Assets Jokes

Following is our collection of estate humor and charities one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Assets puns for adults, dirty balance jokes or clean liquidate gags for kids.

There is an abundance of income jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 23 funniest jokes on assets. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any knickknack witze you can hear about assets.

The Best jokes about Assets

Let me tell you how I became a millionaire: First, I...

...bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on...

A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.

If your debits and credits don't equal,

then your assets in jail.

Before I got divorced, I should have converted all my assets to jokes.

Because my ex couldn't ever take one.

Why is it ok for an ice company to commit a fraud?

Because... their assets are already frozen.


I consider myself pretty lucky in my divorce because we negotiated a 50-50 split of our assets. My wife got half, my lawyer got half.

Why was the penguin broke?

His assets were frozen.

I just bought some Coca Cola stocks.

It's nice to have some liquid assets.

Why doesn't the Empire hire better pilots?

Their assets are tied

I moved into an apartment over a bank.

My assets over five million dollars.

Excuse me, are you a booming real estate property?

because I'm about to pump my liquid assets into you

In the far future, after all governments have unified, a rich man will be convicted of a crime, making him hated among the people and causing his assets to be frozen

So he was basically discredited.

Why is banking like castration?

Once you've lost your assets, you get no interest.

Why couldn't the snowman spend his money?

Cause his assets were frozen.

A professional ice-sculptor files for bankruptcy...

Time for him to liquidate his assets

Why are bank offices so cold?

They're trying to freeze their assets.

Alchoholic invester

Is liquidating his assets

A man going to jail buys life insurance....

....To protect his ASSETS!

What happened to the accountant with diarrhea?

He had to liquidate his assets

Why did Gary trade all of his possessions for water?

He wanted to liquidate his assets

I accidentally washed my wallet today...

Turns out that's not what my financial advisor meant when he told me to liquidate my assets.

How do you know a donkey is wealthy?

They have a lot of ass-ets.

Jimmy Norton Deserves More Criticism

Jimmy should have left the show. If he's actually interested in putting out a quality comedic product, how can he remain doing the O&J show?

I'm tired of people saying that "anyone would have taken the paycheck." Jimmy's a middle-aged man with no wife, no kids, a decent amount of assets, and multiple sources of income. Why is he always so concerned about money?

2 years ago, I worked a 6-figure job that I hated to pursue an art career. I make 1/3rd of what I used to, but I'm way happier and have no regrets. If I had a wife + kids, obviously it'd be different.

Unlike Patrice or Colin or Burr, Jimmy's always been more interested in being famous than being a great comedian, and that perspective is why he'll never be a great stand-up.

My uncle used to own an ice cream shop, but he missed a single payment to the electric company.

They liquidated his assets.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes