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Asthma Attack Jokes

22 asthma attack jokes and hilarious asthma attack puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about asthma attack that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Asthma Attack Short Jokes

Short asthma attack jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The asthma attack humour may include short asthma jokes also.

  1. Two ladies meet up for coffee... The first lady asks if she came on the bus. The other replies, "Yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack."
    (I work in a hospital, a patient told me this.)
  2. 2 old ladies in a cafe Ethel : " Did you come on the bus?"
    Doris: "Yes!! but I made it look like an asthma attack. "
  3. I had an asthma attack while walking to work today... Even I didn't believe it when 3 asthmatics jumped out of a bush and started hitting me.
  4. i had an asthma attack with all that wheezing you would of thought i would have heard them hiding
  5. Yeah, I've gotten an asthma attack before A bumped into a s**... and he punched me in the face

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Asthma Attack One Liners

Which asthma attack one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with asthma attack? I can suggest the ones about anxiety attacks and heart attack.

  1. What is it called when a gamer fights someone? An Asthma attack.
  2. What did David Lee Roth use to suppress his asthma attacks? an Eddie Vanhaler
  3. Yo momma's allergy to nuts is so bad I teabagged her and she had an asthma attack

Asthma Attack Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about asthma attack you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean panic attack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make asthma attack pranks.

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test. I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack. Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test. Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death. Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample. Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low. Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me. Can't do that either responds Jim. Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop. Well, because I'm drunk!

Three old grannies are on a park bench when a very attractive n**... young man runs by in front of them.

The three old ladies, who hadn't had action in decades, fixed their eyes on the handsome hunk and gasped.
Janice pressed her hand on her heart and said, "wow, that whippersnapper d**... near gave me a heart attack."
Edna, rubbing her neck, added, "I almost had an asthma attack!"
Mavis , still reaching in front of her, out of breath, exclaimed, "I almost had a s**...-- but he was just out of my reach."

A policeman pulls over a driver...

for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
I can't do that, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.
Okay, we'll just get a u**... sample down at the station.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.
Alright, we could get a blood sample.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.
Fine then, just walk this white line.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm drunk.

A cop pulled over a guy he suspected of driving under the influence.

He told the driver he'd have to take a breathalyzer test..
"Sorry, officer but I've got asthma and a breathalyzer might trigger anaphylaxis attack."
"Okay well then you'll have to do a u**... test"
"Afraid I can't do that either. You see I have diabetes and my u**... has all kinds of stuff in it that would throw a test off."
"OK fine. Then step out of your car and walk a white line."
"Nope can't do that either."
"Oh yeah, so what's your excuse this time."
"Cuz I'm drunk, ya dumb a**...!

A police officer pulls over a man...

Officer: Sir, you were swerving quite heavily back there. I would like you to take this breathalyzer test.
Man: I'm sorry officer, but I can't do that.
Officer: Well why not?
Man: I have asthma. If I do that I'll have an asthma attack and die.
Officer: Ok. How 'bout we go down to the station and do a blood test?
Man: I'm sorry officer, but I can't do that either.
Officer: Well why not?
Man: I am a hemophiliac. If I do that I'll bleed to death.
Officer: Ok. Well how 'bout I draw a line with chalk and you try to walk.
Man: I'm sorry officer, but I can't do that either.
Officer: Well why not?
Man: I'm too drunk.

A driver was swerving all over the road...

... then was pulled over by a police officer. The police officer knocked on the door and said,
"Sir, please blow into this machine"
"Sorry officer, I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because I have asthma, and it might trigger an asthma attack"
"Okay, could we get a blood sample then?"
"Sorry officer, I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because I have diabetes, and it might upset my blood sugar level"
"Okay, then just step outside your car and walk in a straight line"
"Sorry officer, I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk"

A police man stops a car and sees a nerdy little man sitting at the wheel...

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says
"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we need a u**... sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm too drunk to do that."

A Spanish Joke - Translated

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over.
Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a Breathalyzer test.

I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.
Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test.
Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.
Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample.
Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.
Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.
Can't do that either responds Jim.
Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop.
Well, because I'm drunk!
Edit 1: Formatting
Tell me if I translated this properly!

Blind Date

Joe sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's really unattractive?" says Mike. "I'll be stuck with her all night."
"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."
So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how attractive and s**... she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts:
"Aaaaaauuuggghhh!


Sorry, I Can't do That!

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says,
"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we need a u**... sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.


He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that.
I am an asthmatic.
If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac.
If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we need a u**... sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either.
I am also a diabetic.
If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm too drunk to do that."