Assistant Jokes
147 assistant jokes and hilarious assistant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about assistant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Can't get enough of assistant jokes? Check out this collection of hilarious jokes for assistant principal, assistant manager, assistant director, assistant coach, Google assistant, dental assistant, physician assistant, medical assistant, teaching assistant, supervisor, associate, and attendant. You're sure to be entertained and laughing out loud!
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Funniest Assistant Short Jokes
Short assistant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The assistant humour may include short administrator jokes also.
- What's big, black and loaded with aids? A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.
- When god created man Gods assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
Gods assistant: Why?
God: For furniture.
Gods assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me it'll be funny - A man walked into a bookshop and said: I'd like to buy a book by Shakespeare 'Of course' replied the sale assistant 'Any particular one?'
'William, of course' replies the man. - A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn't need any assistance. The tailor says… ... "Fine. suit yourself."
- A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray "Is this good for wasps?" he asked the assistant.
"No, it kills them." - A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray. "Is this good for wasps?" he asks the assistant.
To which she replies "No, it kills them." - I went to a bookstore and asked the assistant for a book on Turtles.. "Hardback?" she asked
"Yes, with little heads" I said - I went to the pharmacy yesterday and asked the assistant "What kills coronavirus"? She replied "Ammonia cleaner"
I said "Sorry, I thought you worked here" - Argued with a shop assistant and she hit me with her labeling gun. Now there's a price on my head.
- I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any arnold schwarzenegger action figures in store... She replied "Aisle B, back".
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Assistant One Liners
Which assistant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with assistant? I can suggest the ones about coach and advisor.
- Assist is 50% the letter "S"... The rest are just there to help.
- My friends call me 007 when i play call of duty with them. 0 Kills
0 Assist
7 Deaths - Why did the tractor sell medicines? Because it was a farm assist!
... I'm sorry... - What do you call assistants that help citrus fruit? Lemonade.
- What do you call a very short person that assists you in your timing? A metrognome
- Who performs the most assisted suicides. Youth in Asia.
- I walked into a DIY shop There wasn't a single assistant
- What did the magician say when his assistant died during the show? Abra cadaver!
- What do you call the assistant to the assistant nut? The coconut
- If you're the assistant to the assistant lunatic... You're a coconut.
- Which national holiday is also an online cooking assistant? e-stir
- What did the dying chef say to his assistant? I'm running out of thyme.
- What do you call a female magician? An assistant.
- Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor ae his assistant? He had a hunch about him
- One summer, I worked as an assistant to an one-armed typist. It was shift work.
Personal Assistant Jokes
Here is a list of funny personal assistant jokes and even better personal assistant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My butcher's assistant is a little person. I tried to bet him he couldn't sell me one of his top-shelf filets. "No bet," he said. "The steaks are too high."
- Why are all the personal assistants on smartphones female? because they have to get women in tech somehow....
- I hired the most obese personal assistant I could find. She's a really big help.
- What do you work? I am the Personal Assistant of the Executive Technical Manager. What does that mean?
I pass tools to the mechanic. - What do you call a person from South America with a walking assist? Mexicane.
- A person walks into a s**... bank The doctor asks him to follow him after a while. the guy says he cant do it without assistance the doctor brings his assistant and ask her to get a load of this guy
Assistant Manager Jokes
Here is a list of funny assistant manager jokes and even better assistant manager puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Russian 'Matreshka' Doll store is looking for a senior manager... also a manager, a junior manager and a junior manager's assistant.
- Accidentally wore a red shirt and khaki pants to Target today... Long story short, I think I got promoted to Assistant Manager.
- Work ad: Russian matryoshka doll factory is looking for a head manager, a manager, a junior manager, and an assistant junior manager.
- A talk with the Boss. Boss: "Since you've started here, a year ago, you went from a mere assistant to regional manager, what can you say about that?"
Dude: "Thanks dad." - What did the Networking manager tell his assistant about working late? Tell my wifi won't be home for dinner.
- An employee and her boss are having s**.... Boss: Do you want to change positions?
Employee: Uh yeah. Can I be the Assistant Manager?
Patient Assistant Jokes
Here is a list of funny patient assistant jokes and even better patient assistant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Doctor to assistant: I said to give the patient something for his cough! Why did you give him a laxative?! Assistant: Well he's not coughing anymore, is he?
Doctor: ..I guess he wouldn't dare.. - Patient to visit Doctor A doctors nurse's assistance says to him "You have a patient who believes he is invisible." The doctor turns to her and tells her "Tell him I can't see him today."
- A pharmacist goes on vacation and asks an assistant to take his patients instead.
- Firefighters in London were called to assist hospital staff when a man's g**... became trapped in a spanner. A hospital spokesman said the patient took a turn for the worse.
Medical Assistant Jokes
Here is a list of funny medical assistant jokes and even better medical assistant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Life is hard But if Life is hard for more than 4 hours Life should seek medical assistance.
- Medical assisted s**... is legal in Mexico now... All you have to do is run for elected office.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Assistant Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about assistant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trainer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make assistant pranks.
A nursing assistant, a floor nurse and a charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room.
In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished-stone jewelry.
"I am Gina the Great," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!"
With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.
The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish.
Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need."
With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich and retired, and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well-groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts."
With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.
"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.
The charge nurse said, "I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."
My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.
*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and he loved to tell it every time I saw him. He knew quite a few others too, but this was always my favorite.*
A man is out on a golf course, when he hears someone shout "FORE!"
He looks this way and that but doesn't see the ball, until *WHACK!* He shouts and curses and moans, holding both hands over his c**....
"Oh, you poor thing!" a woman cries, running over to assist him. She gets on her knees and starts to rub his groin with her hands. "Is that better?"
He shakes his head, so she pulls his pants down and starts rubbing it in earnest. After a few minutes, she smiles and says, "That seemed to help a lot!"
"Oh, it was wonderful!" he says. "But the ball hit my thumb!"
*
A woman goes into a store...
and sees a gorgeous pair of white stilettos.
She asks what are they made of.
The assistant said they were made from human skin and cost $1500.00 a pair.
The woman said she could not afford that.
The assistant said says 'Don't worry, we have them in black for $4.99.
The pharmacist
Peter walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.
The next day he comes in again, buys condoms, and walks out laughing.
Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.
Sure enough, Peter comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.
So did you follow him? asks pharmacist
Yup.
Where did he go?
Your house.
Did you hear about the butcher's assistant who ditched work to try out for the football team?
He didn't make the cut.
Overcrowded church
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were only three people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
What happened?
A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, What happened?
The man rubbed the back of his head and said, I don't know! Last thing I remember, my wife was coming out of the salon there and I said, Well, at least they tried.
A man enters a pet shop...
...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"
The double meaning of Christmas!
I bought a new 6 foot, artificial, LED Christmas tree yesterday.
The sales assistant asked " Are you putting this up yourself sir?"
"No, it's going in the living room as usual" I replied.
Raisin Bread
A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"
Office assistant is throwing darts at a picture of her boss.
Phone rings. It's the boss.
Boss: What are you doing right now?
Assistant: Missing you.
New job
I recently got a new job assisting a one-armed typist with capital letters. It was shift work
A farmer has a new handsome assistant
A farmer has a new handsome assistant. One morning they want to go out into the fields to work. At the garden gate the farmer sees that the roads are muddy and realizes that he forgot his rubber boots (Wellingtons for the Brits ;)
He tells his assistant to go get the boots from the house. The assistant returns and finds the farmers very pretty wife, along with the equally pretty daughter sitting in the kitchen. He tells them: "The farmer just said it would be alright if I had s**... with you right now!" The women look sceptical, so the assistant opens the window and shouts to the farmer: "Both?"
Farmer: "Of course both of them, what do you think?!"
What did the scientist say to his hot assistant?
"There's only gonna be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus."
Once I had completed my final exam, my professor told me to turn it in to one of the teaching assistants.
Good thing I have been practicing my origami.
A woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so bad that she ran to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, What's wrong?
I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.
A Pharmacist goes out for lunch
A pharmacist goes out for lunch and leaves his assistant to tend the customers. An hour passes and he returns and sees a man sitting awkwardly. He asks his assistant about the man and his assistant told him the man came in with a bad cough and that he had given him a powerful laxative. The pharmacist yelled "laxatives aren't for coughs!" The assistant replied, oh yea? He hasn't coughed anymore, He's scared to.
The German tax evader in Switzerland
A German wants to bring his untaxed savings to a number account in Switzerland.
He sneaks into the bank, looks around and whispers to the bank assistant:
"Psst! I've got 2 million euros in my suitcase!"
The bank assistant replies in a normal voice:
"Why do you try to be so unsuspicious? Poverty is not a shame in Switzerland."
A man asks a blacksmith to refine some ore....
The blacksmith says "put the ore on the bench, then beat it. I'll do it once I've finished up at the grindstone". The man says to the blacksmiths assistant "that was rude" and the assistant replies "what can I say, he has an axe to grind".
Cutting Pizza - A blonde Joke
A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
What did the z**... scientist say to his assistant?
If you need me I'll be in my lab
A blind man walks into a shop...
...he picks his guide dog up by the tail and starts to swing it around his head. "Can I help you!?" Asks the shop assistant. "No thanks" said the man, "I'm just looking around."
A woman was 9 months pregnant...
...and she didn't wanna go to the hospital no matter what. One day she is walking up the stairs inside her home when her water breaks, she then lays down Right there and gives birth with the assistance of her husband. Once the baby is born the mother is holding her baby and says to her husband "I don't think this is yours..." He looks at her confused and asks "what do you mean?", she looks him in the eyes and says "because it's a step-child"
A guy walks into a bookstore...
A guy walks into a bookstore and asks the assistant, "Hey, do you know if you guys have the new book for guys with short p**...?"
The assistant says, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
Guy says, "Yeah, that's the one!"
A blind man and his guide dog walk into a shop
He grabs the dog by the tail and starts swinging it around his head.
The shop assistant, baffled, approaches the man and asks if everything's ok.
"Fine", replies the blind man.
"I'm just looking around".
What an Idea..!!!
My laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people's ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject's memory.
Why didn't I think of that?
An american walks into a swiss bank...
The bank is very full so it takes a long time for it to be his turn.
After an hour wait he finally gets to go up to the counter. The woman asks him how she could assist him.
He looks around, making sure he cant be heard and whispers into her ear "I would like to deposit $1 million into a bank account"
The woman looks a bit startled and says out loud "oh dont worry sir! You dont have to whisper, here in Switzerland its no shame to be poor."
A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum.
He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off.
Headline in the local newspaper next day read,
"Nut Screws Washer and Bolts .
Selling Condoms
An 18-yr-old starts work as a pharmacist's assistant. The pharmacist is showing the new kid around the aisles when they stop at the c**... display and the kid asks why they come in different quantities per package.
The pharmacist tells the noob that the 3-packs are for high school guy, who gets it on once on Friday night, once on Saturday and once on Sunday.
The 6-packs are for the more-experienced college guys, who do it twice each on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.
So the kid says, "what about these 12-packs?"
The pharmacist replies "the 12-packs are for the guys who've been married for a long time - January, February, March..."
My friend said that China might be considering assisted s**... for teenagers
He's probably wrong, but if he's right, that would mark the beginning of euthanasia of youth in Asia.
I got a job assisting a fledgling orchestra with their day to day activities and helping to organize upcoming shows...
My official title is Band Aide.
(I thought of this in the shower, so it's definitely not funny)
My d**... is busy training a new assistant...
I guess she's showing her the ropes.
A guy walks into a pharmacy buys a pack of condoms and walks out laughing
He does this every day consecutive for a week. Finally the pharmacy owner asks his assistant to follow the man the next time he returns. Sure enough the man returns the next day and walks out laughing once again. The assistant follows him and returns about half an hour later. When the pharmacist asked where he had followed him the assistant simply replied "your house".
A man visits a mental hospital.
He sees a patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting "Julie !! Julie !!"
He asks the assistant about the reason for the patient's behavior. Asst says the patient used to love a girl called Julie but couldn't marry her. So he became mad.
The man visits the next ward. There also he sees another patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting
"Julie !! Julie !!"
The man looks at the assistant.
The assistant says "This one married Julie"
I asked an Ikea assistant to get out of my way.
He said, You're going to have to make me.
The reverend John Flapps spots a female member of his congregation staggering drunkenly...
along the street. He tries to assist her but they stumble and he falls on top of her. A passing policeman comes up and says "Oi mate, you can't do that in the street"
The Rev replies "You don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps."
To which the cop replies, "Well, if you're in that far, you may as well Finnish."
So I was at the Red Cross...
Shopping for a stretcher. The assistant asked if I'd like try it out before I bought it. I thought "Nah, I don't wanna get carried away."
God finishes creating the man
His angel assistant asks him: "Are we done"?
God says: "Yes. Wait, actually, no. Just add another little toe to his feet."
Assistant: "Why?"
God: "For home furniture."
Assistant: "Furniture?"
God: "Trust me, it's going to be hillarious."
God making the human race
Assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmmm, add a little toe.
Assistant: Why?
God: Furniture.
Assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me, it wil be fun.
A blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police officer for speeding...
The Police officer asks for a drivers license & the blonde starts going through her bag looking for it.
She's getting increasingly frustrated as she looks for the drivers license & asks the police officer for assistance.
The blonde asks: "I'm having trouble finding it... Can you please tell me what it is suppose to look like?"
The officer responds: "Sure, it's just a square that has your picture on it."
After a bit more rustling through her bag, she pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the police officer.
The police officer looks at the mirror and says: "Oh, I'm so sorry... I didn't realise you were a police officer! You can go"
If a young lady fell into a well why couldn't her brother help her out?
Because how could he be a brother and assist her too?
A woman was picking through the frozen turkeys at the local supermarket,
But she was having trouble finding one that was large enough for her family.
She decided to ask the shop assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The shop assistant replied, "No ma'am, they're dead.."
Stop me if you've heard this one...
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.
A man calls the hotel front desk
"Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"
"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."
"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?"
"My wife is trying to jump out of the window..."
"Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."
"Listen here you smartass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"
A man walks into a watchmakers shop, walks up to the assistant and drops his trousers in front of her.
She looks at him for a moment, sighs, and says "sir, we only service watches and clocks, please put THAT away."
The man replies "It IS a clock, but it's missing a few things, so would you mind putting two hands and a face on it?"
I called OnStar for roadside assistance yesterday
I told the lady I was stranded on the side of the road.
She said, "At least you have a shoulder to cry on."
Pablo Escobar was taken down with the assistance of Columbian children acting as police informants
When he was arrested, Pablo furiously cried out "I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those Medellín kids!"
Tampons on sale
A woman goes into the drug store and notices a large stack of tampons in the corner with a sign above saying: "Special Offer, Five Boxes for $2.50"
She says to the assistant. What's the catch"?
The assistant replies "It's a genuine offer, five boxes for $2.50, no strings attached.
A blonde dropped her shirt in at the cleaners... "come again" the shop assistant said as the lady left...
"No just toothpaste", she replied.
As a plumber's assistant, I'm always being ordered around... "Stop that dripping, plug that leak, for God's sake... turn off the water works!"
It's not my fault, I'm just an emotional guy.
A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather
One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."
The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and then calls in the clean up crew.
But a short while later, he receives another message. "s**... autocorrect. I meant wifi."
A mathematician came home and told his wife, sorry honey, but I'm leaving you for my 18 year old assistant. I'll be home in a few hours and I'd like for you to be gone.
He got back home and found a note that read, hi honey, I've left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you'll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.
A man went into a bookstore and complained...
I bought this book from you yesterday, 'Cowards in History' and all the pages fell out!"
The sales assistant said, That's because it has no spine.
A guy asks his friend to rub some beef fat on his ribs
His friend refuses saying he won't assist in a suet side!
(My first OC post, thought up while cooking dinner. Improvement suggestions welcome)
God's assistant: why did you give man two eyes?
God: So he can know how far or close danger is
God's assistant: why two ears?
God: So he can know if danger is on the left or right
God's assistant: then why only one nose? Surely it won't help identify location of danger.
God: Yes but wouldn't it be funny when he won't know who f**... in the room.
An assistant to Donald Trump
>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.**
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!**
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"**
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**
A magician gets himself a parrot for his act
After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows. "it's under his hat, it's up his sleeve, his assistant has it."
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end. The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, "Alright, I give up. Where's the boat?"
I was in the chemist...
and I said to the assistant, "What gets rid of coronavirus?"
She said, "Ammonia cleaner."
I said, "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here!"
Pandemic fun
CUSTOMER: why has your colleague got a larger plastic face covering than you?
SHOP ASSISTANT: that's the supervisor.
I called the s**... helpline for assistance
Turns out they only help PREVENT s**.... Bah!
"We're losing him!" shouted the physician assistant halfway through the surgery
"Not on my watch!" shouted the surgeon.
And he runs out of the operating room.
The head cook was also a proud linguist. He boasted to his team that he'd finally figured out that champagne and sugar are the only words that sound like "sh" without starting with "sh".
The assistant hesitated for a moment then replied-
.
.
.
"Chef! Are you sure?"
Went to the hardware store today. I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the assistant if it was any good for ants....
"Nope" said the man, "it will kill them."
My friend calls me James Bonds while I play Call Of Duty....
0 - Kills
0 - Assists
7 - Deaths
I was buying the wife some underwear, I asked the shop assistant;
Are these knickers satin?"
"No she said, They're brand new...
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
Paul's height is six feet, he is an assistant at a butcher shop and wears size 9 shoes. What does he weigh?
Meat.
I went to the Chemist today.
I asked the assistant 'What gets rid of coronavirus?'
She replied 'Ammonia Cleaner.'
I said 'I'm sorry, I thought you worked here.'
Outside the pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching into a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?
Assistant replies: Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help.
Pharmacist says: He seems to be fine now.
Assistant replies: Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough!
A blind man and his seeing eye dog enter a department store
In the middle of the household items aisle he suddenly stops, grabs his dog by the hind legs and swings him around above his head a couple of times.
Alarmed, the assistant manager comes running and exclaims "Sir! Sir! What are you doing?"
"Oh, just looking around", says the blind man
