Aspirin Jokes

Following is our collection of acetaminophen humor and suppositories one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Aspirin puns for adults, dirty cabinets jokes or clean contraceptive gags for kids.

There is an abundance of orally jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 43 funniest jokes on aspirin. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any ibuprofen witze you can hear about aspirin.

The Best jokes about Aspirin

A man tells his wife before he goes to bed, "I'm gonna go get your aspirin"

The wife says, "Aspirin? I don't have a headache."
"Ah, HAH!!" The man exclaimed

A man goes up to his wife...

He holds out his hand offering her two aspirin and a glass of water.

She says with a puzzled look on her face "But I don't have a headache?"

He replies with a smirk on his face "good! We can have sex then."


A man and his wife are getting into bed for the night. The man brings a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin to the bedroom and sets it down on his wife's nightstand. She asks him "What's that for?" to which the man replies "That's for your headache." "Headache? I don't have a headache..." The man responds "Well then, looks like we're having sex tonight!"

Buying aspirin

Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.

"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."

"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"

A man gives his wife a glass of water and two aspirin

His wife says, "What are these for? I don't have a headache."

The man replies, "Great! Let's f***!"

A husband tells his wife, Honey, I got you some Aspirin!

The wife says, But I don't have a headache.

Great! Let's have sex!

Not Tonight

Guy brings his wife a glass of water and two pills. She looks puzzled. "What's this?"

He says, "Oh, these are your aspirin, sweetheart."

She says, "I don't have a headache."

To which the husband replies, "AH HA!"

As an aspiring actor, I was somewhat surprised when I got detained by airport security today...

All I said was that I was in town to shoot a pilot...

Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?

Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area

Being an aspiring musician is like getting a contract with Verizon.

10 gigs for $80 a month

A Wife's Headache

A man walks into his bedroom, where is wife is reading. "Honey, I brought you some aspirin for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."


A Winking Salesman!

A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.

"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.

"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".

"Then show me", replies the interviewer.

So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.

"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".

"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".

"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.

"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

Originally an Arabic joke!

A small town had one pharmacy until another opened across from the old one. A guy walks in the new pharmacy and asks the pharmacists for some Aspirin the pharmacist hands him one giant tablet, the man asks, How is this supposed to help? It's not gonna kill me? The pharmacist says Oh no, you see, we follow a modern approach to healing, you just have to take this entire tablet one time and you will be ok. The man pays the Pharmacist goes home and force the giant tablet down his throat and notices that it's acting fast! The same man comes back another time with a terrible cough and asks for a cough medicine. The pharmacist hands him a gallon size cough syrup bottle and says Drink the whole thing at once and you will be fine! the man thanks the pharmacist and follows his exact instruction, the cough goes away. On another day the pharmacist is standing outside his pharmacy when he sees the same man sneaking in and out the other pharmacy. The guy comes back weeks later asking for band aids the pharmacist refuses to sell him any of his giant ones and says You know I saw you going into the other pharmacy. I thought you are becoming a loyal client of mine! The man responses and says, Don't get me wrong sir, I am a loyal customer. I just needed some adult suppositories.


A man comes home to his wife one evening.

Honey, I'm home! He says and gives her a kiss.

I've brought you some Aspirin he says.

But I don't have a headache she replies.

Ok then. Let's have sex

Another blonde joke

A blonde tells her husband 'I've been thinking'

He replies 'Take two aspirin, the pain will clear right up'.

A man suffers from Blepharospasm (constant, uncontrollable winking) in one eye...

he complains to a friend that it gives him the most awful head aches. His friend asks, why don't you just get some aspirin from the pharmacy. He replies, I do, but every time I ask the pharmacist for an aspirin he gives me a packet of condoms.

Old sex life.

An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband's sex drive.

'What about trying Viagra?' asks the doctor.

Not a chance' says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."

'No problem,' replies the doctor. 'Drop it into his coffee,he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.'

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.

'Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.'

What happened?' asks the doctor.

'Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to
make wild passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible!

'What was terrible?' said the doctor, 'Was the sex not good?'

'Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years...
but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again!'

Always on duty

A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.

"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.

The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,

"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."

An aspiring writer once said, I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!

He now writes error messages for the Microsoft Corporation.

Aspiring thief breaks into theater...

Steals spotlight.

I just met the guy in all those pain reliever commercials on TV

It turns out that he's an aspirin actor.

How many aspiring actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub

Why are aspirins white?

Because they actually work.

What medication that can make people inspire you?


sorry guys

Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?

Because it would be economically unviable to market a pharmaceutical in such a vastly unpopulated area.

Husband : Honey I brought you some Aspirin

Wife : I don't have a headache!
Husband : Well then let's have sex

An old lady walks into a pharmacy

\- I would like to buy a pack of acetylsalicylic acid.

\- Do you mean aspirin?

\- Oh yes! I couldn't remember the name!

Aspiring thief enters theater

Steals spotlight

Why is there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because the parrots eat em all

A husband hands his wife some aspirin and a glass of water

Wife: What is the aspirin and the glass of water for?

Husband: It's for your headache.

Wife: But I don't have a headache.

Husband: Good, we can have sex then.

Three aspiring lawyers walk into a bar.

Just kidding, they passed it.

I was looking for a type of medicine to motivate me

My friend recommended Aspirin.
Because after taking it, I've been Aspirin to do great things

A man brings his wife as Aspirin...

She says, 'Why did you bring me this? I don't have a headache.' He says, 'Good, let's fuck!'.

Why must aspiring ninjas study the periodic table?

To master the element of surprise! - haha happy Saturday πŸ™‚

an I.Q too high to buy

A scientist tells a pharmacist, Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.

Do you mean aspirin? asks the pharmacist.

The scientist slaps his forehead. That's it! he says. I can never 
remember the name.

Worst Joke Ever

Why is a elephant big grey and wrinkly?

Because if it was small white and smooth, it would be an aspirin

I Have Your Aspirin

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife once again complained, "I have a headache."

"Don't worry," her husband said. I was just powdering myself with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository.

Why did the man who stole my crops take aspirin?

Because he had my grains

I am so Pro-Black...

That I don't even pick cotton from an Aspirin bottle...

what do you call a painter who gets terrible headaches?

an aspirin artist.

What did Arachidonic Acid say to the Aspirin at the inflama-party?

"Why you gotta be such a COX-blocker!?!"

Why is an elephant large, gray, and wrinkled?

Because if it was small, white, and smooth, it would be an aspirin.

Two aspiring lawyers walk into the Bar

It was due to nepotism in the legal profession.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes