Asap Jokes

Following is our collection of bro humor and mitch one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Asap puns for adults, dirty plz jokes or clean telecom gags for kids.

There is an abundance of shortly jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 13 funniest jokes on asap. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any fml witze you can hear about asap.

The Best jokes about Asap

Can you put a pin back in a grenade?

no really guys I need an answer ASAP

When one door closes, another one opens.

I gotta get my car fixed ASAP.

A man gets pulled over for speeding

The cop comes over to the window and asks the man, "What's the rush?"
"Well, you see I a body in the trunk and I wanna bury it ASAP before it stinks up the place," Answers the man.
The cop confused, "Why is there a body in the trunk?"
"Well, I wanted to buy 3 kilos of heroin and the other guy wanted to screw me so I shot him," The man calmly replied.
"So there's a dead, 3 kilos of heroin, and a gun in your trunk?!!??!" The cop nervously asks.
"Yeah, and also a bunch of C4. I'm planning to blow up the White House." The man continued.

The cop, frightened, called for back and returned to his vehicle. As the back up arrived the police chief decided to talk to the man in the car again.

"So what's in the trunk?" Asked the chief.
"Nothing just a spare tire."
The chief checks the trunk and sees nothing but a spare tire.
"Ok, where is the bomb, weapons, dead body and drugs?"
"I have no such things." The man answered and seemed very consumed.
"Well, the officer told me you had all these things in your trunk."
The man looks him in the eye and says, "Yeah, he probably said I was speeding too,"

I need a stupid joke about an animal, asap!

Help me make this girl at work smile. She loves stupid jokes about animals.

What do you do when you're in a busy city and you need to take a huge dump?

First things first, you find a decent plastic bag asap.
Then, you need to takes your pants off and be in a squat.
Take the plastic bag.........




put it over your head so that people don't see your face.


I need your best Scottish joke, asap! Scottish stepdad's birthday today.

I need a good Scottish joke or two to make fun of his primitive Tartan wearin' bagpipe blowin' and Braveheart barbarian culture.

Preferably, the joke will make fun of Scots as a bunch of useless drunkards subjugated by the English.

This is becoming a bit of a birthday tradition so give me your best!

So my wife came to me and yelled , We need to fix this relationship ASAP!

I took action and I brought home divorce papers.

Please help me. I've looked all over but still can't find it.

If anyone finds my will to live, please return it asap.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Seriously, how many blondes? Need to know ASAP.

WHAT DO WE WANT?!

WHAT DO WE WANT?!

MORE ACRONYMS!

WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?!

**ASAP!**

If you want a tree to do something quickly what do you tell it?

ASAP!


Went to the Doc and he says you're going to have to stop masturbating ASAP!

I said why on earth is that !? The doc says because you're in my office!

You want to urge someone to do something ASAP, when do you use "come to" instead of "come on"?

come to me...

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes