Artist Jokes

180 artist jokes and hilarious artist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about artist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

These artist jokes will have you in stitches! From tattoo artists to makeup artists and music artists, you can find the funniest jokes about artists in the bighorn gallery. Make sure to check out this collection of the best artist jokes and portraits!

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Funniest Artist Short Jokes

Short artist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The artist humour may include short arts jokes also.

  1. Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body. I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
  2. The Artist I just saw a group of people who were watching an artist sketch all of them in his book. The man was good too, he really knew how to draw a crowd.
  3. People are always amazed at the skilled tattoo artists in Spain. No one expects the Spanish ink precision
  4. A con artist, a pervert, and a racist walks into a bar. The barkeep looks up and says "The usual, Mr. Trump?"
  5. ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting. CRITIC: It's worthless.
    ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.
  6. How many surreal artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three, one to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bath tub.
  7. Tattoos People are amazed at how good the tattoo artists are in Spain........
    They weren't expecting the Spanish ink precision
  8. What is the difference between priest and con-artist? Priest are so good they fooled themselves.
  9. What do you call an artist bigger than Rihanna? A Rihanna Grande
  10. If the actor who plays Wolverine were to reveal that he's been a con-artist his entire life.... Would that mean this has all been a huge act, man?

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Artist One Liners

Which artist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with artist? I can suggest the ones about actor and composer.

  1. r kelly is really changing the rap game
    He takes the art out of rap artist
  2. Ive just been molested by a group of mime artists... They did unspeakable things to me.
  3. Did you hear about Prince? Well I mean the artist formerly known as Prince.
  4. What do you call an artist in a dark alley? Sketchy
  5. If I was invisible for a day... I'd kick a mime artist to death.
  6. What do you call a 1 armed man who does karate? a Partial artist
  7. Why can't you trust an artist? Cuz they're sketchy, shady, and they'll frame you
  8. Why are subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"? Even art majors deserve recognition
  9. What do you call a scam artist who is walking down the stairs? Condescending
  10. What does a rock artist say to a jazz musician? To the airport please
  11. The results for The Disaster Artist are in. Overall, it's received Hi Marks.
  12. Why did the origami Artist never win a poker match? Because he will always fold.
  13. What do you call an artist who has no money baroque.....
    (I'll just see myself out)
  14. Muslim artists threw some paint bombs at a local building... They blue it up.
  15. I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font. Now that is bold.

Tattoo Artist Jokes

Here is a list of funny tattoo artist jokes and even better tattoo artist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • In New York there are many tattoo artists from all over the world, but for some reason the artists from Spain have trouble getting business. Why? Because nobody expects the Spanish ink precision!
  • Many people who go to Spain to get tattoos are surprised at how skilled the tattoo artists are. Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
  • When I asked the tattoo artist to cover my arms with flames, they refused. I don't have a firearms permit.
  • Where do tattoo artists connect? InkedIn
  • I got a tattoo... The tattoo reads "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
    My tattoo artist wasn't as pleased about the version I gave him.
  • What do you call a dwarf tattoo artist? An Inkling.
  • What did the roman tattoo artist said to his best friend when he entered the studio? A tattoo, Brutus?
  • People always act surprised when I tell them my tattoo artist was Spanish. No one ever expects the Spanish ink precision
  • I got my birthdate tattooed, the artist really did a number on me.
  • "Smallest snake I ever drew" said the tattoo artist. You didn't say that when it was in your mouth.

Martial Artist Jokes

Here is a list of funny martial artist jokes and even better martial artist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between a ginger and a ninja? One's a soulless killing machine. The other is a highly trained martial artist.
  • what do martial artists eat? kung food
  • What do you call an accident prone martial artist? Bruise Lee
  • What do you call a martial artist who doesn't understand a concept? Kungfused.
  • If someone draws pictures of Eminem for a living. Are they a professional martial artist?
  • [OC] I saw a Japanese martial artist, I've seen him on tv before so I excitedly waved at him. He was confused and said "I don't believe we've met" I said "I recognize Judo".
  • What's a martial artist's favorite drink? Wahtahhh!!
  • The government will send a martial artist after you if you violate copyright law IP Man
  • What do you call a biracial kid studying Kickboxing? A mixed martial artist.
  • What is a martial artist's favorite flower? HIYAAcinth.
Artist joke, What is a martial artist's favorite flower?

Artist Name Jokes

Here is a list of funny artist name jokes and even better artist name puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Megan and Harry's future child If Harry and Megan had a boy and named him "Artist" then changed his name he would be
    The prince formerly known as Artist
  • What's the name of China's best con artist? Foo Ling Yoo
  • If I were an Islamic hip hop artist.. My name would be Allah Hotbarz
  • Today I met a graffiti artist... His name was Mark Walls.
  • Some bloke just told me I have no culture Just because I can name more ninga turtles than renaissance artists.
  • What did the farmer hip hop artist name his hit song? "Turnip for the Club"
  • Did hear about the new Jewish hiphop artist? His name is 50% Off and his new hit single is In Da Shul.
  • Why is Kanye West the new Michael Jackson? Because he started out as a prodigious black artist, but now he's creepy, turning white and he can't name his kids right either.
  • Was rooting for my friend who was collecting the works of a prolific ancient greek artist found out the name of this artist is "Circa"
  • If two rap artists adopted a child… Would it be named Lil Jon Wayne?

Music Artist Jokes

Here is a list of funny music artist jokes and even better music artist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you tell the difference between a computer scientist and an aspiring music artist? Ask them what 'unsigned' means.
  • What do you call a lactose intolerant music artist? Post Provolone
  • Who is a grain harvester's favorite musical artist? Hall'n Oates
  • Where do country music artists become country music greats? The obituaries
  • This whole time… I thought Panera was a musical artist!
  • So whats the deal with latin music artists and their obsession with those little automated vacuum cleaners? RUMBA!
  • Engineering Joke: What do you call a musical artist who screws up and fails due to stress? Thread Shearin'
  • Who is Gordon Ramsay's favorite American Country Music artist? It's Tim McFOOKINGRAW!!!
  • who is a skeletons favorite music artist? BONE JOVI!!!!!!!
  • Gospel Artist What do you tell an old lady who complains of secular music on the subway as she keeps on asking for Jesu's songs?

Makeup Artist Jokes

Here is a list of funny makeup artist jokes and even better makeup artist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Girl I think you should become a makeup artist. Said the Abusive Father.
  • "My makeup artist is terrible," I told my buddy. "Hey," said my makeup artist, overhearing me. "Don't make me look bad."
    I said, "No...don't make ME look bad."
  • Why do zombie films cost less to produce in Europe than in the States? They don't have to pay the makeup artist to do the teeth.
  • Why do they call the make-up artists? Because they're not real artists.
  • Girl I think you really have a career as a makeup artist said the Abusive Father
Artist joke, Girl I think you really have a career as a makeup artist

Humorous Artist Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about artist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean writer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make artist pranks.

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

Tatoos of Elvis

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.
The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"
The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".
The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.
The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."
The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"
The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely w**... Nelson."

Regal Proceedings

If I was royalty, I would have a kid and call him Artist as a publicity stunt, before conceding to the pressure of public outcry, and renaming him something more regal.
So he may forever become known as The Prince Formerly Known As Artist.

An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...

to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'

Why does the artist never win?

Because he can only draw.

Hardest job in the world is being a

Police sketch artist in China.

What do you call a struggling artist?


What do you call an artist with a brown finger?


A graphic designer is working on a website...

...and his client says, "Could you make this banner a little more green?"
So he makes the color a little bit more green.
But his client says, "No, that's too green. Make it a little less so."
So he makes it a little less green.
The client says, "No, it's still a bit off."
So the artist, losing his patience, shouts, "On a scale of 0 to 255, how green do you want it!?"

"There are three kinds of s**......"

"There's homosexual s**..., for people who have s**... at home, bisexual, for people who buy s**..., and there's t**...—that's me, I'll try anything!"
Credit to Francis, the 80-year-old, flamboyantly hilarious artist I met on the train yesterday morning.

Why do so many artists in Boston identify as autistic?

When an artist covers another artist's song, it's flattering. When a comedian tells another comedian's joke, it's

Carlos Mencia

What'd they call that place with the collection of escape artist memorabilia?

now museum, now you don't

A guy asks for a tattoo on his........

A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his private parts. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that.
He replies, "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."

Three women sat discussing their husbands and their s**... lives.

"My husband's a wrestler," said the first. "He's really strong and aggressive in bed."
"My husband's an artist," said the second. "He's really gentle and sensitive."
"My husband's an IBM salesman," said the third. "He sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how good it's going to be when I finally get it."

An artist gets some good and bad news.

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have some good news and some bad news," the owner replied. The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death." "When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy is your doctor !"

(slightly dirty) What's the difference between a striptease artist and a trapeze artist

A trapeze artist has a cunning stunt....

Did you hear about the homeless artist who got turned down in his submission for a classic string toy rebranding?

It was a no-go hobo yo-yo logo.

I've just found out that one of my best friends is a mime artist.

He kept that quiet.

Why did h**... turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?

He never learned to mix the colors

Geometry professor goes into a tattoo shop and asks to get π on his back.

After a few hours he asks the tattoo artist, "Why is it taking so long to do the symbol for pi?" "Oh!" said the artist, surprised. "You wanted the *symbol*."

A daughter is in a fierce argument with her father

The dad is yelling, she's inconsolable and crying. She finally gets sick and tired of it, and storms up to her bedroom.
Before entering, she lashes out at her father "Oh, and more thing: Jim Morrison is a terrible artist!"
The father, filled with rage yells back "Young lady, there will be NO slamming of The Doors in this house!"

The Artist

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display. "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news
is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The gentleman was your doctor."

[offensive] Why didn't h**... become an artist?

Because he hated mixing colors...

A group of friends were named after their professions.

The artist was named Drew because thats what he did. The laborer was called Manual because thats the type of labor he did. The lawyer was called be Bill because f**... People Out of Money' takes to long to say.

I wished h**... finished what he didn't finish.

He needed to finish art school. He was a really good artist.

A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.

Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"

What do you call a one legged rapper?

A Hip-Hop artist

An Artist Gets Mugged...

He goes to the police and draws them a picture.
The policeman says "That's a good picture, we could nail the guy with that."
"I dunno.." Says the rookie besides him. "It seems a bit sketchy."

You know, h**... must have been a pretty great artist.

There are a ton of museums dedicated to his work, after all.

Millions of children are being inspired by seeing their first presidential election.

If a misogynistic con artist and a lying criminal can run for president, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground.

A critic goes to an art gallery and finds the artist of the pieces there.

Critic: "Would you like to know what I think of your art?"
Artist: "Oh, yes please"
Critic: "It's useless"
Artist: "I know, but I would still like to hear it. "

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:
-Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?
-It's pretty much worthless.
-I don't mind, you can tell me anyway.

So a prison break was happening...

And I happened to be walking around when it happened. It had a huge wall, and I saw someone climbing down from it. Turns out I knew the guy, he's a famous midget con artist that I ratted out. As he climbed down, he gave me this wretched look.
It was a little condescending.

TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown.

It was a coup-stick.

Artists cover their mistakes with paint, chefs cover their mistakes with sauce. How do doctors cover their mistakes?

With dirt.

An old Soviet joke..

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) n**... in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."

I am an incredible artist...

I can draw anything but attention.

Why are artist bad at Uno?

Because they Draw a lot

The artist Pitbull is my biggest inspiration.

never has someone made so much money with such little talent.

That has got to be the worst painting of a wagon I have ever seen

"It's a horse-drawn carriage", replied the artist.

Husband on second day of marriage :-

He went to the makeup artist who did his wife's bridal make up, and gifted her a beautifully packed iphone X box.
Make up artist opened the box with great happiness but was suddenly depressed to see a Nokia 1100.
Husband smiled and said "same feeling I had when I saw my wife this morning"

Women are discussing their s**... life.

- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it's going to be when it's ready.

As an artist, it doesn't matter if Im naughty or nice for Christmas.

Either way, Im getting charcoal.

An artist lives next to a Marsh.

Twice a week, he goes out and collects the clam shells in the marsh to use in his art. One day, he visits a fellow artist and the two compare their works as usual. Suddenly, a gang of bandits breaks into the house to steal art, but before anyone else could react the first artist launches a furious flurry of kicks and punches that quickly incapacitates all the robbers.
"Incredible!" Goes his friend, "I never realised you were so well trained in combat!"
"Well you should," the first artist replied, "considering you already know I am a marsh shell artist."

What did the artist say to get his vehicle moving

Van Gogh

A lizard tatoo artist applies for a job at an architectural firm...

The hiring manager is perplexed. "How" he asks, "does inking reptiles amount to 'relevant experience' designing buildings for our firm?"
"Well for starters" the lizard tatoo artist begins, "all of my drawings are to scale."
*This is OC fam. Just put my 2 weeks notice in at my day job.*

There is at least one great philosophy in each of Brad Bird's films

The Incredibles: "When everyone's special, nobody is."
Ratatouille: "Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere."
The Iron Giant: "Screw our country, I want to live."

A man witnesses a m**...

The police bring him in to a sketch artist, the sketch artist asks him questions about the m**... until he finishes his drawing. The sketch artist then asks the man "does this look like the m**...?" the man replies with "it's an awful good drawing and all, but it looks nothing like the picture I took".

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Sculpter, artist or window cleaner
But which of the three do you want to be the most?
I don't care as long as i get to see n**... women

A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.

When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.
She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are watching a street artist perform.

The act is spectacular, but the four gentlemen are having a tough time getting a good view.
The performer, by some coincidence, notices this and stands up on a large wooden box to give them a better view. He then calls out to them "Can all of you see me now?"
They each reply:

What's the toughest thing for an artist to draw?

A salary.
(Credit to u/arguablytrue)

For all of his faults, h**... was noteworthy as a dedicated artist.

In fact, the last thing he did before he died was paint the wall of his bunker.

An origami artist wanted for m**..., has been sending tantalizing clues to police.

The investigation is unfolding.

R Kelly

taking the art out of rap artist

What do you call b**... with an artist?


What do you call a Mongolian swindler?

A Khan artist.

I asked a tattoo artist to tattoo a picture of a pigeon into my p**... region.

He took a look at the picture and agreed to do it for $120.
It looked amazing. So, a couple weeks later, I went back and asked him to give me a matching tattoo on my palm. He looked again at the picture and said, That will be $240.
I said, Why the price jump? You did the exact same design last time for only $120.
He told me, A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Why did the police officer arrest the artist as a m**... suspect?

He was a sketchy dude.

My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150.

He is a pick up artist.

A lady walked into a tattoo parlor and said, "Can you do a tattoo of a turkey on my right inner thigh and one of a Christmas tree on my left inner thigh?"

"Sure,* the tattoo artist said. "But if you
don't mind me asking, why did you choose
those two designs?"
The lady smiled. "My husband' she explained. "He says there's never anything to eat
between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

Why did h**... fail as an artist?

He refused to mix colors.

An artist takes his work to a gallery for the first time.

A well-known art critic happens to be there and spots the painting. He walks over to the young artist.
"Excuse me, would you like my opinion of your painting?"
"Sure," replied the artist.
"Frankly, it's completely worthless."
"I know, but tell it to me anyway."

The Artist

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings which were on display.
''I have good news and bad news'' the owner replied.
''The good news is that a gentleman enquired if your paintings will increase in value after your death. When I told them they would, he bought all the 15 paintings hanging here!''
''That's wonderful!'' the artist exclaimed, ''What's the bad news?''
''The bad news is that the guy was your doctor''

An artist has a 6 year old child who also likes to draw

His child drew a horse.
The artist asked, "You drew the horse wrongly."
The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?"
The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?"
The child replied, "Why can't it have wings?"
The artist said, "It isn't a horse if it has wings."
The child replied, "Then why did you call it a horse?"

My friend is a pickup artist but has no success with women

Its probably because he spends most of his time drawing F-150s

Artist joke, My friend is a pickup artist but has no success with women

jokes about artist