The Best 43 Aspirin Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Aspirin jokes. There are some aspirin suppositories jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these aspirin contraceptive puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Aspirin Jokes and Puns

How many aspiring actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub

Headaches

A man and his wife are getting into bed for the night. The man brings a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin to the bedroom and sets it down on his wife's nightstand. She asks him "What's that for?" to which the man replies "That's for your headache." "Headache? I don't have a headache..." The man responds "Well then, looks like we're having sex tonight!"

Buying aspirin

Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.

"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."

"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"

Aspirin joke, Buying aspirin

Always on duty

A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.

"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.

The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,

"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."

Another blonde joke

A blonde tells her husband 'I've been thinking'

He replies 'Take two aspirin, the pain will clear right up'.


A Winking Salesman!

A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.

"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.

"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".

"Then show me", replies the interviewer.

So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.

"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".

"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".

"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.

"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

Why are aspirins white?

Because they actually work.

Aspirin joke, Why are aspirins white?

A Wife's Headache

A man walks into his bedroom, where is wife is reading. "Honey, I brought you some aspirin for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."

"Gotcha!"

Worst Joke Ever

Why is a elephant big grey and wrinkly?

Because if it was small white and smooth, it would be an aspirin

What medication that can make people inspire you?

Aspirin

sorry guys

A man goes up to his wife...

He holds out his hand offering her two aspirin and a glass of water.

She says with a puzzled look on her face "But I don't have a headache?"

He replies with a smirk on his face "good! We can have sex then."

You can explore aspirin acetaminophen reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean aspirin cabinets dad jokes. There are also aspirin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


An aspiring writer once said, I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!

He now writes error messages for the Microsoft Corporation.

Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?

Because it would be economically unviable to market a pharmaceutical in such a vastly unpopulated area.

A man brings his wife as Aspirin...

She says, 'Why did you bring me this? I don't have a headache.' He says, 'Good, let's fuck!'.

Being an aspiring musician is like getting a contract with Verizon.

10 gigs for $80 a month

A man suffers from Blepharospasm (constant, uncontrollable winking) in one eye...

he complains to a friend that it gives him the most awful head aches. His friend asks, why don't you just get some aspirin from the pharmacy. He replies, I do, but every time I ask the pharmacist for an aspirin he gives me a packet of condoms.

Aspirin joke, A man suffers from Blepharospasm (constant, uncontrollable winking) in one eye...

A man gives his wife a glass of water and two aspirin

His wife says, "What are these for? I don't have a headache."

The man replies, "Great! Let's f***!"

Why did the man who stole my crops take aspirin?

Because he had my grains

an I.Q too high to buy

A scientist tells a pharmacist, Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.

Do you mean aspirin? asks the pharmacist.

The scientist slaps his forehead. That's it! he says. I can never 
remember the name.


As an aspiring actor, I was somewhat surprised when I got detained by airport security today...

All I said was that I was in town to shoot a pilot...

Why is there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because the parrots eat em all

Why must aspiring ninjas study the periodic table?

To master the element of surprise! - haha happy Saturday πŸ™‚

Not Tonight

Guy brings his wife a glass of water and two pills. She looks puzzled. "What's this?"

He says, "Oh, these are your aspirin, sweetheart."

She says, "I don't have a headache."

To which the husband replies, "AH HA!"

An old lady walks into a pharmacy

\- I would like to buy a pack of acetylsalicylic acid.

\- Do you mean aspirin?

\- Oh yes! I couldn't remember the name!

Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?

Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area

A man tells his wife before he goes to bed, "I'm gonna go get your aspirin"

The wife says, "Aspirin? I don't have a headache."
"Ah, HAH!!" The man exclaimed

Aspiring thief breaks into theater...

Steals spotlight.

I Have Your Aspirin

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife once again complained, "I have a headache."

"Don't worry," her husband said. I was just powdering myself with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository.

A husband tells his wife, Honey, I got you some Aspirin!

The wife says, But I don't have a headache.

Great! Let's have sex!

Why is an elephant large, gray, and wrinkled?

Because if it was small, white, and smooth, it would be an aspirin.

Aspiring thief enters theater

Steals spotlight

A husband hands his wife some aspirin and a glass of water

Wife: What is the aspirin and the glass of water for?

Husband: It's for your headache.

Wife: But I don't have a headache.

Husband: Good, we can have sex then.

I just met the guy in all those pain reliever commercials on TV

It turns out that he's an aspirin actor.

Three aspiring lawyers walk into a bar.

Just kidding, they passed it.

I was looking for a type of medicine to motivate me

My friend recommended Aspirin.
Why
Because after taking it, I've been Aspirin to do great things

Aspirin

A man comes home to his wife one evening.

Honey, I'm home! He says and gives her a kiss.

I've brought you some Aspirin he says.

But I don't have a headache she replies.

Ok then. Let's have sex

Husband : Honey I brought you some Aspirin

Wife : I don't have a headache!
Husband : Well then let's have sex

A man wakes up his wife midnight

"Hey my love, here is your aspirin!"

"But I don't have a headache?"

"Great!"

A man in California spent 3 months, 2 weeks, 5 days and 19 hours, sculpting and carving the biggest replica Aspirin tablet for the Guinness Book of World Records.... only to find out there was still one bigger and his was second place.

That must have been a hard pill to swallow.

A chemist walks into a pharmacy...

With a pained expression the chemist asks the pharmacist for some acetylsalicylic acid.

The pharmacist looks confused as he asks, "You mean aspirin?"

The chemist, still in pain replies with exasperation, "Yes! I can never remember that word." (Credit to Mr. Wilgus, my high school chemistry teacher 43 years ago.)

[edit for formatting]

Why can't pirates take aspirin for their headaches?

Parrots-eat-em-all

A couple of German jokes...

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of
strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies:
'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?

You mean aspirin? asked the pharmacist.

That's it! I can never remember that word.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the aspirin orally jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working aspirin ibuprofen piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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