Aspirin Jokes
54 aspirin jokes and hilarious aspirin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about aspirin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Aspirin Short Jokes
Short aspirin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The aspirin humour may include short paracetamol jokes also.
- A man tells his wife before he goes to bed, "I'm gonna go get your aspirin" The wife says, "Aspirin? I don't have a headache."
"Ah, HAH!!" The man exclaimed - When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.
- Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest? Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area
- A Wife's Headache A man walks into his bedroom, where is wife is reading. "Honey, I brought you some aspirin for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
"Gotcha!" - Another blonde joke A blonde tells her husband 'I've been thinking'
He replies 'Take two aspirin, the pain will clear right up'. - I just met the guy in all those pain reliever commercials on TV It turns out that he's an aspirin actor.
- A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid? You mean aspirin? asked the pharmacist.
That's it! I can never remember that word. - A man wakes up his wife midnight "Hey my love, here is your aspirin!"
"But I don't have a headache?"
"Great!" - An old lady walks into a pharmacy \- I would like to buy a pack of acetylsalicylic acid.
\- Do you mean aspirin?
\- Oh yes! I couldn't remember the name! - I was looking for a type of medicine to motivate me My friend recommended Aspirin.
Why
Because after taking it, I've been Aspirin to do great things
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Aspirin One Liners
Which aspirin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with aspirin? I can suggest the ones about painkillers and pills.
- You shouldn't worry about headaches I mean, it's all in your head.
- Why are aspirins white? Because they actually work.
- What medication that can make people inspire you? Aspirin
sorry guys - Why did the man who stole my crops take aspirin? Because he had my grains
- I am so Pro-Black... That I don't even pick cotton from an Aspirin bottle...
- what do you call a painter who gets terrible headaches? an aspirin artist.
- What's an optimist's favourite drug? Aspirin.
- Aspirin is a Placebo!!! That sense of relief you're feeling is all in your head.
- I got into an fight with a bottle of aspirin. It turned into a he said, nsaid argument.
- What's the sexiest medicine? Aspirin.
*I'll see myself out.*
Cheerful Fun Aspirin Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about aspirin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean asparagus jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make aspirin pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many aspiring actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Originally an Arabic joke!
A small town had one pharmacy until another opened across from the old one. A guy walks in the new pharmacy and asks the pharmacists for some Aspirin the pharmacist hands him one giant tablet, the man asks, How is this supposed to help? It's not gonna kill me? The pharmacist says Oh no, you see, we follow a modern approach to healing, you just have to take this entire tablet one time and you will be ok. The man pays the Pharmacist goes home and force the giant tablet down his t**... and notices that it's acting fast! The same man comes back another time with a terrible cough and asks for a cough medicine. The pharmacist hands him a gallon size cough syrup bottle and says Drink the whole thing at once and you will be fine! the man thanks the pharmacist and follows his exact instruction, the cough goes away. On another day the pharmacist is standing outside his pharmacy when he sees the same man sneaking in and out the other pharmacy. The guy comes back weeks later asking for band aids the pharmacist refuses to sell him any of his giant ones and says You know I saw you going into the other pharmacy. I thought you are becoming a loyal client of mine! The man responses and says, Don't get me wrong sir, I am a loyal customer. I just needed some adult suppositories.
Buying aspirin
Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.
"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."
"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old s**... life.
An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband's s**... drive.
'What about trying v**...?' asks the doctor.
Not a chance' says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
'No problem,' replies the doctor. 'Drop it into his coffee,he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.'
A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.
'Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.'
What happened?' asks the doctor.
'Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to
make wild passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible!
'What was terrible?' said the doctor, 'Was the s**... not good?'
'Oh no doctor, the s**... was the best I've had in 25 years...
but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again!'
Always on duty
A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."
A Winking Salesman!
A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.
"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".
"Then show me", replies the interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".
"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".
"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.
"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
Worst Joke Ever
Why is a elephant big grey and wrinkly?
Because if it was small white and smooth, it would be an aspirin
Why should aspiring interplanetary astronauts apply to NASA and ignore the speedier alternative?
Because the other program mars one's odds of survival.
Why don't black people use new Aspirin bottles?
they done like picking the cotton at the top
Being an aspiring musician is like getting a contract with Verizon.
10 gigs for $80 a month
A man suffers from Blepharospasm (constant, uncontrollable winking) in one eye...
he complains to a friend that it gives him the most awful head aches. His friend asks, why don't you just get some aspirin from the pharmacy. He replies, I do, but every time I ask the pharmacist for an aspirin he gives me a packet of condoms.
You got problems with parenting...
You start to get headaches. I follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two and keep away from children."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Arachidonic Acid say to the Aspirin at the inflama-party?
"Why you gotta be such a c**...-blocker!?!"
an I.Q too high to buy
A scientist tells a pharmacist, Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.
Do you mean aspirin? asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. That's it! he says. I can never
remember the name.
As an aspiring actor, I was somewhat surprised when I got detained by airport security today...
All I said was that I was in town to shoot a pilot...
Why must aspiring ninjas study the periodic table?
To master the element of surprise! - haha happy Saturday 🙂
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I Have Your Aspirin
A husband emerged from the bathroom n**... and was climbing into bed when his wife once again complained, "I have a headache."
"Don't worry," her husband said. I was just powdering myself with aspirin. You can take it o**... or as a suppository.
Why is an elephant large, gray, and wrinkled?
Because if it was small, white, and smooth, it would be an aspirin.
Two aspiring lawyers walk into the Bar
It was due to nepotism in the legal profession.
An aspiring actor turned thief has broken into Sydney Opera House.
Sources say he stole the spotlight.
Three aspiring lawyers walk into a bar.
Just kidding, they passed it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Aspirin
A man comes home to his wife one evening.
Honey, I'm home! He says and gives her a kiss.
I've brought you some Aspirin he says.
But I don't have a headache she replies.
Ok then. Let's have s**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man in California spent 3 months, 2 weeks, 5 days and 19 hours, sculpting and carving the biggest replica Aspirin tablet for the Guinness Book of World Records.... only to find out there was still one bigger and his was second place.
That must have been a hard pill to s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of German jokes...
Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of
strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies:
'Yes, she has become a p**... to subsidise her drug habit.'
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
My wife's an aspiring actor, and things most be going really well!
On her last flight to LA (she's a flight attendant) she told me she did multiple pilots!
