The Best 19 Assassinated Jokes

Following is our collection of Assassinated jokes which are very funny. There are some assassinated died jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these assassinated aides puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

What's the difference between JFK and Bill Clinton?

One got his head blown off, the other was assassinated

"Oh man, Juan Valdez died this morning."

Ok, so it's not a 'joke' joke, but that's what you say. Maybe at work, at the bar with friends. Say it in a lull in the conversation. If you're really good, say it while scanning the paper or a news site.

Some people go, "oh!" And some people say, "wait, the Colombian coffee merchant?" and some people say, "oh my god, he *did?*" People always say something.

And then *you* say, "he did, he was assassinated. Someone from a drug cartel shot him with a golf gun. Bizarre story."

And you leave it there.

And if someone presses further, perhaps mention how terrible it must be to get shot by a golf gun.

And you'll eventually be asked, "what's a golf gun?"

To which you say, "don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"

Why do black people only have nightmares

Because the last black person to have a dream got assassinated

My girlfriend told me that on valentines day she wants to get treated like a princess

So I got her assassinated in a French underpass.

What did the gamer say when he assassinated the Pope?

360 NO POPE!!!!


What would have happened had it been Khrushchev instead of Kennedy that was assassinated?

Dunno about politics, but I'm really sure Onassis would not have married the widow.

Kennedy, Lennon, Gandhi

If you don't want you kids assassinated, don't name them after an airport.

I assassinated my friend...

I gave Miguel a cigar and lit the end. When it began to fizzle, he looked at me, puzzled.

"What brand of cigar does this?" he asked.

I answered, "Red Herring, of course."

And his chair exploded.

What happened when Franz Ferdinand was assassinated by a Serbian Terrorist?

Their countries had to Duke it out.

Why did the smoothie get assassinated?

He got mixed up with a few bad apples.

Everyone knows JFK was assassinated

That's a no brainer

Top Assassinated Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore assassinated impeachment reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean assassinated assassinate dad jokes. There are also assassinated puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Did You hear about the Italian mob boss who had a famous Broadway star assassinated in an explosion?

He told his hit man to rigatoni.

Long Range Sniper Rifle: $5,000. Hiring an assassin: $10,000.

Having Mike Pence assassinated? Viceless.

Did you hear about the blind man that got assassinated?

He never saw it coming

I wouldn't say I'm that I'm psychic,

But I feel like I know exactly what was going through JFK's mind when he was assassinated.

If JFK didn't have a middle name...

the assassinated would be just kidding

What would they call the vice president if FDR was assassinated?

A stand-in.

What did the Call of Duty player say when he assassinated the pope?

360 NO POPE

Helen Keller Assassination Joke

If Helen Keller was assassinated, she wouldn't have seen it coming... in fact she wouldn't have even sensed it


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the assassinated murder jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working assassinated nomination piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes