Aspirin Jokes
67 aspirin jokes and hilarious aspirin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about aspirin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Aspirin Short Jokes
Short aspirin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The aspirin humour may include short paracetamol jokes also.
- A man tells his wife before he goes to bed, "I'm gonna go get your aspirin" The wife says, "Aspirin? I don't have a headache."
"Ah, HAH!!" The man exclaimed - When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.
- Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest? Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area
- A Wife's Headache A man walks into his bedroom, where is wife is reading. "Honey, I brought you some aspirin for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
"Gotcha!" - Another blonde joke A blonde tells her husband 'I've been thinking'
He replies 'Take two aspirin, the pain will clear right up'. - When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
- I just met the guy in all those pain reliever commercials on TV It turns out that he's an aspirin actor.
- Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest? Because it would be economically unviable to market a pharmaceutical in such a vastly unpopulated area.
- A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid? You mean aspirin? asked the pharmacist.
That's it! I can never remember that word. - A man wakes up his wife midnight "Hey my love, here is your aspirin!"
"But I don't have a headache?"
"Great!"
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Aspirin One Liners
Which aspirin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with aspirin? I can suggest the ones about painkillers and pills.
- You shouldn't worry about headaches I mean, it's all in your head.
- Why are aspirins white? Because they actually work.
- What medication that can make people inspire you? Aspirin
sorry guys - Why is there no aspirin in the jungle? Because the parrots eat em all
- Why did the man who stole my crops take aspirin? Because he had my grains
- I am so Pro-Black... That I don't even pick cotton from an Aspirin bottle...
- what do you call a painter who gets terrible headaches? an aspirin artist.
- Why is there no Aspirin in the jungle? 'Cause paracetamol.
- What's an optimist's favourite drug? Aspirin.
- What's the sexiest medicine? Aspirin.
*I'll see myself out.* - Your Mom is so fat.... She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
- Aspirin is a Placebo!!! That sense of relief you're feeling is all in your head.
- Yo mama is so fat that she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
- Why can you never find aspirin in the jungle? Because the paracetamol.
- I got into an fight with a bottle of aspirin. It turned into a he said, nsaid argument.
Cheerful Fun Aspirin Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about aspirin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean asparagus jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make aspirin pranks.
How many aspiring actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub
Headaches
A man and his wife are getting into bed for the night. The man brings a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin to the bedroom and sets it down on his wife's nightstand. She asks him "What's that for?" to which the man replies "That's for your headache." "Headache? I don't have a headache..." The man responds "Well then, looks like we're having s**... tonight!"
Buying aspirin
Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.
"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."
"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"
Always on duty
A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."
A Winking Salesman!
A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.
"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".
"Then show me", replies the interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".
"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".
"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.
"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
Worst Joke Ever
Why is a elephant big grey and wrinkly?
Because if it was small white and smooth, it would be an aspirin
A man goes up to his wife...
He holds out his hand offering her two aspirin and a glass of water.
She says with a puzzled look on her face "But I don't have a headache?"
He replies with a smirk on his face "good! We can have s**... then."
Why should aspiring interplanetary astronauts apply to NASA and ignore the speedier alternative?
Because the other program mars one's odds of survival.
An aspiring writer once said, I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!
He now writes error messages for the Microsoft Corporation.
A man brings his wife as Aspirin...
She says, 'Why did you bring me this? I don't have a headache.' He says, 'Good, let's f**...!'.
Being an aspiring musician is like getting a contract with Verizon.
10 gigs for $80 a month
A man suffers from Blepharospasm (constant, uncontrollable winking) in one eye...
he complains to a friend that it gives him the most awful head aches. His friend asks, why don't you just get some aspirin from the pharmacy. He replies, I do, but every time I ask the pharmacist for an aspirin he gives me a packet of condoms.
What did Arachidonic Acid say to the Aspirin at the inflama-party?
"Why you gotta be such a c**...-blocker!?!"
A man gives his wife a glass of water and two aspirin
His wife says, "What are these for? I don't have a headache."
The man replies, "Great! Let's f***!"
an I.Q too high to buy
A scientist tells a pharmacist, Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.
Do you mean aspirin? asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. That's it! he says. I can never
remember the name.
As an aspiring actor, I was somewhat surprised when I got detained by airport security today...
All I said was that I was in town to shoot a pilot...
Why must aspiring ninjas study the periodic table?
To master the element of surprise! - haha happy Saturday 🙂
Not Tonight
Guy brings his wife a glass of water and two pills. She looks puzzled. "What's this?"
He says, "Oh, these are your aspirin, sweetheart."
She says, "I don't have a headache."
To which the husband replies, "AH HA!"
An old lady walks into a pharmacy
\- I would like to buy a pack of acetylsalicylic acid.
\- Do you mean aspirin?
\- Oh yes! I couldn't remember the name!
Aspiring thief breaks into theater...
Steals spotlight.
I Have Your Aspirin
A husband emerged from the bathroom n**... and was climbing into bed when his wife once again complained, "I have a headache."
"Don't worry," her husband said. I was just powdering myself with aspirin. You can take it o**... or as a suppository.
A husband tells his wife, Honey, I got you some Aspirin!
The wife says, But I don't have a headache.
Great! Let's have s**...!
An aspiring thief broke into a theater.
He stole the spotlight.
Why is an elephant large, gray, and wrinkled?
Because if it was small, white, and smooth, it would be an aspirin.
Aspiring thief enters theater
Steals spotlight
A husband hands his wife some aspirin and a glass of water
Wife: What is the aspirin and the glass of water for?
Husband: It's for your headache.
Wife: But I don't have a headache.
Husband: Good, we can have s**... then.
Two aspiring lawyers walk into the Bar
It was due to nepotism in the legal profession.
An aspiring actor turned thief has broken into Sydney Opera House.
Sources say he stole the spotlight.
Three aspiring lawyers walk into a bar.
Just kidding, they passed it.
I was looking for a type of medicine to motivate me
My friend recommended Aspirin.
Why
Because after taking it, I've been Aspirin to do great things
Aspirin
A man comes home to his wife one evening.
Honey, I'm home! He says and gives her a kiss.
I've brought you some Aspirin he says.
But I don't have a headache she replies.
Ok then. Let's have s**...
Husband : Honey I brought you some Aspirin
Wife : I don't have a headache!
Husband : Well then let's have s**...
A man in California spent 3 months, 2 weeks, 5 days and 19 hours, sculpting and carving the biggest replica Aspirin tablet for the Guinness Book of World Records.... only to find out there was still one bigger and his was second place.
That must have been a hard pill to s**....
A chemist walks into a pharmacy...
With a pained expression the chemist asks the pharmacist for some acetylsalicylic acid.
The pharmacist looks confused as he asks, "You mean aspirin?"
The chemist, still in pain replies with exasperation, "Yes! I can never remember that word." (Credit to Mr. Wilgus, my high school chemistry teacher 43 years ago.)
[edit for formatting]
A couple of German jokes...
Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of
strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies:
'Yes, she has become a p**... to subsidise her drug habit.'
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
My wife's an aspiring actor, and things most be going really well!
On her last flight to LA (she's a flight attendant) she told me she did multiple pilots!