Asparagus Jokes
52 asparagus jokes and hilarious asparagus puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about asparagus that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you love to laugh at puns? Look no further than this collection of silly asparagus jokes! Featuring ridiculous puns about asparagus pee, leeks, casseroles, and shallots, these jokes are sure to have you in stitches. Read on for some much needed laughter!
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Funniest Asparagus Short Jokes
Short asparagus jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The asparagus humour may include short green beans jokes also.
- I asked my wife to grab 6 asparagus stalks from the garden. She came back with 7. The last one was just a spare, I guess.
- I bought 10 asparagus at the store but when I got home I realized I had 11 It was just a spare, I guess.
- Why is it always a good idea to pack asparagus when you go camping? In case your other agus breaks.
- What did the grocery store owner say to the customer that asked him if he sold tires? He shrugged and said, "I've got asparagus."
- What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The respirator.
(My dad told me this while he was cooking asparagus) - I made a freudian slip the other day. I said I only need two emojis asparagus and peach. I mean Aubergene!
- People say that asparagus makes your pee smell but its also true that your pee makes asparagus smell
- Broccoli A broccoli looks into the trunk of his new car and sees he has an extra tire.
he says "oh look I have a-spar-a-gus." - What's green and sings and dances fantastic? Fred Asparagus. (I'm sorry, Holiday Inn was on TCM tonight.)
- What's the best kind of vegetable to have in your car if you get a flat tire? Asparagus? (A spare I guess?)
Share These Asparagus Jokes With Friends
Asparagus One Liners
Which asparagus one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with asparagus? I can suggest the ones about eggplant and spinach.
- What do you call a sad asparagus? Despairagus =/
- I don't like asparagus It makes my pee taste funny
- What do you call an asparagus that wants to be a better person? Aspiregus
- What did Mario say when his friend Gus was about to be shot in front of him? Asparagus
- I got a flat tire I shoulda bought asparagus.
- The definition of an asparagus: A bean with aspirations of becoming a paintbrush.
- What does a vegetarian say when their tyre goes flat? I should've brought asparagus...
- What did the Italian asparagus say to the man trying to kill him? Aspargi
- What does a vegetable use to change a flat? Asparagus...
- What do you call a vegetable wheel you don't use? Asparagus
- What do you call a left over vegetable? A spare I guess. (asparagus)
- What do you call a group of men dressed up as asparagus? Asparaguys.
- What are the magic words for making a spoiled asparagus edible? Impairagus Repairagus
- John Green probably doesn't like vegetables. He certainly didn't asparagus.
- Roses are Red, Chocolates are Brown, My wife ate asparagus and wants me to go down.
Eating Asparagus Jokes
Here is a list of funny eating asparagus jokes and even better eating asparagus puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was peeing the other day, and my girlfriend said "were you eating asparagus?" She has a keen sense of taste.
Asparagus Pee Jokes
Here is a list of funny asparagus pee jokes and even better asparagus pee puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does asparagus make your pee smell so bad? Next time I'm just going to stir it with a straw like everybody else
Uproarious Asparagus Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about asparagus you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean broccoli jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make asparagus pranks.
Why is there no such thing as a punapple?
Because the best puns come in pears.
(Original joke made up by me and my friend the other day as we were high and ate pineapple... the asparagus guy inspired me to share)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's Lady Gaga's favorite food?
Sushi because they serve it raw, raw, raw\-raw\-raw!
(sorry I just saw the guy get to the front page with his s**... asparagus joke, so I wanted to try mine).
Do you like Asparagus Soup ?
"Honey, do you like Asparagus ?"
'No'
"Do you like soup ?"
'Not really, why are you asking ?'
"Because you may not like what I did..."
'What ? Did you make Asparagus Soup ? '
"No, I've slept with your sister"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How are buttsex and asparagus the same?
If you're forced to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult.
A boy is about to go on his first date, is worried about keeping the conversation flowing, and asks his older brother's advice
His older brother tells him to remember the 3 F's: Family, Food, and Filosophy; and to start ask questions about them.
On their date, there is a lull in the conversation and the boy decides to heed his brother's advice. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
"No," the girl replies.
"Ah, well, do you like asparagus?"
"No," she replies again.
Losing composure, the boy asks, "Well, if you had a brother, would he like asparagus?"
A man goes to the dentist...
A dentist found something wrong with one of his patients. The upper plate that had been put in earlier was corroding. "What have you been eating?" the dentists asked the man.
"All I can think of is that about three months ago my wife made some asparagus and put Hollandaise sauce on it. I loved it so much, I put it on everything now."
"That's the problem," the dentist said, frowning. "Hollandaise sauce contains lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
"Why chrome?"
"It's simple. Everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise."
What do you call an African tribal man that doesn't enjoy asparagus?
Spear chucker
What do you call an asparagus that can bowl really well?
a-strike-agus!
