Asked Jokes

Ever heard a joke that nobody asked for? Get ready to laugh out loud with our collection of questioned and unquestioned jokes. From whatever who asked to questioningly requested ones, these jokes will have you rolling on the floor.

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Best Short Asked Jokes

These are our top asked puns. Have fun with a good asked joke in English with simple asked humour.

  1. A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad... ...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
    Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?
  2. What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters. Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.
  3. I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with. She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
  4. As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn't* something trying to kill you... School is my answer
  5. I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
  6. The son went to his dad and asked him, "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" So the dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
    The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two."
  7. I asked my mum "How much is a couple?" "2 or 3" she replied.
    Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.
  8. People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain. Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
  9. I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"
  10. I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
Asked joke, I finally realized my parents favored my <a href="/twin-jokes.html" title="Twin jokes">twin</a> brot

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these asked jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of asked puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Asked One Liners

Which asked dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with asked?

  1. I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years I don't have 2020 vision
  2. Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888 So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
  3. I saw 2 men in matching outfits I asked them if they were gay They arrested me
  4. Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing... It's always, "Is Pepsi okay?"
  5. I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ? She said - why would we choose you..
  6. If We're Going to Arm the Teachers All I ask is that the librarians get silencers
  7. I saw 2 guys wearing matching outfits and asked if they were gay. They arrested me.
  8. I asked my North korean friend how it was there He said he couldnt complain
  9. What start with a W, and has 3 letters, but ends with a T I'm not asking
  10. What does idk stand for? I've asked lots of people but nobody seems to know.
  11. My wife asked if I could stop singing 'Wonderwall' I said maybe
  12. How do you get a group of loud Canadians to leave a party? You ask them.
  13. I usually ask people what LGBTQ means. I never get a straight answer.
  14. Today my son asked me, Dad are we pyromaniacs? I replied: yes, we arson.
  15. Two Karens are having lunch together The waiter stops by and asks "Is anything okay?"

Whatever Who Asked Jokes

Here is a list of funny whatever who asked jokes and even better whatever who asked puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" "Whatever means necessary," she replied.
    "No it doesn't," I said.
  • My black friend asked me where to find the color copier I said it's 2015 and he can use whatever copier he wants to
  • I was in the library the other day when a black man came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were? I replied, "Dude, it's 2018, you can use whatever printer you want."
  • My wife is fed up with my constant stream jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!" I chuckled, "No it doesn't!"
  • So my wife is fed up with my dad jokes and asked me to stop telling them. Me: how do you want me to stop?
    Wife: whatever means necessary.
    Me: ...? No it doesn't.
  • So I was in the library the other day... My black friend comes over and ask me where the color printers were at. I looked up and said "it's 2015 man you can use whatever printer you want".
  • A guy walks into a bar.. ..and orders a Jack Daniels with coke. The bartender asks if Pepsi is okay. "Whatever, sure" says the guy. So, the bartender mixes a Pepsi with coke for him.
  • Grandma said I she'd knit whatever I want if I pick the yarn... So I bought her some steel wool and asked her to knit me a car
  • A 7 y/o asks his mom at the dinner table... "Mom?"
    "Yes, honey?"
    "I can be whatever I want to be right?"
    "Yes, dear."
    "Then can I be a carnivore?"
    "...Eat your vegetables."
  • Joke of The Day A new Student came to the class. After telling the rest of the Children his name, the teacher asked, "what does your Father do"?
    Student :" Whatever Mom Says"

Nobody Asked Jokes

Here is a list of funny nobody asked jokes and even better nobody asked puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I've asked thousands of people what LGBTQ+ stands for. Nobody has given me a straight answer.
  • The German dream The teacher is talking about the American Dream in class and then asks the one German kid if they had a German dream. He responds, "We did, but nobody liked it."
  • Whenever I'm asked "What happened in 1492?", people are always surprised by my answer. Nobody expects "The Spanish Inquisition".
  • I asked so many people what LGBTQ+ means Nobody gave me a straight answer.
  • I've been asking people what LGBTQ means.... Nobody will give me a straight answer
  • I keep asking people what IDK stands for But nobody seems to know...
  • A termite walks into a bar... He waits and waits and nobody appears. He turns to a termite next to him and asks him, "Hey, is the bar tender here?". The second termite says, "Yeah. It's okay".
  • I asked my girlfriend to get me a newspaper... She said, "Nobody uses newspapers anymore use my iPad" and she was right, that spider died in one swing!
  • So a girl once asked me... "Hey wanna come over? Nobody will be home."
    So I came over. And nobody was home.
  • When people ask me where I got my well drawn tattoo, their always suprised when I say i got it in Spain. Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
Asked joke, When people ask me where I got my well drawn tattoo, their always suprised when I say i got it in Sp

Witty Asked Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about asked to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make asked prank.

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some w**... with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

A m**... was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the m**... if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."

I responded, "How about now?"

I was applying for Australian citizenship and the interviewer asked, Do you have a criminal record?

I said, No. Is that still required?

Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why.

He said "inflation"

Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have s**...?"

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."

When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word...

...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.

A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was

I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".

My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.

I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."

What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?

I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don't know either.

My wife is turning 32 soon...

I've told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. After all, I said, The celebrations are only going to last half a minute.
What are you talking about? she asked.
I said, It's your thirty-second birthday.

What does gay mean?

asked a son to his father.
"It means 'happy,'" the father answered.
"Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."

My wife asked me how she compared to past girlfriends...

So I told her she was the only one I had been with!
The others were all eights and nines.

My son came home as I was taking his door off it's hinges and asked Dad what are you doing?

We've updated our privacy policy

I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.

He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.

I called a s**... hotline in Iraq..

They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."
I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."
I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a h**..."
A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....

My boss asked what companies?
Gas, water and electricity.

Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell c**....

I would not have to sell c**... anymore.

I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

You've given me one too many.
That one is a freebie.

My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.

They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.

My girlfriend asked me if I could have a t**..., which of her friends I would choose.

Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.

I was browsing in a liquor store when an employee asked me Do you need help?

I said, Yes, but I'm here to get whiskey instead.

Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.

He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16

My girlfriend asked me if I could have a t**..., which of her friends I would choose...


I asked my Welsh mate how many s**... partners he's had.

He started counting and fell asleep.

I went up to this really cute homeless girl and asked if I could take her home

She looked ecstatic until I picked up her box and started walking away


An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest m**....
He said, "What are you doing father?"
"It's called m**...," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why father?" he asked.
"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.

My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house...

I told her, "Fear of the CIA".
She laughed, I laughed, the Amazon Echo laughed. I shot the Amazon Echo

I met two guys wearing matching clothing. So I asked them if they were gay.

They promptly arrested me

A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips...

"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."

I asked my boss "what's the difference between your wife and tomorrow?"

"I'm not coming in tomorrow"

Haven't seen this one here so if it's been posted before I'm sorry

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.

She whispered: "They're right behind you."

My wife screamed in pain during labor...

"What's wrong, honey?" I asked.
"*What's wrong*!?" she screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry, babe," I replied. "*What is* wrong?"

My mate asked me why I have s**... noises saved on my phone.

I said, It's for sound effects during s**....
He asked, Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?
I replied, No, I work in a morgue.

I asked my maths teacher, "Will we ever use any of this algebra?"

She said, "You won't, but some of the smart kids might."

At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'
'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

My wife asked for something shiny that goes from 0 - 200 in five seconds or less for our anniversary...

I bought her a scale. We're still not speaking.

My wife came home yesterday...

and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.
"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake."

My wife asked me why I carry around a gun in the house.

And I answered, because of the decepticons!
She laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, I shot Alexa.
It was a good time.

An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer

The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when e**...."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

A woman asked me what a c**... was

I made sure to fill her in

At breakfast, a man asked his wife What would you do I if won the lottery? She replied, I'd take half, and then leave you.

Great, he said I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6. Stay in touch.

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.
Wife: actually I'm holding my son.
Kidnapper: [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?
Wife: oh god.
Kidnapper: what?
Wife. you have my husband.

Up the mountain, a japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we, japanese, all look alike?"

"I am not Master Akira."

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?

The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day

She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton

I've been dating this homeless chick for a while now and it's starting to get serious.

She asked me to move out with her.

A 3 year old boy examined his t**... in bath

Mom He asked Are these my brains
Not yet She replied

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have s**...?"

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."

I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don't. And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can't be buried here. I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they're still alive!"

My grandad asked me how to print on his computer...

I told him it's Ctrl-P. He says he hasn't been able to do that for ages.

So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week

She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."
I asked her: "What do you think it means?"
She smiled and said: "I don't know..."
Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.
I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.

I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees

The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over.
You've given me one too many I said.
That one is a freebie

My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, What's wrong? . She screamed. These contractions are going to kill me!

I am sorry, honey, I replied. What is wrong?

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?

The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some w**... with her.

I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women.

I couldn't find the thingy that peels potatoes and carrots, so I asked my kids if they'd seen it...

Apparently, she left me two days ago...

I asked my doctor when we could anticipate an end to the coronavirus epidemic

He said I don't know. I'm not really into politics.

My wife asked me whether I experimented with s**... and drugs when I was in high school.

I said, Yes, but I was part of the control group.

My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee

Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"

At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" The inmate responded, "It's bec..."

Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice t**..., where you want me to hang the blinds?

A homeless guy asked me for money today

So I looked in my pocket for change, but all I had on me was a $20 bill. I thought to myself "Do I really want this $20 going towards drugs?...Nah" So I gave him the 20.

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.

A man walks into an Indian restaurant.

The waiter asks, have you ever ordered here before?
The man replies, No, I haven't.
The waiter continues, We're a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form, and he hands a piece of paper to the man.
The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, We have naan at this restaurant. The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement.
The waiter replied, impatiently, Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.

I asked my wife, I'm stuck on this crossword clue Overworked Postman — can you help?

She said, Sure. How many letters?
Me: I'm guessing—- Too many.

Asked joke, I asked my wife,  I'm stuck on this crossword clue  Overworked Postman — can you help?

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

Discover more jokes

The impact of these asked jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.