Arty Jokes

Following is our collection of buck humor and highbrow one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Arty puns for adults, dirty bill jokes or clean artist gags for kids.

There is an abundance of artistic jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 8 funniest jokes on arty. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any pretentious witze you can hear about arty.

The Best jokes about Arty

I'd had enough. I decided to kill my wife.

But I couldn't do it myself, so I asked around. I eventually heard of a big guy named Arty who kills people for $1. All you have to do is give him a picture and place of work. I found him, gave him the dollar and a picture of my wife.

"She works at Walmart", I said.

He just shook his head, got up, and left. Just like that. I wasn't there, but people say he grabbed her by the throat and started choking her. It wasn't long before a security guard rushed over. Arty was so big he grabbed both of them. One neck per hand. And killed them both.

It's hard to believe but it's true. They even ran a story about it in the local paper. "Arty chokes 2 for $1 at Walmart".


A man wanted to kill his wife, so he got a hold of a notorious assassin named Arty. The man tells the assassin that his brunette wife shops at the market every Thursday afternoon wearing the same leopard print coat. Since Arty really just enjoyed assassinated people for the fun of it, he only charged the man what he could afford, five dollars.

The next Thursday, Arty stakes out the small market until he spots a brunette woman walk in wearing a leopard coat. He sneaks up behind her while she is in the back corner of the market, and wraps his hands around her neck until she is dead.

Nobody sees him, and he is about to walk out, when another brunette woman walks in wearing a similar leopard print top. To be safe, he walks up to her and strangles her as well. A stock boy see this and alerts the police, who apprehend Arty. He confesses the entire plan, the husband is arrested, and the next day the newspaper reads:

"Arty Chokes at the Market, 2 for $5"


Joe is extremely angry and frustrated with his wife of 20 years and finally decides to find a contract killer to get rid of her. He knows this will cost more money than he has so he asks to borrow some funds from his best friend Arty. Arty surprises Joe by saying, "I have never liked your wife so I will gladly murder her for only a dollar."

Later, Arty is hiding outside the grocery store where Joe's wife works and as she leaves he drags her behind the store into an alley and strangles her. Just as he is dragging her body behind some bushes, the store manager comes out and sees him. So Arty attacks the manager and strangles him as well. Again, as he hides the body, a clerk comes out of the store so Arty has to do the same thing one more time. By this time, with all of the commotion, the police arrive and discover what has happened. They arrest Arty and the next morning the headline in the town newspaper reads:


So an assassin named Arty went his high school reunion

... He saw his bet friend who he hasn't to talk to in years, and asks "I'm having trouble with my wife, do you think you can do the job for me, I'll pay you," Arty says, "I'll do it for free because you're my best friend," and the friend says, "I have to pay you, it wouldn't be right if I didn't." So Arty charges his friend $1 per person killed and goes to kill his friends wife. Arty saw her at the grocery store parking lot and he chokes her to death, there was a witness so he choked the witness and saw his name on the local newspaper: Arty Chokes 2 for $1.

A fart song from my childhood

Arty farty threw a party,
All the farts where there,
Tutti fruity ripped beauty,
So they all went out for air.

How do you call Viennese Actionist artwork made with poo?

Arty fece

So there's this hit man named Arty.

One day an old friend of his calls him up and says he wants these two guys strangled. "How much am I gonna owe you?" His friend says. Arty tells him that because he's his friend, he'll do it for fifty cents each. His friend, truly grateful, thanks him and hangs up.

So that day, Arty finds the two guys and takes them out. Unfortunately the cops show up just then and arrest him. Now this is all over the news across town!

The newspaper comes out the next day saying "Arty Chokes 2 for a Dollar!".

^^^It's ^^^funny ^^^if ^^^you ^^^read ^^^the ^^^headline ^^^fast ^^^and ^^^outloud

What was Van Gogh's least favourite vegetable? An ear of cauliflower.

Sorry it was an arty joke.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes