Asparagus Jokes

Following is our collection of shallot humor and radish one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Asparagus puns for adults, dirty spinach jokes or clean rosemary gags for kids.

There is an abundance of onion jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 36 funniest jokes on asparagus. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any crispr witze you can hear about asparagus.

The Best jokes about Asparagus

I asked my wife to grab 6 asparagus stalks from the garden. She came back with 7.

The last one was just a spare, I guess.

I bought 10 asparagus at the store but when I got home I realized I had 11

It was just a spare, I guess.

A boy is about to go on his first date, is worried about keeping the conversation flowing, and asks his older brother's advice

His older brother tells him to remember the 3 F's: Family, Food, and Filosophy; and to start ask questions about them.

On their date, there is a lull in the conversation and the boy decides to heed his brother's advice. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"

"No," the girl replies.

"Ah, well, do you like asparagus?"

"No," she replies again.

Losing composure, the boy asks, "Well, if you had a brother, would he like asparagus?"

Asparagus joke, A boy is about to go on his first date, is worried about keeping the conversation flowing, and asks

What do you call a sad asparagus?

Despairagus =/

Why is there no such thing as a punapple?

Because the best puns come in pears.

(Original joke made up by me and my friend the other day as we were high and ate pineapple... the asparagus guy inspired me to share)

Why is it always a good idea to pack asparagus when you go camping?

In case your other agus breaks.

A man goes to the dentist...

A dentist found something wrong with one of his patients. The upper plate that had been put in earlier was corroding. "What have you been eating?" the dentists asked the man.

"All I can think of is that about three months ago my wife made some asparagus and put Hollandaise sauce on it. I loved it so much, I put it on everything now."

"That's the problem," the dentist said, frowning. "Hollandaise sauce contains lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."

"Why chrome?"

"It's simple. Everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise."

Asparagus joke, A man goes to the dentist...

I don't like asparagus

It makes my pee taste funny

What's Lady Gaga's favorite food?

Sushi because they serve it raw, raw, raw\-raw\-raw!

(sorry I just saw the guy get to the front page with his stoned asparagus joke, so I wanted to try mine).

Do you like Asparagus Soup ?

"Honey, do you like Asparagus ?"


"Do you like soup ?"

'Not really, why are you asking ?'

"Because you may not like what I did..."

'What ? Did you make Asparagus Soup ? '

"No, I've slept with your sister"

What do you call an asparagus that wants to be a better person?


I got a flat tire

I shoulda bought asparagus.

How are buttsex and asparagus the same?

If you're forced to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult.

What did Mario say when his friend Gus was about to be shot in front of him?


The definition of an asparagus:

A bean with aspirations of becoming a paintbrush.

What does a vegetarian say when their tyre goes flat?

I should've brought asparagus...

Asparagus joke, What does a vegetarian say when their tyre goes flat?

What does a vegetable use to change a flat?


What did the Italian asparagus say to the man trying to kill him?


What did the grocery store owner say to the customer that asked him if he sold tires?

He shrugged and said, "I've got asparagus."

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

The respirator.

(My dad told me this while he was cooking asparagus)

I should've brought asparagus

I have a flat tire

I got a flat tire on my way home from the grocery store

At least I have asparagus

What did the vegan say when she got a flat tire...

I should have brought asparagus.

What do you call a left over vegetable?

A spare I guess. (asparagus)

What do you suppose a vegetable farmer would use to replace a flat tire?


I made a freudian slip the other day.

I said I only need two emojis asparagus and peach. I mean Aubergene!

What's the one vegetable you wish you bought when you have a flat tire?


Two vegans blew a tire on the interstate...

One said to the other "I should have brought Asparagus."

Two men were riding in a car made of vegatables

They ran over a huge pothole and they blew a tire. One guy says to the other:
You should have brought asparagus

I got a flat tire

I should of brought asparagus

What do you call a group of men dressed up as asparagus?


Why does asparagus make your pee smell so bad?

Next time I'm just going to stir it with a straw like everybody else


A broccoli looks into the trunk of his new car and sees he has an extra tire.

he says "oh look I have a-spar-a-gus."

What's green and sings and dances fantastic?

Fred Asparagus. (I'm sorry, Holiday Inn was on TCM tonight.)

What's the best kind of vegetable to have in your car if you get a flat tire?

Asparagus? (A spare I guess?)

What do you call multiple men wearing asparagus outfits?


Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes