Ashamed Jokes
109 ashamed jokes and hilarious ashamed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ashamed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Ashamed Short Jokes
Short ashamed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ashamed humour may include short embarrassed jokes also.
- I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
- Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents. - A lawyer walks into a doctor's office with a huge tumor on his face.
Why didn't you come sooner? asks the doctor.
To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house, the tumor says. - A lawyer walks into a doctor's office with a huge tumor on his face... Doctor says, Why didn't you come sooner?
The tumor says, To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house. - They say calling people crazy is like being racist now. All those people I bit at the mall ought to be ashamed of themselves.
- HR: "This is your revised salary. We recommend you keep it confidential." Employee: "Don't worry, I'm equally ashamed of it."
- What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
I know, I know... even I'm ashamed of myself for posting this! - I saw Sean Connery build a bookshelf once. He built it wrong and it was kinda crooked. I called him out on it and he told me... "I'm ashamed of my shelf.
- Hey, girl... Are you a cell phone? 'Cause I could stare at you all day...
(I am ashamed to admit that intentionally bad pickup lines are my specialty.) - What did Sean Connery say after his woodworking project didn't turn out well? "I'm ashamed of my shelf"
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Ashamed One Liners
Which ashamed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ashamed? I can suggest the ones about shamelessly and appalled.
- is my wife ashamed of my body? a tiny part of me says yes.
- Don't be ashamed of who you are That's your parents' job.
- You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are That's your parent's job!
- I'm rather ashamed to say I haven't cleaned my mirror in years. It reflects badly on me.
- Don't be ashamed of who you are . That's your famlies job.
- I'm ashamed to share my most recent math pun.. It's | garbage |
- What time do Elves usually meet? Around Twelvish
I'm ashamed to say that this is OC - A limbo dancer walks into a bar He is ashamed.
- I told my dad I'll call him later. He said i shouldn't be ashamed to call him dad.
- My friend was ashamed of impulse buying a $1000 mattress I asked him to sleep on it
- Why does god stay in heaven.. He's ashamed of what he has created.
- Ever since I became a vampire I've been too ashamed to even look at myself in the mirror
- Why did the nun stop playing in the mud? She was ashamed of her dirty habit.
- Don't be ashamed about your skin color. At Least your skeleton is white.
- Why was 10 ashamed of itself? Because it came after 7 8 9.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Ashamed Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about ashamed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean no shame jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ashamed pranks.
3 men and a woman are stranded on a desert island...
After the first week, the woman gets so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.
After the second week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury the woman.
After the third week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her back up.
The Polish eye exam.
A polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters
~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
Other students come by train
A student to his father:
Dear father,
Berlin is a fantastic city, people are nice and I really like that city. But, I am a bit ashamed to come to school with my golden plated Ferrari whereas professors and other students come by train.
Love,
Your son
Next day, an answer comes:
My dear son,
I transferred 20M€ to your bank account. Please buy your train quickly.
Your loving father.
Yo mama such a h**......
Yo mama such a h**... that her privates are called publics.
i'm ashamed of this. but also really proud.
That's nothing
A father, mother and a small kid go to see a circus. There, among many animals the kid sees the elephant and its long thing hanging between his legs. The kid asks dad "What's that". Ashamed to answer, father says "Ask mother".
The kid asks mom, and she too is ashamed and says, "Oh, that's nothing". The kid goes back to father, and father asks, "What did mom say". Kid says she told "That's nothing".
Father replies sighing, "Yeah for your mother even that's nothing".
I blow, but I don't s**.... I whip, but don't do chains. Some watch me and feel proud, while others feel ashamed. What am I?
I am a flag.
There were 5 guys and a g**... a deserted island
After a week, the girl was so ashamed with what she had been doing to the guys, she killed herself. A week later, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to her, they buried her. After another week, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to each other, they dug her back up.
A young Saudi prince studying abroad...
A young Saudi prince studying abroad receives a call from his father asking him if everything is alright.
He tells his dad that he is feeling ashamed that everyday he goes to college in his brand new Lamborghini while all the other students take the train.
His father replies: "I understand your shame son, take this 2 billion dollars and buy yourself a train".
Two guys and a girl are stranded on an island...
After a few weeks the girl is so ashamed of the things that the three of them are doing that she kills herself. After a few more days the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing they decided to bury her. After another few days the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing they eventually dig her back up.
What is a pirate's favorite drink?
The HI-C!
(punchline must be said in proper pirate voice)
(this is what I do when bored at work not even ashamed)
An Arab student e-mails his dad
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:
My dear loving son,
Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
How i out dad joked my dad...
So the preview for some time traveling movie comes on tv and my dad goes "if you ever find a time machine remember not to use it," somehow thinking it's funny.
I'm ashamed to say the first thing out of my mouth was "seems like a great way to pass the time."
Every time I do it, I try my best but I still s**... at it. When I was young my parents explained it to me in very simple terms. Over the years, many girls have showed me how to do it. I'm ashamed to say I've tried to learn from online videos.
And yet I still can't fold fitted sheets.
My friend got so drunk he blew chunks
Saw my friend come into work one morning looking hung over
Me: Had a rough time last night?
Friend: Yeah, I got so drunk I blew chunks!
Me: We've all thrown up after drinking, nothing to be ashamed of.
Friend: Chunks is my dog!
Why wouldn't the airline allow the vulture to board his flight?
#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.
*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*
*
Today I pulled the dad jokes of all dad jokes.
At work, my coworker complained of ear pain. He asked me to look for a bump, so I looked.
Then, I said, "oh I know what's causing the pain!" He asked what it was, and I pulled a quarter from his ear..
I should be ashamed.
My wife caught me cheating last night and i feel so ashamed and full of regret.
She's never going to play monopoly with me again!
In an Appraisal discussion... Manager: This is your revised salary, Keep it confidential.
Employee: Don't worry, I am equally ashamed of it
Working out
For me going to the gym is a lot like having s**.... I'm get nervous before, it doesn't last as long as I want it to, I'm ashamed the whole time, and I usually cry afterwards.
Going to McDonald's is like going to the s**... club...
At first you're pumped and excited on the idea then you leave feeling dirty and ashamed.
Boy and school teacher
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, Why are you arguing?
One boy answers, We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.
You should be ashamed of yourselves, said the teacher, When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was.
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
An American walks into a swiss bank with two large bags
He walks up to a teller and says quietly "I have 2 million dollars in cash that I need to deposit into a swiss bank account now"
The teller replies "Sir, there's no need to whisper, poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."
My parents caught me m**....
I wasn't ashamed, I was startled - I almost dropped their wedding picture.
A foreigner goes to a bank in Switzerland...
The teller asks the foreigner: "Would you like to make a deposit?"
The foreign man replies: "Yes I would."
The teller: "How much would you like to deposit?"
The man leans in and whispers: "Three million dollars..."
The teller: "Oh you can speak up. Being poor is no reason to be ashamed in Switzerland."
Gas stations should be ashamed for selling a poisonous product that we over-consume and that pollutes the Earth...
Seriously, Slim Jims are terrible.
I was walking down the street with my wife and she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her.
That's total b**... I replied, by text, from across the road.
Opinions are like p**...
You should be ashamed of yours.
3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.
After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.
After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.
Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.
Life is like a box of chocolates...
When you've reached the end you feel sick, ashamed, and you just want to die.
Stranded on an Island
Two men and a women are stranded on an island. After a week, the woman is so ashamed of what they were doing, she killed herself...
After another week, the two men are so ashamed of what they are doing, so they bury her.
After another week, they are so ashamed of what they are doing, they dig her up again.
Q: What goes in hard and pink but comes out soft and mushy?
A: Bubblegum -- and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Here's a story about a boy with a strange name...
Once upon a time there was a little boy named Odd. Throughout his childhood he was picked on and bullied ruthlessly because of his name. He was so ashamed of that when he died, he decided to leave his gravestone blank.
Now, years later, whenever they pass his grave they would say, "That's odd."
My friend told me, "I don't support euthanasia."
I replied, "You should be ashamed of yourself! The young people in Asia deserve as much support as the young people on any other continent."
A dad accidentally walks in on his son jerking off..
and the kid is embarrassed and ashamed. The father, noticing this, says" Son, m**... is only a problem if you let it get out of hand."
After a terrible night, two professors have to run through campus while n**......
As they run, the first guy covers his g**... and the second covers his face. The first guy asks the second, "Are you not ashamed of your indecency?"
The second guy responds, "Yeah... But, I don't know about you, but more people recognize me by my face than by my g**..."
A plane crashes on a desert island and there are three survivors, a woman and two men.
After two weeks on the island the woman is so ashamed of what they have been doing that she kills herself. Two weeks after she kills herself the men are so ashamed of what they have been doing that they decide to bury her. Two weeks after they bury her the two men are so ashamed at what they have been doing that they dig her up again.
How is a night with Bill Cosby like watching the movie Dunkirk?
You feel ashamed after waking up.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby in Glasgow.
The bus driver turns to her and says Oi! That there's the ugliest baby I've ever seen, you should be ashamed of yourself, bringing a baby like that out in public. It's disgusting! She rushes to the back of the bus in tears, and a gentleman leans over to her and asks Lassie, why're you crying?
She says Well that bus driver up there just said the most horrible thing to me that anyone's ever said before.
In shock the gentleman exclaims Well you can't just let him get away with that! You've got to get up there and give him a piece of your mind! Here, I'll hold your monkey.
Don't be ashamed of making mistakes.
Even Monet made a bad first Impression.
Your fetishes are nothing to be ashamed about!
Unless your f**... is being humiliated, then you should feel ashamed you n**... little pervert.
Never be ashamed of your f**....
Unless your f**... is humiliation. Then you *should* be ashamed, you dirty little pervert.
I like my women like i like my burgers.
Cheap, fast, and something I'd be ashamed to let my friends find out I'd eaten.
I'm 18 and I have yet to have my period. My lil sis is 17 and has been having them since 13, I'm ashamed to talk to my friends because I don't know if I have a problem.
Or does it take longer if you're a boy?
Mother: I am ashamed of you. Fighting with your friend is a terrible thing to do.
Son: He threw a rock at me. So I threw one at him.
Mother: When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to see me.
Son: What good would that have done? I know that my aim is much better than yours.
Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the North Sea
Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the north sea with a helicopter. After a while Putin says "we have submarines that can stay under water for one week without refueling". Then trump says "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for a whole month without refueling!". Merkel can't think of anything and looks ashamed out the window. Suddenly a submarine surfaces in front of their eyes, a man steps out of it and raises his right arm and screams "HEIL h**... WIR BRAUCHEN DIESEL!"
World Leaders
President Macron, Theresa May and Angela Merkel meet for a summit at the North Sea.
Gazing over the water, May says, "We have a submarine that can stay underwater for 10 days." Macron responds, "That's nothing, our submarines can stay underwater for 30 days!" Merkel looks quite ashamed and shies away, when suddenly a U-Boot surfaces, the hatch opens and the commander looks out: "Heil h**..., we need Diesel!"
I cornered my dad You like dressing like woman, admit it! He was ashamed and asked how I knew?
He's too transparent
The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.
He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"
One day, my parents told me about the birds and the bees
"Son" they said, "birds do it, bees do it, so it's completely fine and natural for you to do it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of"
They were of course referring to my unfortunate habit of running face-first into windows.
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and who has a speech impediment?
His name.
And you should probably be ashamed of yourself.
Jon Bon Jovi was inducted into the Rock hall of fame
I asked him, "aren't you disappointed and ashamed you aren't in the more prestigious Rock & ***Roll*** hall of fame?"
He said "Woah, we're halfway there".
A cow crossing a street sees a glove in ground. All ashamed and blushing goes:
Oh my god. Who's bra is this
NOTE: It's a dad joke but I didn't know how to make a #DadJoke label. So consider yourself warned.
Teacher
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
The Biggest Lie...
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
**The teacher says**, "Why are you arguing?"
**One boy answers**, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," **said the teacher,** "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
**The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher**.
Apparently I have a f**.... Feet make me so excited, but I'm always ashamed. I really want to deny it, but after a year of lying to myself...
I accept defeat
I just did a DNA test and found out I'm 50% vampire
I'm so b**... ashamed I can't look at myself in the mirror.
An Arab student emails his dad:
*An arab student emails his dad:*
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*
My dear loving son,
Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
Your f**... is nothing to be ashamed about...
Unless it's to be humiliated! Then you should be ashamed about it you n**... little b**......
My friend told me he was ashamed of m**... to his own image.
I told him not to be so hard on himself.
A priest and a rabbi, old friends, are talking about their youthful indiscretions.
So the priest says, "tell me, have you ever tasted pork?"
The rabbi, slightly ashamed, admits: "Yes, once when I was young..."
After a thoughtful pause, the rabbi asks the priest, "tell me, have you ever made love to a woman?"
Sheepishly, the priest admits: "Yes, once when I was young."
The rabbi nods and says: "It was better than pork, wasn't it?"
Stung...
A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse.
"I've been stung by a n**... insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."
"It's okay," says the doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."
"Okay," says the woman. "It was at Walmart."
Two boys are arguing when the teacher enters the classroom. The teacher says, What are you two arguing about?
One boy answers, We found a ten-dollar bill and decided whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep it.
You two should be ashamed of yourselves, said the teacher. When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was. The boys looked at each other and handed the ten dollars to the teacher.
Father to his young son: You should be ashamed. When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he used to walk ten miles every day to get to school.
Son responds: Really? Well, when he was your age, he was president.
Jewish s**... is asking his Rabbi
Rabbi, is it alright if I smoke during study of Torah?
Rabbi: Absolutely not, out of question. Why would you even ask such ridiculous thing?
The Jewish s**... goes away ashamed, but since he is a pious addict he comes back later and asks Rabbi again.
Rabbi, is it alright if I study the Torah while I smoke?
Rabbi: But of course, of course!
Two men and a pig are trapped on a deserted island
A month in and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to kill the pig.
A month later and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to bury the pig.
One more month and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to dig the pig back up again.
