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Asthma Jokes

59 asthma jokes and hilarious asthma puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about asthma that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Need a laugh? Check out these hilarious asthma jokes—from coping with a sudden asthma attack to bovines and bronchitis, there's something for everyone! We've even got some zany kernel-related puns. Get ready to giggle!

Funniest Asthma Short Jokes

Short asthma jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The asthma humour may include short allergy jokes also.

  1. When my Mom found out I had asthma she sent me to a camp for Asthmatic children. It was so much fun.. singing songs around the Humidifire. ( yes I know how I spelt it )
  2. Two ladies meet up for coffee... The first lady asks if she came on the bus. The other replies, "Yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack."
    (I work in a hospital, a patient told me this.)
  3. 2 old ladies in a cafe Ethel : " Did you come on the bus?"
    Doris: "Yes!! but I made it look like an asthma attack. "
  4. Filipino Word of the Day: Chicken Nut Bread Juan: My girlpren hab asthma so sometimes chicken nut bread..
  5. Q: Did you hear about the guy with French asthma?
    A: He could only catch his breath in snatches.
  6. Why did the Monster Hunter bring their inhaler to fight Vaal Hazak? "My asthma."
  7. Which state has the worst asthma? Louiwheezeiana
  8. You are like my asthma You take my breath away.
  9. What do you call a dinosaur with asthma? A bronchiosaurus.
  10. Why do people have asthma? Just breathe.

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Asthma One Liners

Which asthma one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with asthma? I can suggest the ones about autism and arthritis.

  1. I thought I was world's best lover Until i found out my wife has asthma.
  2. Why do people with asthma prefer to be cremated when they die? Because they hate coffin.
  3. What do you call an African American with asthma? The Black Panter
  4. I used to think I was good in bed..... Until my girlfriend told me she had asthma.
  5. What do you call a Russian with asthma? Vlad the inhaler
  6. When you go hiking with asthma You'll always find a breathtaking view
  7. You can run but you can't hide Is a funny thing to say to children with asthma
  8. What is it called when a gamer fights someone? An Asthma attack.
  9. What do you call a vampire with asthma? Vlad the Inhaler
  10. What do you call a pair of shoes with asthma? Wheezys.
  11. What did David Lee Roth use to suppress his asthma attacks? an Eddie Vanhaler
  12. What band do people with asthma listen to? Wheezer.
  13. What is a kid with asthma's favorite band? Weezer
  14. What would King T'challas be if he had asthma? The Black Pant-tha.
  15. Yo momma's allergy to nuts is so bad I teabagged her and she had an asthma attack

Asthma Attack Jokes

Here is a list of funny asthma attack jokes and even better asthma attack puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I had an asthma attack while walking to work today... Even I didn't believe it when 3 asthmatics jumped out of a bush and started hitting me.
  • i had an asthma attack with all that wheezing you would of thought i would have heard them hiding
  • Yeah, I've gotten an asthma attack before A bumped into a s**... and he punched me in the face
Asthma joke, Yeah, I've gotten an asthma attack before

Heartwarming Asthma Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about asthma you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean epilepsy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make asthma pranks.

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test. I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack. Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test. Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death. Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample. Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low. Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me. Can't do that either responds Jim. Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop. Well, because I'm drunk!

A policeman pulls over a driver...

for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
I can't do that, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.
Okay, we'll just get a u**... sample down at the station.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.
Alright, we could get a blood sample.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.
Fine then, just walk this white line.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm drunk.

I used to hide my ex-girlfriend's asthma inhaler...

Because my neighbors thought i was a total stallion. They used to hear her all night... *HUFF PUFF WHEEZE* "GIVE IT TO ME!" *HUFF PUFF WHEEZE* "GIVE IT TO ME!"
Boom.

A man visits the doctor to get treatment for his asthma.

The doctor recommends that having better ventilation within the man's house could potentially cure his condition, and tells him to sleep with his windows open.
A few days later, he visits the doctor again.
"Ah, I see you're back. How's your asthma? Is it gone?"
The man shakes his head and replies:
"No, but my TV, cellphone, and my laptop are."

What would Jesus's name be if he had asthma?

Wheesus Christ

What do an asthmatic s**... and a one legged mountain climber have in common?

They both have difficulty getting high.

What do you call a rapper with asthma?

Lil Weezy

My medical report for asthma is coming soon.

I'm waiting with bated breath.

Hitlers Disease

A little known fact about Adolf h**... he had severe asthma and lung issues his whole life. He even wrote in his journal about it briefly titled Mein Cough.

Know what really makes me laugh to the point where it's hard to breathe?

Jokes about asthma

I always thought I was good at s**...

Then I found out all my exes had asthma

Definition of "living in illusion"

When after 25 years of marriage you realize your wife isn't as "passionate" as you thought but instead has asthma.

I feel bad for people who have asthma

Because out of all the things you could be bad at, you s**... at breathing.

Asthmatic people are so aggressive

This girl was punching and k**... me and kept on gasping and making noises.
All I really did was take her inhaler.

What's an asthmatic person's favorite band?

Weezer

What's the similarity between h**... and an asthma patient?

Neither of them can finish a race.

A man goes to the doctor

"Help me", he says, "I think I might be asthmatic because I have a really hard time breathing"
The doctor performes a couple of tests and tells him: "From now on, I want you to sleep with your windows wide open."
A week later the man comes to the doctor again. The doctor asks him: "So, did you follow my recommendation?"
"Yes sir, I slept with my windows wide open every night"
"And what about your asthma? Did it disappear?"
"No, but what did is my watch, my laptop, my television, ..."

A cop pulled over a guy he suspected of driving under the influence.

He told the driver he'd have to take a breathalyzer test..
"Sorry, officer but I've got asthma and a breathalyzer might trigger anaphylaxis attack."
"Okay well then you'll have to do a u**... test"
"Afraid I can't do that either. You see I have diabetes and my u**... has all kinds of stuff in it that would throw a test off."
"OK fine. Then step out of your car and walk a white line."
"Nope can't do that either."
"Oh yeah, so what's your excuse this time."
"Cuz I'm drunk, ya dumb a**...!

Asthma joke, I thought I was world's best lover

jokes about asthma