Assa Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Assa puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Assa

[WP] You are an assassin in WWII trying to find a German defector on a U-boat. Unfortunately you got a little lost on the dock...

Whoops, wrong sub.

*assault rifle tips fedora*


Italian guy on a bus

Sitting on a bus in New York, a prim old lady was shocked to overhear an Italian say to another, "Emma come-a first. I come-a next. Two ass-a come-a together. I come-a again. Two ass-a come-a together again. I come-a once more. Peepee twice. Then I come-a for the last time."

When the Italian was finished, the red faced old maid turned to a policeman sitting nearby and said, "Are you not going to arrest that terrible old man?"

"What for?" asked the policeman. "For spelling Mississippi?"

Being an assassin would be so cool

People would kill to have that job

After the assassination of Tsar Alexander II of Russia, a government official in Ukraine menacingly addressed the local rabbi,

"I suppose you know in full detail who was behind it."

"Ach," the rabbi replied, "I have no idea, but the government's conclusion will be the same as always: they will blame the Jews and the chimneysweeps."
"Why the chimneysweeps?" asked the befuddled official.
"Why the Jews?" responded the rabbi.

I just saw the Assassins Creed Movie Trailer...

I did not expect The Spanish Inquisition.

I was once assaulted by a group of mimes.

I never heard them coming

Why are assassins so good at dates?

Because they know how to take someone out.

What did the assassin say when his co-worker got the promotion?

I would've killed for that position lol

The assassination of John Lennon is one of the biggest tragedies in music

Not even one of the five bullets hit Yoko Ono

I want to be an assassin someday

They make a killing.

I assassinated my friend...

I gave Miguel a cigar and lit the end. When it began to fizzle, he looked at me, puzzled.

"What brand of cigar does this?" he asked.

I answered, "Red Herring, of course."

And his chair exploded.

There was just an assassination attempt against Donald Trump...

the terrorists found out that he was going to be appearing with Chris Christy and they replaced his bronzer with BBQ sauce.

How do assassins pay for stuff on the internet?


What can you say when you are about to assassinate someone but are very busy?


I'm still working on this one

How do you greet a Muslim llama?

Assa llama leykum

An assassin was apprehended for murdering a farmer's cow with the trinkets he had stolen from the farmer's wife's china cabinet.

It was the first recorded case of a knick knack paddy whack.

So an assassin named Arty went his high school reunion

... He saw his bet friend who he hasn't to talk to in years, and asks "I'm having trouble with my wife, do you think you can do the job for me, I'll pay you," Arty says, "I'll do it for free because you're my best friend," and the friend says, "I have to pay you, it wouldn't be right if I didn't." So Arty charges his friend $1 per person killed and goes to kill his friends wife. Arty saw her at the grocery store parking lot and he chokes her to death, there was a witness so he choked the witness and saw his name on the local newspaper: Arty Chokes 2 for $1.

I placed an assailant under citizens arrest today

Am I supposed to choke them or just shoot them in the back?

Why are assassinators evil?

I don't own any assault rifles

Just defence rifles

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes