Ashamed Jokes
109 ashamed jokes and hilarious ashamed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ashamed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Ashamed Short Jokes
Short ashamed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ashamed humour may include short shamelessly jokes also.
- I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
- Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents. - A lawyer walks into a doctor's office with a huge tumor on his face.
Why didn't you come sooner? asks the doctor.
To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house, the tumor says. - HR: "This is your revised salary. We recommend you keep it confidential." Employee: "Don't worry, I'm equally ashamed of it."
- What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
I know, I know... even I'm ashamed of myself for posting this! - I saw Sean Connery build a bookshelf once. He built it wrong and it was kinda crooked. I called him out on it and he told me... "I'm ashamed of my shelf.
- Hey, girl... Are you a cell phone? 'Cause I could stare at you all day...
(I am ashamed to admit that intentionally bad pickup lines are my specialty.) - My friend told me, "I don't support euthanasia." I replied, "You should be ashamed of yourself! The young people in Asia deserve as much support as the young people on any other continent."
- My wife caught me cheating last night and i feel so ashamed and full of regret. She's never going to play monopoly with me again!
- Gas stations should be ashamed for selling a poisonous product that we over-consume and that pollutes the Earth... Seriously, Slim Jims are terrible.
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Ashamed One Liners
Which ashamed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ashamed? I can suggest the ones about appalled and no shame.
- is my wife ashamed of my body? a tiny part of me says yes.
- Don't be ashamed of who you are That's your parents' job.
- I'm rather ashamed to say I haven't cleaned my mirror in years. It reflects badly on me.
- I'm ashamed to share my most recent math pun.. It's | garbage |
- What time do Elves usually meet? Around Twelvish
I'm ashamed to say that this is OC - A limbo dancer walks into a bar He is ashamed.
- I told my dad I'll call him later. He said i shouldn't be ashamed to call him dad.
- My friend was ashamed of impulse buying a $1000 mattress I asked him to sleep on it
- Why does god stay in heaven.. He's ashamed of what he has created.
- Ever since I became a vampire I've been too ashamed to even look at myself in the mirror
- Why did the nun stop playing in the mud? She was ashamed of her dirty habit.
- Why was 10 ashamed of itself? Because it came after 7 8 9.
- Don't be ashamed of making mistakes. Even Monet made a bad first Impression.
- Don't be ashamed of being a chronic masturbator. It's not a shortcoming.
- If you love a woman, you shouldn't be ashamed to show her to your wife.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Ashamed Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about ashamed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean disgusted jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ashamed pranks.
God's ruling
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines.
The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
An arab child
Jassem, an Arab child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio. "What is your name?" – asked the teacher. "Jassem"- answered the kid. "You are in America now, From now on your name will be Johnny," –replied the teacher.
In the evening, Jassem returned home. "How was your day, Jassem?" – asked his mother. "My name is not Jassem. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny. "
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage? Shame on you!" – and she beat him. Then she called his father and he too beat him. The next day Jassem returned to school.. When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened to you little Johnny"?
Well ma'am, 4 hours after I becoming an American, I was attacked by two Arabs at home."
There was a Gay guy named Billy
Billy was dating a bisexual guy named Jordan. Recently, however, Jordan has started going to parties on Friday nights without inviting Billy. Billy, thinking that Jordan was ashamed of dating a guy, asks to go with him one day.
When they arrive at the bar, he notices that Jordan is not holding his hands like he usually does. When they walk in, a short, drunk blonde girl who wraps her arms around his waist. Jordan introduces the girl as Jean, who tells Billy that she's heard a lot about him. Billy wonders if he told her about their relationship and starts to get jealous. He tells Jordan that he's going to go home early.
Jordan follows him to the door and asks why he is leaving. Billy just says that he is not having fun and tells him to have fun with his "friend". Jordan realizes what this was all about and tells him that the girl was just someone he used to date. She recently had a child and he wanted to know whether the child was his or not.
Billy doesn't believe Jordan's story. He rolls his eyes and starts walking away again. However, Jordan stops him and looks him right in the eye. Then, he says, "Billy, Jean is not my lover. She's just some girl who said that I am the one. But the kid is not my son."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Arthur and the nun
Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
"How do *you* know, Sister?"
"My Mother Superior told me so"
"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
"Don't be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself"
"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"
"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, them no-one will know"
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar.
"Another pint for me, and a triple v**... on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "... and could you put the v**... in a teacup?"
"Oh no! It's not that drunken Nun again is it?"
Other students come by train
A student to his father:
Dear father,
Berlin is a fantastic city, people are nice and I really like that city. But, I am a bit ashamed to come to school with my golden plated Ferrari whereas professors and other students come by train.
Love,
Your son
Next day, an answer comes:
My dear son,
I transferred 20M€ to your bank account. Please buy your train quickly.
Your loving father.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo mama such a h**......
Yo mama such a h**... that her privates are called publics.
i'm ashamed of this. but also really proud.
That's nothing
A father, mother and a small kid go to see a circus. There, among many animals the kid sees the elephant and its long thing hanging between his legs. The kid asks dad "What's that". Ashamed to answer, father says "Ask mother".
The kid asks mom, and she too is ashamed and says, "Oh, that's nothing". The kid goes back to father, and father asks, "What did mom say". Kid says she told "That's nothing".
Father replies sighing, "Yeah for your mother even that's nothing".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Racist in the deep south
There was a racist in the south who would often see minority hitchhikers walking alongside the road. Everytime, he would feel compelled to try to run them over.
One day he was driving and saw a hitchhiker. He was getting excited at the possibility of a good hit, and then he realized it was white pastor. He felt ashamed that he had almost hit him that he just had to pick him up.
So the pastor gets in and they get going again. The racist says, "Father, I must admit, I almost ran you over, and its because I have an urge which you might not agree with.
The pastor says, "why, whatever do you mean, my child?"
Just then, a hitchhiker is seen coming up the road, and the racist says, "oh god, its a n**..., I am sorry Father, I have to do this."
The racist revs up and is barreling down the road. The hitchhiker jumps out of the way, just barely missing the front right wheel. "d**...!"
The pastor exclaims, "Don't worry, I hit him with the door!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A german man 3 years after the war went into the Church...
...He goes to the confession booth and says to the priest
"Father, I have a confession"
"Tell me all about it." The priest replies.
"Well during the war I was harbouring a 17 year old jewish girl." The man says
"The war's over now, that's nothing to be ashamed of."
"And every day she would come down from the attic, and we would have s**..., twice on a sunday."
"It's okay," the priest replies "everybody has urges."
"Oh, and one more thing Father."
"Yes, you can tell me."
"Do you think I should tell her the war is over?"
Which car will you get in heaven?
Three guys are standing in heaven, their names are Greg, James, and Tony. They are at a car dealership, and an angel asks them "were you faithful to your wives?" Greg answers "yes, I never cheated on my wife." He is given a new Lamborghini. The angel then asks James if he ever cheated on his wife. He says "once, and I am ashamed to admit it." He is given a Toyota Corolla. The angel then asks Tony, and he says "yes, lots of times." He is given an old Morris Marina.
A few days later, Tony sees Greg sitting on a park bench, and Greg is crying. Tony Asks Greg "you were given a Lamborghini the other day, why are you crying?" Greg responds "I just saw my wife, they gave her a pair of roller skates."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I blow, but I don't s**.... I whip, but don't do chains. Some watch me and feel proud, while others feel ashamed. What am I?
I am a flag.
Drinking wine from a box is nothing to be ashamed of..
but drinking wine *directly from* the box is.
What is a pirate's favorite drink?
The HI-C!
(punchline must be said in proper pirate voice)
(this is what I do when bored at work not even ashamed)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Doctor
A doctor was feeling ashamed after having s**... with one of his female patients.
He could not get the images of his head. He was a professional, and wasn't used to this overwhelming sense of guilt and betrayal of his patient.
In desperate need of reassurance, he thought to himself as he heard a voice in his head say:
*"Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have s**... with one of his patients and you won't be the last."*
It continued:
*"Now go out there and show them that you're the best veterinarian in this whole town!"*
---
An Arab student e-mails his dad
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:
My dear loving son,
Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
A guy is sitting in a bar...
And in walks a friend he hasn't seen in a few weeks. Being curious as to where his buddy has been, he asks what's been going on. His friend replies "after that last bender we had I figured it was time to lay off the sauce for a while". The first guy asks "what was so bad that you felt the need to cut back?" Well, says the second guy, after we got hammered I went home and blew chunks." That's nothing to be ashamed of says the first guy, we've all done it. The second guy gives a mournful shake of his head and says "you don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"
How i out dad joked my dad...
So the preview for some time traveling movie comes on tv and my dad goes "if you ever find a time machine remember not to use it," somehow thinking it's funny.
I'm ashamed to say the first thing out of my mouth was "seems like a great way to pass the time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Every time I do it, I try my best but I still s**... at it. When I was young my parents explained it to me in very simple terms. Over the years, many girls have showed me how to do it. I'm ashamed to say I've tried to learn from online videos.
And yet I still can't fold fitted sheets.
Why wouldn't the airline allow the vulture to board his flight?
#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.
*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*
*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fat chicks are like m**....
Totally fine to do in the privacy of your own home, but you should be ashamed to be caught in public.
A shy guy walks into a bar...
... and sees a a beautiful girl. After an hour, he goes to try talking to her:
-Excuse me, can we talk for some minutes?
Afterwards, the girl screams:
-NO! I Don't wanna sleep with you!
Now everyone in the bar looks weird to them. Obviously, the guy, ashamed, goes back to his table and asks for a beer. Several minutes later, the girl comes to him, smiles and tell him:
-Sorry if i made you feel bad. I'm studying psychology and checking how people reacts in awkward situations.
After that, the guy screams:
-WHAT? $200?
Today I pulled the dad jokes of all dad jokes.
At work, my coworker complained of ear pain. He asked me to look for a bump, so I looked.
Then, I said, "oh I know what's causing the pain!" He asked what it was, and I pulled a quarter from his ear..
I should be ashamed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Working out
For me going to the gym is a lot like having s**.... I'm get nervous before, it doesn't last as long as I want it to, I'm ashamed the whole time, and I usually cry afterwards.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Going to McDonald's is like going to the s**... club...
At first you're pumped and excited on the idea then you leave feeling dirty and ashamed.
Boy and school teacher
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, Why are you arguing?
One boy answers, We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.
You should be ashamed of yourselves, said the teacher, When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was.
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
A rich Arab student e-mails his dad...
A rich Arab student e-mails his dad and says:
Dear Father,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Rolls Royce Phantom when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Hassan.
A day later his father replies:
Dear Hassan,
Fifty million euros have been transferred to your account, stop embarrassing your family and buy yourself a train too.
Love you, Dad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 men are each talking proudly of their sons....
The first man says
"My son is a successful athlete! He makes so much money he just bought his friend a house!"
The second man says
"My son is a successful lawyer! He makes so much money he just bought his friend a boat!
The third man says
"My son is a successful doctor! He makes so much money he just bought his friend a car!
A fourth man hears their conversation and joins in, mentioning that his son is a male p**.... The three men say
"You must be so ashamed of him! He must barely make a living at all!"
To which the fourth man replies
"He does okay, his boyfriends just bought him a house, a car and a boat!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents caught me m**....
I wasn't ashamed, I was startled - I almost dropped their wedding picture.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was walking down the street with my wife and she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her.
That's total b**... I replied, by text, from across the road.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Opinions are like p**...
You should be ashamed of yours.
3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.
After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.
After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.
Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.
Why did Colonel Sanders keep his eleven herbs and spices a secret?
Because he was ashamed of them
Stranded on an Island
Two men and a women are stranded on an island. After a week, the woman is so ashamed of what they were doing, she killed herself...
After another week, the two men are so ashamed of what they are doing, so they bury her.
After another week, they are so ashamed of what they are doing, they dig her up again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump, Putin and Merkel are sitting at the North Sea...
..when Putin goes "We have submarines, that can stay up to 12 days under water without refueling!"
Trump replies "Ha, that's nothing, we have a huge tremendous one that can stay up to 2 month without refueling!"
Merkel feeling ashamed, staring down on the ground.
At the exact moment an old, rusty submarine is raising out of the water. The hatch opens, a man with long grey beard and dirty clothes climbs out and yells "Heil h**..., we need more diesel!"
When someone proclaims "I'm not ashamed of Jesus",
I can't tell if they are a Christian or if they are coming out of the closet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 POWs were together in a British War Camp.
There sat 2 Germans and an Italian. The British tourtured the first German and after many hours of screaming, the broken down German finally talked. Ashamed, he went back to the camp and told the other 2 prisoners to stay strong. The British begin to t**... the second German. He preserved through 3 days of pain and suffering, however he talks as well. Sent back to the camp, the Italian is taken to the t**... chamber. After weeks, the British realize that the Italian will die if he is pushed any further. After being brought back to the camp, the Germans asked him how he did it. The Italian replies, "how could I talk with my hands tied behind my back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dad accidentally walks in on his son jerking off..
and the kid is embarrassed and ashamed. The father, noticing this, says" Son, m**... is only a problem if you let it get out of hand."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After a terrible night, two professors have to run through campus while n**......
As they run, the first guy covers his g**... and the second covers his face. The first guy asks the second, "Are you not ashamed of your indecency?"
The second guy responds, "Yeah... But, I don't know about you, but more people recognize me by my face than by my g**..."
How is a night with Bill Cosby like watching the movie Dunkirk?
You feel ashamed after waking up.
Do you know what I am the most ashamed of ?
Good.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your fetishes are nothing to be ashamed about!
Unless your f**... is being humiliated, then you should feel ashamed you n**... little pervert.
I like my women like i like my burgers.
Cheap, fast, and something I'd be ashamed to let my friends find out I'd eaten.
I'm 18 and I have yet to have my period. My lil sis is 17 and has been having them since 13, I'm ashamed to talk to my friends because I don't know if I have a problem.
Or does it take longer if you're a boy?
Mother: I am ashamed of you. Fighting with your friend is a terrible thing to do.
Son: He threw a rock at me. So I threw one at him.
Mother: When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to see me.
Son: What good would that have done? I know that my aim is much better than yours.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I should be ashamed of my self...
trying to save the prison i put my self in. Who needs that?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the North Sea
Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the north sea with a helicopter. After a while Putin says "we have submarines that can stay under water for one week without refueling". Then trump says "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for a whole month without refueling!". Merkel can't think of anything and looks ashamed out the window. Suddenly a submarine surfaces in front of their eyes, a man steps out of it and raises his right arm and screams "HEIL h**... WIR BRAUCHEN DIESEL!"
You should all be ashamed of making fun of Jonah Hill.
The guy's been through thick and thin.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say calling people crazy is like being racist now.
All those people I bit at the mall ought to be ashamed of themselves.
The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.
He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"
Dad Jokes
Dad jokes aren't an affliction that happens to dads, they're a way of life. No one should ever be ashamed of #dadjokes. Instead, if you are a father, you should be worried if you don't know enough good dad jokes.
You know that old saying, Where there's a will there's a way? That's a pretty good one. Another good saying? A corny joke doesn't have to have any kernels in it. Yeah, that's not a real saying. But it feels like it, right? That's the beauty of #dadjoke — that wordplay makes you self-satisfied and your kids want to disappear under the dinner table. It's one of the perks that comes with a lifetime membership to the dad club, so make sure you have a good groaner for every occasion.
One day, my parents told me about the birds and the bees
"Son" they said, "birds do it, bees do it, so it's completely fine and natural for you to do it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of"
They were of course referring to my unfortunate habit of running face-first into windows.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jon Bon Jovi was inducted into the Rock hall of fame
I asked him, "aren't you disappointed and ashamed you aren't in the more prestigious Rock & ***Roll*** hall of fame?"
He said "Woah, we're halfway there".
A cow crossing a street sees a glove in ground. All ashamed and blushing goes:
Oh my god. Who's bra is this
NOTE: It's a dad joke but I didn't know how to make a #DadJoke label. So consider yourself warned.
Teacher
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Biggest Lie...
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
**The teacher says**, "Why are you arguing?"
**One boy answers**, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," **said the teacher,** "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
**The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher**.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently I have a f**.... Feet make me so excited, but I'm always ashamed. I really want to deny it, but after a year of lying to myself...
I accept defeat
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just did a DNA test and found out I'm 50% vampire
I'm so b**... ashamed I can't look at myself in the mirror.
An Arab student emails his dad:
*An arab student emails his dad:*
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*
My dear loving son,
Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
An old man is sitting with his wife on her death-bed. He asks her about the box containing three eggs and large pile of cash hidden under the bed.
"I'm ashamed to tell you that the contents of this box represents my infidelity to you." she admits with a guilty look. "Every time I went with another man, I'd place one of our chickens' eggs in the carton."
"Well Dear, don't feel bad. I suppose three times in fifty years is no big deal."
"The thing is...", she continues- "... there's the matter of the cash. You see, I also put the money in the box every time I sold a dozen."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend told me he was ashamed of m**... to his own image.
I told him not to be so hard on himself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stung...
A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse.
"I've been stung by a n**... insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."
"It's okay," says the doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."
"Okay," says the woman. "It was at Walmart."
Two boys are arguing when the teacher enters the classroom. The teacher says, What are you two arguing about?
One boy answers, We found a ten-dollar bill and decided whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep it.
You two should be ashamed of yourselves, said the teacher. When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was. The boys looked at each other and handed the ten dollars to the teacher.
