The Best 14 Asap Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Asap jokes. There are some asap mitch jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these asap telecom puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Asap Jokes and Puns

Can you put a pin back in a grenade?

no really guys I need an answer ASAP

When one door closes, another one opens.

I gotta get my car fixed ASAP.

I need a stupid joke about an animal, asap!

Help me make this girl at work smile. She loves stupid jokes about animals.

Asap joke, I need a stupid joke about an animal, asap!

I went to the Opticians today and at the end she asked if I was married or in a relationship...

I said "yes I am, why?"

She said "Well your eyes are fine but your girlfriend needs to come in for a checkup ASAP!"

What do you do when you're in a busy city and you need to take a huge dump?

First things first, you find a decent plastic bag asap.
Then, you need to takes your pants off and be in a squat.
Take the plastic bag.........

put it over your head so that people don't see your face.

I need your best Scottish joke, asap! Scottish stepdad's birthday today.

I need a good Scottish joke or two to make fun of his primitive Tartan wearin' bagpipe blowin' and Braveheart barbarian culture.

Preferably, the joke will make fun of Scots as a bunch of useless drunkards subjugated by the English.

This is becoming a bit of a birthday tradition so give me your best!

So my wife came to me and yelled , We need to fix this relationship ASAP!

I took action and I brought home divorce papers.

Asap joke, So my wife came to me and yelled , We need to fix this relationship ASAP!

If you want a tree to do something quickly what do you tell it?


Please help me. I've looked all over but still can't find it.

If anyone finds my will to live, please return it asap.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Seriously, how many blondes? Need to know ASAP.






You can explore asap bro reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean asap plz dad jokes. There are also asap puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Went to the Doc and he says you're going to have to stop masturbating ASAP!

I said why on earth is that !? The doc says because you're in my office!


A friend of mine on chat.

Friend: (with a hurry) What does ASAP means ?

Me: As Soon As possible.

Friend: yeah, tell me as soon as possible.


You want to urge someone to do something ASAP, when do you use "come to" instead of "come on"?

come to me...

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the asap shortly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working asap fml piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes