Following is our collection of shamefully humor and embarrassingly one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Ashamed puns for adults, dirty classmates jokes or clean dishonor gags for kids.
There is an abundance of felt jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 88 funniest jokes on ashamed. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any peepee witze you can hear about ashamed.
Since she can't even beat an egg
a tiny part of me says yes.
He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters
~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.
*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*
*
After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.
After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.
Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.
He walks up to a teller and says quietly "I have 2 million dollars in cash that I need to deposit into a swiss bank account now"
The teller replies "Sir, there's no need to whisper, poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."
That's your parents' job.
As they run, the first guy covers his genitals and the second covers his face. The first guy asks the second, "Are you not ashamed of your indecency?"
The second guy responds, "Yeah... But, I don't know about you, but more people recognize me by my face than by my genitals"
After the first week, the woman gets so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.
After the second week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury the woman.
After the third week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her back up.
That's your parent's job!
He feels his presents
(This is my only Christmas joke and I am deeply ashamed of that)
A student to his father:
Dear father,
Berlin is a fantastic city, people are nice and I really like that city. But, I am a bit ashamed to come to school with my golden plated Ferrari whereas professors and other students come by train.
Love,
Your son
Next day, an answer comes:
My dear son,
I transferred 20M€ to your bank account. Please buy your train quickly.
Your loving father.
I am a flag.
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:
My dear loving son,
Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
The bus driver turns to her and says Oi! That there's the ugliest baby I've ever seen, you should be ashamed of yourself, bringing a baby like that out in public. It's disgusting! She rushes to the back of the bus in tears, and a gentleman leans over to her and asks Lassie, why're you crying?
She says Well that bus driver up there just said the most horrible thing to me that anyone's ever said before.
In shock the gentleman exclaims Well you can't just let him get away with that! You've got to get up there and give him a piece of your mind! Here, I'll hold your monkey.
And I am not ashamed of my fettishini
Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the north sea with a helicopter. After a while Putin says "we have submarines that can stay under water for one week without refueling". Then trump says "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for a whole month without refueling!". Merkel can't think of anything and looks ashamed out the window. Suddenly a submarine surfaces in front of their eyes, a man steps out of it and raises his right arm and screams "HEIL HITLER WIR BRAUCHEN DIESEL!"
"Son" they said, "birds do it, bees do it, so it's completely fine and natural for you to do it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of"
They were of course referring to my unfortunate habit of running face-first into windows.
The first man says
"My son is a successful athlete! He makes so much money he just bought his friend a house!"
The second man says
"My son is a successful lawyer! He makes so much money he just bought his friend a boat!
The third man says
"My son is a successful doctor! He makes so much money he just bought his friend a car!
A fourth man hears their conversation and joins in, mentioning that his son is a male prostitute. The three men say
"You must be so ashamed of him! He must barely make a living at all!"
To which the fourth man replies
"He does okay, his boyfriends just bought him a house, a car and a boat!"
And tells him he is feeling very guilty about sleeping with one of his patients. He is having a hard time going back to work because he thinks all of his co workers know. The psychologist said there's nothing to be ashamed of because humans can't always control urges and even he has slept with a patient.
After a few sessions the Doctor finally feels relieved about his incident. The psychologist asked what field of medicine the doctor practiced.
"Oh I'm a veterinarian", said the Doctor.
Doctor says, Why didn't you come sooner?
The tumor says, To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house.
A wealthy Arab had a son who was an exchange student in America. Because of his father's wealth, the son would arrive to school every day in a luxurious Rolls-Royce. Soon after school started, the son sent a letter to his father. It said "Dear father. I feel very ashamed; I arrive to school everyday in a Rolls-Royce. All my professors arrive by train!" he soon got a letter back from his father, along with $20 million. His father's letter read "Dear son, you are embarrassing me. Take this money and but yourself a train as well!"
Unless your fetish is being humiliated, then you should feel ashamed you nasty little pervert.
Yo mama such a ho that her privates are called publics.
i'm ashamed of this. but also really proud.
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines.
The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
Three guys are standing in heaven, their names are Greg, James, and Tony. They are at a car dealership, and an angel asks them "were you faithful to your wives?" Greg answers "yes, I never cheated on my wife." He is given a new Lamborghini. The angel then asks James if he ever cheated on his wife. He says "once, and I am ashamed to admit it." He is given a Toyota Corolla. The angel then asks Tony, and he says "yes, lots of times." He is given an old Morris Marina.
A few days later, Tony sees Greg sitting on a park bench, and Greg is crying. Tony Asks Greg "you were given a Lamborghini the other day, why are you crying?" Greg responds "I just saw my wife, they gave her a pair of roller skates."
At some point, Little Matt whispers to his friend:
'I saw Miss Brown's thighs!'
Miss Brown hears the comment.
'You cheeky brat! Get out of here right now, I don't wanna see you for three days!'
A while later, Little Timmy whispers to his friend:
'I saw Miss Brown's ass!'
Miss Brown hears that too.
'You should be ashamed of yourself, Timmy! Get out of here at once, I don't wanna see you in school for a week!'
As Little Timmy stands up to leave, Little Johnny joins him as well.
'Johnny, where are *you* going?'
'Miss Brown, based on what I saw, I don't think I'm coming to school again this year.'
A young Saudi prince studying abroad receives a call from his father asking him if everything is alright.
He tells his dad that he is feeling ashamed that everyday he goes to college in his brand new Lamborghini while all the other students take the train.
His father replies: "I understand your shame son, take this 2 billion dollars and buy yourself a train".
Around Twelvish
I'm ashamed to say that this is OC
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
**The teacher says**, "Why are you arguing?"
**One boy answers**, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," **said the teacher,** "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
**The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher**.
So the preview for some time traveling movie comes on tv and my dad goes "if you ever find a time machine remember not to use it," somehow thinking it's funny.
I'm ashamed to say the first thing out of my mouth was "seems like a great way to pass the time."
Oh my god. Who's bra is this
NOTE: It's a dad joke but I didn't know how to make a #DadJoke label. So consider yourself warned.
At work, my coworker complained of ear pain. He asked me to look for a bump, so I looked.
Then, I said, "oh I know what's causing the pain!" He asked what it was, and I pulled a quarter from his ear..
I should be ashamed.
... and sees a a beautiful girl. After an hour, he goes to try talking to her:
-Excuse me, can we talk for some minutes?
Afterwards, the girl screams:
-NO! I Don't wanna sleep with you!
Now everyone in the bar looks weird to them. Obviously, the guy, ashamed, goes back to his table and asks for a beer. Several minutes later, the girl comes to him, smiles and tell him:
-Sorry if i made you feel bad. I'm studying psychology and checking how people reacts in awkward situations.
After that, the guy screams:
-WHAT? $200?
...He goes to the confession booth and says to the priest
"Father, I have a confession"
"Tell me all about it." The priest replies.
"Well during the war I was harbouring a 17 year old jewish girl." The man says
"The war's over now, that's nothing to be ashamed of."
"And every day she would come down from the attic, and we would have sex, twice on a sunday."
"It's okay," the priest replies "everybody has urges."
"Oh, and one more thing Father."
"Yes, you can tell me."
"Do you think I should tell her the war is over?"
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, Why are you arguing?
One boy answers, We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.
You should be ashamed of yourselves, said the teacher, When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was.
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
A doctor was feeling ashamed after having sex with one of his female patients.
He could not get the images of his head. He was a professional, and wasn't used to this overwhelming sense of guilt and betrayal of his patient.
In desperate need of reassurance, he thought to himself as he heard a voice in his head say:
*"Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last."*
It continued:
*"Now go out there and show them that you're the best veterinarian in this whole town!"*
---
All those people I bit at the mall ought to be ashamed of themselves.
Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
"How do *you* know, Sister?"
"My Mother Superior told me so"
"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
"Don't be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself"
"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"
"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, them no-one will know"
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar.
"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "... and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"
"Oh no! It's not that drunken Nun again is it?"
He is ashamed.
Billy was dating a bisexual guy named Jordan. Recently, however, Jordan has started going to parties on Friday nights without inviting Billy. Billy, thinking that Jordan was ashamed of dating a guy, asks to go with him one day.
When they arrive at the bar, he notices that Jordan is not holding his hands like he usually does. When they walk in, a short, drunk blonde girl who wraps her arms around his waist. Jordan introduces the girl as Jean, who tells Billy that she's heard a lot about him. Billy wonders if he told her about their relationship and starts to get jealous. He tells Jordan that he's going to go home early.
Jordan follows him to the door and asks why he is leaving. Billy just says that he is not having fun and tells him to have fun with his "friend". Jordan realizes what this was all about and tells him that the girl was just someone he used to date. She recently had a child and he wanted to know whether the child was his or not.
Billy doesn't believe Jordan's story. He rolls his eyes and starts walking away again. However, Jordan stops him and looks him right in the eye. Then, he says, "Billy, Jean is not my lover. She's just some girl who said that I am the one. But the kid is not my son."
There sat 2 Germans and an Italian. The British tourtured the first German and after many hours of screaming, the broken down German finally talked. Ashamed, he went back to the camp and told the other 2 prisoners to stay strong. The British begin to torture the second German. He preserved through 3 days of pain and suffering, however he talks as well. Sent back to the camp, the Italian is taken to the torture chamber. After weeks, the British realize that the Italian will die if he is pushed any further. After being brought back to the camp, the Germans asked him how he did it. The Italian replies, "how could I talk with my hands tied behind my back?"
Son: He threw a rock at me. So I threw one at him.
Mother: When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to see me.
Son: What good would that have done? I know that my aim is much better than yours.
..when Putin goes "We have submarines, that can stay up to 12 days under water without refueling!"
Trump replies "Ha, that's nothing, we have a huge tremendous one that can stay up to 2 month without refueling!"
Merkel feeling ashamed, staring down on the ground.
At the exact moment an old, rusty submarine is raising out of the water. The hatch opens, a man with long grey beard and dirty clothes climbs out and yells "Heil Hitler, we need more diesel!"
Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
I know, I know... even I'm ashamed of myself for posting this!
I wasn't ashamed, I was startled - I almost dropped their wedding picture.
He said i shouldn't be ashamed to call him dad.
Unless your fetish is humiliation. Then you *should* be ashamed, you dirty little pervert.
"I'm ashamed of my shelf.
I'm so bloody ashamed I can't look at myself in the mirror.
'Cause I could stare at you all day...
(I am ashamed to admit that intentionally bad pickup lines are my specialty.)
Or does it take longer if you're a boy?
I replied, "You should be ashamed of yourself! The young people in Asia deserve as much support as the young people on any other continent."
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
At first you're pumped and excited on the idea then you leave feeling dirty and ashamed.
She's never going to play monopoly with me again!
Two men and a women are stranded on an island. After a week, the woman is so ashamed of what they were doing, she killed herself...
After another week, the two men are so ashamed of what they are doing, so they bury her.
After another week, they are so ashamed of what they are doing, they dig her up again.
There was a racist in the south who would often see minority hitchhikers walking alongside the road. Everytime, he would feel compelled to try to run them over.
One day he was driving and saw a hitchhiker. He was getting excited at the possibility of a good hit, and then he realized it was white pastor. He felt ashamed that he had almost hit him that he just had to pick him up.
So the pastor gets in and they get going again. The racist says, "Father, I must admit, I almost ran you over, and its because I have an urge which you might not agree with.
The pastor says, "why, whatever do you mean, my child?"
Just then, a hitchhiker is seen coming up the road, and the racist says, "oh god, its a negro, I am sorry Father, I have to do this."
The racist revs up and is barreling down the road. The hitchhiker jumps out of the way, just barely missing the front right wheel. "DAMMIT!"
The pastor exclaims, "Don't worry, I hit him with the door!"
Seriously, Slim Jims are terrible.
After a week, the girl was so ashamed with what she had been doing to the guys, she killed herself. A week later, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to her, they buried her. After another week, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to each other, they dug her back up.
A rich Arab student e-mails his dad and says:
Dear Father,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Rolls Royce Phantom when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Hassan.
A day later his father replies:
Dear Hassan,
Fifty million euros have been transferred to your account, stop embarrassing your family and buy yourself a train too.
Love you, Dad.
A father, mother and a small kid go to see a circus. There, among many animals the kid sees the elephant and its long thing hanging between his legs. The kid asks dad "What's that". Ashamed to answer, father says "Ask mother".
The kid asks mom, and she too is ashamed and says, "Oh, that's nothing". The kid goes back to father, and father asks, "What did mom say". Kid says she told "That's nothing".
Father replies sighing, "Yeah for your mother even that's nothing".
A prostitute in Philippines stands in line with 50 others during a police raid, checking their IDs
As suprise her grand mother shows up, asking what she is doing in that long line.
"There is a man on the end, giving oranges for free, to make juice", she lies ashamed.
"Well, in this heat i wanna have some too ", says the grandmother and joines the line.
As the police officer showes up he is shocked and said: "Oh my god, how can you do that! You are quiet old already!".
"No problem Officer, i take out my teeth and suck em dry..."
After two weeks on the island the woman is so ashamed of what they have been doing that she kills herself. Two weeks after she kills herself the men are so ashamed of what they have been doing that they decide to bury her. Two weeks after they bury her the two men are so ashamed at what they have been doing that they dig her up again.
The teller asks the foreigner: "Would you like to make a deposit?"
The foreign man replies: "Yes I would."
The teller: "How much would you like to deposit?"
The man leans in and whispers: "Three million dollars..."
The teller: "Oh you can speak up. Being poor is no reason to be ashamed in Switzerland."
I asked him to sleep on it
Saw my friend come into work one morning looking hung over
Me: Had a rough time last night?
Friend: Yeah, I got so drunk I blew chunks!
Me: We've all thrown up after drinking, nothing to be ashamed of.
Friend: Chunks is my dog!
That's total bollocks I replied, by text, from across the road.
Dad jokes aren't an affliction that happens to dads, they're a way of life. No one should ever be ashamed of #dadjokes. Instead, if you are a father, you should be worried if you don't know enough good dad jokes.
You know that old saying, Where there's a will there's a way? That's a pretty good one. Another good saying? A corny joke doesn't have to have any kernels in it. Yeah, that's not a real saying. But it feels like it, right? That's the beauty of #dadjoke — that wordplay makes you self-satisfied and your kids want to disappear under the dinner table. It's one of the perks that comes with a lifetime membership to the dad club, so make sure you have a good groaner for every occasion.
When you've reached the end you feel sick, ashamed, and you just want to die.
Jassem, an Arab child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio. "What is your name?" – asked the teacher. "Jassem"- answered the kid. "You are in America now, From now on your name will be Johnny," –replied the teacher.
In the evening, Jassem returned home. "How was your day, Jassem?" – asked his mother. "My name is not Jassem. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny. "
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage? Shame on you!" – and she beat him. Then she called his father and he too beat him. The next day Jassem returned to school.. When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened to you little Johnny"?
Well ma'am, 4 hours after I becoming an American, I was attacked by two Arabs at home."
Cheap, fast, and something I'd be ashamed to let my friends find out I'd eaten.
You should be ashamed of yours.
And in walks a friend he hasn't seen in a few weeks. Being curious as to where his buddy has been, he asks what's been going on. His friend replies "after that last bender we had I figured it was time to lay off the sauce for a while". The first guy asks "what was so bad that you felt the need to cut back?" Well, says the second guy, after we got hammered I went home and blew chunks." That's nothing to be ashamed of says the first guy, we've all done it. The second guy gives a mournful shake of his head and says "you don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"
After a few weeks the girl is so ashamed of the things that the three of them are doing that she kills herself. After a few more days the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing they decided to bury her. After another few days the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing they eventually dig her back up.
A: Bubblegum -- and you should be ashamed of yourself.
The people too ashamed to comment, and the people too busy to comment.
President Macron, Theresa May and Angela Merkel meet for a summit at the North Sea.
Gazing over the water, May says, "We have a submarine that can stay underwater for 10 days." Macron responds, "That's nothing, our submarines can stay underwater for 30 days!" Merkel looks quite ashamed and shies away, when suddenly a U-Boot surfaces, the hatch opens and the commander looks out: "Heil Hitler, we need Diesel!"
And yet I still can't fold fitted sheets.
Once upon a time there was a little boy named Odd. Throughout his childhood he was picked on and bullied ruthlessly because of his name. He was so ashamed of that when he died, he decided to leave his gravestone blank.
Now, years later, whenever they pass his grave they would say, "That's odd."
I asked him, "aren't you disappointed and ashamed you aren't in the more prestigious Rock & ***Roll*** hall of fame?"
He said "Woah, we're halfway there".
I accept defeat
His name.
And you should probably be ashamed of yourself.
The HI-C!
(punchline must be said in proper pirate voice)
(this is what I do when bored at work not even ashamed)
For me going to the gym is a lot like having sex. I'm get nervous before, it doesn't last as long as I want it to, I'm ashamed the whole time, and I usually cry afterwards.
You feel ashamed after waking up.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.