within the man's house could potentially cure his condition, and tells him to sleep with his windows open.

A few days later, he visits the doctor again.

"Ah, I see you're back. How's your asthma? Is it gone?"

The man shakes his head and replies:

"No, but my TV, cellphone, and my laptop are."

What do you call a vampire with asthma?

Vlad the Inhaler

Asthma joke, What do you call a vampire with asthma?

I had an asthma attack while walking to work today...

Even I didn't believe it when 3 asthmatics jumped out of a bush and started hitting me.

Which state has the worst asthma?


What would Jesus's name be if he had asthma?

Wheesus Christ

You can run but you can't hide

Is a funny thing to say to children with asthma

You can explore asthma kernels reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean asthma intestinal dad jokes. There are also asthma puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Filipino Word of the Day: Chicken Nut Bread

Juan: My girlpren hab asthma so sometimes chicken nut bread..

What is it called when a gamer fights someone?

An Asthma attack.

What do an asthmatic stoner and a one legged mountain climber have in common?

They both have difficulty getting high.

I used to think I was good in bed.....

Until my girlfriend told me she had asthma.

What do you call a rapper with asthma?

Lil Weezy

Asthma joke, What do you call a rapper with asthma?

Whats the difference between someone with an european fetish and someone with asthma

One is a brit seeker, the other is a sick breather

My medical report for asthma is coming soon.

I'm waiting with bated breath.

Hitlers Disease

A little known fact about Adolf Hitler he had severe asthma and lung issues his whole life. He even wrote in his journal about it briefly titled Mein Cough.

What band do people with asthma listen to?


Know what really makes me laugh to the point where it's hard to breathe?

Jokes about asthma

I always thought I was good at sex

Then I found out all my exes had asthma

What do you call a pair of shoes with asthma?


What did David Lee Roth use to suppress his asthma attacks?

an Eddie Vanhaler

Definition of "living in illusion"

When after 25 years of marriage you realize your wife isn't as "passionate" as you thought but instead has asthma.

Why did the Monster Hunter bring their inhaler to fight Vaal Hazak?

"My asthma."

What do you call an African American with asthma?

The Black Panter

Why do people with asthma prefer to be cremated when they die?

Because they hate coffin.

I feel bad for people who have asthma

Because out of all the things you could be bad at, you suck at breathing.

What do you call a Russian with asthma?

Vlad the inhaler

Asthmatic people are so aggressive

This girl was punching and kicking me and kept on gasping and making noises.

All I really did was take her inhaler.

Why do people have asthma?

Just breathe.

What's an asthmatic person's favorite band?


Yo momma's allergy to nuts is so bad

I teabagged her and she had an asthma attack

What do you call a dinosaur with asthma?

A bronchiosaurus.

You are like my asthma

You take my breath away.

What would King T'challas be if he had asthma?

The Black Pant-tha.

What's the similarity between Hitler and an asthma patient?

Neither of them can finish a race.

When you go hiking with asthma

You'll always find a breathtaking view

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the asthma hemophiliac jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working asthma oxygen piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes