Assailant Jokes

Following is our collection of stabs humor and belfast one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Assailant puns for adults, dirty mugger jokes or clean conviction gags for kids.

There is an abundance of fedoral jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 9 funniest jokes on assailant. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any robber witze you can hear about assailant.

The Best jokes about Assailant

A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.

The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."

A man was walking through Northern Ireland in 1975

Someone in a mask came up behind him and put a knife against his throat. Are you Catholic or Protestant? he shouted.

The man realised if he said he was Catholic and his assailant was Protestant, he was dead. Likewise, if he said he was Protestant and his assailant was Catholic, he was dead. After some quick thinking, he came up with a smart answer.

I'm Jewish! he said quickly.

The attacker replied Wow, I must be the luckiest Arab in Ireland!

A man was killed by an assassin

An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.

Police claim it's the first known case of a Knick-Knack Paddy whack, give a dog a bone.

Another Irish Joke

All these Irish jokes reminded me of one of my favorites:

A Catholic foreigner is walking down a street at night in Ireland when a man grabs him and holds a knife to his neck. The assailant yells,

"Are ye Protestant er Catholic?"

Terrified, the man thinks to himself, *if lie and tell him I'm Protestant, he may very well be Catholic. But if I tell the truth and say I'm Catholic, there's a large chance he'll be Protestant!*

So the man says, "Jewish"

The assailant grins and says "Lordy! I'm the luckiest Palestinian in all of Ireland!"

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me

than be shot by an unknown assailant.

[OC] Two peanuts were walking down the street

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

The assailant, a third peanut not known to the victim or his friend, pleaded "not guilty" on grounds of insanity; however, after much deliberation, he was sentenced to five years for the assault, because he wasn't a nut at all.

I placed an assailant under citizens arrest today

Am I supposed to choke them or just shoot them in the back?

What do you call an abusive insect on the high seas?


A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.

The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.

It was a brief case.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes