Asphyxiation Jokes

Following is our collection of fatality humor and tweetable one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Asphyxiation puns for adults, dirty suffocation jokes or clean targaryen gags for kids.

There is an abundance of dying jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 29 funniest jokes on asphyxiation. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any physician witze you can hear about asphyxiation.

The Best jokes about Asphyxiation

My depressed roommate is into autoerotic asphyxiation

Every time I see a noose around his head, I don't know if he's coming or going

I am starting a support group for guys dealing with Autoerotic Asphyxiation.

Our motto is: "Hang in there, we can beat it."

Some guys at my school got caught trying autoerotic asphyxiation

One got suspended, the others got off.

How does a chihuahua kill a rottweiler?

Asphyxiation.

You know, said Arthur, it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.

You know, said Arthur, it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.

Why, what did she tell you?

I don't know, I didn't listen.


*- Douglas Adams, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy*


What'd they call the movie about auto erotic asphyxiation?

Die Hard

Not all of the weird sexual stuff you hear about is as good as it's cracked up to be...

I mean you can tell me how great autoerotic asphyxiation is till you're blue in the face.

My friend has a PhD in sexual deviancy

She can talk about autoerotic asphyxiation until she's blue in the face!

Did you hear about the man who was into asphyxiation and vegetables?

He liked being artichoked.

I watched Die Hard the other day...

Was disappointed. The movie had *nothing* to do with autoerotic asphyxiation.

You know, I'm into auto erotic asphyxiation, but there is one downside.

You can never really tell if your coming or going.


A Plant's Guide to Autoerotic Asphyxiation

By Artichoke

Why is singing like autoerotic asphyxiation?

Because sometimes you just gotta belt it out

What do you call it when your sex robot chokes you too hard and you die?

Bot-o erotic asphyxiation.

Autoerotic asphyxiation is the biggest gamble

You don't know whether you're cuming or going

Due to grocery stores switching from paper bags to plastic bags, a serious problem has arisen.

An unprecedented number of ugly girls have died of asphyxiation during sex.

This will ruin some of your childhoods. How did Reggie Rocket's brother die?

Otto Rocket Asphyxiation

I think my girlfriend wants me to try autoerotic asphyxiation...

... every time I talk to her about sex she leaves me hanging!

Autoerotic Asphyxiation....

How do you even get into something like that? Do you just jump in head first or do you have someone show you the ropes?


Kid pulls prank on teachers seat with glue. Teacher dies due to...

Asphyxiation.

My friend can talk about auto-erotic asphyxiation

til he's blue in the face.

My cousin was born with a silver spoon in her mouth.

Unfortunately, she died from asphyxiation almost immediately.

I prefer to use the medical term for being Friendzoned:

Autoplatonic asphyxiation.

A vegetarian was into erotic asphyxiation, but he died.

He artichoked.

How do you kill a car via strangulation?

Auto asphyxiation.

I have this weird kink where I like to be choked with decorative gourds.

It's called Autumn-Erotic Asphyxiation.

Erotic asphyxiation is confusing

I can't tell if people are coming or going

David Carradine , An American actor and martial Artist died due fatal autoerotic asphyxiation accident .

I guess you can say that ,

*Puts on Sunglasses*

He Died Hard!

I'm into autoerotic asphyxiation

Bc my crush said she only goes out with well hung men.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes