The Best 48 Assignment Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Assignment jokes. There are some assignment grade jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these assignment allotment puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Assignment Jokes and Puns

Little Johnny Has A Question

A boy comes home from school one day looking for his father. He has an assignment that he needs a little help with. He finds his father and tells him that he has to write a paper explaining the difference between potentially and actually.

His father says to him "That's an easy one", "Go upstairs and find your sister; ask her if she'd sleep with the mailman for $10,000."

So the boy does as he is told. When he comes back down he tells his father what he learned. "She said yes, dad." "So," said his dad "Find your mother, now, and ask her if she'd sleep with the mailman for $10,000 as well."

The boy does as he is asked, and then returns to his father again.

"She said yes too, dad." "Well, there you go." said the dad.

The boy looked at his father, puzzled.

He smiled, "Potentially we're sitting on a gold mine; but, actually I live with a couple of whores!"

A 2nd grade class just gets in from recess...

The teacher tells the class they're going to do a spelling assignment that relates to what they did for recess. "If you can come up to the board and write the word I give you, you'll get a gold star for the day," the teacher explains. "Tommy, what'd you do for recess?" she asks the first student. "Well," Tommy begins, "I played in the sand box with Suzy!" "Okay great. If you can come to the board and spell the word 'sand' I'll give you a gold star." So Tommy goes up to the board, spells 'sand' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks Suzy, "Suzy, what'd you do for recess today?" So Suzy answers, "like Tommy said, we played in the sand box together." "Okay," the teacher thinks, "if you can come up to the board and spell 'box' I'll give you a gold star. So Suzy spells 'box' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks the third student, "Tyrone, what'd you do for recess today?" "Well I wanted to play in the sand box with Tommy and Suzy but they wouldn't let me," Tyrone answers. "Oh no!" says the teacher, "That's terrible! Do you know what that's called? That's called 'racial discrimination.' If you can come up to the board and spell 'racial discrimination' I'll give you a gold star."

Theory vs Reality

Little Billy had a homework assignment to compare theory and reality. The boy asked his father what the difference was between theory and reality. His father told him, 'Go ask your mother if she would have sex with the mailman for a million dollars.' The boy asks his mother and she says she would. Billy tells his father she would have sex with the mailman for million dollars.

The father then tells the boy, 'Now go as your sister if she would have sex with the mailman for a million dollars.' The boy asks his sister and she to says she would have sex with the mailman.

Little Billy goes and tells his father both his mom and his sister would have sex with the mailman and his father says, "Well son, in theory we're multimillionaires, but in reality we live with a couple of whores.

Assignment joke, Theory vs Reality

My daughter came home from school with an assignment that asked to to finish the phrase, "I have a dream..." this is what she came up with.

I have a dream...

That one day handicap people will be able to park wherever they want to.

A teacher had given his class an assignment.

He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member).

A wise student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"

The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."


A priest and a shepherd...

... from Australia participate in a gameshow on TV. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It's a city in Africa.

The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:

"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu ... "

The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his poem:

"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three ladies cheap to rent.
But they were three and we were two,
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "

My friend had his assignment on plagiarism stolen so he copied mine.

He then proceeded to take a course on Nihilism but it ended up not having a meaningful impact on his transcript.

Assignment joke, My friend had his assignment on plagiarism stolen so he copied mine.

So I woke up to find that someone had stolen my assignment for my communications class...

I was speechless...

Handed in an assignment late today, looks like my teacher is giving black Friday deals too.

50% off

Teacher: "Your composition on the assignment "My dog" is exactly like your brothers...

...did you copy it?"

Boy: "No, it's the same dog!"

College Assignment: Short Story

So, the assignment in a college writing class was to compose a short story using as FEW words as possible, but in order to be accepted, the story had to include discussion of three things:

1) Religion

2) Sexuality

3) Mystery

The winning entry:

"God God! I'm pregnant! I wonder who did it."

You can explore assignment internship reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean assignment task dad jokes. There are also assignment puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II...

Since my grandfather had served during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, "Did you ever kill anyone?"

He got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, "Probably. I was the cook."

For not doing anything.

Student: Teacher, would you punish me for not doing anything?
Teacher: Definitely not.
Student: I haven't done my assignment.

Did you hear about the assassin who was given forty years to complete his assignment?

He had some time to kill.

One day, at Webster Dictionary's Word Assignment Briefing...

