Assumption Jokes

Following is our collection of posit humor and stalkers one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Assumption puns for adults, dirty conjecture jokes or clean punctuation gags for kids.

There is an abundance of jai jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 11 funniest jokes on assumption. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any suppose witze you can hear about assumption.

The Best jokes about Assumption

I always wear my Stethoscope around my neck

So in an emergency, it teaches people a valuable lesson about assumption

So a woman is at a supermarket...

She is loading all her items on the conveyer belt for the chasier to scan.

Her items are; A litre of milk, a carton of eggs, and a head of lettuce.

The cashier looks at her and says, "Are you single?"

The customer, shocked at her assumption says, "Yes, I am. How did you know?"

The cashier says, "Because you're ugly."

I think most of you probably already know about the first rule of Assumption Club.

You know what they say about assumptions, right?

They say that they are generally wrong.

Three guys were at the gates of Heaven.

God says to each of them, "If you tell me how you died, I'll let you into Heaven."

The First guy looks at God and says, "I live in an eight story apartment building and my apartment in on the seventh floor on the west side of the building. I had left work early because I had an assumption that my wife was cheating on me.

"So I had made it home and saw my wife in bed, clothed in only a bath robe, and she was sweating. I searched around for the guy she was cheating on me with, but I couldn't find him.

"So I go outside on my balcony and I see a pair of hands hanging from the balcony. I just knew that was him! I tried stepping on his hands but his grip was too strong; so I go inside, which is the kitchen, and tip my refrigerator over and push it off the edge. Unfortunately, my leg was caught by the cord and I fall to my death."

God allows the man into Heaven.

The Second man, furious, says, "I live in an eight story apartment on the top floor. I am a business man. I was outside sorting paper work when a gust of wind blows my papers in the air. As I reach for them, the fence to my balcony breaks and I was hanging on for dear life a floor below when this idiot steps on my hands and throws a refrigerator at me!"

God allows him into Heaven.

The Third guy looks at God and says, "Picture this... You're in a refrigerator... Naked.."


A duck and a laptop go to a bar and, after a while, the bartender asks the duck if he'd like the drinks on his bill

The laptop scolds the bartender for making such an assumption and insists that the drinks be put on his tab

There are two types of people in this world

Those who can make an assumption based on a previous statement

KenM agrees that something is a risky assumption

Big "if", true

Life is like a box of chocolates...

You have a vague assumption of what you're going to get but in the end you're always dissapointed.

My wife thinks I'm cheating on her.

It's affair assumption.

My friend told me the Kardashians had big butts.

I called him out for the assumption.


Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes