Assass Jokes

Following is our collection of arty humor and slay one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Assass puns for adults, dirty cool jokes or clean named gags for kids.

There is an abundance of time jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 16 funniest jokes on assass. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any hitman witze you can hear about assass.

The Best jokes about Assass

[WP] You are an assassin in WWII trying to find a German defector on a U-boat. Unfortunately you got a little lost on the dock...

Whoops, wrong sub.

Being an assassin would be so cool

People would kill to have that job

After the assassination of Tsar Alexander II of Russia, a government official in Ukraine menacingly addressed the local rabbi,

"I suppose you know in full detail who was behind it."

"Ach," the rabbi replied, "I have no idea, but the government's conclusion will be the same as always: they will blame the Jews and the chimneysweeps."
"Why the chimneysweeps?" asked the befuddled official.
"Why the Jews?" responded the rabbi.

I just saw the Assassins Creed Movie Trailer...

I did not expect The Spanish Inquisition.

Why are assassins so good at dates?

Because they know how to take someone out.

What did the assassin say when his co-worker got the promotion?

I would've killed for that position lol

I want to be an assassin someday

They make a killing.

I assassinated my friend...

I gave Miguel a cigar and lit the end. When it began to fizzle, he looked at me, puzzled.

"What brand of cigar does this?" he asked.

I answered, "Red Herring, of course."

And his chair exploded.

The assassination of John Lennon is one of the biggest tragedies in music

Not even one of the five bullets hit Yoko Ono

An assassin was apprehended for murdering a farmer's cow with the trinkets he had stolen from the farmer's wife's china cabinet.

It was the first recorded case of a knick knack paddy whack.

What can you say when you are about to assassinate someone but are very busy?


I'm still working on this one

So an assassin named Arty went his high school reunion

... He saw his bet friend who he hasn't to talk to in years, and asks "I'm having trouble with my wife, do you think you can do the job for me, I'll pay you," Arty says, "I'll do it for free because you're my best friend," and the friend says, "I have to pay you, it wouldn't be right if I didn't." So Arty charges his friend $1 per person killed and goes to kill his friends wife. Arty saw her at the grocery store parking lot and he chokes her to death, there was a witness so he choked the witness and saw his name on the local newspaper: Arty Chokes 2 for $1.

There was just an assassination attempt against Donald Trump...

the terrorists found out that he was going to be appearing with Chris Christy and they replaced his bronzer with BBQ sauce.

How do assassins pay for stuff on the internet?


Why are assassinators evil?

What did the nervous contractor say to the hitman outside his door

I..I don't want a..anyone seeing you he..ere. G..Get your ass..ass in here.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes