assailant Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious assailant puns

A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.

The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."


A man was walking through Northern Ireland in 1975

Someone in a mask came up behind him and put a knife against his throat. Are you Catholic or Protestant? he shouted.

The man realised if he said he was Catholic and his assailant was Protestant, he was dead. Likewise, if he said he was Protestant and his assailant was Catholic, he was dead. After some quick thinking, he came up with a smart answer.

I'm Jewish! he said quickly.

The attacker replied Wow, I must be the luckiest Arab in Ireland!


A man was killed by an assassin

An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.

Police claim it's the first known case of a Knick-Knack Paddy whack, give a dog a bone.


Another Irish Joke

All these Irish jokes reminded me of one of my favorites:

A Catholic foreigner is walking down a street at night in Ireland when a man grabs him and holds a knife to his neck. The assailant yells,

"Are ye Protestant er Catholic?"

Terrified, the man thinks to himself, *if lie and tell him I'm Protestant, he may very well be Catholic. But if I tell the truth and say I'm Catholic, there's a large chance he'll be Protestant!*

So the man says, "Jewish"

The assailant grins and says "Lordy! I'm the luckiest Palestinian in all of Ireland!"


I'd rather have a bottle in front of me

than be shot by an unknown assailant.


I placed an assailant under citizens arrest today

Am I supposed to choke them or just shoot them in the back?


A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.

The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.

It was a brief case.


What do you call an abusive insect on the high seas?



What are the most funny Assailant jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Assailant? Well, here are the best Assailant dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Assailant pick up lines to share with friends.


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