Asian Jokes

Following is our collection of cataracts humor and chang one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Asian puns for adults, dirty bsian jokes or clean chinese gags for kids.

There is an abundance of irene jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 82 funniest jokes on asian. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any filipino witze you can hear about asian.

The Best jokes about Asian

What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?

Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.

With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?

One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes

It was the end of my Korea

So I was at my bank today.

There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.

The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"


I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me

who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"

I once thought I had a Japanese friend.

But it was just my imagine Asian.

My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again

And I don't know if I should tell him.

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?

In an explosion.

"I'm proud to be a black man"

"I'm proud to be a black man!" said the black man.

"I'm proud to be an Asian man!" said the Asian man.

"I'm proud to be a white man!" said the racist.

How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian?

Just spin him around in circles until he's disoriented


My Asian roommate says I have schizophrenia.

Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.

I was holding a door open for this asian guy and he said "sank you".

I punched him square in the jaw, how dare he bring up pearl harbour like that.

How do you blindfold an Asian woman?

Put a windshield in front of her.

Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said

"You're a lot like a math exam."

I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"

She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."

I think my entire family is racist.

I was dating an Asian woman and eventually brought her to my home to meet my family

My wife and kids didn't even want to talk to me.

Why can't Asian couples have Caucasian babies?

Because two Wongs don't make a white.

I told my Asian parents that i am Asexual

They were disappointed that i wasn't A+sexual.

Asian Keanu

Asian Keanu arrives at party.

Asian Keanu gets bored.

Asian Keanu Reeves.


Asians are sooo bad at driving....

I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.

Around 80% of all Asians that move to America get cataracts.

The remaining 20% usually buy chevrorets, rexus, or rincoln. Some even get rand lover.

What do you call a rich asian?

Cha Ching

I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs.

It was Wong on so many levels

I met an Asian girl today with the last name of "China"

It was her made-in name

So I tried Colgate for the first time.. was not impressed-

The tube said 'Guaranteed whiteness in 3 brushes". 3 brushes later, I'm still Asian.

(Speaking of still Asians, my grandma's a quadriplegic. She's a pretty still Asian)

What do you call a black asian?

Thai-rone.

What do you call an Asian lady with one leg longer than the other??

Irene

Don't buy Colgate whitening toothpaste!

It says guaranteed whiteness in 14 days.

It's been 2 weeks and I'm still Asian.

Exchange rate

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to
the currency exchange window at the local bank. Just one lady in front of me...an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?' The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'. The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too'.

What do Asians do during an erection?

They vote

Currency trading

I used to trade currency. this asian guy came in and wanted to exchange 10,000yen - I gave him $120.

a week later he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $105.

a week after that he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $135.

the guy said to me in an annoyed voice " why one week $120, then $105, then $135! - why the difference?!!?"

I says to him "fluctuations"

He responds "fluck you white people"

I had a race with an Asian today

It was a Thai

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says I will destroy America...

Trump replies, No way, that's my job. I won't have another asian stealing an American job.

how do you know asians have broken into your home?

the dog is gone, the homework is done and they're still trying to get out of the driveway

I ordered an Asian Hooker, she arrived 2 hours late

She loves me wrong time.

I just held the door open for an Asian guy. He said, "Sank you," so I punched him in the face.

I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor like that.

How can you tell the difference between Japanese people and other Asian people?

Use a Geiger counter

*Cr

I like my women like I like my ramen noodles

Hot, cheap, and Asian

What do you call an Asian in an elevator

Wong on so many levels

What do Asian cannibals eat?

Raw men

I asked my Asian girlfriend for 69

She made me crunchy sweet and sour pork with double rice

A newlywed Asian couple are on the first night of their honeymoon and have saved it for marriage

The husband says to his wife, "What do you want to do? We can try anything you want."

The wife says, "I want 69."

The husband replies, "You want beef with broccoli?"

Why are Asians so good at Math?

Their dogs can't eat their homework.

A panda walks into a restaurant

and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter.

As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"

"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!

"The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling-mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white-coloring. Eats, shoots and leaves."

My Asian friend came out ..

My Asian friend came out to his dad today and said "Dad I'm gay" . His dad after being angry for a moment said, "why not Gay+"

An asian asks for help at an airport...

Asian: "why is my plane late? It said it would be here at 6:30."

Airplane help guy: "fluctuations."

Asian: "fluck you americans too."

I'm not saying that Asians are bad drivers...

But I'm beginning to think that Pearl Harbor was an accident.

What does Asian Matthew Mcconaughey want for dinner?

All rice, all rice, all rice

I used to by my dad a neck tie on father's day, but now I buy him an Asian hooker.

It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use.

Don't be racist.

It doesn't matter if you're black, asian or normal!

Marriage is like having your favorite meal every day...

At first, it's great! But after a week, you're thinking, "Eh, I kinda feel like having Asian tonight."

What do you call an Asian man with one leg?

Tai-Wan-Shu

Why do asian parents give their children short names?

More time on tests.

How Long Is An Asian Name.

Yes it is.

Why do Asians have squinty eyes?

because their future is so bright

What do you call the process of becoming an honorary Asian?

Orientation.

Flight back home

Guy was boarding a plane to go back home from a business trip.

As he was boarding another passenger asks him: "our flight looks full what do you think they will do??"

The Asian man flying back home says "beats me"

I cried when my asian friend chopped onions today

I loved onions, he was a good dog

Where did the little Asian girl go when the little boy dropped by?

Everywhere.

I was flirting with an Asian girl at a bar last night when I decided to ask for her number.

She replied, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"

I said, "Wow!"

Then her friend said, "She means 6663629".

An Asian woman brings her large Irish boyfriend to meet her traditional parents

Her mother says:

"You bring great Shamus to this family."

Not sure if Jesus was black or white...

...but he certainly wasn't asian, or people wouldn't be asking him to take the wheel.

What do you call an Asian woman with one leg?

Irene

My mom: Asians are some of the safest people in the world...

Me: There are asian gangs too
My mom: And they're called study groups!

An Asian guy walks into

An Asian guy walks into the New York City currency exchange with 2000 yen and walks out with $72. Next week he walks in with 2000 yen and gets $66. He asks the lady why he gets less money this week than last week. The lady says "Fluctuations". The Asian guy storms out, and just before slamming the
door, turns around and says: "Fluc you Amelicans too!"

So the Asian guy from the Human Centipede has a Twitter account...

He's not very popular though. He only has two people following him.

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other

Ilene.

What do you cal an Asian woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Irene

A Jewish man walks up to an Asian man...

The Jewish man says

"Hey, your eyes are really squinted, must be hard for you to see, huh!"

The Asian man says

"Well at least I can see my grandparents."

Telling a racist joke is like getting in a car with an asian driver

If they are not really good, there's a very good chance you'll crash and burn.

What do you call a person of Irish and Asian descent?

Rice Paddy.

-

What do you call an asian walking a dog?

A vegetarian.

What do you call an asian marksman?

Precise Lee

Why did the Asian pilot get arrested at the airport?

TSA thought he said he was going to "pirate" the plane.

I was holding a door open for an Asian Guy.

I was holding a door open for an Asian Guy.

Once he went though, He said, 'Sank you'.

I Swore at him and kicked him in the Shin.

I Then said, 'Never bring up Pearl Harbor like that'

A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...

Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."

What do you call a lost Asian man?

Disoriental

I held a door open for an Asian guy

and he said "sank you" so i punched him in the face. Serves him right for bringing up Pearl Harbor like that.
PS: Happy 4th of July

What do you call an Asian with only one leg?

Tie won shoo

Why do Asians prefer Sony?

Because it's a stereo type

I know kung fu, tae kwan do, ninjitsu, karate, tia chi...

and a few other asian words.

What do Asian pirates do?

They fry pranes!

Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...

The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.

After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.

He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.

Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes