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Assailed Jokes

21 assailed jokes and hilarious assailed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about assailed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Assailed Short Jokes

Short assailed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The assailed humour may include short jokes also.

  1. I got mugged last night! My assailants made off with everything from my shoes to my mood ring... I still don't know how I feel about that.
  2. Just when I thought today couldn't get any worse, an unknown assailant threw soy sauce all over me. Whoever it is sure knows how to Kikkoman when he's down.
  3. A sloth was robbed by 2 turtles sloth robbed by 2 turtles. Cop asks if he could describe the assailants. Sloth replies, "It all happened so fast."
  4. I placed an assailant under citizens arrest today Am I supposed to choke them or just shoot them in the back?
  5. Boris Johnson Stay Alert joke Please can someone tell Boris coronavirus is not a physical assailant? You can't stay alert to single-stranded RNA.
  6. A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault. The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.
    It was a brief case.

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Assailed One Liners

Which assailed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with assailed? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than be shot by an unknown assailant.
  2. Man, the whole PoundMeToo movement really came and went. Just like the assailants.
  3. What do you call an abusive insect on the high seas? Assailant

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about assailed can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of assailed puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Assailed Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about assailed you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make assailed prank.

A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.

The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."

A man was killed by an assassin

An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.
Police claim it's the first known case of a Knick-Knack p**... whack, give a dog a bone.

Did you hear that a mob boss was killed...

Did you hear that a mob boss was killed in a rice field by assailants wielding small figurines?
Police are saying it's the first recorded instance of a knick knack patty whack.

Mugging

A tortoise went out for a few beers and despite being severely worse for wear decided to walk home through the rough part of town. Half way home he was set upon by four snails who beat him senseless and stole what little money he still had and as a final insult they sprayed obscenities on his shell . Utterly distraught he was taken to the local police station where the inspector asked if he could remember anything about the assailants .
No - it all happened so quickly

[OC] Two peanuts were walking down the street

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
The assailant, a third peanut not known to the victim or his friend, pleaded "not guilty" on grounds of insanity; however, after much deliberation, he was sentenced to five years for the assault, because he wasn't a nut at all.

Another Irish Joke

All these Irish jokes reminded me of one of my favorites:
A Catholic foreigner is walking down a street at night in Ireland when a man grabs him and holds a knife to his neck. The assailant yells,
"Are ye Protestant er Catholic?"
Terrified, the man thinks to himself, *if lie and tell him I'm Protestant, he may very well be Catholic. But if I tell the truth and say I'm Catholic, there's a large chance he'll be Protestant!*
So the man says, "Jewish"
The assailant grins and says "Lordy! I'm the luckiest Palestinian in all of Ireland!"

A man was walking through Northern Ireland in 1975

Someone in a mask came up behind him and put a knife against his t**.... Are you Catholic or Protestant? he shouted.
The man realised if he said he was Catholic and his assailant was Protestant, he was dead. Likewise, if he said he was Protestant and his assailant was Catholic, he was dead. After some quick thinking, he came up with a smart answer.
I'm Jewish! he said quickly.
The attacker replied Wow, I must be the luckiest Arab in Ireland!

And now for something completely different

A young female nurse is working the front desk at a s**... bank. A man wearing a ski mask barges in through the front door and holds a gun to her head. He tells her "Open the vault!"
"But sir, this is a s**... bank..."
"Just do it!" The woman complies and opens the vault containing hundreds of vials of donations. "Now, uncork one and drink it!
"Sir, I don't understand..."
"Do as I say!" So she uncorks a sample and drinks it down. She chokes on it but is more worried about the mysterious man. The assailant has her do it a few more times. The woman is visibly shaken, but he takes off the ski mask and says
"See honey, it isn't that hard."

A panda walks into a bar

and orders a bowl of beer nuts from the bartender. After finishing his meal, the panda whips out an enormous .45 Magnum and lets off six rounds into the ceiling.
!BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!
As soon as the report of the last round had finished echoing around the bar, the panda rose from his stool. He looks around the bar, then hops onto all-fours and hobbles out of the building.
The other patrons of the bar were paralyzed with fear, even after the assailant had left. Finally, breaking the silence, the bartender pulls out a dictionary, flips open to a page, and puts the book on the bar.
"Here," he says, and invites the others to come have a look.
_____
pan-da, *noun* \ˈpan-də\
:Eats chutes and leaves.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these assailed jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.