Ascend Jokes

Following is our collection of cult humor and pearly one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Ascend puns for adults, dirty climber jokes or clean inhabitants gags for kids.

There is an abundance of ladder jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 5 funniest jokes on ascend. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any rise witze you can hear about ascend.

The Best jokes about Ascend

How do the Sith ascend?


On a casual drive from drinking a blond, red, and black haired women died in a car crash.

When they died God said to them that they could get into heaven if they could climb 100 steps with jokes inscribed on them and never laugh. So they started their ascend. Unfortunately the black haired woman laughed on the 21st step and fell off the steps to heaven. The red head laughed on the 43rd step and also fell off. Finally, the blond head reached the 100th and then suddenly bursted into laughter.

God asked, Why did you laugh? You almost made it!

To which the blond replied, I just got the first one.

The church was looking for a new bell ringer...

..and they put out an advertisment to find someone. After weeks of waiting, a man with no arms shows to apply. The clergy decided to let him try, given that no one else has shown up. They ascend up to the top of the bell tower and the priest tells the armless man to just have at it. The armless man steps up to bell, and just savagely bangs his head against the side of it until he falls over, dead. The clergy, clearly shocked, run down to the congregation gathered and ask,

"Did any of you know that man?"

And some else shouts, "No, but I think his face rings a bell!"

Two Missionaries...

Two missionaries were ascending a hill in an expedition to convert the hostile unreached jungle inhabitants.

Since very few had ever returned alive from the unfriendly summit very little was known. The two agreed that the best way to win them over was with gifts from their food provisions.

They reached a pass where only one was able to ascend at a time. As the first man cleared the pass, he was immediately set upon by the natives. They took his large pack, pulled the large bunch of bananas out, and distributed them amongst themselves.

The natives began a strange ritual that involved shoving the bananas into their rectums and dancing about in a manner similar to the Māori Haka.

At first, the missionary was horrified by what he saw but he started to giggle and then broke into an hysterical cackle.

The dancings stopped and the leader said, "Why you laugh?"

The missionary said, "my friend is coming with pineapples!"

They say that if you are good and righteous you will ascend into heaven...

Otherwise you will split apart into small groups.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes