Ashore Jokes

Following is our collection of seas humor and boat one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Ashore puns for adults, dirty lifeboat jokes or clean ship gags for kids.

There is an abundance of beach jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 15 funniest jokes on ashore. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any seashore witze you can hear about ashore.

The Best jokes about Ashore

A whale and a wave make a bet. (Just made this up.)

The whale says to the wave, "I bet I could beat in a race to land." The wave agrees, so the whale takes off. He swims so fast, he drives himself ashore. The wave following behind him says " Hah! Beached ya!"

Zolota Rybka: Golden Fish Ukrainian Joke

One day a Ukrainian and a Russian are out fishing, when the Russian got a tug on his line. He struggled to bring it ashore and saw it was the Golden Fish. The fish told him "I will give each of you two wishes if you throw me back." The Two fellows agreed. The Russian went first, "I wish that only **real** Russians were in Russia. Men with Slovic blood and vodka flowing through their veins. My second wish is that you build a huge cement wall all the way around our beautiful land so no foreigners can set foot on our holy soil." The Golden fish made it so. He then turned to the Ukrainian. The Ukrainian looked at him innocently but confidently said, "Mr. Fish we Ukrainians are simple folk. For this reason I only need one wish, but tell me, in Russia there are only Russians, right?" The Golden fish nodded. "And there is a huge wall surrounding all their land?" Again, nodding in affirmation. "Alright, just fill it full of water then."

An Olympic swimmer...

...is on a cruise ship, when it hits a reef and sinks. Bobbing in the waves, he spies an island in the distance, makes for it, and barely gets ashore. All he finds on the isle are fruit trees, a female sheep and a big dog. The fruit trees provide sustenance, but he starts to feel lonely. The sheep has luxurious fur, beautiful eyes and long lashes that she shyly bats at him. When he approaches her, the dog viciously attacks and repels him. This goes on for months, until he can hardly bear it.

One day he sees another ship sinking at sea. Swimming out, he sees a woman thrashing in the waves. He saves her as she's about to perish, and hauls her ashore. As luck would have it, she's absolutely gorgeous.

"I'm so grateful to you for saving my life...I'll do anything you ask, as a way to repay you."

The swimmer can't believe his luck. "Anything?"

The young woman smiles coyly. "Anything your heart desires."

"Can you take that big dog over there for a walk?"

"Captain, have you ever made love at sea?"

"No son, but I've been blown ashore many a time."

A geologist, physicist and an economist are marooned on a desert island with nothing to eat.

A can of soup washes ashore. They ponder how to open it. The geologist says, 'Let's smash it open with a rock.' The physicist says, 'Let's heat it up and blow it open.' The economist says, 'No, no. You guys will lose most of the soup. Let's just assume we have a can opener.'


Three Europeans wash ashore on an island occupied by cannibals...

They are caught quickly, and the cannibal chief tells them that they are to be eaten and their skins used to make canoes. They are horrified at the thought of being cooked or eaten alive, but at least a little of their fear is relieved when the chief tells them that they will be permitted to kill themselves in a manner of their own choosing.

The first, an Englishman, elects to shoot himself and asks for a pistol. He is presented with one, and says farewell to his friends before ending it.

The second, a Frenchman, asks for poison. He turns to the other, says "au revoir," and drinks the poison, dying shortly.

The third, a Pole, asks for a fork. The chief is confused, but hands him one anyway. The Pole proceeds to stab himself an excessive number of times all over his body, drawing copious amounts of blood and astonishing and even disturbing the onlooking cannibals somewhat. The chief grabs hold of him and asks him why he would make himself suffer so. The Pole says, "I can't stop you from eating me, but it looks like you're going to be short one canoe."

A Engineer, a Chemist and an Economist get stranded on a island.

From the ship that crashed, some canned food washed ashore.


The Engineer says We need to open the cans with these rocks


The Chemist says We could blow the top off using a combination of these minerals I've found


The Economist says Ok, so let's assume we have a can opener

Hey billy jokes?

Need some more Billy & Highliner Jokes.

One is "Hey billy you ever been to sea"

"No Captain Highliner but I have been blown ashore"

The stranded man

A ship, sailing past a remote island, spots a man who has been stranded there for several years. The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and notices three huts.

What's the first hut for? he asks.

That's my house, says the castaway.

What's the second hut for?

That's my church.

And the third hut?

Oh, that? sniffs the castaway. That's the church I used to go to

What options does an abortionist have to get ashore?

Row vs. Wade

A physicist, a chemist, and an economist are stranded on an island with nothing to eat

A can of soup washes ashore.
The physicist says, "Let's smash the can open with a rock.
The chemist says, "Let's build a fire and heat the can first.
The economist says, "Let's assume that we have a can opener."  (Paul Samuelson)


A man had been stuck on an island for 10 years

One day, he came across a mysterious box that had washed ashore. He opened the box, hoping for something to help him, and was disappointed to discover a mysterious blue thing with a plastic cover and white things with letters.

He stewed for a while before discovering that he could spell out a help message! The man arranged the letters, and set it out to sea.

6 months later, a fisherman discovered a bizarre floating object. He picked up, cleared the grime, and read the message inside.

SENDI

NGOUT

ANSOS

"Ha-ha, I get it! Message in a Boggle! Really funny!" The fisherman tossed the game away and went back to fishing as it floated to the bottom.

Why do you have to remove your deck shoes when you go ashore in Germany?

Because they are for boatin'

There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim

There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim from the mainland to Vancouver Island, doing only the breaststroke.

After about 14 hours the brunette staggered up on shore and was declared the winner.

About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up to the finish line in second.

Nearly four hours after that, the blond finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporter asked why it took her considerably longer to finish the race, she replies, I don't like to sound like a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms!

A sperm whale has died after washing ashore at my local beach.

It was just a regular whale before I arrived at the scene though.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes