Asphalt Jokes

Following is our collection of headlights humor and potholes one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Asphalt puns for adults, dirty muddy jokes or clean chunk gags for kids.

There is an abundance of cobblestone jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 40 funniest jokes on asphalt. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any concrete witze you can hear about asphalt.

The Best jokes about Asphalt

My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall

But it was his dumb asphalt

A man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar.

He says to the bartender, "A beer for me, and one for the road."

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks for a beer

The bartender nods,
"and how about one for the road?"

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt.

The bartender asks, What can I get for ya?

The man says, A beer for me, and another for the road.

Flight attendant landed this one on us yesterday

We just landed on the runway and the flight attendant annouces a message over the speaker.

"Hey folks...um yea sorry about that rough landing...

...wasn't the captains fault,

...definitely wasn't my fault,

...it was the asphalt."

The result: a perfect mix of laughs and groans.


A man walks into a bar while carrying a chunk of asphalt under his arm....

he says, "Hey! Bartender! Two beers please." The bartender looks at him with a confused look and asked, "Why two? Are you waiting on someone?" The man responds, "Nah, I need for me and one for the road."

What do you call a gun made fully from concrete?

An asphalt rifle

Solid joke right?

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under one arm and says,

A beer please, and one for the road,

Why did the man go to prison for humping a road?

Sexual Asphalt Charges.

A woman was killed after walking in front of a street paver.

It was her own dumb asphalt.

If you fall outta your car in your driveway,

it's your own asphalt.


A guy walks into a bar...

...with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says to the bartender "I'll take a drink, and one for the road."

Three Girls and The Back Door

A young man was curious as to what girls thought about sex in the "back-door". So, out of curiosity and a lack of shame, he decides to ask three different girls if they would like to try it in the "back door".

The first girl he asked was American, and when asked about her opinion she punched the young man to the asphalt before storming off.

The second girl he asked was French, and when asked about her opinion she blushed and said that she would be willing to try anything once.

The third girl he asked was German, and when asked about her opinion she said, "Alright! Bend over!"

I screwed up when I paved my private road...

I guess it's my own dumb asphalt.

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt in his hand. He puts the asphalt on the chair next him and says to the bartender:

One beer for me and one for the road.

My friend uses concrete and asphalt interchangeably

He says it's just a matter of cementics

My neighbor yelled at me for messing with his driveway

But it was his dumb asphalt

A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt

He says to the bar tender: I want two drinks, one for me right now and one for the road.

I was on a flight a few weeks ago, and our descent was very turbulent, followed by a hard landing that was quite jarring.

Once on the ground, our flight attendant announced, "Well, folks, that wasn't my fault, and it wasn't the captain's fault, but it was definitely the as-phalt."

The passenger reactions were a mix of chuckles and groans.

Shoutout to our Southwest Airlines flight crew from BUR-LAS flight 4606, good job keeping things safe!


Asphalt...

It's the word on the streets

A stupid bar joke

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm he says, I'll have one for me and one for the road .



Sorry if this is a repost I'm not on Reddit very much

A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt.

The man says, "A beer please, and one for the road!"

After taking his asphalt to the bar and asking for one beer for him, and one for the road, the bartender refuses the man's offer.

'I won't serve him!' He says, 'he's a cyclepath!'

A man walks into a bar. . .

A man walks into a bar carrying a chunk of asphalt.
To the bartender, he says, "I'll have two beers, one for me and one for the road."

What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack?

An asphalt

A donkey and his farmer were hauling some corn on an old road

when a wheel broke, cracking the road underneath. The township sued the farmer for road repairs, but a judge dismissed the case stating "it's not the ass's fault asphalt has faults"

I live near Hell, Michigan. Driving home today, we went past a sign pointing down a road that leads to Hell.

My dad pointed to it and said, That road goes to Hell. Know how you can tell? This is asphalt and that's good intentions.

What is big, black, and frequently walked all over?

Asphalt.

A guy walks into a bar with a bit of asphalt.

He walks up to the bar tender and says 'I'll have a beer and one for the road'.

Okay. So...

A roadworker walked into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He says to the bartender, "A beer please, and one for the road!"

A guy goes to the bar holding a piece of asphalt...

He says 2 beers one for me and one for the road.

A man walks into a bar with his arm covered in asphalt..

...and says to the bartender, "Gimme a beer, and one for the road"

A traveling companion.

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and orders, "I'll have a pint, please. And one for the road."

A man walks into a pub...

...and lifts a lump of asphalt onto the bar. He says to the barman, "One for me and one for the road."

The other day I got caught rubbing my butt on a new parking lot

It wasn't my fault, it was my asphalt.

Why don't donkeys like parking lots?

Because it's always the asphalt.

Man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt....

Give me a beer.... and one for the road too.

What did the road inspector tell the road builder...

When he built the roadway wrong?

It's not my asphalt, it's your asphalt.

A man holding a slab of asphalt walked into a bar

He said "I'll take two beers, one for me and one for the road"

My donkey stumbled on the road, bucking me off. Who's fault was it?

It was the asphalt.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes