Artist Jokes
176 artist jokes and hilarious artist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about artist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These artist jokes will have you in stitches! From tattoo artists to makeup artists and music artists, you can find the funniest jokes about artists in the bighorn gallery. Make sure to check out this collection of the best artist jokes and portraits!
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Funniest Artist Short Jokes
Short artist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The artist humour may include short actor jokes also.
- Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body. I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
- The Artist I just saw a group of people who were watching an artist sketch all of them in his book. The man was good too, he really knew how to draw a crowd.
- ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting. CRITIC: It's worthless.
ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway. - How many surreal artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three, one to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bath tub.
- If the actor who plays Wolverine were to reveal that he's been a con-artist his entire life.... Would that mean this has all been a huge act, man?
- What's the difference between a ginger and a ninja? One's a soulless killing machine. The other is a highly trained martial artist.
- My doctor constantly says I'm artistic. I don't know why he keeps mispronouncing it, though
- TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown. It was a coup-stick.
- Who's your favorite artist? UN: "Who's your favorite artist?"
Israel: "Netta!"
UK: "Dua Lipa!"
Zimbabwe: "Fifty trillion Zimbabwean Dollars!"
UN: "What?"
Zimbabwe: "I'm sorry! 50 Cent, for you!" - In New York there are many tattoo artists from all over the world, but for some reason the artists from Spain have trouble getting business. Why? Because nobody expects the Spanish ink precision!
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Artist One Liners
Which artist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with artist? I can suggest the ones about composer and writer.
- r kelly is really changing the rap game
He takes the art out of rap artist - Did you hear about Prince? Well I mean the artist formerly known as Prince.
- What do you call an artist in a dark alley? Sketchy
- Why can't you trust an artist? Cuz they're sketchy, shady, and they'll frame you
- Why are subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"? Even art majors deserve recognition
- What do you call a scam artist who is walking down the stairs? Condescending
- What does a rock artist say to a jazz musician? To the airport please
- The results for The Disaster Artist are in. Overall, it's received Hi Marks.
- Why did the origami Artist never win a poker match? Because he will always fold.
- What do you call an artist who has no money baroque.....
(I'll just see myself out) - Muslim artists threw some paint bombs at a local building... They blue it up.
- I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font. Now that is bold.
- What do you call an artist bigger than Rihanna? A Rihanna Grande
- What's the toughest thing for an artist to draw? A salary.
(Credit to u/arguablytrue) - 2 artists had a fight... It ended in a draw.
Tattoo Artist Jokes
Here is a list of funny tattoo artist jokes and even better tattoo artist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When I asked the tattoo artist to cover my arms with flames, they refused. I don't have a firearms permit.
- Where do tattoo artists connect? InkedIn
- I got a tattoo... The tattoo reads "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
My tattoo artist wasn't as pleased about the version I gave him. - What do you call a dwarf tattoo artist? An Inkling.
- What did the roman tattoo artist said to his best friend when he entered the studio? A tattoo, Brutus?
- I got my birthdate tattooed, the artist really did a number on me.
- "Smallest snake I ever drew" said the tattoo artist. You didn't say that when it was in your mouth.
- What do you call a tattoo artist who loves bananas and fights crime? Nananananana Tatman!
Martial Artist Jokes
Here is a list of funny martial artist jokes and even better martial artist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- what do martial artists eat? kung food
- What do you call an accident prone martial artist? Bruise Lee
- What do you call a martial artist who doesn't understand a concept? Kungfused.
- If someone draws pictures of Eminem for a living. Are they a professional martial artist?
- [OC] I saw a Japanese martial artist, I've seen him on tv before so I excitedly waved at him. He was confused and said "I don't believe we've met" I said "I recognize Judo".
- The government will send a martial artist after you if you violate copyright law IP Man
- What do you call a biracial kid studying Kickboxing? A mixed martial artist.
- What is a martial artist's favorite flower? HIYAAcinth.
- What do you call a black/vietnamese martial artist? Tyquan Do
- What kind of weapon is used by martial artists who specialize in wordplay? Punchucks.[](/teehee)
Artist Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny artist name jokes and even better artist name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Megan and Harry's future child If Harry and Megan had a boy and named him "Artist" then changed his name he would be
The prince formerly known as Artist - What's the name of China's best con artist? Foo Ling Yoo
- If I were an Islamic hip hop artist.. My name would be Allah Hotbarz
- Today I met a graffiti artist... His name was Mark Walls.
- Some bloke just told me I have no culture Just because I can name more ninga turtles than renaissance artists.
- What did the farmer hip hop artist name his hit song? "Turnip for the Club"
- Did hear about the new Jewish hiphop artist? His name is 50% Off and his new hit single is In Da Shul.
- Was rooting for my friend who was collecting the works of a prolific ancient greek artist found out the name of this artist is "Circa"
- If two rap artists adopted a child… Would it be named Lil Jon Wayne?
- Did you hear about the scam artist named Bernie? Apparently he Madoff with a lot of people's money.
Music Artist Jokes
Here is a list of funny music artist jokes and even better music artist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
- What do you call a lactose intolerant music artist? Post Provolone
- Who is a grain harvester's favorite musical artist? Hall'n Oates
- Where do country music artists become country music greats? The obituaries
- This whole time… I thought Panera was a musical artist!
- So whats the deal with latin music artists and their obsession with those little automated vacuum cleaners? RUMBA!
- Engineering Joke: What do you call a musical artist who screws up and fails due to stress? Thread Shearin'
- Who is Gordon Ramsay's favorite American Country Music artist? It's Tim McFOOKINGRAW!!!
- who is a skeletons favorite music artist? BONE JOVI!!!!!!!
- Gospel Artist What do you tell an old lady who complains of secular music on the subway as she keeps on asking for Jesu's songs?
Makeup Artist Jokes
Here is a list of funny makeup artist jokes and even better makeup artist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Girl I think you should become a makeup artist. Said the Abusive Father.
- "My makeup artist is terrible," I told my buddy. "Hey," said my makeup artist, overhearing me. "Don't make me look bad."
I said, "No...don't make ME look bad." - Why do zombie films cost less to produce in Europe than in the States? They don't have to pay the makeup artist to do the teeth.
- Why do they call the make-up artists? Because they're not real artists.
Humorous Artist Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about artist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean creator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make artist pranks.
A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...
.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tatoos of Elvis
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.
The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"
The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".
The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.
The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."
The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"
The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely w**... Nelson."
Regal Proceedings
If I was royalty, I would have a kid and call him Artist as a publicity stunt, before conceding to the pressure of public outcry, and renaming him something more regal.
So he may forever become known as The Prince Formerly Known As Artist.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...
to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'
Why does the artist never win?
Because he can only draw.
Hardest job in the world is being a
Police sketch artist in China.
What do you call a struggling artist?
Baroque.
A graphic designer is working on a website...
...and his client says, "Could you make this banner a little more green?"
So he makes the color a little bit more green.
But his client says, "No, that's too green. Make it a little less so."
So he makes it a little less green.
The client says, "No, it's still a bit off."
So the artist, losing his patience, shouts, "On a scale of 0 to 255, how green do you want it!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"There are three kinds of s**......"
"There's homosexual s**..., for people who have s**... at home, bisexual, for people who buy s**..., and there's t**...—that's me, I'll try anything!"
I hate street performers
But then again I'm a mime artist so I can't really talk
Why do so many artists in Boston identify as autistic?
When an artist covers another artist's song, it's flattering. When a comedian tells another comedian's joke, it's
Carlos Mencia
What'd they call that place with the collection of escape artist memorabilia?
now museum, now you don't
A guy asks for a tattoo on his........
A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his private parts. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that.
He replies, "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Babys In Mothers Woom
Three babies are in their mother's w**.... One of them says, "I want to be an artist so everyone knows what it looks like in here." The next one says, "I want to be a swimmer because I get so much practice in here." The last baby says, "I'm going to be a hunter because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again, I'm going to chop that thing in half!
(slightly dirty) What's the difference between a striptease artist and a trapeze artist
A trapeze artist has a cunning stunt....
Did you hear about the homeless artist who got turned down in his submission for a classic string toy rebranding?
It was a no-go hobo yo-yo logo.
I've just found out that one of my best friends is a mime artist.
He kept that quiet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did h**... turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?
He never learned to mix the colors
Geometry professor goes into a tattoo shop and asks to get π on his back.
After a few hours he asks the tattoo artist, "Why is it taking so long to do the symbol for pi?" "Oh!" said the artist, surprised. "You wanted the *symbol*."
An artist found a way to draw a two-sided figure, but the International Geometry Summit immediately began to furiously contest the new shape...
I say, let bi-gons be bi-gons
A daughter is in a fierce argument with her father
The dad is yelling, she's inconsolable and crying. She finally gets sick and tired of it, and storms up to her bedroom.
Before entering, she lashes out at her father "Oh, and more thing: Jim Morrison is a terrible artist!"
The father, filled with rage yells back "Young lady, there will be NO slamming of The Doors in this house!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of friends were named after their professions.
The artist was named Drew because thats what he did. The laborer was called Manual because thats the type of labor he did. The lawyer was called be Bill because f**... People Out of Money' takes to long to say.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wished h**... finished what he didn't finish.
He needed to finish art school. He was a really good artist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.
Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A con artist, a pervert, and a racist walks into a bar.
The barkeep looks up and says "The usual, Mr. Trump?"
What do you call a one legged rapper?
A Hip-Hop artist
What's the difference between a pick-up artist and an Atari 2600?
An Atari 2600 has more game.
:)
An Artist Gets Mugged...
He goes to the police and draws them a picture.
The policeman says "That's a good picture, we could nail the guy with that."
"I dunno.." Says the rookie besides him. "It seems a bit sketchy."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know, h**... must have been a pretty great artist.
There are a ton of museums dedicated to his work, after all.
A critic goes to an art gallery and finds the artist of the pieces there.
Critic: "Would you like to know what I think of your art?"
Artist: "Oh, yes please"
Critic: "It's useless"
Artist: "I know, but I would still like to hear it. "
What do you call a dead prince?
The artist formerly known as.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a prison break was happening...
And I happened to be walking around when it happened. It had a huge wall, and I saw someone climbing down from it. Turns out I knew the guy, he's a famous midget con artist that I ratted out. As he climbed down, he gave me this wretched look.
It was a little condescending.
What do you call a guy that paints in the back of his truck?
A pickup artist.
Artists cover their mistakes with paint, chefs cover their mistakes with sauce. How do doctors cover their mistakes?
With dirt.
I am an incredible artist...
I can draw anything but attention.
Why are artist bad at Uno?
Because they Draw a lot
The artist Pitbull is my biggest inspiration.
never has someone made so much money with such little talent.
That has got to be the worst painting of a wagon I have ever seen
"It's a horse-drawn carriage", replied the artist.
Husband on second day of marriage :-
He went to the makeup artist who did his wife's bridal make up, and gifted her a beautifully packed iphone X box.
Make up artist opened the box with great happiness but was suddenly depressed to see a Nokia 1100.
Husband smiled and said "same feeling I had when I saw my wife this morning"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women are discussing their s**... life.
- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it's going to be when it's ready.
As an artist, it doesn't matter if Im naughty or nice for Christmas.
Either way, Im getting charcoal.
An artist lives next to a Marsh.
Twice a week, he goes out and collects the clam shells in the marsh to use in his art. One day, he visits a fellow artist and the two compare their works as usual. Suddenly, a gang of bandits breaks into the house to steal art, but before anyone else could react the first artist launches a furious flurry of kicks and punches that quickly incapacitates all the robbers.
"Incredible!" Goes his friend, "I never realised you were so well trained in combat!"
"Well you should," the first artist replied, "considering you already know I am a marsh shell artist."
What did the artist say to get his vehicle moving
Van Gogh
A lizard tatoo artist applies for a job at an architectural firm...
The hiring manager is perplexed. "How" he asks, "does inking reptiles amount to 'relevant experience' designing buildings for our firm?"
"Well for starters" the lizard tatoo artist begins, "all of my drawings are to scale."
*This is OC fam. Just put my 2 weeks notice in at my day job.*
There is at least one great philosophy in each of Brad Bird's films
The Incredibles: "When everyone's special, nobody is."
Ratatouille: "Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere."
The Iron Giant: "Screw our country, I want to live."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man witnesses a m**...
The police bring him in to a sketch artist, the sketch artist asks him questions about the m**... until he finishes his drawing. The sketch artist then asks the man "does this look like the m**...?" the man replies with "it's an awful good drawing and all, but it looks nothing like the picture I took".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Sculpter, artist or window cleaner
But which of the three do you want to be the most?
I don't care as long as i get to see n**... women
A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.
When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.
She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you guys ever heard of this artist Rorschach?
All he does is draw pictures of d**.... Over and over and over.
What did the artist say when his car got stolen?
Where did my Van Gogh?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For all of his faults, h**... was noteworthy as a dedicated artist.
In fact, the last thing he did before he died was paint the wall of his bunker.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandfather was a brilliant artist.
He had an amazing s**....
That's how he died.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An origami artist wanted for m**..., has been sending tantalizing clues to police.
The investigation is unfolding.
R Kelly
taking the art out of rap artist
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call b**... with an artist?
Artichoke
What's the difference between a folder of an artist work and a diseased strong hold?
One's a portfolio, and the other's fort polio
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked a tattoo artist to tattoo a picture of a pigeon into my p**... region.
He took a look at the picture and agreed to do it for $120.
It looked amazing. So, a couple weeks later, I went back and asked him to give me a matching tattoo on my palm. He looked again at the picture and said, That will be $240.
I said, Why the price jump? You did the exact same design last time for only $120.
He told me, A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the police officer arrest the artist as a m**... suspect?
He was a sketchy dude.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The artist named Feat has a monopoly on the music industry and should be tracked down.
Every time I see a song, Feat is always on it. This is too suspicious, and must mean he has a monopoly on the recording industry. Maybe he has parents with connections, maybe he is holding someone hostage, or maybe it is something much worse. What is apparent though, is that he is definitely breaking the law somehow, and must face his crimes. #DeathToFeat
My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150.
He is a pick up artist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did h**... fail as an artist?
He refused to mix colors.
An artist takes his work to a gallery for the first time.
A well-known art critic happens to be there and spots the painting. He walks over to the young artist.
"Excuse me, would you like my opinion of your painting?"
"Sure," replied the artist.
"Frankly, it's completely worthless."
"I know, but tell it to me anyway."
An artist has a 6 year old child who also likes to draw
His child drew a horse.
The artist asked, "You drew the horse wrongly."
The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?"
The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?"
The child replied, "Why can't it have wings?"
The artist said, "It isn't a horse if it has wings."
The child replied, "Then why did you call it a horse?"
My friend is a pickup artist but has no success with women
Its probably because he spends most of his time drawing F-150s
An artist talks to his curator about his recent sales
Artist: "So? Did I sell anything?"
Curator: "You won't believe this: a man came by and asked if the value of the paintings will rise after the artist's death. I told him that I think so. So he bought the entire gallery.
Artist: "Wow! That's great! who was he?"
Curator: "It was your doctor."
