Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Assassinate Jokes
A lone s**... was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.
Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"
Back in the days of the USSR, two men stood in a block-long line for cucumbers...
Suddenly one of them snaps, and yells "This is an outrage! Waiting for hours for a couple of lousy cucumbers! I'm going to the Kremlin to assassinate the fools responsible for this!" and stomps off. A couple hours later, he's back.
One of the other people in line asks "Did you kill the guy in the Kremlin?"
The first guy responds "You think *this* line is long?"
Why did the Church of Scientology try to assassinate the non-binary feminist?
Xenu too much.
A Soviet man is waiting in line for bread...
After waiting for an hour, we shouts, "I've had enough of this! I'm going to assassinate Gorbachev!" He walks off to the Kremlin.
Twenty minutes later, he comes back and the crowd asks if he succeeded. "No," he says, "the line to assassinate him was even longer."
Mikhail Gorbachev started an anti-alcohol campaign in USSR in 1980s. People went crazy because of the restrictions on selling of alcohol. An old Soviet joke went like this:
A disaffected and angry citizen, fed up of standing in lines for v**..., decided to go assassinate Gorbachev. He soon came back and ruefully reported that the lines to assassinate Gorbachev were even longer than the lines for v**....
How do you use medicine to assassinate an aunt?
Anti-Venom
Okay, so you want her alive, how do you just stop her fawning over you?
Anti-Dote
The media keeps trying to assassinate the character of Donald Trump and I think it is a waste of time...
You can't assassinate what isn't there.
I assassinated my friend...
I gave Miguel a cigar and lit the end. When it began to fizzle, he looked at me, puzzled.
"What brand of cigar does this?" he asked.
I answered, "Red Herring, of course."
And his chair exploded.
I dreamed that midgets were trying to assassinate me, so I bought a bulletproof car.
Since they were midgets, I bought a convertible.
What can you say when you are about to assassinate someone but are very busy?
Ambushed.
I'm still working on this one
Leftists are acting like Trump is going to assassinate journalists, kill all homosexuals, and steal everything he can from the lower class...
Like he's a communist or something.
You can explore assassinate jfk reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean assassinate overthrow dad jokes. There are also assassinate puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I was talking to my friend the other day about my plan to assassinate a Canadian pop punk band.
He said, "Simple Plan?"
"No, it's actually quite complex, actually." I responded.
