Aske Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Aske puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Aske

I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.

She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".

I asked my mum "How much is a couple?"

"2 or 3" she replied.

Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.

I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ?

She said - why would we choose you..

I asked my maths teacher, "Will we ever use any of this algebra?"

She said, "You won't, but some of the smart kids might."

I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day

She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"

I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton


I asked my boss "what's the difference between your wife and tomorrow?"

"I'm not coming in tomorrow"


Haven't seen this one here so if it's been posted before I'm sorry

I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper...

I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.

That fly didn't stand a chance.

So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week

She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."

I asked her: "What do you think it means?"

She smiled and said: "I don't know..."

Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.

I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.

I asked my doctor when we could anticipate an end to the coronavirus epidemic

He said I don't know. I'm not really into politics.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.

She whispered: "They're right behind you."

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there

He said he couldnt complain


I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he's had.

He started counting and fell asleep.

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.

She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

I asked a prostitute

"How Much For A Hand Job?"

Lady: "50..Do You Want One Honey?"

I: "No…No, it just makes me happy To Know How Much I Save When I Do It My Self"

I asked my pregnant librarian when her baby was due

She said, "Oh the baby is mine, I get to keep it"

I asked my grandfather for twenty dollars.

"Twenty dollars?!" he said. "For what?"

"To buy groceries," I told him.

"When I was a boy," my grandfather said. "My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles of milk, a can of coffee and a box of tea."

He shrugged and paused.

"Times have changed and ya can't do that now," he told me. "Too many fuckin' security cameras."

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had.

He started counting but fell asleep.

Just asked Siri.

"Surely it's not going to rain today?"

She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"

...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.

I asked my dad why did he become a pilot. He said, "to conquer my greatest fear."

"The fear of flying?", I asked.

"No," said dad. "The fear of dying alone."


I asked my boss, Can I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?

He said, It's May.

Sorry. , I replied, May I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?

I asked my North Korean pen pal how it was like living in North Korea

"I can't complain" he wrote back.

I asked my girlfriend to 68 today

She said What's that?

I said That's when you blow me and I owe you one.

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect..

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

I asked a chef if he ever served a steak raw..

He said yeah but it's rare.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd been with

She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens

I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his nut sack with a straight razor

He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the balls to try it again.

I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat.

She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

I asked my Welsh friend how many times he'd had sex...

He started counting then fell asleep.

I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today

He said Dream on. I think that was really nice of him.

I asked the doctor where I should put my pants during my prostate examination.

Over there next to mine, was not the answer I was expecting.

I asked my buddy if he always puts an orange wedge in his beer.

He said, "Ehh not really. Maybe once in a Blue Moon."

I asked my grandpa..

I asked my grandpa: After 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What's the secret?

Grandpa: I forgot her name 5 years ago and I'm scared to ask her.

I asked the librarian if she had the new book about short penises....

She said, "It's not in yet".
I replied, "YES, That's The Book!"

I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall.

He said, Eh. I'll get over it.

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than diamond earrings."

So I got her nothing

I asked a homeless girl if I could take her home.

She smiled and said yes! But seemed very surprised when I took her cardboard box and walked away.

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a screaming baby.

Apparently that's not allowed if the baby is yours.

I asked a German girl for her number today. Apparently it is 999-999-9999.

Weird right?

I asked my date if she'd ever done drugs.

"No," she said, taking a sip of her water.

I said, "Well, you have now."

I asked someone in North Korea how their day was going...

They replied, "Can't complain."

I asked my magic 8-ball which email client to use. It told me...

Outlook not so good.

I asked Siri "What do women want?"

My phone has not shut up for the past three days.

So I asked the bartender for a rum and coke. He said, "Is Pepsi okay?"

"Sure, whatever," I said.

So he handed me a glass of pepsi and coke.

I once asked a New Zealander how many girlfriends he's had.

But he fell asleep while counting.

I asked Siri why I'm single

She opened the front camera

I asked my daughter to bring me my newspaper

She told me that newspapers are oldschool. She said me that people nowadays use tablets and handed me her iPad

That fly didn't stand a chance

I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs.

She replied "Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."

I asked Siri " surely it isn't going to rain tomorrow"

and he replied " yes it is, and don't call me Shirley"...turns out I left airplane mode on

I asked my girlfriend if looks and money were important to her when choosing a boyfriend...

she said "Clearly not."

:-(

I asked my dad what it means to be gay.

But he didn't give me a straight answer.

So I was asked the past tense of 'think' in a English test today

I thought and thought and thought and finally wrote 'thunk'.

I asked my priest if it might be a good idea to stop masturbating

##

## But he wouldn't.

Someone asked me if I'd take a bullet for the last person I had sex with

I mean, obviously, anything for family

I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me.

The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."

I asked my chemist friend if it took him 4 years to get his degree...

He said "Sodium Bromate."

I asked my buddy what it's like working at Google.

Says he can't complain.

I asked my babysitter from 15 years ago if she remembered how hard it was to get me in bed.

I told her it that it would be much easyier now.

I asked my father what it was like learning Braille, but he didn't want to tell me.

I didn't realize it was such a touchy subject.

I asked 10 people what LGBT stands for

But I never got a straight answer

I asked my five year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday and she giggled, "I want unicorns, rainbows and fairies!"

Ok, LSD it is!

I asked God for a car, but I know God doesn't work that way...

So, I stole a car and asked for forgiveness.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes