The Best 88 Ashamed Jokes

I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.

Since she can't even beat an egg

3 men and a woman are stranded on a desert island...

After the first week, the woman gets so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.
After the second week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury the woman.
After the third week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her back up.

Yo mama such a ho...

Yo mama such a ho that her privates are called publics.

i'm ashamed of this. but also really proud.

That's nothing

A father, mother and a small kid go to see a circus. There, among many animals the kid sees the elephant and its long thing hanging between his legs. The kid asks dad "What's that". Ashamed to answer, father says "Ask mother".
The kid asks mom, and she too is ashamed and says, "Oh, that's nothing". The kid goes back to father, and father asks, "What did mom say". Kid says she told "That's nothing".

Father replies sighing, "Yeah for your mother even that's nothing".

I blow, but I don't swallow. I whip, but don't do chains. Some watch me and feel proud, while others feel ashamed. What am I?

I am a flag.

There were 5 guys and a girl on a deserted island

After a week, the girl was so ashamed with what she had been doing to the guys, she killed herself. A week later, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to her, they buried her. After another week, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to each other, they dug her back up.

A young Saudi prince studying abroad...

A young Saudi prince studying abroad receives a call from his father asking him if everything is alright.
He tells his dad that he is feeling ashamed that everyday he goes to college in his brand new Lamborghini while all the other students take the train.
His father replies: "I understand your shame son, take this 2 billion dollars and buy yourself a train".

Two guys and a girl are stranded on an island...

After a few weeks the girl is so ashamed of the things that the three of them are doing that she kills herself. After a few more days the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing they decided to bury her. After another few days the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing they eventually dig her back up.

What is a pirate's favorite drink?

The HI-C!

(punchline must be said in proper pirate voice)

(this is what I do when bored at work not even ashamed)

How i out dad joked my dad...

So the preview for some time traveling movie comes on tv and my dad goes "if you ever find a time machine remember not to use it," somehow thinking it's funny.

I'm ashamed to say the first thing out of my mouth was "seems like a great way to pass the time."

Every time I do it, I try my best but I still suck at it. When I was young my parents explained it to me in very simple terms. Over the years, many girls have showed me how to do it. I'm ashamed to say I've tried to learn from online videos.

And yet I still can't fold fitted sheets.

My friend got so drunk he blew chunks

Saw my friend come into work one morning looking hung over

Me: Had a rough time last night?

Friend: Yeah, I got so drunk I blew chunks!

Me: We've all thrown up after drinking, nothing to be ashamed of.

Friend: Chunks is my dog!

Ever since I became a vampire I've been too ashamed to even look at myself in the mirror

Why wouldn't the airline allow the vulture to board his flight?

#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.

*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*

*

Fat chicks are like masturbation.

Totally fine to do in the privacy of your own home, but you should be ashamed to be caught in public.

Today I pulled the dad jokes of all dad jokes.

At work, my coworker complained of ear pain. He asked me to look for a bump, so I looked.

Then, I said, "oh I know what's causing the pain!" He asked what it was, and I pulled a quarter from his ear..

I should be ashamed.

My wife caught me cheating last night and i feel so ashamed and full of regret.

She's never going to play monopoly with me again!

In an Appraisal discussion... Manager: This is your revised salary, Keep it confidential.

Employee: Don't worry, I am equally ashamed of it

Working out

For me going to the gym is a lot like having sex. I'm get nervous before, it doesn't last as long as I want it to, I'm ashamed the whole time, and I usually cry afterwards.

Going to McDonald's is like going to the strip club...

At first you're pumped and excited on the idea then you leave feeling dirty and ashamed.

Boy and school teacher

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, Why are you arguing?

One boy answers, We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.

You should be ashamed of yourselves, said the teacher, When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was.

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

An American walks into a swiss bank with two large bags

He walks up to a teller and says quietly "I have 2 million dollars in cash that I need to deposit into a swiss bank account now"

The teller replies "Sir, there's no need to whisper, poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."

Don't be ashamed of being a chronic masturbator.

It's not a shortcoming.

My parents caught me masturbating.

I wasn't ashamed, I was startled - I almost dropped their wedding picture.

A foreigner goes to a bank in Switzerland...

The teller asks the foreigner: "Would you like to make a deposit?"

The foreign man replies: "Yes I would."

The teller: "How much would you like to deposit?"

The man leans in and whispers: "Three million dollars..."

The teller: "Oh you can speak up. Being poor is no reason to be ashamed in Switzerland."

Gas stations should be ashamed for selling a poisonous product that we over-consume and that pollutes the Earth...

Seriously, Slim Jims are terrible.

My friend was ashamed of impulse buying a $1000 mattress

I asked him to sleep on it

I was walking down the street with my wife and she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her.

That's total bollocks I replied, by text, from across the road.

Opinions are like penises

You should be ashamed of yours.

3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.

After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.

After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.

Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.

Life is like a box of chocolates...

When you've reached the end you feel sick, ashamed, and you just want to die.

What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.

I know, I know... even I'm ashamed of myself for posting this!

Stranded on an Island

Two men and a women are stranded on an island. After a week, the woman is so ashamed of what they were doing, she killed herself...

After another week, the two men are so ashamed of what they are doing, so they bury her.

After another week, they are so ashamed of what they are doing, they dig her up again.

Q: What goes in hard and pink but comes out soft and mushy?

A: Bubblegum -- and you should be ashamed of yourself.

is my wife ashamed of my body?

a tiny part of me says yes.

Here's a story about a boy with a strange name...

Once upon a time there was a little boy named Odd. Throughout his childhood he was picked on and bullied ruthlessly because of his name. He was so ashamed of that when he died, he decided to leave his gravestone blank.

Now, years later, whenever they pass his grave they would say, "That's odd."

When someone proclaims "I'm not ashamed of Jesus",

I can't tell if they are a Christian or if they are coming out of the closet.

My friend told me, "I don't support euthanasia."

I replied, "You should be ashamed of yourself! The young people in Asia deserve as much support as the young people on any other continent."

What time do Elves usually meet?

Around Twelvish

I'm ashamed to say that this is OC

A limbo dancer walks into a bar

He is ashamed.

A lawyer walks into a doctor's office with a huge tumor on his face...

Doctor says, Why didn't you come sooner?
The tumor says, To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house.

After a terrible night, two professors have to run through campus while naked...

As they run, the first guy covers his genitals and the second covers his face. The first guy asks the second, "Are you not ashamed of your indecency?"

The second guy responds, "Yeah... But, I don't know about you, but more people recognize me by my face than by my genitals"

A plane crashes on a desert island and there are three survivors, a woman and two men.

After two weeks on the island the woman is so ashamed of what they have been doing that she kills herself. Two weeks after she kills herself the men are so ashamed of what they have been doing that they decide to bury her. Two weeks after they bury her the two men are so ashamed at what they have been doing that they dig her up again.

How is a night with Bill Cosby like watching the movie Dunkirk?

You feel ashamed after waking up.

Hey, girl... Are you a cell phone?

'Cause I could stare at you all day...

(I am ashamed to admit that intentionally bad pickup lines are my specialty.)

Two types of people go on NSFW subs.

The people too ashamed to comment, and the people too busy to comment.

Don't be ashamed of making mistakes.

Even Monet made a bad first Impression.

How does Darth Vader know what he's getting for Christmas?

He feels his presents

(This is my only Christmas joke and I am deeply ashamed of that)

[NSFW] I am sexually attracted to pasta

And I am not ashamed of my fettishini

Your fetishes are nothing to be ashamed about!

Unless your fetish is being humiliated, then you should feel ashamed you nasty little pervert.

Never be ashamed of your fetish.

Unless your fetish is humiliation. Then you *should* be ashamed, you dirty little pervert.

I like my women like i like my burgers.

Cheap, fast, and something I'd be ashamed to let my friends find out I'd eaten.

I'm 18 and I have yet to have my period. My lil sis is 17 and has been having them since 13, I'm ashamed to talk to my friends because I don't know if I have a problem.

Or does it take longer if you're a boy?

Mother: I am ashamed of you. Fighting with your friend is a terrible thing to do.

Son: He threw a rock at me. So I threw one at him.

Mother: When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to see me.

Son: What good would that have done? I know that my aim is much better than yours.

Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the North Sea

Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the north sea with a helicopter. After a while Putin says "we have submarines that can stay under water for one week without refueling". Then trump says "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for a whole month without refueling!". Merkel can't think of anything and looks ashamed out the window. Suddenly a submarine surfaces in front of their eyes, a man steps out of it and raises his right arm and screams "HEIL HITLER WIR BRAUCHEN DIESEL!"

World Leaders

President Macron, Theresa May and Angela Merkel meet for a summit at the North Sea.

Gazing over the water, May says, "We have a submarine that can stay underwater for 10 days."  Macron responds, "That's nothing, our submarines can stay underwater for 30 days!"  Merkel looks quite ashamed and shies away, when suddenly a U-Boot surfaces, the hatch opens and the commander looks out: "Heil Hitler, we need Diesel!"

Don't be ashamed of who you are

That's your parents' job.

I saw Sean Connery build a bookshelf once. He built it wrong and it was kinda crooked. I called him out on it and he told me...

"I'm ashamed of my shelf.

Why was 10 ashamed of itself?

Because it came after 7 8 9.

I cornered my dad You like dressing like woman, admit it! He was ashamed and asked how I knew?

He's too transparent

You should all be ashamed of making fun of Jonah Hill.

The guy's been through thick and thin.

Why did the nun stop playing in the mud?

She was ashamed of her dirty habit.

They say calling people crazy is like being racist now.

All those people I bit at the mall ought to be ashamed of themselves.

The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.

He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"

​

​

​

​

Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"

One day, my parents told me about the birds and the bees

"Son" they said, "birds do it, bees do it, so it's completely fine and natural for you to do it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of"

They were of course referring to my unfortunate habit of running face-first into windows.

You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are

That's your parent's job!

What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and who has a speech impediment?

His name.

And you should probably be ashamed of yourself.

Jon Bon Jovi was inducted into the Rock hall of fame

I asked him, "aren't you disappointed and ashamed you aren't in the more prestigious Rock & ***Roll*** hall of fame?"

​

He said "Woah, we're halfway there".

A cow crossing a street sees a glove in ground. All ashamed and blushing goes:

Oh my god. Who's bra is this

NOTE: It's a dad joke but I didn't know how to make a #DadJoke label. So consider yourself warned.

Teacher

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

I told my dad I'll call him later.

He said i shouldn't be ashamed to call him dad.

The Biggest Lie...

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

**The teacher says**, "Why are you arguing?"

**One boy answers**, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," **said the teacher,** "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

**The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher**.

Apparently I have a foot fetish. Feet make me so excited, but I'm always ashamed. I really want to deny it, but after a year of lying to myself...

I accept defeat

I just did a DNA test and found out I'm 50% vampire

I'm so bloody ashamed I can't look at myself in the mirror.

An Arab student emails his dad:

*An Arab student emails his dad:*

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, Nasser.



*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*


My dear loving son,

Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.

Love,
your Dad

Your fetish is nothing to be ashamed about...

Unless it's to be humiliated! Then you should be ashamed about it you nasty little bitch...

My friend told me he was ashamed of masturbating to his own image.

I told him not to be so hard on himself.

A priest and a rabbi, old friends, are talking about their youthful indiscretions.

So the priest says, "tell me, have you ever tasted pork?"

The rabbi, slightly ashamed, admits: "Yes, once when I was young..."

After a thoughtful pause, the rabbi asks the priest, "tell me, have you ever made love to a woman?"

Sheepishly, the priest admits: "Yes, once when I was young."

The rabbi nods and says: "It was better than pork, wasn't it?"

Stung...

A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse.

"I've been stung by a nasty insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."

"It's okay," says the doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."

"Okay," says the woman. "It was at Walmart."

Two boys are arguing when the teacher enters the classroom. The teacher says, What are you two arguing about?

One boy answers, We found a ten-dollar bill and decided whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep it.
You two should be ashamed of yourselves, said the teacher. When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was. The boys looked at each other and handed the ten dollars to the teacher.

Father to his young son: You should be ashamed. When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he used to walk ten miles every day to get to school.

Son responds: Really? Well, when he was your age, he was president.

HR: "This is your revised salary. We recommend you keep it confidential."

Employee: "Don't worry, I'm equally ashamed of it."

Jewish smoker is asking his Rabbi

Rabbi, is it alright if I smoke during study of Torah?

Rabbi: Absolutely not, out of question. Why would you even ask such ridiculous thing?

The Jewish smoker goes away ashamed, but since he is a pious addict he comes back later and asks Rabbi again.

Rabbi, is it alright if I study the Torah while I smoke?

Rabbi: But of course, of course!

Two men and a pig are trapped on a deserted island

A month in and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to kill the pig.

A month later and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to bury the pig.

One more month and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to dig the pig back up again.