Askes Jokes
31 askes jokes and hilarious askes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about askes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Askes Short Jokes
Short askes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The askes humour may include short servant jokes also.
- A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad... ...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for? - What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters. Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.
- I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with. She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
- I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
- The son went to his dad and asked him, "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" So the dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two." - I asked my mum "How much is a couple?" "2 or 3" she replied.
Probably explains why her marriage collapsed. - People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain. Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
- I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"
- I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
- I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
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Askes One Liners
Which askes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with askes? I can suggest the ones about confidently and prestigious.
- Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888 So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
- I saw 2 men in matching outfits I asked them if they were gay They arrested me
- Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing... It's always, "Is Pepsi okay?"
- I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ? She said - why would we choose you..
- If We're Going to Arm the Teachers All I ask is that the librarians get silencers
- I asked my North korean friend how it was there He said he couldnt complain
- What start with a W, and has 3 letters, but ends with a T I'm not asking
- What does idk stand for? I've asked lots of people but nobody seems to know.
- My wife asked if I could stop singing 'Wonderwall' I said maybe
- My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read any of it.
- My friend asked me if the new star wars was in 3D... ... and I said, yes, but they R2D2.
- Chuck Norris called 911 And asked if they needed help.
- My Roman doctor said I needed an IV. I asked: For what?
- Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls... I was in the women's bathroom.
- Scaring men is easy I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is..
Share Hilarious Askes Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about askes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean aback jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make askes pranks.
Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench
One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeons?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread.
A bunch of different birds are chilling in a large group when
Another type of bird comes out of nowhere. "sorry lads I've just arrived from europe!" says the bird,
"Ukraine?" askes another. "Nah mate I'm a pelican"
A teacher asked her students to write an essay about " what would I do if I were CEO of a company"
She notices one of the kids is just looking out the window. So she askes him "Why are you not writing your essay?"
He answers :"I'm waiting for my secretary to come and type it for me"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman with a baby and she decides to take the bus...
When she enters the bus, the bus driver says "thats an ugly baby." The now furious woman goes to sit in the back of the bus, the man beside her notices that she is mad and he askes what the problem was. The woman said "the bus driver insulted me" so the man responded with "really... you should go confront the driver, i'll hold your monkey for you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Idk if this one's been said but here you go. A man goes to the library and askes for a book about the best way to commit s**...
The librarian says frick off I know your not gonna return it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't Do It!
A slightly tipsy woman is watching TV and yells: "Don't go to the church you dumb b**...! Don't do it!"
Her husband askes: "What are you watching?"
She replies: "Our wedding video!"
Talking to women
A newlywed man was talking with an old war veteran about what to excpect in his upcoming marriage. After talking about several different topics the veteran turns to the newlywed and says the most complicated thing that you will come across in marriage is communication. Puzzled the newlywed askes why that is so. The veteran explains by saying that talking to a woman is a lot like walking in a minefield. You hope its clear but you never know when you are going to set her off.
A Welshman enters a game show....
A Welshman enters a game show, and he is given the choice of three doors: Behind one door is a car; behind the others, sheeps.
He chooses door # 1 and the host opens door #3 to reveal a sheep behind it.
The host askes, "Do you want to change your choice?"
To which the man replies, "Nay, I'm good."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man gets excited at his doctors appointment...
The doctor askes why he's excited
The man says he just got diagnosed with daily s**...
The doctor said no... It says dyslexia
A little girl goes to the violin teacher
When she opens the violin case, there is no violin but a tommy gun in it. The teacher is shocked, but the little girl is just giggling.
What so funny about this? the teacher askes her terrified.
You see, now my father is trying to rob the bank with a violin!
I hate it when my wife askes me to carry her handbag...
and it doesn't match my outfit!!
A professor askes his fellow mathematician what he was going to have for the night.
He replied 2 things - 1.77245385091
"A very Polite Deer"
A lizard is walking through the forest when he sees a rabbit knocked down. He askes what happened. The rabbit says "It was the deer. He's gone crazy and now he's hitting everyone with a bat, but I gotta say-he is very polite."
The lizard continues down the forest when he sees a bear also knocked down. He asks "What happened?" The bear responds "It was a deer. He has gone nuts! He hit me with a bat! But I can't not say, he is one very polite deer."
The lizard rushes to home, locks the door and goes to his room. He relaxes when from behind he hears...
"*good evening*"
The stranded Chinese, American and Dutch
So a Chinese, an American and a Dutch are stranded on an island. The American takes responsibility and says: "We need things to survive so I would say that go fish, you Chinese guy get some suplies and the Dutch should get firewood for the night."
Like the American said, it happend. In the evening the American is waiting with the Dutch at the fire and after some time the Dutch askes the American: "Nou seg, where is the Chinese?" He wasn't done yet when the Chinese jumps out a bush screaming:
"SUPLISE!!!"
Four CEOs meet up at a bar
Its the CEO of Budweiser, CEO of Heineken, CEO of Carlsberg and CEO of Guinness. The CEO from Budweiser orders a Bud and says "the best selling beer in america" and enjoys a sip. The CEO of Heineken orders him a Heineken, says "the best selling beer in Europe" and takes a sip. The CEO of Carlsberg takes a bottle of Carlsberg, takes a sip and say "probably the best beer in the world". The CEO of Guinness askes the bartender if he can have pepsi, all the other CEO's spits out their beer and start laughing at him and asks why he don't order a beer. The CEO of Guiness shrugs and said "if you girls ain't ordering beer, then neither am I."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... and Himmer walk into a bar...
The barman comes over, does a double-take, then askes them for a drink. h**... orders two brandys. After the barman returns and places the drinks in front of them he says-"I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend, but you guys look a lot like h**... and Himmler." h**... responds -" well that's because it is us." Shocked, the barman asks where have they been all this time, to which Himmler responds-"actually, we have been making preparations for our next plan. Would you like to hear it?" The barman says ok, so Himmler continues-"we plan on killing ten million jews and a dj." The barman asks -"why a dj?" to which Himmler turns to h**... and says-"see, no one cares about the jews."
