Assassinate Jokes

Following is our collection of jfk humor and dnc one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Assassinate puns for adults, dirty overthrow jokes or clean overcomb gags for kids.

There is an abundance of slay jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 11 funniest jokes on assassinate. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any killer witze you can hear about assassinate.

The Best jokes about Assassinate

A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.

Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"

Back in the days of the USSR, two men stood in a block-long line for cucumbers...

Suddenly one of them snaps, and yells "This is an outrage! Waiting for hours for a couple of lousy cucumbers! I'm going to the Kremlin to assassinate the fools responsible for this!" and stomps off. A couple hours later, he's back.
One of the other people in line asks "Did you kill the guy in the Kremlin?"
The first guy responds "You think *this* line is long?"

A Soviet man is waiting in line for bread...

After waiting for an hour, we shouts, "I've had enough of this! I'm going to assassinate Gorbachev!" He walks off to the Kremlin.

Twenty minutes later, he comes back and the crowd asks if he succeeded. "No," he says, "the line to assassinate him was even longer."

Why did the Church of Scientology try to assassinate the non-binary feminist?

Xenu too much.

Mikhail Gorbachev started an anti-alcohol campaign in USSR in 1980s. People went crazy because of the restrictions on selling of alcohol. An old Soviet joke went like this:

A disaffected and angry citizen, fed up of standing in lines for vodka, decided to go assassinate Gorbachev. He soon came back and ruefully reported that the lines to assassinate Gorbachev were even longer than the lines for vodka.


I assassinated my friend...

I gave Miguel a cigar and lit the end. When it began to fizzle, he looked at me, puzzled.

"What brand of cigar does this?" he asked.

I answered, "Red Herring, of course."

And his chair exploded.

The media keeps trying to assassinate the character of Donald Trump and I think it is a waste of time...

You can't assassinate what isn't there.

I dreamed that midgets were trying to assassinate me, so I bought a bulletproof car.

Since they were midgets, I bought a convertible.

What can you say when you are about to assassinate someone but are very busy?

Ambushed.

I'm still working on this one

I was talking to my friend the other day about my plan to assassinate a Canadian pop punk band.

He said, "Simple Plan?"

"No, it's actually quite complex, actually." I responded.

Leftists are acting like Trump is going to assassinate journalists, kill all homosexuals, and steal everything he can from the lower class...

Like he's a communist or something.


Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes