Assistant Manager Jokes
15 assistant manager jokes and hilarious assistant manager puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about assistant manager that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Assistant Manager Short Jokes
Short assistant manager jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The assistant manager humour may include short office manager jokes also.
- Russian 'Matreshka' Doll store is looking for a senior manager... also a manager, a junior manager and a junior manager's assistant.
- Accidentally wore a red shirt and khaki pants to Target today... Long story short, I think I got promoted to Assistant Manager.
- Work ad: Russian matryoshka doll factory is looking for a head manager, a manager, a junior manager, and an assistant junior manager.
- What do you work? I am the Personal Assistant of the Executive Technical Manager. What does that mean?
I pass tools to the mechanic. - A talk with the Boss. Boss: "Since you've started here, a year ago, you went from a mere assistant to regional manager, what can you say about that?"
Dude: "Thanks dad." - What did the Networking manager tell his assistant about working late? Tell my wifi won't be home for dinner.
- An employee and her boss are having s**.... Boss: Do you want to change positions?
Employee: Uh yeah. Can I be the Assistant Manager?
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Assistant Manager Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about assistant manager you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean assistant jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make assistant manager pranks.
Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 81, your two hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.
Boat rental intern to manager: uh, sir, we only have 60 boats.
Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 18, do you require assistance?
A blind man and his seeing eye dog enter a department store
In the middle of the household items aisle he suddenly stops, grabs his dog by the hind legs and swings him around above his head a couple of times.
Alarmed, the assistant manager comes running and exclaims "Sir! Sir! What are you doing?"
"Oh, just looking around", says the blind man
A manager was told by his doctor to take up some sport for exercise, so he decided to play tennis. After a couple of weeks, his administrative assistant asked him how he was doing.
"It's going fine," the manager said. "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says, "To the corner! Backhand! To the net! Smash! Go back!"
"Really? What happens then?" the woman asked enthusiastically.
"Then my body says, 'Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!'"
Can't come in
A theatre manager was worried that his headlining act hadn't turned up yet. His assistant came up to him.
"Sir, you just received this letter from the headlining act"
The manager took the letter and read it.
"Dear sir, I am afraid I cannot come in for the show tonight as I have..."
The manager stopped reading and kept staring at the letter.
"I can't read his writing, is that an I or an O?"
The assistant looked at the letter.
"It's an I"
"Thank goodness, I thought he'd shot himself"
At a welcome seminar at a senior assisted living facility...
...the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be of limits for all males, and likewise the male dormitory to the females.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time".
He continued "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this point, an older gentleman stood up in the crowd inquired... "How much for a season pass?"
A frog walks into a bank...
...and proceeds to ask the Asian teller, Ms. Patricia Wok, for a $5,000 loan. Absolutely gobsmacked at a talking frog she mechanically goes through the procedure, asking him if he has any references. As a matter of fact, he replies, my dad's m**... Jagger, he's a musician. Okay, she says hesitantly. I mean if a talking frog, what's not allowed? Do you have any collateral, she continues. Yeah, he says, this ruby, while pulling a crimson rock from his overalls. Composing herself she decides to ask the bank manager for assistance. Quickly bringing him up to speed, she says, can we continue with the transaction and is the ruby even real? At which point the bank manager examines the gemstone, sizes up the situation and says, it's just a nicknack Patty Wok but give the frog a loan, his old man is a rolling stone.
Reading between the lines.
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
Profound (And Deep) Jokes
A manager at Goldman Sachs has this to tell.
Once upon a time in a village, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs 10. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at Rs 10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.
He further announced that he would now buy at Rs 20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs 25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs 50!
However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs 50."
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!
Welcome to 'Goldman Sachs'!
**Continued in the Comments**