Wife replies, Take half and leave your sorry ass. Husband replies, Good, I won 12 dollars, here's 6 now get the hell out!
After I tried, she freaked out and told me never again.
I guess the bulb was hot.
So I turned around and said: "Thank you I've been doing squats"
There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses and the results were pretty interesting.
30% of women think their ass is too fat,
10% of women think their ass is too skinny,
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and wouldn't trade him for the world
It's like crack to me.
The husband sighed, and asked his wife, "Honey, do you promise me you won't get mad, no matter how I answer?"
His wife said, "I promise, I'll never bring it up again."
The husband looked her over and said, "I fucked your sister."
'They're so wasted they'll never know the difference'
After when they're walking home the first guy says 'I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time'
The second says 'I think Mine was a witch'
First: 'really whys that?'
Second: ''cause when i bit her ass she farted in my face and then flew out the window'
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
I'd have enough money to bail my ass out of prison.
I asked him the other day "how do you tell them apart?"
He said
"Well, Stacy is the blonde with a perfect ass, great tits, and a fantastic figure...
... And Brian's got a cock"
Every time I walk by, they mumble "what an ass"
I stick a tube of toothpaste up my ass for complete cavity protection.
My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."
So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.
.When asked why he answered, If I wanted to see a horse's ass, I would have finished second.
I guess I've hit Rock Bottom.
So I fucked her in the ass and left without paying.
...and suddenly, I feel a large slap on my ass.
Turning around, I spot the ugliest woman imaginable; she was large, heavily tattooed, and caked with metric tonnes of makeup.
She said to me, "Hey there, guy. I saw you over there and thought you should call me."
I looked her over once again, disgusted, then said, "Do you have a pen?"
She replied "Of course!"
"Well you'd better get back in it before the farmer realizes that you're gone."
So I stuck it in her ass and said "yeah, you like that Steve?"
Two guys meets in the middle of nowhere, trying to find their wives.
They decide to help each other out, by describing their wives.
The first man goes on: "My wife is tall, well fit, blonde, got big firm breasts, thight bouncy ass, a massive lust for sex and a face of a model. How about yours"?
The second man replies: "She can go F**k herself, lets search for yours instead!"
The madam tell her girls ' Just give those guys blow-up dolls. they're so wasted they'll never know the difference'
After when they're walking home the first man says 'I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time'
The second says 'I think Mine was a witch'
First: 'really whys that?'
Second: ''cause when i bit her ass she farted in my face and then flew out the window'
..and they locked the door when i came near, I felt like a bad ass
then i realised that it was my car
Me
"I'd take half and leave your sorry ass!" She replied. "Well" He said "I just won 2 bucks on a scratch off. Here's a dollar, now get the fuck out."
I was having sex with her twin when she came in. I tried telling her I was doing it because thought it was her. She didn't buy it.
It didn't help that his dick was in my ass.
he's got a great ass.
I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge
Across the bar he sees three heavy set women, speaking with Scottish sounding accents. He makes his way to the women and asks; "Excuse me, are you ladies from Scotland?" The first women gets mad and yells "It's Wales, you ass! Wales!" The man the replies. "I'm sorry, are you three whales from Scotland?"
The doctors described his condition as stable.
My boyfriend asked for a naked picture.
I asked him if he wanted to see tits or ass.
He responded "surprise me"
So I sent him a picture of my dick
Because evertime i walk away from a conversation i hear, "What an ass".
I shit you knot.
Hey, asshole, if I catch you pissing on my wall again I'm gonna kick your ass.
It used to be a dolphin.
A brutally ugly woman approached me at the bar, squeezed my ass and said, "Give me your number, you sexy hunk." I said, "Have you got a pen?" She smiled and said, "Sure do!" I replied, "You'd better get back in it before your farmer notices you're missing!"
And I said
"Thanks. But they're called trousers not an ass shirt"
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Ass? Well, here are the best Ass dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Ass pick up lines to share with friends.