Following is our collection of request puns and interrogate one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Asked jokes for adults, dirty inquire jokes and clean gave dad gags for kids.
...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
I responded, "How about now?"
So the dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two."
"2 or 3" she replied.
Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.
It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
So I looked in my pocket for change, but all I had on me was a $20 bill. I thought to myself "Do I really want this $20 going towards drugs?...Nah" So I gave him the 20.
I said, No. Is that still required?
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
He said "inflation"
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."
...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.
They arrested me
I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".
I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."
I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don't know either.
I've told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. After all, I said, The celebrations are only going to last half a minute.
What are you talking about? she asked.
I said, It's your thirty-second birthday.
asked a son to his father.
"It means 'happy,'" the father answered.
"Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
I am sorry, honey, I replied. What is wrong?
So I told her she was the only one I had been with!
The others were all eights and nines.
I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women.
We've updated our privacy policy
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
"Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."
I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."
I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job"
A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."
My parents are the worst.
My boss asked what companies?
Gas, water and electricity.
I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.
You've given me one too many.
That one is a freebie.
I said, Yes, but I was part of the control group.
They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
I said, Yes, but I'm here to get whiskey instead.
She said - why would we choose you..
The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over.
You've given me one too many I said.
That one is a freebie
Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?
I told him it's Ctrl-P. He says he hasn't been able to do that for ages.
Great, he said I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6. Stay in touch.
I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS!
She said, "You won't, but some of the smart kids might."
Nice tits, where you want me to hang the blinds?
She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton
"I'm not coming in tomorrow"
Haven't seen this one here so if it's been posted before I'm sorry
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."
I asked her: "What do you think it means?"
She smiled and said: "I don't know..."
Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.
I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.
The waiter asks, have you ever ordered here before?
The man replies, No, I haven't.
The waiter continues, We're a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form, and he hands a piece of paper to the man.
The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, We have naan at this restaurant. The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement.
The waiter replied, impatiently, Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.
"I am not Master Akira."
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
I made sure to fill her in
I said, It's for sound effects during sex.
He asked, Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?
I replied, No, I work in a morgue.
"Woah where did you get such a nice bike?" his fellow engineering student asked.
"I was walking down the street last night and this girl on her bike came up to me started taking off her clothes and said 'its all yours' so I just took the bike" he said.
His friend replied "Good choice bro the clothes probably didn't even fit you"
The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"
I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.
There is an abundance of query jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 60 funniest jokes and asked puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any told witze you can hear about asked.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.