Assembly Jokes

Following is our collection of essential humor and importance one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Assembly puns for adults, dirty assessment jokes or clean enroll gags for kids.

There is an abundance of sophomore jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 21 funniest jokes on assembly. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any tradesmen witze you can hear about assembly.

The Best jokes about Assembly

I work on a two-person assembly line of Dracula toys...

I've got to make every second count

First Day On The Job

Steve just got a job at the beverage factory and is getting a tour from the manager on his first day. The manager spends this time explaining the different assembly lines.

"Over here," the manager says, "is the lemonade assembly line. we take the product, package it up and prepare it to ship. To the right we're canning juice concentrates. On this side we have the soda line, bottles and cans and such."

"Wow, you guys produce a lot of drinks," says Steve.

"You bet, name a drink and we probably have an assembly line for it."

"Do you have a punch line?"

"Nope."

Tickle Me Elmo

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45AM, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee.

He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.

Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.

The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

In school, we had an assembly on bullying

The teacher spoke about a young gay boy, being bullied because of his sexuality. She spoke in length about his life, and the verbal abuse he suffers. She then asked a question, 'How do you think he takes it?' Apparently, 'Up the arse!' wasn't a suitable answer.

My grandma Edna had to get a job...

...so she applied and was hired at the toy factory where they make Tickle-Me Elmo dolls. She was led to her station near the end of the assembly line where the foreman told her what was expected of her.

A couple hours later, the foreman came back to check on her. He stood behind her and observed as she meticulously folded two marbles into a small piece of cloth. Then, using a needle and thread, she stitched the folded cloth between the legs of a newly assembled Tickle-Me Elmo doll. Then she placed the finished doll into a bin for packaging. The foreman quietly watched with a growing expression of puzzlement on his face as Edna repeated this process several times.

Finally, the Foreman's eyes lit up with understanding. He placed his hand on her shoulder and said "No, Edna. I told you to give each doll two... test... tickles."


Stalin was addressing an assembly of peasants in Russia...

And a man in the crowd sneezed. Stalin asked: who sneezed?

No one responded. Stalin says to one of his KGB cronies 'walk up to the crowd, and shoot everyone in the front row.' So the guy shoots everyone in the front row.

'Now', Stalin says, 'who sneezed?' Again, no one responded. 'Shoot everyone in the second row', so everyone in the second row gets shot.

Stalin, getting impatient, asks again: who sneezed? A man in the middle of the crowd slowly raises his hand, and in a whimper of a voice says 'me'.

Stalin looks out into the crowd and sees the man with his hand up and says,

'Bless you'

During the communist rule

in the USSR a big assembly was held and members of the communist party were giving speeches to the general public. The highest ranking official was making his speech and he proclaimed "soon we will live even better!". This was followed by a voice from the audience "and what about us?!"

The dean of a conservative college was mad that boys kept entering the girls dorm.... He called a general assembly and said:

"It is unacceptable for anyone to enter the dormitory of the opposite sex! If anyone is caught doing this from now on, it will result in a $100 fine for the first offence. If the same individual is caught a second time, the fine is $500, and for a third offence, the fine is $1000! Does anyone have any questions?"

A male student in the back immediately raised his hand and asked: "Sir, how much for a subscription?"

An arm amputee bought a wooden cupboard from IKEA which was sent to his home for his self assembly.

Needless to say, he was stumped.

My head teacher started her assembly by saying "it came to my attention yesterday"

I really don't like being called "it"

[Pun] Why did Henry invent the assembly line?

He couldn't a-Ford not to.

*bad-dum tish*


Ingar Kamprad, the founder of IKEA has passed away

- flat pack coffins

- Allen key

- left over parts

- missing screws

This joke needs some assembly

Blonde working at tickle me Elmo factory

A blonde has been looking everywhere for a job. But as soon as she shows up for interviews they see she's blonde and they don't hire her. Finally she goes to a tickle me Elmo factory,tells the boss her plight and he decides to hire her. He tells her what to do and she starts her shift. A few hours later the boss gets complaints that the assembly line has slowed down. He goes to see what the problem is and he see that the blonde has been putting to marbles between each of the tickle me Elmo's legs. Stunned the boss asks the blonde what she is doing. She says I'm just doing what you told me to do. The boss shakes his head no no no,I told you to give them two test tickles..

The Programming Language Competition (OC)

The programming languages are in a competition to see who's the best.

Java makes the brackets. In the major bracket, C++ is against C#. Binary is against assembly. C is against Java. Visual Basic is against PHP. Perl is against JavaScript.

And Python is in the lowest bracket, with all the esoteric programming languages like LOLCODE and Brainfuck. Normally a programming language as big as Python would be angry at this placement, but instead Python politely asks Java,

"Excuse me. What's a bracket?"

I need help thinking of a joke involving supernatural creatures

It needs to be a one or two liner, no knock knock jokes or riddles.

Context: I'm working at a summer camp and my call sign is Ghost. Tomorrow morning at the assembly, I'm going up and giving some world news (spoofs, not actual news). I want to say "hey guys, I'm Ghost with all your *other*worldly news", but I'm having trouble thinking of what to say after that. Any ideas would be great.

Being atheist is like buying a floor model

No assembly required.

Why Do Squirrels Swim On Their Back?

To Keep Their Nuts Dry. (Told in school assembly today by a 13 year old student)

Why are assembly programmers always under a lot of pressure?

Because they work below C level

When I'm down, I read shelving assembly instructions.

Shelf help books make me feel better.


Did you know that America auto manufacturers name their cars on the assembly line?

Yours should say Check Engine under the speedometer.

IKEA sponsored our local school

Now assembly takes forever.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes