The Best 59 Artist Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Artist jokes. There are some artist canvas jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these artist sketchy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Artist Jokes and Puns
R Kelly is really changing the rap game
He takes the art out of rap artist
A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...
.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."
Tatoos of Elvis
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.
The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"
The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".
The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.
The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."
The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"
The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely Willie Nelson."
An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...
to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'
Why did the Origami Artist never win a poker match?
Because he will always fold.
What does a rock artist say to a jazz musician?
To the airport please
What do you call an artist who has no money
baroque.....
(I'll just see myself out)
What do you call an artist in a dark alley?
Sketchy
ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.
CRITIC: It's worthless.
ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.
The Artist
I just saw a group of people who were watching an artist sketch all of them in his book. The man was good too, he really knew how to draw a crowd.
When an artist covers another artist's song, it's flattering. When a comedian tells another comedian's joke, it's
Carlos Mencia
You can explore artist portrait reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean artist abstract dad jokes. There are also artist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A guy asks for a tattoo on his........
A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his private parts. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that.
He replies, "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."
Three women sat discussing their husbands and their sex lives.
"My husband's a wrestler," said the first. "He's really strong and aggressive in bed."
"My husband's an artist," said the second. "He's really gentle and sensitive."
"My husband's an IBM salesman," said the third. "He sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how good it's going to be when I finally get it."
What do you call a scam artist who is walking down the stairs?
Condescending
Did you hear about Prince?
Well I mean the artist formerly known as Prince.
A daughter is in a fierce argument with her father
The dad is yelling, she's inconsolable and crying. She finally gets sick and tired of it, and storms up to her bedroom.
Before entering, she lashes out at her father "Oh, and more thing: Jim Morrison is a terrible artist!"
The father, filled with rage yells back "Young lady, there will be NO slamming of The Doors in this house!"
The Artist
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display. "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news
is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The gentleman was your doctor."
[offensive] Why didn't Hitler become an artist?
Because he hated mixing colors...
A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.
Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"
A con artist, a pervert, and a racist walks into a bar.
The barkeep looks up and says "The usual, Mr. Trump?"
If I was invisible for a day...
I'd kick a mime artist to death.
You know, Hitler must have been a pretty great artist.
There are a ton of museums dedicated to his work, after all.
A critic goes to an art gallery and finds the artist of the pieces there.
Critic: "Would you like to know what I think of your art?"
Artist: "Oh, yes please"
Critic: "It's useless"
Artist: "I know, but I would still like to hear it. "
A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery
A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:
-Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?
-Sure.
-It's pretty much worthless.
-I don't mind, you can tell me anyway.
So a prison break was happening...
And I happened to be walking around when it happened. It had a huge wall, and I saw someone climbing down from it. Turns out I knew the guy, he's a famous midget con artist that I ratted out. As he climbed down, he gave me this wretched look.
It was a little condescending.
TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown.
It was a coup-stick.
What's the difference between a ginger and a ninja?
One's a soulless killing machine. The other is a highly trained martial artist.
An old Soviet joke..
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."
Husband on second day of marriage :-
He went to the makeup artist who did his wife's bridal make up, and gifted her a beautifully packed iphone X box.
Make up artist opened the box with great happiness but was suddenly depressed to see a Nokia 1100.
Husband smiled and said "same feeling I had when I saw my wife this morning"
Women are discussing their sex life.
- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it's going to be when it's ready.
As an artist, it doesn't matter if Im naughty or nice for Christmas.
Either way, Im getting charcoal.
An artist lives next to a Marsh.
Twice a week, he goes out and collects the clam shells in the marsh to use in his art. One day, he visits a fellow artist and the two compare their works as usual. Suddenly, a gang of bandits breaks into the house to steal art, but before anyone else could react the first artist launches a furious flurry of kicks and punches that quickly incapacitates all the robbers.
"Incredible!" Goes his friend, "I never realised you were so well trained in combat!"
"Well you should," the first artist replied, "considering you already know I am a marsh shell artist."
The results for The Disaster Artist are in.
Overall, it's received Hi Marks.
What did the artist say to get his vehicle moving
Van Gogh
A lizard tatoo artist applies for a job at an architectural firm...
The hiring manager is perplexed. "How" he asks, "does inking reptiles amount to 'relevant experience' designing buildings for our firm?"
"Well for starters" the lizard tatoo artist begins, "all of my drawings are to scale."
*This is OC fam. Just put my 2 weeks notice in at my day job.*
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Sculpter, artist or window cleaner
But which of the three do you want to be the most?
I don't care as long as i get to see naked women
A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.
When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.
She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
Why can't you trust an artist?
Cuz they're sketchy, shady, and they'll frame you
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are watching a street artist perform.
The act is spectacular, but the four gentlemen are having a tough time getting a good view.
The performer, by some coincidence, notices this and stands up on a large wooden box to give them a better view. He then calls out to them "Can all of you see me now?"
They each reply:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Si"
"Ja."
What's the toughest thing for an artist to draw?
A salary.
(Credit to u/arguablytrue)
Why did Hitler fail as an artist?
He refused to mix colors.
The Artist
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings which were on display.
''I have good news and bad news'' the owner replied.
''The good news is that a gentleman enquired if your paintings will increase in value after your death. When I told them they would, he bought all the 15 paintings hanging here!''
''That's wonderful!'' the artist exclaimed, ''What's the bad news?''
''The bad news is that the guy was your doctor''
An artist has a 6 year old child who also likes to draw
His child drew a horse.
The artist asked, "You drew the horse wrongly."
The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?"
The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?"
The child replied, "Why can't it have wings?"
The artist said, "It isn't a horse if it has wings."
The child replied, "Then why did you call it a horse?"
My friend is a pickup artist but has no success with women
Its probably because he spends most of his time drawing F-150s
An artist talks to his curator about his recent sales
Artist: "So? Did I sell anything?"
Curator: "You won't believe this: a man came by and asked if the value of the paintings will rise after the artist's death. I told him that I think so. So he bought the entire gallery.
Artist: "Wow! That's great! who was he?"
Curator: "It was your doctor."
A woman gets a free tattoo after showing the artist one of her breasts.
It was a tit-for-tat situation.
I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font.
Now that is bold.
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
Caught my girlfriend having sex with an abstract artist.
He said "it's not what it looks like"
After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the Royal Family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income.
He's the Artist formerly known as Prince.
Which artist has a brown finger?
Picasso
What do you call an artist bigger than Rihanna?
A Rihanna Grande
When I asked the tattoo artist to cover my arms with flames, they refused.
I don't have a firearms permit.
R Kelly really changed the game
He took the 'art' out of rap artist
You can never trust an artist
Theyre super sketchy
Artist: How are my paintings selling?
Gallery owner: When I explained how the value would greatly increase after your death, very well! One person bought 15 paintings!
Artist: "Oh! That's amazing! Who bought them?
Gallery owner: Your doctor.
Two artists had an art contest...
It ended in a draw
An artist asked the gallery owner if……
there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display.
"Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The gentleman was your doctor."
Yet another art major joke
An artist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey, here's an art joke. How do you get an art major off your front porch? You pay for the pizza!" the bartender jests. "Oh, very funny. I'll have you know that now that I have my fine arts degree I don't have to deliver to people anymore. In fact, people come to me, money in hand, explaining what they want me to create," the artist indignantly replies. "Then let me guess .... you tell them to pull up to the next window," the bartender says.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the artist art jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working artist illustrator piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.