Asians Jokes

Following is our collection of dudes humor and widescreen one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Asians puns for adults, dirty rincoln jokes or clean hispanics gags for kids.

There is an abundance of filipinos jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 87 funniest jokes on asians. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any mexicans witze you can hear about asians.

The Best jokes about Asians

Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.

The objective is clear, there's an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.

Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you're not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.

Asians are sooo bad at driving....

I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.

Around 80% of all Asians that move to America get cataracts.

The remaining 20% usually buy chevrorets, rexus, or rincoln. Some even get rand lover.

So I tried Colgate for the first time.. was not impressed-

The tube said 'Guaranteed whiteness in 3 brushes". 3 brushes later, I'm still Asian.

(Speaking of still Asians, my grandma's a quadriplegic. She's a pretty still Asian)

What do Asians do during an erection?

They vote


how do you know asians have broken into your home?

the dog is gone, the homework is done and they're still trying to get out of the driveway

Given the terms crab , tuna , lobster , and Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders , which does not fit?

Ans: tuna . The other 3 are crushed asians.

Why are Asians so good at Math?

Their dogs can't eat their homework.

I'm not saying that Asians are bad drivers...

But I'm beginning to think that Pearl Harbor was an accident.

Are you aware....

Are you aware that 80% of asians have Cataracts.

The rest drive Rincolns.

Why do Asians have squinty eyes?

because their future is so bright


My mom: Asians are some of the safest people in the world...

Me: There are asian gangs too
My mom: And they're called study groups!

A New Study Conducted on Asians (A joke I came up with,but still not sure if a repost)

A new study conducted on Asians shows that the long held to be true stereotype is partially false. In fact, only 50% of Asians have small penises.

The other 50% are women.

LPT: If your phone gets water damage, leave it in a bowl of rice overnight.

When you're sleeping, Asians will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun

Why do Asians prefer Sony?

Because it's a stereo type

Why does logan paul never highfive ricegum

He leaves asians hanging

Don't be racist; be like Mario

He's an Italian plumber, made by Asians, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, runs like a black man and grabs coins like a jew.

Two asians ran a race..

It was a Thai.

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech

and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Obama. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."

President Obama says "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do."

The Saudi whispers "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, and Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."

President Obama laughs and leans toward the Saudi. "It's because it takes place in the future..."


Did you know 50% of Asians in America have cataracts?

The other half drive Lincolns

What do asians call people that fly planes?

Pirates

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said "Work hard, Pray hard"....

I couldn't tell if there were Christians or Asians.

9/10 Asians have cataracts

The 10th one has a Mercedes

If your phone gets wet, try placing it in a bag of rice...

... at night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

What happens to Asians when they become American citizens?

They get very disoriented.

Wet phone solution.

Person 1: If you drop your phone into some water, fill a bag with rice and put the phone in the bag and sit it on the kitchen bench overnight.
During the night, the rice will attract asians who will fix your broken electronics.

Person 2: Dude, that's not how it works. They would eat the rice too.

To the guy with the friend who dates Asians....

Maybe he just needs some time to re-orient himself?

Why do asians have such squinty eyes?

Because atomic bombs are pretty bright.

What's the difference between a Japanese Restaurant and a Japanese car accident?

One has lots of crustaceans, the other has lots of crushed Asians.

I once told a racist joke in an elevator full of Asians..

It was wrong on so many levels

If you drop your phone in water, put it in a bowl of rice.

At night the Asians will come and fix it for you.

Why do asians squint all the time?

Because nukes are so bright

What is it called when you discriminate against Asians?

Riceist

LPT: If you accidentally get your phone wet, leave it inside a bag of rice overnight.

At night, the rice will attract Asians who will come and fix your phone for you.

A guy just told me "All asians are ninjas"

I wanted to tell him how racist that was, but he was black and i didn't want to get beat down

Karate student to his master: "Master Akira, why do asians all look the same?

"I am not Master Akira"

When do Asians gain the most weight?

When their dog dies

My first self-made joke

A professor asks his students "If i told you that 90% of Asians end up not getting married , Will you believe that statement ? "
A student rises up and answers "Yes"
Professor "Why would you believe that ?"
Student "Because Asians are smart"

Why do Asians hate football?

Because they spend 13 hours a day making them.

Breaking up with Asians is so hard.

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.

How to fix water-damaged electronics

If you drop your phone in water, just leave it in a bag of rice over night.

The rice attracts Asians who will come fix it for you.

Pupil: My neighbour, Mr Chang, got run over and killed by a steam roller. Teacher: Johnny! That's awful and has nothing to do with the homework I set you. Sit down immediately!

Pupil: But Miss, you said we had to talk about crushed Asians.

A friend told me that Asians are the best at computer games because they use two keyboards instead of one.

