The Best 26 Assist Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Assist jokes. There are some assist helper jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these assist emergency puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Assist Jokes and Puns

My butcher's assistant is a little person. I tried to bet him he couldn't sell me one of his top-shelf filets.

"No bet," he said. "The steaks are too high."

What did the former governor of California say after he helped the old lady cross the street?

I'm Arnold to assist you.

What's big, black and loaded with aids?

A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

Assist joke, What's big, black and loaded with aids?

An american walks into a swiss bank...

The bank is very full so it takes a long time for it to be his turn.

After an hour wait he finally gets to go up to the counter. The woman asks him how she could assist him.

He looks around, making sure he cant be heard and whispers into her ear "I would like to deposit $1 million into a bank account"

The woman looks a bit startled and says out loud "oh dont worry sir! You dont have to whisper, here in Switzerland its no shame to be poor."

Yoko Ono is apparently being lined up to assist with the bush tucker trials in the I'm a Celebrity jungle.

After all she has been living off a dead beetle for the last 36 years.


Why did the tractor sell medicines?

Because it was a farm assist!

... I'm sorry...

The reverend John Flapps spots a female member of his congregation staggering drunkenly...

along the street. He tries to assist her but they stumble and he falls on top of her. A passing policeman comes up and says "Oi mate, you can't do that in the street"

The Rev replies "You don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps."

To which the cop replies, "Well, if you're in that far, you may as well Finnish."

Assist joke, The reverend John Flapps spots a female member of his congregation staggering drunkenly...

If a young lady fell into a well why couldn't her brother help her out?

Because how could he be a brother and assist her too?

Assist is 50% the letter "S"...

The rest are just there to help.

Why can't a woman ask her brother for help?

Because he can't be a brother and assist her too.

Please contact MinneapolisPD

if you wish to assist in the locating of the Minnesota Vikings defense.

You can explore assist labor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean assist scamming dad jokes. There are also assist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


In 1944, a unit of zombie dolphins were deployed by the allies to assist in the invasion of Normandy.

They were named the marine corpse

Assistant and Boss

Assistant: "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?"

Boss: "Certainly not!"

Assistant: "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."

I asked my friend to assist me with suicide...

He left me hanging.

If you're the assistant to the assistant lunatic...

You're a coconut.

As a plumber's assistant, I'm always being ordered around... "Stop that dripping, plug that leak, for God's sake... turn off the water works!"

It's not my fault, I'm just an emotional guy.

Assist joke, As a plumber's assistant, I'm always being ordered around... "Stop that dripping, plug that leak, fo

Your assistant says you have a voicemail from a music producer

The DJ Khaled

Assistant: "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?"

Boss: "Certainly not!"

Assistant: "Thank you so much sir."

A guy asks his friend to rub some beef fat on his ribs

His friend refuses saying he won't assist in a suet side!

(My first OC post, thought up while cooking dinner. Improvement suggestions welcome)


God's assistant: why did you give man two eyes?

God: So he can know how far or close danger is

God's assistant: why two ears?

God: So he can know if danger is on the left or right

God's assistant: then why only one nose? Surely it won't help identify location of danger.

God: Yes but wouldn't it be funny when he won't know who farted in the room.

My friends call me 007 when i play call of duty with them.

0 Kills

0 Assist

7 Deaths

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.** 
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!** 
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"** 
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**

A trucker walks into a brothel.

Welcome, sir, the lady in charge says. How can I assist you?

The man puts down a large wad of cash in front of her, and says,

Get me the most slovenly and whiny girl that can't cook well either.

The woman eyes the money, and responds, But sir, you could have the best, most exotic girl and a gourmet dinner for that much.

I don't need an exotic experience, I need the one that feels like home! The man yells.

I Just Started My Job as a Minister's Assistant

My local church just hired me to assist the minister, and so far the job is going very well. The only real challenge is that he's very particular about the display towards the front of the sanctuary. He insists that it be kept spotless at all times, decorated with the freshest flowers, and have every detail placed perfectly on it. After a few weeks of this, I decided to ask him about it.

"Excuse me, Pastor" I asked. "Why are you so fixated on the front display?"

"Oh, that" he replied. "It's just my altar ego."

My friend asked me to assist him with his math homework.

I should probably help him before he stops *counting* on me.

You would think that I would eventually learn

That not everyone is grateful when you try to help them. I was driving the other day and saw an old guy trying to cross the road. I pulled over, turned on my blinkers and went to assist the fellow. This guy turned around, and came after me, and tried to bite me. Snapping turtles are a hell of a lot faster when they are mad.

*True story from a couple years ago*

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the assist offices jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working assist aide piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes