Associate Jokes

Following is our collection of colleague funnies and friend chistes working better than reddit jokes. They include Associate puns for adults, dirty adviser jokes or clean assistant gags for kids.

There is an abundance of join jokes out there, and you're fortunate because we've a collection of favorite ones. Check out the funniest 19 jokes on the internet, even funnier than any advisor witze you can hear about associate.

The Best jokes about Associate

An Apple Store in Minneapolis reported losing $200,000 in inventory to riot-related theft.

'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.

My friend told me white rice was better than brown rice...

I stopped talking to him, because I don't associate with ricists.

A blonde goes to a electronics store...

and walks up to the sales associate and says, "I would like to buy the TV in the corner."

The associate says, "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes."

Furious, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair black. The next day, she returns to the store. She sees the same associate and says, "I would like to buy the TV in the corner."

He replies, "Sorry ma'am we don't serve blondes here."

Figuring the associate recognized her, the woman goes home and this time dyes her hair red. She returns to the store the following day. The previous associate isn't there and tells another associate, "I would like to purchase the TV in the corner."

The associate says, "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes here."

The blonde says, "You have never seen me before, how do you know I'm blonde?!"

He responds, "That is not a TV, it's a microwave!"

skipping church

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally
beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he
told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass
for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town
to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't
accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee,
he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from
the heavens and exclaimed "You're not going to let him get away with this, are
you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin,
dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.

IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

On his way home from work, a man realizes he has forgotten a birthday gift for his daughter...

He stops at Toys R Us and heads straight to the Barbies. Overwhelmed by all of his choices, he approaches a nearby sales associate. She then proceeds to show him their most popular Barbie dolls.

"Well, here we have Astronaut Barbie, Surfer Barbie, and Veterinarian Barbie... but our most popular doll by far is Divorced Barbie."

"Divorced Barbie? What makes her so popular? That seems like an odd choice..." the confused father replies.

The sales associate proceeded "Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's furniture, and Ken's best friend."


Bunny Wabbits

A little girl steps into a pet shop, walks up to a sales associate, and says, "I would wike to buy a wabbit, pwease.."

The woman takes one look at the little girl, and her heart melts. The child had big, bright eyes, a little button nose, pig tails - she's cuter than Shirley Temple. She scrunches down to the girl's eye level, and gushes:

"Weww, what kind of bunny wabbit would you wike? Do you want a white bunny, or a bwack bunny, or a bwown bunny, or maybe a cawwico bunny?"

"Gee, I don't know," the girl replies, looking down and shuffling her feet ... "I weawwy don't fink my pyfon gives a cwap".

Russian Condoms

One day the president of the largest condom company in Russia is called down by his sales associate. He tells the president that they have just gotten a huge order from America for double extra large 16" condoms. The associate tells the prez that it must be a prank, so the president mulls it over for a minute and then says "Make their order, but when you mark them them for shipping, stamp them with 'EXTRA SMALL.'"

A blonde walks into Best Buy...

She approaches an associate and asks the price of a TV in the corner, but to her surprise, the associate looks at her and tell her that they don't serve blondes.

The blonde goes home and dies her hair brown, the returns to the store and asks the same question - only to get the same reply.

Now furious at how he recognized her, she goes home and puts on a black wig, paints her nails, changes her clothes and puts on sunglasses before heading back out.

She walks back into the store and asks for help with the same TV in the corner.

"Again, lady, we don't serve blondes." the associate replies.

"How the heck do you know it's me?!"

"Because that's not a TV, it's a microwave."

2 lawyers are walking back from lunch

When a stunningly beautiful young woman passes them, they turn and admire her from behind, then one says to the other "Man, I'd really love to screw her." His associate asks "Out of what?"

My surname, Stead, rhymes with bed

My surname, Stead, rhymes with bed, but people often pronounce it as "steed", like the horse. One day a business associate of mine came over to the house and was greeted by my girlfriend.

"Is Mr. Steed in?" the woman asked.

"He's Stead," my girlfriend snapped.

"Oh, no!" the women gasped. " I was talking to him only yesterday."

I try not to associate myself with bowlers

They're all a bunch of pinheads


Dunno why people like to associate Comcast with the Nazis

It's not like they're the fascist out there.

Darkened Room

A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of the law firm. After months of the social isolation that comes from eighty hour work weeks, the associate was happy to reciprocate. However, when asked by a friend to identify the lover, the associate was puzzled. "All I know for sure is that it was a partner -- I had to do all the work."

Sherlock Holmes and his trusty associate Dr. John Watson are strolling leisurely through London's botanical gardens. (OC)

They are investigating the mysterious disappearance of a botanist who specialized in arboreal citrus.

Watson squints, focusing his gaze on something across the gardens. He gasps in surprise and grabs Sherlock's arm. He points at the thing that has captivated his attention and asks "Sherlock, is that a lime tree?"

Sherlock offers a pleasant chuckle and turns to Watson slowly, taking a slow drag from his tar-black pipe. After exhaling the blue-grey smoke into the moist air of the gardens, he says:

It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson.

A man walks into a library and checks out a book on suicide.

He walks out and the librarian then turns to her work associate and says, He's not bringing that book back.

A Chinese businessman is entertaining his guest from England

Each time the Chinese lifts the glass, the says to his English associate: Kan Pei! 干杯 (Cheers)

The Englishman is stunned, but he continues eating.

It keeps recurring, each time the Chinese wants to drink, he exclaims: Kan Pei!

Finally, the English puts down his cutlery and says aloud to his Chinese associate: It's alright if you CAN'T PAY! I will! Now, shut up and eat!!

I got fired from my position of sales associate at Dyson vacuums yesterday...

Apparently saying "Would you like to try our vacuums? They suck!" wasn't the best thing to say to the customers.

What political group does Matthew McConaughey associate with?

Alt-right alt-right alt-riiight

Why didn't the cows associate with the pigs?

Because they were Mooslims.


Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

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