The Best 69 Aske Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Aske jokes. There are some aske ready jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these aske found puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Aske Jokes and Puns

I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.

She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".

I asked my mum "How much is a couple?"

"2 or 3" she replied.

Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.

I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ?

She said - why would we choose you..

Aske joke, I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ?

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than diamond earrings."

So I got her nothing

I asked my magic 8-ball which email client to use. It told me...

Outlook not so good.


Just asked Siri.

"Surely it's not going to rain today?"

She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"

...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.

I asked my girlfriend if looks and money were important to her when choosing a boyfriend...

she said "Clearly not."

:-(

Aske joke, I asked my girlfriend if looks and money were important to her when choosing a boyfriend...

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect..

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

I asked a German girl for her number today. Apparently it is 999-999-9999.

Weird right?

So I was asked the past tense of 'think' in a English test today

I thought and thought and thought and finally wrote 'thunk'.

I asked my Welsh friend how many times he'd had sex...

He started counting then fell asleep.

You can explore aske feces reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean aske lesbian dad jokes. There are also aske puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I asked my chemist friend if it took him 4 years to get his degree...

He said "Sodium Bromate."

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.

She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had.

He started counting but fell asleep.

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a screaming baby.

Apparently that's not allowed if the baby is yours.

I asked Siri " surely it isn't going to rain tomorrow"

and he replied " yes it is, and don't call me Shirley"...turns out I left airplane mode on

Aske joke, I asked Siri " surely it isn't going to rain tomorrow"

I asked my grandfather for twenty dollars.

"Twenty dollars?!" he said. "For what?"

"To buy groceries," I told him.

"When I was a boy," my grandfather said. "My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles of milk, a can of coffee and a box of tea."

He shrugged and paused.

"Times have changed and ya can't do that now," he told me. "Too many fuckin' security cameras."

I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs.

She replied "Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."

I asked my date if she'd ever done drugs.

"No," she said, taking a sip of her water.

I said, "Well, you have now."


I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he's had.

He started counting and fell asleep.

I once asked a New Zealander how many girlfriends he's had.

But he fell asleep while counting.

I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat.

She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

I asked Siri why I'm single

She opened the front camera

So I asked the bartender for a rum and coke. He said, "Is Pepsi okay?"

"Sure, whatever," I said.

So he handed me a glass of pepsi and coke.

I asked my North Korean pen pal how it was like living in North Korea

"I can't complain" he wrote back.

I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper...

She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.

That fly didn't stand a chance.

I asked my boss "what's the difference between your wife and tomorrow?"

"I'm not coming in tomorrow"


Haven't seen this one here so if it's been posted before I'm sorry

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.

She whispered: "They're right behind you."

I asked the librarian if she had the new book about short penises....

She said, "It's not in yet".
I replied, "YES, That's The Book!"

I asked someone in North Korea how their day was going...

They replied, "Can't complain."

I asked Siri "What do women want?"

My phone has not shut up for the past three days.

I asked my maths teacher, "Will we ever use any of this algebra?"

She said, "You won't, but some of the smart kids might."

I asked a prostitute

"How Much For A Hand Job?"

Lady: "50..Do You Want One Honey?"

I: "No…No, it just makes me happy To Know How Much I Save When I Do It My Self"

I asked my daughter to bring me my newspaper

She told me that newspapers are oldschool. She said me that people nowadays use tablets and handed me her iPad

That fly didn't stand a chance

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there

He said he couldnt complain

Someone asked me if I'd take a bullet for the last person I had sex with

I mean, obviously, anything for family

I asked my dad what it means to be gay.

But he didn't give me a straight answer.

I asked my grandpa..

I asked my grandpa: After 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What's the secret?

Grandpa: I forgot her name 5 years ago and I'm scared to ask her.

I asked my dad why did he become a pilot. He said, "to conquer my greatest fear."

"The fear of flying?", I asked.

"No," said dad. "The fear of dying alone."

I asked my buddy if he always puts an orange wedge in his beer.

He said, "Ehh not really. Maybe once in a Blue Moon."

I asked my boss, Can I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?

He said, It's May.

Sorry. , I replied, May I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?

I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today

He said Dream on. I think that was really nice of him.

I asked my priest if it might be a good idea to stop masturbating

##

## But he wouldn't.

I asked my girlfriend to 68 today

She said What's that?

I said That's when you blow me and I owe you one.

I asked a homeless girl if I could take her home.

She smiled and said yes! But seemed very surprised when I took her cardboard box and walked away.

I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall.

He said, Eh. I'll get over it.

I asked a chef if he ever served a steak raw..

He said yeah but it's rare.

I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day

She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"

I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton

I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd been with

She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens

I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his nut sack with a straight razor

He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the balls to try it again.

I asked my pregnant librarian when her baby was due

She said, "Oh the baby is mine, I get to keep it"

So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week

She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."

I asked her: "What do you think it means?"

She smiled and said: "I don't know..."

Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.

I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.

I asked my doctor when we could anticipate an end to the coronavirus epidemic

He said I don't know. I'm not really into politics.

I asked the doctor where I should put my pants during my prostate examination.

Over there next to mine, was not the answer I was expecting.

I asked my wife, I'm stuck on this crossword clue Overworked Postman β€” can you help?

She said, Sure. How many letters?

Me: I'm guessingβ€”- Too many.

I asked a girl for her name.

She said it was "Pitaka"

I said: "That's an unusual name, you don't hear that every day."

To which she replyed: "Actually, I do"

I asked my phone "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She said "I'm Alexa you moron."

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic.

He said: Sure, knock yourself out!

I asked my horse if he stole my thesaurus.

He said nope.

I asked a girl whether she would date a blue-collar man like me

She said blue or white don't matter, she's collar blind.

I asked Vincent van gogh to get me 6 eggs from the store, he came back with three...

Forgot he can only hear half of what I'm saying

I asked my Granddaughter to give me the newspaper. She said that newspapers are so out of date, and that people now use tablets, so she handed me her iPad.

That Fly didn't stand a chance.

I asked my dad to simply explain what an acorn is.

He said, "It's an oak tree, in a nutshell."

I asked a girl from my school out for a date; she only responded with a comment about our classes schedules

something about not having Chemistry together

I asked the IT guy at work, How do you make a motherboard?

He said, I usually tell her about my job.

I asked my friend, who has a lot of karma, how he did it…

He said it's called karma whoring…it's a piece of cake!

I asked out my crush in school today

Now I gotta look for a new job

I once asked my phone assistant for a joke.

All it did was turn on the selfie camera. What is that supposed to mean?

I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke, they said they were only into dark humor...

So I turned off the lights

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the aske complain jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working aske asked piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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