Assailant Jokes
9 assailant jokes and hilarious assailant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about assailant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Comedy Assailant Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What is a good assailant joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.
The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."
Just when I thought today couldn't get any worse, an unknown assailant threw soy sauce all over me.
Whoever it is sure knows how to Kikkoman when he's down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was killed by an assassin
An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.
Police claim it's the first known case of a Knick-Knack p**... whack, give a dog a bone.
Did you hear that a mob boss was killed...
Did you hear that a mob boss was killed in a rice field by assailants wielding small figurines?
Police are saying it's the first recorded instance of a knick knack patty whack.
Mugging
A tortoise went out for a few beers and despite being severely worse for wear decided to walk home through the rough part of town. Half way home he was set upon by four snails who beat him senseless and stole what little money he still had and as a final insult they sprayed obscenities on his shell . Utterly distraught he was taken to the local police station where the inspector asked if he could remember anything about the assailants .
No - it all happened so quickly
[OC] Two peanuts were walking down the street
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
The assailant, a third peanut not known to the victim or his friend, pleaded "not guilty" on grounds of insanity; however, after much deliberation, he was sentenced to five years for the assault, because he wasn't a nut at all.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me
than be shot by an unknown assailant.
Man, the whole PoundMeToo movement really came and went.
Just like the assailants.
Another Irish Joke
All these Irish jokes reminded me of one of my favorites:
A Catholic foreigner is walking down a street at night in Ireland when a man grabs him and holds a knife to his neck. The assailant yells,
"Are ye Protestant er Catholic?"
Terrified, the man thinks to himself, *if lie and tell him I'm Protestant, he may very well be Catholic. But if I tell the truth and say I'm Catholic, there's a large chance he'll be Protestant!*
So the man says, "Jewish"
The assailant grins and says "Lordy! I'm the luckiest Palestinian in all of Ireland!"
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