"Nichols," Mr. Lipney, lead word assigner, said, "I'm trusting you to define plethora for next year's edition."

"Thanks Mr. Lipney," Nichols responds, beaming. "It means a lot!"

We had an assignment on terrorists in school once.

I bombed it of course

Assignment joke, We had an assignment on terrorists in school once.

Book club leader: "So last weeks assignment was Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. What did everyone think?"

[No one responds]

20,000 Dots

Your assignment was to produce a piece containing exactly 20,000 dots, my Art teacher said, but I only see one. They're on top of each other. I explained.

I did a programming assignment.

My grade for that assignment was C++.


Caitlyn Jenner has an assignment from the Military

I guess you could call it a Transmission

What was the circle's excuse for failing to complete his assignment?

"I didn't get around to it."

The Deadliest Job in WW2

My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone?

Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. I was the cook.

The head of the CIA tells you that he has a secret assignment for you to do.

Specifically, he tells you to meet him at a Tokyo restaurant and to wear an Asian costume.

When you ask him what exactly you need to wear an Asian costume for, he says:

"I want us to be secret Asians."

I got a job for British gas the other day. For my first assignment they gave me some blue prints marked in inches. I couldn't understand it at all...

I only read meters.

My love for you is like a copied assignment...

I just can't explain it.

Teacher: Good news, you have an extra period to finish your assignment!

Me: Wow, that's a whole extra month!

Calvin had a mean teacher.

So when he missed a deadline for an assignment, Calvin begged for an extension.

The teacher said, No, I'm giving you a 0, Calvin.

Calvin replied, You are absolutely cold.

Nikola Tesla was in trouble - he had not done his electrical studies assignment and his teacher was not happy...

His teacher asks, "well, where is it?".

Searching for a legitimate excuse, Tesla says, "I did it - but the dog ate my ohmwork".

I never understood why soldiers hate digging latrines.

It's not a piss-poor assignment.

M calls 007 into her office.

She says, "Your next assignment is to go to the Chrstmas ball and meet new people. Bond, James, bond!"

My highest APM count?

The evening before the assignment is due.

I am so unwitty. My teacher asked me why i didn't turnover my Speech assignment

I didn't know what to say.

Harry and Ron are given a group assignment with little time to do it

Harry turns to Ron and says:

- Ron, we need to use our time weasley.

Earlier, I was discussing about sexually transmitted diseases with my crush as a part of college assignment.

Crush: Don't worry, you have 0% chance of getting it.

They say a picture is worth 1000 words

This assignment is gonna be a breeze.

I once had a temp job at a prune processing plant

It was a plumb assignment

In English class I did an essay on The Room for my assignment

The teacher gave me a hi mark

I was given an assignment to do an essay about procrastination.

But I dunno. I'll do it later.

Four idiots were in the finals stages of becoming full members of the local skin-head biker gang. Their last assignment was to terrorize some Jews at a bar mitzvah later that afternoon.

They failed their final assignment because the rabbi saw them when they first arrived. He had the four skins immediately removed before they caused any trouble.

My teacher randomly capitalizes letters on an assignment when someone misbehaves

It's their capital punishment

The other day I was writing my assignment on English. I had to write the tenses of certain words. It was easy because I had taught my mates prior to that. When it came to teach, I couldn't remember it..

i thunk and thunk and thunk, but still couldn't remember.. and then it struck me..

It's obviously teached.

My dumb ass.

In 8th grade english class I wrote a script titled "The Pun"

The very first set description in the script said that the stage was to be painted over with random words and phrases.

When I handed in the assignment, my teacher came up to me and asked: "Why is your script titled 'The Pun' and why is the floor covered with phrases?"

"Because my script is a play on words!"

My math teacher asked if i had completed last weeks assignment

I responded f(yes)-1, ended up with a 100% on it!

A professor gives an IT student, a law student and a medical student a phone book to memorize

The IT student creates a program that does it for him, the law student asks whether the assignment is legal and the medical student asks β€žWhen is it due?

I recently got hired at a publishing company.

The first assignment I got today was adapting a thousand-page manuscript into a five-page short story.

It wasn't easy to make a long story short.

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Darned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

School report.

My teacher gave us an assignment to tell her our idols and then say what we would do if they walked in our house. I got off easy because I said Stephen Hawking.

"I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework." Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, "Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?"

"Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the assignment detention jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working assignment composition piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes