...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
I told her we use names here.
I don't know why she became so mad. It's pretty fucking hard to write on sand.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
She said "Fuck you".
So I'm pretty excited for 2019.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
I responded, "How about now?"
She said "fuck you". So i'm pretty excited about 2017.
So the dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two."
"2 or 3" she replied.
Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.
I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."
---
It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
I told her i'm pretty good but I don't think i'm ready to compete in a tournament yet.
I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,
"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,
"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"
I said, No. Is that still required?
They said it would be like winning the Lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.
He said "inflation"
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."
I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.
I thought, fuck me, I might win this
...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".
I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."
I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don't know either.
I've told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. After all, I said, The celebrations are only going to last half a minute.
What are you talking about? she asked.
I said, It's your thirty-second birthday.
asked a son to his father.
"It means 'happy,'" the father answered.
"Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
She asked me where I was going to find a dick to suck at this time of night.
So I told her she was the only one I had been with!
The others were all eights and nines.
The teacher asked me "If I gave you $20 and you gave $5 to Katie, $5 to Claire and $5 to Laura, what would you have?"
Apparently, 3 blowjobs and enough left for a kebab wasn't the answer...
I told her that I find big tits on babies disturbing.
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He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
"Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
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