But that's just stereo typing.

When your phone is wet, put it in a bag of rice

...the rice will attract Asians, and they will proceed to fix your phone.

Why are Asians bad at golf?

They don't know how to drive.

Two midget asians sit atop each other and get makeup to look Caucasian for a movie, the director says no because

two wongs don't make a white

Why do asians hate arguing with me

Because I'm white and they're always wong

Have you heard about the controversy regarding asians westernizing their surnames?

Honestly, it's hard to know who's White or Wong.

How many Asians does it take to change a light bulb?

2.

1 to change the light bulb, the other to take pictures.

Who won the cooking competition between the two Asians?

It was a Thai.

My phone stopped working!!! what do i do?

Then someone said put it in rice... BUT WHY?... The rice attracts asians which secretly repair your phone at night...

It's not you, it's me...

Some Asians viewing their group photos

Puberty doesn't hit us Asians

Our parents do.

Why do black people like basketball so much?

Because it has running, shooting, and stealing. That one always cracks me up!

Why do white people own so many pets?

Because we aren't allowed to own slaves anymore! Haha!

What do you call asians after a nuclear bomb attack?

Rice Krispies! Hahaha!

What can't you play UNO with a mexican?

Because they will always steal the green cards! Hahaha!

Ok, I pretty much made jokes about all the races I could think of, so there, we can all enjoy some laughs while all being offended!

How do you know you've been burgled by asians?

You come home to find your math homework was done, your computer was upgraded, and they're still trying to back down the driveway.

Job choices for Asians

1. Doctor
2. Lawyer
3. Engineer
4. Shame of family

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Trump..

They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi ambassador says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen here in America."

President Trump says, "Well your excellency, anything I can do to help you?"

The Saudi whispers "My son watches your show *Star Trek* and in it there are Russians, and Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."

President Trump smiles and leans toward the Saudi, and whispers back: "Well, Star Trek takes place in the future."

Gorillas see us how we see aliens, skinnier, smarter, less hair

Or you might call them Asians

Why are black Asians bad at golf?

Because they can't drive and every time they walk on a golf course a cop tries to put a hole in one

What's the difference between Caucasians and Asians?

The cauc.

Asian phone book

Do you know why Asians have a phone book?

Because there's so many Wing and so many Wong someone might Wing the Wong number

TIL Asians regularly eat insects

I heard they love lice

New study shows Asians are more likely to get cataracts...

and wrincolns, and Hondas

I just saw Crazy Rich Asians and I have one problem with the film

If they're so rich, why are they from Singapoor?

Why are Asians no good a football ( soccer) ?

Because whenever they get a corner they open a shop !

Asians aren't bad drivers.

They're just disoriented.

What do rich, blind, Asians drive?

Cataracts

Why don't Asians like bowling

Because it's bowring

I'm sorry

[Lightbulb] How many Asians does it take to screw in a light bulb ?

2...that's if they are small enough.

What do you call someone who hates Asians

A riceist

Which Asians have the softest skin?

Laotians

There are two kinds of Asians...

The kind you see drifting in Tokyo Drift, and the other you see drifting around roundabouts.

50% of Asians have cataracts.

The other 50% drive rinkins.

Americans, Asians & Mexicans

What do you call Americans pushing a car up the hill?

A: White Power.

What do you call Asians pushing a car up the hill?

A: Asian Power.

What do you call Mexicans pushing a car up the hill?

A: Grand Theft Auto.

You shouldn't make racist jokes about Asians who cant drive when its raining

Its a slippery slope

If you drop your phone in water, submerge it in rice...

...it will attract Asians who will fix fix the phone.

The head of the CIA tells you that he has a secret assignment for you to do.

Specifically, he tells you to meet him at a Tokyo restaurant and to wear an Asian costume.

When you ask him what exactly you need to wear an Asian costume for, he says:

"I want us to be secret Asians."

A man enters a bar only for Asians...

The bouncer asks "What kind of Asian are you?"

The man answers "I am Caucasian"

If you drop your phone in water...

Put it in a bowl of rice, at night it will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

What's the hardest part of golf for asians?

Driving

Someone told me that I have a very narrow worldview

Well... that's how we Asians see things.

Why did Coronavirus spread so quickly?

Because Asians never fail tests!

My girlfriend says there's no difference between Asians and Caucasians.

She really can't tell White from Wong.

Yao Ming is starting his own basketball team

It's called Crazy Reach Asians

Why don't Asians have Cataracts?

They prefer rincolns

What kind of food loves to get naked?

A n00dle.


P.S : probably funnier to Asians like me.

Why do [Mexicans, Jews, Italians, Blacks, Asians, Samoans, Indians, Jews again, etc.] stink?

So blind people can hate 'em too

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes