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Ascends Jokes

15 ascends jokes and hilarious ascends puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ascends that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Ascends Short Jokes

Short ascends jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ascends humour may include short ascended heaven jokes also.

  1. If I had a choice between stairs and a runged instrument for ascending things... I would choose the ladder.
  2. If they serve you snacks before your plane has finished ascending.. ..are you getting fed up with airline food?
  3. The Moon landings were staged... ... specifically, they had three stages, which were discarded in sequence as the rocket ascended to space to save on mass.
  4. A Japanese ascended a tall mountain to seek wisdom from a sage. He asks: Master Akira, why do people all think Japanese look alike? I'm not master Akira!
  5. He arrives mysteriously. He helps others, performs miracles, gets betrayed, and finally ascends into the heavens. E.T. was a great movie.
  6. Good Friday is the day Jesus died. Easter Sunday is the day Jesus rose from the dead.
    And Cyber Monday is the day Jesus ascended into the cloud.
  7. What did Jesus say before He ascended to Heaven on the 40th day of Easter? "Beam me up, Scotty."
  8. Did you hear about the guy who had explosive diarrhea in an elevator? Apparently it was ascending
  9. They say that if you are good and righteous you will ascend into heaven... Otherwise you will split apart into small groups.
  10. It became harder to breathe as I ascended the snowy mountain, trudging through nearly five inches of snow. I couldn't take it anymore I backed out with cold feet

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Ascends One Liners

Which ascends one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ascends? I can suggest the ones about rises and descended.

  1. How to start ascending a flight of stairs: Step one...
  2. How do the Sith ascend? Elevaders
  3. What do you call a section of a circle that ascends to heaven? An arcangle.
  4. Have you heard about the movie Jupiter Ascending sequel? It's called Uranus Ascending.

Ascends joke, Have you heard about the movie Jupiter Ascending sequel?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about ascends can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of ascends puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Howlingly Hilarious Ascends Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about ascends you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean rising jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make ascends prank.

The prince, after a long and arduous battle, slew the dragon. He then ascends the mountain to an ominous castle holding the damsel. The prince makes his way to her room to rescue her. He enters and asks

What's your wifi password?

How does that heaven joke go?

Ages ago, I read this joke about a man dying, and as he ascends the pearly staircase, increasingly attractive women with increasingly large amounts of gold urge him a level higher for some really promising reward. Eventually, he reaches the top, and there's a man who makes Jabba the Hutt look like a s**... god, and his name is some kind of s**... pun on the earlier promise.
I just can't for the life of me remember the specifics of the joke. Has anyone else heard it?

Inigo dies and ascends to heaven...

At the Pearly Gates, he meets Saint Peter.
St. Peter: Inigo Montoya, you are in the wrong place. You should go to Jannah, as you are a Muslim.
Inigo: St. Peter, I am a devout Christian. Why do you say I am a Muslim?
St. Peter: We have records of you always using you left hand to wash yourself after you do a No. 2.
Inigo bursts out laughing and St. Peter asks: Inigo, why are you laughing?
Inigo: Because I know something you don't know! I am not left-handed!

A famous casting director dies and ascends to heaven.

He comes to Saint Peter before the pearly gates, and Peter asks him, Why should I allow you into heaven?
The casting director smiles and says, Because I'm without sin.
Peter raises an eyebrow, and asks, Are you?
Yes, I am. You see, just before I died, I worked on a movie where the protagonist has a bunch of talking pet rocks that help him on his quest.
Peter laughs, and asks, And what does that have to do with anything?
Well, you see, I cast the first stone.

An Islamic t**... blows himself up and ascends to paradise.

When he gets there he's greeted by Allah and an elderly lady who immediately wraps her frail arms round the t**..., removes her false teeth and gives him a huge sloppy kiss.
Confused, the t**... says, "Allah, I'm sorry to question your benevolence, but I thought there would be 72 virgins awaiting my arrival?"
Allah replies, "This is widely misconcepted my child. You've done us proud, now enjoy the rest of eternity with this 72 year old v**..."

The moral of the story...

A newlywed man arrives home one day. As he ascends the stairs and enters the bedroom he sees his wife's sister sprawled on the bed completely n**....
"I've always had a thing for you since you started dating my sister", she says. "You can have me right now anyway you want me. I won't tell a soul."
The man immediately does an about face and goes down the stairs and out the front door. Outside waiting is his wife. She immediately walks up to him and embraces him.
"Honey I'm so proud of you!", the wife says. "You resisted temptation and now I know I can trust you the rest of my life."
The moral of the story? Always keep your condoms in your car.

A man wants to prove there is a God.

While there is a flood, a man wants to prove there is a god. When the water is down to his knees, a rescue boat arrives. He refuses to leave in it and says "God will save me." When the water is to his chest, another boat arrives, to which he says the same thing. When the water is at his chin, a helicopter arrives, but he denies it again, so he drowns. When he ascends up to heaven, he confronts God and says, "Why didn't you save me?" To which God replies, "What do you mean? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"

A Chinese General dies in battle...

And ascends to the afterlife. There The General meets the Gatekeeper of Heaven, who needs to test him to prove that he's worthy of passing on.
The Gatekeeper, without looking up from his ledger, says "I'm gonna need to know who you were and what you did in life."
The General was taken aback. "Why, I was revered across the land as a great warrior and leader of the people! I was known as the Saint of War, and some even referred to me as a god!"
The Gatekeeper looks up and studies the General for a bit, before finally saying. "Oh yeah, you were the one we were expecting. Guan, Yu."

True Story

The Husband Store:
A new store that sells new husbands has opened in Toronto , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, however you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs...
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Like Children...
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Good Jobs, Love Children, and are Extremely Good Looking...
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Very Good Jobs, Love Children, are Extremely Good Looking and Help With Most Housework...
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Exceptional Jobs that pay them very well, they Love Children, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with all the Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak, and they are 100% Faithful.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 18,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Please Exit to the right to make room for more unreasonable shoppers.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. Similar instructions are posted at the entrance of this store as well.
The first floor has wives that love s**....
The second floor has wives that love s**... and have their own money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Ascends joke, True Story

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these ascends jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.