The Best 49 Asphalt Jokes

Following is our collection of Asphalt jokes which are very funny. There are some asphalt potholes jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these asphalt chunk puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Asphalt Jokes and Puns

A man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar.

He says to the bartender, "A beer for me, and one for the road."

A man walks into a pub...

...and lifts a lump of asphalt onto the bar. He says to the barman, "One for me and one for the road."

Flight attendant landed this one on us yesterday

We just landed on the runway and the flight attendant annouces a message over the speaker.

"Hey folks...um yea sorry about that rough landing...

...wasn't the captains fault,

...definitely wasn't my fault,

...it was the asphalt."

The result: a perfect mix of laughs and groans.

Asphalt joke, Flight attendant landed this one on us yesterday

A guy walks into a bar with a bit of asphalt.

He walks up to the bar tender and says 'I'll have a beer and one for the road'.

A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.

He says to the bartender, "Give me a beer, please, and one for the road."

***

I'm^so^sorry


A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt.

The man says, "A beer please, and one for the road!"

Two pieces of asphalt are at a bar

A piece of red asphalt walks in. One says to the other "watch out for him, he used to be a cyclepath".

Asphalt joke, Two pieces of asphalt are at a bar

A man walks into a bar while carrying a chunk of asphalt under his arm....

he says, "Hey! Bartender! Two beers please." The bartender looks at him with a confused look and asked, "Why two? Are you waiting on someone?" The man responds, "Nah, I need for me and one for the road."

why couldn't the asphalt company be prosecuted for fraud?

Because there was no concrete evidence

What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack?

An asphalt

If you fall outta your car in your driveway,

it's your own asphalt.

You can explore asphalt headlights reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean asphalt muddy dad jokes. There are also asphalt puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A man walks in to a bar with a square foot of asphalt under his arm

"What can I get for you?" the bartender asks.
"I'll have a beer and one for the road."

A traveling companion.

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and orders, "I'll have a pint, please. And one for the road."

She was only a roadworker's daughter

but she sure liked having her asphalt.

Asphalt...

It's the word on the streets

A guy walks into a bar...

...with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says to the bartender "I'll take a drink, and one for the road."

Asphalt joke, A guy walks into a bar...

A woman was killed after walking in front of a street paver.

It was her own dumb asphalt.

My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall

But it was his dumb asphalt

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks for a beer

The bartender nods,
"and how about one for the road?"


A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt

He says to the bar tender: I want two drinks, one for me right now and one for the road.

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt in his hand. He puts the asphalt on the chair next him and says to the bartender:

One beer for me and one for the road.

A man walks into a bar. . .

A man walks into a bar carrying a chunk of asphalt.
To the bartender, he says, "I'll have two beers, one for me and one for the road."

Why don't donkeys like parking lots?

Because it's always the asphalt.

A man walks into a bar with his arm covered in asphalt..

...and says to the bartender, "Gimme a beer, and one for the road"

Why was there a crack in the road?

It was the *asphalt*.

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt.

The bartender asks, What can I get for ya?

The man says, A beer for me, and another for the road.

I screwed up when I paved my private road...

I guess it's my own dumb asphalt.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under one arm and says,

A beer please, and one for the road,

My friend uses concrete and asphalt interchangeably

He says it's just a matter of cementics

What do you call a gun made fully from concrete?

An asphalt rifle

Solid joke right?

My neighbor yelled at me for messing with his driveway

But it was his dumb asphalt

A donkey and his farmer were hauling some corn on an old road

when a wheel broke, cracking the road underneath. The township sued the farmer for road repairs, but a judge dismissed the case stating "it's not the ass's fault asphalt has faults"

A guy goes to the bar holding a piece of asphalt...

He says 2 beers one for me and one for the road.

Why did the man go to prison for humping a road?

Sexual Asphalt Charges.

My donkey stumbled on the road, bucking me off. Who's fault was it?

It was the asphalt.

A man holding a slab of asphalt walked into a bar

He said "I'll take two beers, one for me and one for the road"

What did the road inspector tell the road builder...

When he built the roadway wrong?

It's not my asphalt, it's your asphalt.

Man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt....

Give me a beer.... and one for the road too.

I was on a flight a few weeks ago, and our descent was very turbulent, followed by a hard landing that was quite jarring.

Once on the ground, our flight attendant announced, "Well, folks, that wasn't my fault, and it wasn't the captain's fault, but it was definitely the as-phalt."

The passenger reactions were a mix of chuckles and groans.

Shoutout to our Southwest Airlines flight crew from BUR-LAS flight 4606, good job keeping things safe!

Okay. So...

A roadworker walked into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He says to the bartender, "A beer please, and one for the road!"

After taking his asphalt to the bar and asking for one beer for him, and one for the road, the bartender refuses the man's offer.

'I won't serve him!' He says, 'he's a cyclepath!'

A stupid bar joke

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm he says, I'll have one for me and one for the road .

The other day I got caught rubbing my butt on a new parking lot

It wasn't my fault, it was my asphalt.

I live near Hell, Michigan. Driving home today, we went past a sign pointing down a road that leads to Hell.

My dad pointed to it and said, That road goes to Hell. Know how you can tell? This is asphalt and that's good intentions.

What is big, black, and frequently walked all over?

Asphalt.

A man walked into a bar with some asphalt on his arm

He said: "Two beers please, one for me and one for the road"

What do you call a firm yet defective butt?

asphalt

My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall...

But it was his own dumb asphalt...

Dont blame others for the road you're on

Thats your own asphalt

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the asphalt cobblestone jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working asphalt concrete piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes