Ascended Heaven Jokes
16 ascended heaven jokes and hilarious ascended heaven puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ascended heaven that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Ascended Heaven Short Jokes
Short ascended heaven jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ascended heaven humour may include short heaven jokes also.
- He arrives mysteriously. He helps others, performs miracles, gets betrayed, and finally ascends into the heavens. E.T. was a great movie.
- What did Jesus say before He ascended to Heaven on the 40th day of Easter? "Beam me up, Scotty."
- They say that if you are good and righteous you will ascend into heaven... Otherwise you will split apart into small groups.
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Ascended Heaven One Liners
Which ascended heaven one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ascended heaven? I can suggest the ones about in heaven and ascends.
- What do you call a section of a circle that ascends to heaven? An arcangle.
Happy Ascended Heaven Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about ascended heaven you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean getting into heaven jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ascended heaven pranks.
two h**... trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.
God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud? .
God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232 .
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the o**... turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought .
An old man was dying, and asked his wife for a favor...
He said, I will be dying soon, so I'd like you to put all my prized possessions in the attic, so that when I die, my spirt can grab the items as I ascend to heaven.
The wife obliged, and when her husband passed a few days later, she ran up to the attic to see if he managed to take his belongings.
The attic was still full of all the possessions she put there.
She shook her head and said, I knew I should have put all his possessions in the basement.
When Jesus was resurrected, an angel escorted him to Heaven in a flying car
As the car ascended to the skies, it suddenly stalled and fell.
One of the disciples looked up and said, "Guess he shouldn't have driven emmanuel."
Did you know Jesus actually got married after he was resurrected and ascended into heaven?
His dad surprised him with an arranged marriage by having Marry Magdalene crucified as well. It was one of those *nail order brides*.
How does that heaven joke go?
Ages ago, I read this joke about a man dying, and as he ascends the pearly staircase, increasingly attractive women with increasingly large amounts of gold urge him a level higher for some really promising reward. Eventually, he reaches the top, and there's a man who makes Jabba the Hutt look like a s**... god, and his name is some kind of s**... pun on the earlier promise.
I just can't for the life of me remember the specifics of the joke. Has anyone else heard it?
Heaven was getting a bit crowded, so Peter began giving quizzes to see who should get in.
A man ascended to heaven, and came to the gates “Who was the first man?” asked Peter.
“Adam.”
“That’s correct. Enter.”
Soon another man came along.
“Where did Adam and Eve live?”
”Eden.”
“That’s correct. Enter.”
Then Mother Theresa came along.
“Ooh, I’ll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?”
“Mmm, that IS a hard one.”
“Enter.”
On a casual drive from drinking a blond, red, and black haired women died in a car c**....
When they died God said to them that they could get into heaven if they could climb 100 steps with jokes inscribed on them and never laugh. So they started their ascend. Unfortunately the black haired woman laughed on the 21st step and fell off the steps to heaven. The red head laughed on the 43rd step and also fell off. Finally, the blond head reached the 100th and then suddenly bursted into laughter.
God asked, Why did you laugh? You almost made it!
To which the blond replied, I just got the first one.
Inigo dies and ascends to heaven...
At the Pearly Gates, he meets Saint Peter.
St. Peter: Inigo Montoya, you are in the wrong place. You should go to Jannah, as you are a Muslim.
Inigo: St. Peter, I am a devout Christian. Why do you say I am a Muslim?
St. Peter: We have records of you always using you left hand to wash yourself after you do a No. 2.
Inigo bursts out laughing and St. Peter asks: Inigo, why are you laughing?
Inigo: Because I know something you don't know! I am not left-handed!
A famous casting director dies and ascends to heaven.
He comes to Saint Peter before the pearly gates, and Peter asks him, Why should I allow you into heaven?
The casting director smiles and says, Because I'm without sin.
Peter raises an eyebrow, and asks, Are you?
Yes, I am. You see, just before I died, I worked on a movie where the protagonist has a bunch of talking pet rocks that help him on his quest.
Peter laughs, and asks, And what does that have to do with anything?
Well, you see, I cast the first stone.
A man wants to prove there is a God.
While there is a flood, a man wants to prove there is a god. When the water is down to his knees, a rescue boat arrives. He refuses to leave in it and says "God will save me." When the water is to his chest, another boat arrives, to which he says the same thing. When the water is at his chin, a helicopter arrives, but he denies it again, so he drowns. When he ascends up to heaven, he confronts God and says, "Why didn't you save me?" To which God replies, "What do you mean? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"
A Chinese General dies in battle...
And ascends to the afterlife. There The General meets the Gatekeeper of Heaven, who needs to test him to prove that he's worthy of passing on.
The Gatekeeper, without looking up from his ledger, says "I'm gonna need to know who you were and what you did in life."
The General was taken aback. "Why, I was revered across the land as a great warrior and leader of the people! I was known as the Saint of War, and some even referred to me as a god!"
The Gatekeeper looks up and studies the General for a bit, before finally saying. "Oh yeah, you were the one we were expecting. Guan, Yu."